With a hot tip from a loyal TotalDrama chatroom participant, the editorial board here at TotalDrama would like to present Leo ‘n’ Lisa with a customized list of places they can have public sex now that they are no longer living in sin after their fairy-tale wedding in Northern California last week:
Mike Elgum continues his uninterrupted streak of not giving a shit about professional broadcasting standards. Why even bother to learn how to say your guest’s name? It’s not like you woke up at 4:30 a.m. to start working on the stories.
Another investigation was launched recently by #TotalDrama’s dedicated staff. Ace reporter Richard Yes (me) released a blockbuster report back in August that predicted a scenario detailing how the end is near for TWiT, and Richard gave this eloquent prognostication:
When the lease comes due he [Leo Laporte] will not renew. He will broadcast the four big shows from his mansion and the employees will be cut loose. Lives will be ruined to maintain his extravagant lifestyle.
The readership of this site is aware that our hypotheses are always followed up. Unlike Elgum, we back up what we say. Hawk-eyed reporters and fans alike have had their eyes and ears open for clues, and the clues were harvested in record time:
1) In this article’s video, captured by crackerjack reporter Skieast, we saw a moment where Laporte gets sentimental about how he will “not be in the Brick-house forever. ” No Kidding
2) This #scoup, by Helloworld, detailed how the Brickhouse lease is indeed up and an increase is needed if TWiT LLC is to live out the expensive lease option. This shirt collar feels tight!
3) Another #scoup, by award winning journalist Helloworld, illuminated the inner mind of Laporte as he contemplates throwing out his current business model. Desperate times call for…
4) And an avid reader, we suspect is using a fictitious name, pointed out that calculations are being conjured up for the cost of each show to help determine which shows survive. Destroy a few lives, save a few bucks.
Click on the image for details —>.
5) Everyone watching has also noted the rapid weight gain is making it increasingly difficult for the man to walk to the studio. Although the parking lot is only a few steps away from the living room set, the long walk is clearly taking its toll on the man. The dream of being shaken awake to do an episode of Macbreak Weekly from his bed may be too hard to resist.
The conclusion of this official investigation (independently conducted) into the validity of the initial thesis by Richard Yes, finds the report both “credible and reliable.” You can take that to the bank.
— Robert Ballecer, SJ (@padresj) September 3, 2014
The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. Once again, our favorite Father has attempted to stir up drama and get the few remaining fans in an uproar by teasing his precarious future at TWiT. The outpouring of concern did not come, as no one either noticed or cared.
How will losing the inexpensive host affect TWiT? The preacher hosts four shows and is #soup’s vacation replacement. Hiring a full time employee with benefits will certainly be more expensive than the $5,000 – $10,000 annual donation made by TWiT LLC, to procure the full time services of the amateur impersonator of a 1920’s radio announcer. A solution was quickly devised by the finance committee at TWiT:
TWiET Make co-hosts the hosts: Cost $0
Coding 101: Replace with full-time engineer Patrick: Cost: $0
Know How: Host with full-timers OMGchad & Brian: Cost $0
Padre’s Corner: Cancel, no ratings or sponsors: Cost $0
#Soup replacement: Mike Elgum: Cost $0
Total net cost of replacing padre-$0
Chance of paying money to hire someone- 0%
Jesus Christ, could you straighten the shot out, the table is completely crooked. Nothing is centered and everything looks ridiculous. It appears as if no one even moved the screens to even them out, one is behind the table and the other is floating outside the table. I get it, it’s about the content but could you please put in minimal effort? My mom would yell at me in high school if I left my room like that.
It’s not like the staff was rushed:
For a list of other optical illusions, click here
And why do you need two coffee cups?
- A person who poses as a customer in order to decoy others into participating
- A person who publicizes or praises something or someone for reasons of self-interest, personal profit, or friendship or loyalty.
- verb. To work as a shill: He shills for a large casino.
- To advertise or promote (a product) as or in the manner of a huckster; hustle
Accept? Why would Google offer to pay you? “Other” payment, because international airline fares are, in fact, considered a form of payment. Jeff Jarvis, according to Jeff Jarvis, gets his travel paid for to conferences in major cities all over the globe by Google, Inc. He laughs this declaration off every time he is cornered into disclosing this truth. He regards it as an irrelevant fact. He is mistakenly caught up in the need to mention this detail as if he were one of the people who could be corrupted. The disclosure section of his blog has barely been updated since July 2005.
What about his jobs?
Host of “This Week in Google.”
Author of “What Would Google Do?”
Author of “Public Parts: How Sharing….Improves…..and Live.”
Director-Tow-Knight Center for Entrepreneurial Journalism at CUNY
Lecturer on all topics related to his books.
His entire livelihood is tied up in this company and we are supposed to believe this doesn’t affect his opinions? Does it matter that the money for the PR stints comes from an intermediary and not directly from his friends Sergey and Larry? It is human nature to love that which feeds and sustains us. He may not even realize it, the man is of average intelligence. He just lives in NY and somehow got a professorship.
Howard Stern fans, who don’t particularly know what Google is, berate him as a Google Shill after his appearances on that program. The comments on Jarvis’ blog are filled with accusations of impropriety, although he chuckles them all away. His Twitter stream is inundated with cries of “shill” every time he opens his mouth. He often dismisses these accusations preemptively. He generally has the sense to know he is a shill so he will ask fans not to send him letters calling him a shill, he makes this plea under the illusion that he is speaking to the Google-hating fringe.
So it’s shaping up to be an amazing week—let’s all be sure to make sure we’re ready for this. Be prepared. Give your best. Make America (and Canada and other parts of the world) proud and strong again. Create a legacy that your kids will be proud of.
Oh, who am I kidding? Nobody at Twit gives a sh*t. So why should we? F*ck it. Bring on the Orange Dancing Monkey and the Fat Ass Fancy Toilet Monster (Elgum and Leo) and let’s just get this thing over with.
I am away for the weekend, hence my lack of activity. However, I will not let #drama down. I have conducted an official survey on the entity known as Gumbot and am about to publish my results.
So here they are:
Since Jan 1:
Total Sick days: 0
Total vacation days:0
Total personal days:0
Total speaking flubs: 782 (shitrix counts twice)
I am so tired of hearing him talk about all the millions of dollars from his personal funds that he has invested. The company is profitable, the company has been profitable for years. The amount he has put in has already been paid back. His half truths are so fucking misleading. He has disclosed how much money he makes from podcasting and how much he makes from the shitty radio show for octogenarians. (No offense gramps.) We know what he makes. Putting a portion of profits into your company is something every business owner does. “All his shows make money and all the other hosts’ shows lose money.” Can we see the spreadsheet your girlfriend put together that backs that nonsense up? Does he understand the halo effect?
F. YOU LAPORTE!