BREAKING: TWiT has lost its case against Twitter

Re-enactment of press corps reaction

We are receiving reports from the United States District Court that TWiT was unsuccessful at extorting millions of dollars from Twitter in the trademark infringement case of the century  previously covered (1) here, (2) here and (3) here.

We could not reach Leo Laporte (or Hilton Goring) for comment, but we were able to secure the following video from a random German media outlet (above).

Actual Courtroom Audio

Audio of Judge lambasting and laughing at TWiT’s lawyer

UPDATE: TotalDrama has received the official ruling below:

TWiT, LLC vs. Twitter Inc. – Case Dismissal

If you have any ideas for an article (like who Leo is frivilously suing next) we encourage you to visit our chatroom, leave an anonymous comment below or submit a tip.  A big thank you to our intrepid court reporter who was forced to listen to endless hours of TWiT pleading its case in court without being able to openly laugh his ass off.

Leo Laporte suspects people don’t like him

In a striking development it appears Leo Laporte wasn’t the most revered employee at ZDTV/TechTV after all… what the fuck?

Random TechTV janitor is upset he was not asked to send in a video tribute

During The New Screensavers “show prep”, he asked Emmy award-winning producer Jerry Wagley (wow times must be tough) how many of his ex-coworkers were contacted to submit a video tribute for the 20th Anniversary TechTV segment.

Surely the people that worked every day around this amazing man would have some good memories of those times, right?

Apart from the usual suspects who are still trapped or enslaved, and the guy who was behind operation suck TWiT dry, it was pretty much the ghost town you expected. Video is above.

The animosity towards Leo Laporte was also confirmed when nobody told him (not even his own staff!) that TechTV was throwing a 20th Anniversary party in San Francisco. How is it possible that the beloved king of TechTV was not made aware of this? The event had been advertised on Facebook which we all know Leo has quit (numerous times), but it’s completely unknown at this time why nobody mentioned this to the captain himself, the man who was at the helm of TechTV until the time it hit the proverbial iceberg.

Thank you to the chatters in our chat room for providing much of the source materials used in this article. If you have any ideas for an article we encourage you to leave an anonymous comment below or submit a tip.

Leo Laporte blames all crime on Blacks and Hispanics

Click on image for full poster. Viewer discretion is advised.

Leo Laporte has made an illustrious career of being a subtle and not-so-subtle racist from the time he couldn’t tell asians apart to the time he said all black people looked the same.

There was also that time he used a racist slur to describe Florence Ion (@Ohthatflo), not just once but twice. If there was a special league for racists, Leo Laporte would be batting a thousand and be the team MVP by now.

Petaluma demographics/crime piechart (2016 data)

But Leo Laporte isn’t happy with merely being the top racist in Petaluma (where he moved to to escape minorities) he clearly has bigger aspirations. On this past Sunday’s This Week in Tech Leo Laporte decided to show his further disdain for blacks and hispanics.

Leo Laporte seen here building energy so he can spew racist remarks.

When given the opportunity to explain why Japan has a low crime rate, he surmised it might be related to its homogeneous population and history of public shaming. An intelligent racist would have stopped there. What came from his diseased mouth next was completely disgusting, but it came as no shock to regular viewers of this network.

We’ll give Leo Laporte the benefit of the doubt that he simply “forgot” to mention that white people also commit crimes. Yeas™Leo Laporte is definitely not a racist /s.

Thank you to the user thoughtpolyp who notified us about this incident in the comment section of our last article #fistbump. If you see anything newsworthy please (1) visit our chat room, or (2) leave an anonymous comment below, or (3) submit a tip by clicking on “Feedback & Tips” to the right.

Leo Laporte mocks radio show caller

TWiT fan VIP area

It’s no secret that Leo Laporte treats his fans like absolute shit and is never grateful for their support.  Everyone remembers the bricks debacle, the time he said people in the chatroom had no lives, and the time he embarrassed them by saying they only watched the livestream because they had nothing better to do. Classy.

Typical radio show caller (probably from California)

It was only a matter of time before he set his sights on one of his callers from The Tech Guy radio show. After receiving two weird calls in a row (what are the chances?!) he decided to visually mock the third caller whose only crime was that he rambled on a bit. Leo Laporte could have been respectful and listened to the question in full. Alternatively he could have politely interrupted the caller to get him back on track.

Actor demonstrating what proper disdain looks like

But what Leo Laporte ended up doing was one of the most disrespectful things you can do to someone who can’t see you. Many of you probably remember the time he also did this to Steve Gibson on Security Now. This level of contempt is fucking shameful. Leo Laporte has completely run out his usefulness on this planet and needs to retire.

If you have any ideas for an article we encourage you to leave an anonymous comment below or submit a tip. Thanks go out to TWiT for letting us borrow Hilton Goring so he could shoot the VFX portion of the video above.

The End is Nigh for Father Robert Ballecer

If I asked you to describe the qualities of a priest most of you would say that person is kind, peaceful, understanding and an eloquent speaker of the teachings of Christ. It is also a man who is devoted to serving the Lord, and will tirelessly sacrifice himself for the sick and the poor.

Fr. Robert Ballecer (Andy Warhol-commissioned painting, circa 1987)

Of course that would be your impression until you met Father Robert Ballecer. This man can only be described as the Bizarro Superman of the ecclesiastical world. To use a food analogy (and you know it fits here) it’s what you get when you add 1 cup of corruption, 2 cups of perverted fetishes, 3 cups of dishonesty, one teaspoon of cumin and then bake at 325 degrees until it fattens up like a Butterball® turkey (absolutely no disrespect to Butterball® turkeys, those turkeys are amazing).

The man is even a joke in his own circles. On the website jesuits.org, he received nothing but a scoffed mention in the official newsletter as “the priest seen cavorting around Las Vegas again under the auspices of a ‘technology convention’”. Even fellow Jesuits see him as a clown.

On the website goodjesuitbadjesuit.blogspot.com, you can read him defending a lavish lifestyle of going on vacations and “eating” at good restaurants on the church’s dime because it serves his “emotional needs”. I haven’t read the entire bible yet but I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t ask the Romans to stop nailing him to the fucking cross so he could have a sandwich.

Therefore it came as no surprise to this TotalDrama writer when Fr. Robert Ballecer began complaining like a petulant child about not getting his first choice of “studio” space when he moves to Rome in mid-June. That’s right… he plans to continue the act. His first choice of studio is apparently unusable because there is an ambulance station directly outside. The only other location is some moldy (possibly unhealthy) underground room not used for centuries. For a man who is extremely obese I find it ironic that he is now expressing a concern for his health. Fuck you fake priest, you’re Rome’s problem now.

Thank you to the chatters in our chat room for providing much of the source materials used in this article. If you have any ideas for an article we encourage you to leave an anonymous comment below or submit a tip.  Also a big thank you to the tireless editors, reporters and administrative staff who sacrifice their sanity every day so this trainwreck is completely documented.

Twitter’s Lawyers Are Not Fucking Around

Joseph C. Gratz, Lead Attorney for Twitter (is not fucking around here).

Twitter’s lawyers have responded to TWiT’s claim of trademark infringement and breach of contract, and while I’m not a lawyer it seems that the gist of their response was “what crappy law school did you graduate from because you dumbfucks don’t know shit about trademark law and contracts”.

Karin P. Beam, TWiT lawyer (black and white photo only because color would have cost her extra)

It should surprise no one that Leo Laporte allegedly sought out the most incompetent but cost-effective lawyer in Sonoma County to argue this case. We’re trying to find out how this relationship began — but we strongly believe some sort of “discount” was involved.

The PDF summary of the Motion To Dismiss is embedded below should you want to read what a “evidence-based” legal argument consists of.

What is clearly apparent is that this law firm did their fucking research. “They are even better at digging up past stuff than we are” remarked TotalDrama’s editor-in-chief during our 5-hour production meeting. Honestly we haven’t seen this much research and attention to detail since TotalDrama published the story of Leo showing his dick on the livestream.

Law offices of Durie Tangri, San Francisco, CA

We would like to acknowledge and salute the dozens of interns who were forced to consume every disgusting morsel of Leo Laporte’s horrid history, in order to gather enough evidence to bring down the greedy son of a bitch and defend this ridiculous legal claim. We have included a fictional re-enactment above. Thank you for your service.

Also thank you to the anonymous chatter in our chat room for providing the inspiration for this article. If you have any ideas for an article we encourage you to leave an anonymous comment below or submit a tip.

Leo Laporte is Now Doing Boner Pill Ads

Product sample.

This is not a joke. Leo Laporte has swirled so far down the drain that he now has to read ads for boner pills and doctors who will prescribe them for you without ever seeing you in person.

I guess the guy who showed his small dick and his wife’s vagina on-air was a perfect fit for Roman.

Perhaps the sex swing and VR porn no longer do the trick.

Here’s the incredulous reaction from the chatroom sheep. Even they know it’s really bad. They take the opportunity to insult the eldest hosts on TWiT — those of Ham Nation and Security Now.

<AlexC> Youthening or Euthening?
<Valvey> guy fieri
<Synapse> Good Grief
<patterson> Dr Brown's Amazing Tonic.
<SloMo> One of the well-used chemo-hats
<cr1> well, we've jumped the shark
<patterson> You need to have the argument again
<gardner> I dont think this ad has anything to do with tech...
<I_Am_Special> this a spam sponsor?
<AlexC> ... I can't believe they wen to ED ads before patreon
<int3> take the blue pill :D
<oyvey> you have to be kidding me.... the MacBreakWeekly audience is a target audience for this product??
<cr1> Preparation H coming up
<patterson> Same thing with Men's beauty products or a Manpurse. just say no
<gardner> put this ad on ham nation
<oyvey> LOL
<+Burke> gardner it pays our bills
<AlexC> When are the Adam and Eve ads?
<C64Fan> Roman will turn your Mac mini into a Mac Pro
<ReverbMike> wow... MBW has taken a turn
<Synapse> I'm not just owner i'm also a patient.
<oyvey> this is proof that advertising is a crock
<gardner> burke, the ad is poorly targeted, which helps no one
<Web1335> Leo's sold out
<Woody> fantasy sports ads are easier money
<alexhoward> Huh. This I wouldn’t have expeted.
<Hetchins52> Got it! "Roman" is a Monty Python reference: Biggus Dickus!
<SloMo> Web1335: unnecessary comment
<TerryK> New advertiser, a good fit for Security Now
<toedsloth> delivered by grubhub?
<oyvey> no... it's a joke
*** beatmaster kicked Web1335 (Your behavior is not conducive to the desired environment.)
<I_Am_Special> i liik at spam emails for viagra
<ReverbMike> is there a version for the ladies?
<SloMo> I like paying my bills ... wish i could pay a bill for the new sony a7iii
<iPad_06580> Siri Reorder Roman
<uptown> Roman hands ... rushing fingers ...
* Loquacious1 thinks 'no comment'
<AlexC> What, no personal testimonials/?
<cr1> important issue: heart disease, prostate cancer, arthritis. ED? not so much
<patterson> it's a desing issue
<ReverbMike> lol Loquacious1
<Loquacious1> lol AlexC
<@beatmaster> roman could prevent those accidents Leo :p
<ReverbMike> Roman disclaimer; side effects may include death
<extremus> ED not important? Did Padre say that?

TWiT vs. Twitter: Discovery Phase

For better quality watch the video fullscreen.

When news broke that Leo Laporte was suing Twitter for breach of contract and trademark infringement, we all checked our calendars to make sure it wasn’t April 1st.

Doug Llewelyn, Jr. – San Francisco court reporter

When it became obvious that it was still mid-January, TotalDrama immediately sent our intrepid court reporter to San Francisco to monitor what would most likely be the trademark infringement case of the century.

TWiT vs. Twitter has just entered the discovery phase of the trial, and we are now getting access to some of the documents being entered into evidence. Judge Jacqueline Scott Corley (who we believe drew the shortest straw in the office) asked both sides to submit a video sample of some of the content which exemplifies their core business.

TWiT has requested a jury trial so we believe these videos will help “educate” the jurors or at least clear up the confusion that these companies are in fact not the same legal entity. Yeah

Editor’s Note: The above video is a dramatization and not real trial evidence. TotalDrama will continue to follow the trial closely and will provide material updates as they become available.

TWiT Sues Twitter After Falling Way Past Rock Bottom

Update 2: This is the audio that Leo thinks will win his case. Listen and tell us what you think.

Update 1: Linus Tech Tips addressed the conflict, saying “I don’t personally think most people even know what TWiT is.” (58:21)

Lisa Laporte reaching for that hopeful Twitter settlement money

When Leo Laporte showed his inbox Sunday, we wondered what a message from his lawyer stating “We will file the complaint Tuesday since the courts are closed on Monday” was about.

We started searching the Northern District of California Courts and the federal PACER system, but we found nothing.

Unfortunately, TechCrunch scouped us.

TWiT sued Twitter for trademark infringement.

The chat room was/is muted for hours, of course. Ycombinator discussions are happening — including saying TD is “made by a hateful obsessive” and “run by an ex-employee”.

Leo Laporte is alleging that some reasonable person would confuse Twitter for TWiT’s useless trademarks. Nobody knows what TWiT is!

As one Total Drama chat room member put it:

“One shows NFL games, one shows a fat man’s stubby pecker

Leo’s lawyers wrote, without irony:

“The TWIT mark is a strong, distinctive mark, in which substantial goodwill has developed to the benefit of plaintiffs Laporte and TWiT.”

Wow.

Leo — probably Lisa — wants a settlement. That’s how desperate they are for money. They even enabled monetization on their YouTube videos recently. They want that Twitter money to keep going on cruises since their actual business is toast.

The embedded Scribd version is below, but here’s the PDF if you want to read the complaint at your leisure.

TWiT vs. Twitter on Scribd

Inside TWiT – January 7, 2018

Remember when Mike Elgan fell for a “Hey, would ya blow me?” joke but couldn’t pronounce it correctly?

Leo Laporte rang in the new year by bragging for the live stream in an empty room (he fired all the employees).

Thanks to a tip, we have this impromptu Inside TWiT. In it Leo:

  • Brags about a private Caribbean cruise
  • Gloats about destroying another drone by flying it into the ocean — a violation of MARPOL regulations
  • Describes Henry’s uninteresting interest in hot sauce
  • Realizes TWiT is “the AltaVista of podcasting”
  • Laments that hot wings-related shows on YouTube are far more popular than TWiT
  • Wonders where he went wrong
  • Gets pissed that Neil DeGrasse Tyson will go on a hot wings show but not Triangulation
  • Threatens to not pay the remaining employees (Burke admits he will work for free)
  • Laments the $8-9k rent for the next 8.5 years

For your sanity, I did a bunch of quick jump cuts on the first vacation bragging part so you don’t have to hear his grating rhetorical style. I can’t even explain how bad it is to edit this type of video, listening to him say the same things over and over to get the edit points.

Please continue to send in tips!

Also, be sure to tune in to TWiT for CES live coverage. Just kidding. FMCP will be there (Leo doesn’t have to pay for a place for him to stay), but Bryan and Kara are fired, so there’s nobody to run a camera and no money for a LiveU.