The failing sales team is directly under CEo, a woman with no sales experience who insists on selling her boyfriends shows first because then they can screw over hosts when it’s time to negotiate salaries. And #soupguzzler can continue his fantasy that he is 90% of revenue.
A huge failing of the dysfunctional management team is that they are morons. Specifically they are completely unaware that the reason the big shows at twit grow numbers is precisely because the smaller shows have loyal audiences and likewise bring in new listeners. Amber had an audience, Tom and his guests such as, Scott Johnson and Veronica Belmont had huge audiences. But the egomaniac gives out no credit, it’s all him. (My first twit show was iPad today) When someone discovers a TWiT show they generally explore more shows. This is known as The Network Effect.
Is there no end to the torturous abuse leveled against Sarah Lane? Recently she went away on vacation with a new beau* and came back fully relaxed. She sat down at her set to work on iFive (Thanks Dropcam) and in walks the megalomaniac. He comes up behind her to say hello and starts to lecherously rub her shoulders. Like a mongrel beast he marks his territory. Sarah buries the outrage deep within, but it emerged the next day on The Social Hour. Her co-host mentions “an airplane” and Sarah’s unconscious wish to cry out is misdirected at people who touch her on a plane, but we know it was meant for Laporte.
Folks, I have been in prison, I have seen disgusting things: men humping the floor of a cell in a drunken stupor and men having heroin induced diarrhea on themselves, but never have I been so repulsed as when that ogre put his hands on her soft, slight, and pale as the moonlight loving shoulders. (O.k. I was a drop jealous too) But NO, this is not the depravity I speak of here today. The constant sexual harassment is part of the game at TWiT. He fosters an environment where his victims are tricked into believing it is the weak women who ‘cry abuse’ and the strong women who ‘can handle it.’ Oh Leo, you fool no one. We know how you laughed off the harassment course you took at Tech TV.
Deliver us
So what is the latest depravity? What do we speak of today? As the lovely and talented Sarah Lane mucks her way through TWiT she is granted one yearly wish, one perk, one gleaming ray of sunlight fighting through the rain. A gold iPhone. Alas, not this year. This year the horror leveled on her is a boring white iPhone. How dare you Laporte, how dare you. He sent out twenty interns to make sure his friends and family got what they wanted but once again not Sarah. How long? How long must we sing this song?
Hello Sarah, way to make up a fake email so you could say hy in a clever way, and butt out #soupguzzler, the grown ups are talking.
*He scored 0 touchdowns in his college football career, I scored 2 and played defense.
**A $3,842 bounty is being offered by #TotalDrama for the spreadsheet that calculated the cost of iPad Today at $400,000 a year.
Another investigation was launched recently by #TotalDrama’s dedicated staff. Ace reporter Richard Yes (me) released a blockbuster report back in August that predicted a scenario detailing how the end is near for TWiT, and Richard gave this eloquent prognostication:
When the lease comes due he [Leo Laporte] will not renew. He will broadcast the four big shows from his mansion and the employees will be cut loose. Lives will be ruined to maintain his extravagant lifestyle.
The readership of this site is aware that our hypotheses are always followed up. Unlike Elgum, we back up what we say. Hawk-eyed reporters and fans alike have had their eyes and ears open for clues, and the clues were harvested in record time:
1) In this article’s video, captured by crackerjack reporter Skieast, we saw a moment where Laporte gets sentimental about how he will “not be in the Brick-house forever. ” No Kidding
2) This #scoup, by Helloworld, detailed how the Brickhouse lease is indeed up and an increase is needed if TWiT LLC is to live out the expensive lease option. This shirt collar feels tight!
3) Another #scoup, by award winning journalist Helloworld, illuminated the inner mind of Laporte as he contemplates throwing out his current business model. Desperate times call for…
Thank You Lisa
4) And an avid reader, we suspect is using a fictitious name, pointed out that calculations are being conjured up for the cost of each show to help determine which shows survive. Destroy a few lives, save a few bucks.
Click on the image for details —>.
Will interns just roll him home?
5) Everyone watching has also noted the rapid weight gain is making it increasingly difficult for the man to walk to the studio. Although the parking lot is only a few steps away from the living room set, the long walk is clearly taking its toll on the man. The dream of being shaken awake to do an episode of Macbreak Weekly from his bed may be too hard to resist.
The conclusion of this official investigation (independently conducted) into the validity of the initial thesis by Richard Yes, finds the report both “credible and reliable.” You can take that to the bank.
We have recently seen some of the most influential broadcasters of our time come out against the new TWiT. On a recent episode of Night Attack, internet megastars Justin Robert Young and Brian Brushwood seemed disturbed that Father Robert Ballecer of the Society of Jesuits, purposefully aired his show in their traditional Tuesday night time-slot. The 7:30PM time was open on every weekday on TWiT’s schedule. He chose Tuesday to defecate his show on the public as a clear proclamation of where his allegiance lies. He forsook his friends to please Leo n’ Lisa.
Sad but true.
The pious charlatan was trying to poach as many listeners away from the hilarious Night Attack duo as he could. Pilfering an audience by putting his show directly up against the talented NSFW team proved a colossal error as the latest number shows his downloads to be in the single digits. The egomania of this man is eclipsed by only one other, Laporte himself.
In that same week, Gitmo Nations’ media assassin Adam Curry called out Elgum as a hack. Curry is a hero of many at #TotalDrama, and there was no mistaking that pronunciation. [El-Gûm]
What an honor. Press play below.
All were unavailable for comment, but sources close to the entertainers explained why the Elgum/Padre model is so offensive. It seems that every person who ever called himself a professional entertainer is visibly upset at both; the man who speaks in one monotonous tone, as well as the man whose voice rises and falls more times in a sentence than the CEHo’s undergarments in an afternoon.
When the #soupguzzler tells Lgum he can keep his writing gigs as long as he does a half hour daily show on his network for a whopping 20K a year, he offends every broadcaster. When #soupguzzler inserts the cost-free priest into the time slot of Brian and Justin he offends again. #Soup is essentially spitting in the face of everyone who ever held a microphone. He is telling every broadcaster that anyone can do your job. Tom Merritt, Brian Brushwood and Justin Robert Young, you have no talent in Leo’s eyes. He can replace you with a writer and a man whose main talent is taking the vow of poverty.
And you fans; the bare-ass of Leo is pointed directly at your face when you accept this garbage.
There were times I thought people were too hard on the mods. Not often, but there were such times. Then, this newest Cap’n Juno video emerged. I see now that there is no end to the disease we call TWiT chat mods.
We call on all decent human beings to urge the #soupguzzler to get a new IRC room and exonerate himself from the crimes that these beasts of humanity commit daily.
The staff at #TotalDrama is very thankful for all the support we have received from our fans. I speak for everyone here when I say that it is our absolute pleasure to deliver the unbiased, unabridged, hard hitting #truth to the people. We do appreciate your support, but please understand that top-notch journalists do not have the free time of say a Jeff Jarvis. So our organization approached a great, great friend of ours, Ringo Star, to deliver this serious message to you. (October 20th is final)
Did TWiT PR find a way to cover up a story from the general public? Not so fast Lisa, #TotalDrama is on the case. It seems that, a few weeks after prolific stutterer Mike Elgum replaced professional broadcaster Tom Merritt, tech pundit Iyaz Ahktar and thoughtful commentator known as the lovely and talented Sarah Lane, on the hit show Tech News Today,™ our beloved TD had a small breakdown. Sorry, Grams!
Sorry Grams, Elgum made me do it!
Unable to afford an attorney, Jason elected to appear before the court “Per Se” or without an attorney. The DA brought a strong case and hundreds of witnesses. Jason’s defense lasted only two hours but he managed to beat the adept lawyers at their own game.
Prosecution did not rest!
Sources close to the court told us what transpired. Jason brought in tapes of the TNT pre-show for the court to peruse. Endless footage was displayed where the accused was blindsided every morning, ten minutes before airtime, by Elgum. He proved that in an average day, he faced off against five new guests who needed to be set up on Skype for the very first time. Most guests did not know how to connect a USB microphone, let alone manage lighting, shot framing or color balancing. To make it worse, other guests were scheduled who canceled faster than #Soupguzzler’s prom dates. Jason went on to show Elgum saying “whaddup chickenhead” whilst he was forced to simultaneously entertain the fans during the pre-show with limited time while managing the set up. A picture was painted of life where temporary insanity was a forgone conclusion for any mortal man.
His case hit a snag when the prosecution showed that Jason was privileged to sit next to the lovely and talented Sarah Lane. Prosecutors claimed her hair tosses, pleasant smile, stunning eyes and the lilt in her voice would be enough to calm even a savage beast. Howell acquiesced but showed that the murder took place on Friday, a day Sarah Lane was not in studio.
Throw the book at Elgum!
The gavel dropped, the verdict was read and Jason was released. On the steps of the court house, while humbly exiting, Jason was confronted by a contrite judge and the entire team of prosecuting attorneys. A hand was placed on his shoulder, “We watched an episode, no one should have to go through that.” A single tear fell from his cheek as he ambled home to face another morning of Elgum’s madness.
*Update* New evidence showed the day of the “murder” Howell was made aware that he would be responsible to assemble clips for the annual best-of-TNT show.
As we have seen from other studies YouTube views offers a great insight into the ratings that the TWiT PR department lies to us about. This image shows a sample of the last few episodes of the weekly show TWiT:
JCD = views, Elgum = what else is on
It looks like when JCD joins the panel there is a 25-percent increase in views. When Padre or Elgum host, the viewers tune out. I know what you’re thinking, it was probably the same when Tom and the lovely and talented Sarah Lane were substitute hosts. Not exactly, see the #truth below.
Tom got over 4,000 views and obviously Sarah topped 5,000
So we at #Drama want to know what you think. How many views will this week’s TWiT get with Mike Elgum hosting? It was a big week with Applle news. Remember, Leo could not be happier with the new TWiT. Click the link below and make your voice count.
The baby was just a few hours old but not to soon to get insulted by the magnanimous Laporte. Was it an enemies offspring? No it was the beautiful innocent daughter of good friend Chris Pirillo.
A hug from a “friend”
Pirillo is not as close to the #soupguzzler as Kevin Spacey, but would it hurt to say a friendly “congratz” to the curly haired first-time dad. What’s that? You don’t believes this article, no one could be that heartless. Feast your eyes on the video below:
Was Leo caught off guard in a bad moment, did he immediately correct this blunder ? He didn’t stop trolling in the chatroom:
[14:35] <~Leo> I didn't even know she was pregnant!
[14:36] <~Leo> Who was the father?
When #TotalDrama.org was christened we really hoped it would grow to be a global website. Too much of the internet is U.S. centric like Tom Merritt’s shows. We wanted to be global in the vain of eLgum. If there is a flood in Thailand, #TotalDrama is going to report from Thailand.
Here now is a little progress report on the reach of #truth, A.K.A. our website, courtesy of Google-analytics. The growth in just a few short months is off-the-hook. The #drama movement is shaking our planet like the floor of the SHiThouse when Padre walks through.
Welcome Mother Russia! *no Google glass or G+ was used in obtaining this data
And it looks like most of the cowboys in the USA are on board except for three of the stupidest states that no one ever heard of, looking at you Indiana or Montana, or whatever is out there. Dearest Alaska; snow is no excuse to hide from the #truth.
Better late than never Louisiana!
Exposing The Dark Underbelly of TWiT, Leo Laporte, and Failed CEO Lisa Laporte
