Tag Archives: SarahLaneisGorgeous

I don’t understand the HBO-Apple Deal

Friendship is Magic
Friendship is Magic

Everyone knew HBO would go cable free. It was not complicated math. As soon as the amount of expected (cablefree) subscription revenue was greater than the lost cable revenue from going over the top, HBO would be off to the races. Now, HBO is owned by people who own other channels so if people ditch cable it hurts other revenue. HBO is a lynchpin in peoples decision to get cable. Therefore it is more complicated with more variables but it essentially is just a question of how to make the most money.

The nonsense about HBO getting free marketing from cable companies is just that; nonsense. Game of Thrones generates ten times the marketing that their dumb ads do. They were pretty conservative in waiting so long but the time to go was here and everyone expects the other networks to follow. They are like cows and just follow the herd. Ask the cable installers, kids do not get cable, HBO could not wait much longer. But the Apple deal still makes no sense to me.

No way will he do it
No way will he do it

Apple forked over some cash to be the exclusive HBO Now partner for three months. What does Apple get for their hard earned cash? Are they expecting people to buy apple phones and throw android phones away in these three months? Um no, people who currently have HBO can wait the three months to ditch cable and people without cable obviously don’t want HBO that badly. Are they getting rid of inventory? That is ridiculous. The company has excellent inventory control and I doubt selling a $69 device is that big a deal. And if the big Apple-subscription launch is in June, as well as a new rumored device, why not wait? And I don’t understand the other side of the deal, what does HBO get, besides some cash? Wouldn’t they want everyone to be able to buy HBO Now and not just Apple owners. I don’t get it. Why are they limiting the launch, It feels like I am missing something.

Disney owns Aol who owns TechCrunch who owns....
Disney owns Aol who owns TechCrunch who owns the lovely and talented….

There is going to be a big fight for space on TV or however people are watching shows. Yahoo, Amazon, AOL and everyone else has a lot to gain. Fox, ABC, Disney etc have a lot to lose. Spending 4 billion for Star Wars and millions for the Marvel properties was a good move. Those properties are going to be even more valuable when everyone is in the TV game. Disney is one smart cookie.

Any why does everyone in Silicon Valley refer to shows as content, they are shows.

6TH GRADE BOYS

I like to think we have come to a place in society where men view women as equals. Where we see more than pretty faces and boobs.

Leo & Steve, if you want to have this conversation, do it off-air. And please, if you do it on air, why include it in the official podcast?

Let me guess, Leo will have three men on TWiT again this week, and maaaaaaaybe Christina Warren who hasn’t realized what a pig the guy is, yet. At least Steve has an excuse, he fell in love, hard. (Original podcast is here)

 

A fan compiled the following video and is looking for more clips, if you have any, respond in the comment section on YouTube.

If you’re a #soup fan, or you are reading this Sarah, and you think this is ok because it’s joking around, ask yourself this: What would happen if Jason made any of these comments about Lisa, is it different when it’s not the boss making the comments? Would employee Jason be in trouble for saying these things about Lisa? Hmmmm A boss gets to say less, not more than everyone else. And this banter is not done for “the show” it is always in pre/post show, so don’t try that rationale.

*Thanks to Captain Juno for his tutelage in video editing and iMovie. I did 1st video
**i hate to agree with Leo, but he was right, those boots don’t go with that skirt.An outfit accentuating the leg should flow to the foot or a tight boot/shoe. The open shaft is too cowgirlesque.

Is anyone safe?

A week after going on record in TWiT IRC to defend the character of the  chronic alleged sexual harasser #soupguzzler, Laporte’s call-screener, Heather, suffered some humiliation at the alleged abuser’s hand. What was her crime? Who knows?

Heather hurt after humiliation
A smile to hide the pain?

It was three weeks ago that Heather’s friend and sweetheart fill-in, Kim, was told she was incompetent by Laporte. Kim’s crime was not giving the delusional over-eater the proper calls, AKA easy calls. Heather seems to have become guilty of the same crime. After all, how hard can it be to ring up an 80 year old lady to inquire about what computer to get her grandson embarking on his college career?

"How much is an iPad?"
“How much is an iPad?”

His voice was hard to make out due to excessive portions of food bouncing around his gullet, but #Drama was not to be denied. Experts at audio reproduction, the #guzzler’s voice was remastered (see video below) which let the fans listen in on him questioning her ability to screen calls. The virtuoso of demeaning employees also left the camera on her throughout her public ridicule. Is this part of a plot to fire Heather and insert a more affordable Jeff_N into the call screener position? It wouldn’t $urprise me. Poor Heather!

Thanks to SpringR for video tip

Fret not Heather, being humiliated by this man puts you in some esteemed company.

*Update* It looks like Heather will be moved aside for Jeff_N after all, we will check the chat log to see who initiated that theory, I believe it was Richardya or KC and homage will be paid.

New TWiT Hires Announced

Many of us were franticly upset about the shows and staff being cut from TWiT. But fear not, showing a continued commitment to the fans and adhering to the “it’s not about the money” mantra, we have seen replacements already announced in the latest Inside TWiT post. So yes, we lost professionals like Sarah and Amber and the one gaming show bringing in young viewers but let’s see what we’ve gained, shall we.

Will Work for Food
Will Work for Food

Filling the void left by OMGCraft will be Pete. He comes to us from the steps of the Peteluma courthouse. Although not an expert in any particular video game, Pete assures us he will learn if given the sandwich promised by Laporte.  Knowing the miserly Laporte, we expect peanut butter or jelly but certainly not both, this is a business he is running after all.

Oh dear me
Oh dear me

The next next addition, in the mold of Sarah and Amber, is Sister Mary. Mary, like Father Robert, has taken a vow of poverty and should therefore fit like a glove into the TWiT budget. Look for Mary to host a show about the latest, hippest (nothing immodest) apps as well as co-host a program with dear friend Pete that is still under wraps.

Innocent I tell ya
Innocent I tell ya

Lastly we have Kurt. Kurt made a few wrong turns in his life but he assures us that his lawyer #£$%ed him and he is innocent. Considering the maximum allowable wage to pay an inmate (Kurt has three years remaining on a fifteen year stint) is state-mandated at $0.87 an hour, he may be just what the doctor ordered. The “K Man” will start out behind the camera.

Once the #CEHo has this new crop trained, we expect to see more professional broadcasters and editors sent on their merry way. The only quote our staff could get was from the incomparable News Director Mike Lgum, “some of these guys are already really really super better than me., it’s awesome” Finally some truth emerges.

#TotalDrama fan mail getting out of control

The staff at #TotalDrama is very thankful for all the support we have received from our fans. I speak for everyone here when I say that it is our absolute pleasure to deliver the unbiased, unabridged, hard hitting #truth to the people. We do appreciate your support, but please understand that top-notch journalists do not have the free time of say a Jeff Jarvis. So our organization approached a great, great friend of ours, Ringo Star, to deliver this serious message to you. (October 20th is final)

Peace & Love

Sequel Released to Blockbuster Documentary

This video premiered early this morning. I did not have a chance to view it, in its entirety, but it seems to be what was heralded from the get-go. If you do not have time to sit through the entire two hours of uncut lies, this is a highlight reel

Brony Con 2015 should be better than last year, hit me up if you need tix.

Leo Laporte Forbids ‘Inside TWiT’ Publishing

Based on anonymous sources, the bone-idle blockhead, known affectionately as #soup around these parts, has once again lost his mind. “His infatuation with totaldrama.net and Captain Juno videos is out of control,” said someone. He seems to be of the opinion that most of the material for the aforementioned website and videos comes from his propaganda show Inside Twit. Hence the forbidding of publishing and possibly airing, the abortion of honesty, in the future.

No More Propaganda for Fans
No one gets Inside TWiT but me

A quick surveying of the Inside Twit YouTube page shows the last posting was 07/26/14 and the only remnant of the monotonous 08/20/14 performance is on Capt’n Juno’s web page. It’s an unusual delay, since the dysfunctional duo of Leo ‘n’ Lisa decreed no more delays in publishing podcasts and the editors know that they can lose water privileges if they don’t obey. This news is troubling for fans but Pinkie Pie wouldn’t let it get her down. So chin up, fans!

This is a good strategy, chubby but as Sting once sang:

Every breath you take, Every move you make, Every bond you break, Every step you take, I’ll be watching you
Every single day, Every word you say, Every game you play, Every night you stay, I’ll be watching you
O can’t you see, You belong to me…

Lights Curiously Out on One Particular Dropcam

A joint reporting effort by the team at #TotalDrama has finally concluded and the results are scathing, as one member put it, “They are more gross than juicy.” Questions arose when the once transparent TWiT HQ turned off the Dropcam,  the 24/7 all seeing eye in the sky, in founder and former CEO Leo Laporte’s office.

Lower Right Camera is Laporte's Office
Lower Right Camera was Laporte’s Office, Photo Courtesy of Lkalif Studios

He never showed any aversion to disgusting fans with his exhibitionist antics before and soon the questions mounted. He was often seen shoveling monumental amounts of food into his face and bouncing around as the bodily waste left his body in a gaseous state. So what triggered the literal flipping of the switch? Why the sudden departure from open to closed shades?

An unnamed source with both close ties to TWiT and its founder (although he claims no ties to the CEO) appears to have the answer. WARNING: If you’re under 18, stop reading now.  The eyewitness claims to have seen Laporte fondling his genitals on multiple occasions on the Dropcam. Leo was acting licentiously during a meeting with Sarah “The Angel” Lane and during an interview with prospective hire Jill Duffy. The condition common in preschoolers is notoriously hard to explain. Most outgrow the condition; some never do.

Apparently Leo’s manhood remained blessedly under wraps but his diddling did not stop. We at #TotalDrama are not claiming to be saints and Lord knows that we have all seen Sarah Lane walking back and forth on Dropcam, so we know the temptation all too well. But please, for the love of God Leo, have some decency. Wait until she leaves the room.

Follow Up Reporting

Unlike at TNT, we at #totaldrama excel in following up on stories. As an ace reporter for #totaldrama I can tell you that uncovering this next gCard._Jorge_Bergoglio_SJ,_2008em was worth the effort. Some time ago my esteemed colleague HelloWorld reported here that Fr. Robert Ballecer may absolve himself from his service to  Leo Laporte for a more fulfilling role serving  Pope Jorge Mario Bergoglio .

After much digging we found this is not the first time a phony baloney My Little Pony story came to the TWiT airwaves. After TWiT hemorrhaged talent in early 2014 a story was concocted that Pope Francis tapped Ballecer’s shoulder to get in the big game. According to TWiT founder Leo Laporte “he decided to turn down” that opportunity and remain at the SHiThouse. A story meant to assuage the fears of TWiT fans worldwide after the parade of exiting talent. The following tweets were Ballecer’s cryptic way of saying something without saying  anything, a technique mastered by Laporte himself.

The first tweet spoke about the offer:

The secmidishi_and_miashi_in_a_seesaw_by_shamashin-d5onozfond spoke on the dilemma of who to serve; Jesus Christ’s human representative on Earth at the city-state established by Pope Pius XI and  King Victor Emmanuel III of Italy in 1929. Home to such works of art as Michelangelo’s frescos Sistinehallon the Sistine Chapel ceiling.  Or Leo Laporte, an ego-maniacal, blowhard who waddles around the chicken capital of the world in a warehouse littered with malfunctioning PET computers and discarded soup containers.

Never has a #scoop been of more woe that of Ballecer and his boss Leo.

Either it’s a total lie made up to dupe fans or he actually turned the Pope down to work at TWiT. Pick your poison.