Man of God: Father Robert Ballecer Lies While at Religious Retreat

Update: The liar priest, who is supposedly without technology on a vow of silence, is now muting accounts on his personal YouTube (Proof) within 2 minutes (push notifications). Absolutely incredible.
Father Robert Ballecer
Fr. Robert Ballecer

This is the Total Drama series Man of God, in which we chronicle the exploits of one Father Robert Ballecer, aka Grimace in a Priest Costume, aka The Digital Jesuit, aka <PadreSJ>, aka FMCP. Please use our dvr and send in tips with examples of his very Christlike behavior.

Something very strange is happening over on Father Robert Ballecer’s Twitter profile. The fat fake priest — aka FMCP aka PadreSJ — is pretending to have written an artificial intelligence bot that is running his Twitter.

He is supposedly away at a no-technology Jesuit retreat. Mercifully, this is the reason he is not appearing on TWiT right now.

We found it odd that he has timely mentions of things that just happened, such as the new Doctor being announced and National Ice Cream Day — a holiday we are certain he celebrates daily.

We did some digging using the actual Twitter API. All of his Tweets are being posted from TweetDeck. Here’s the source attribute from almost all of his “bot” tweets:

"source":"<a href="https://about.twitter.com/products/tweetdeck" rel="nofollow">TweetDeck</a>"

He can’t control that string, because it’s set by Twitter’s server side based on the API keys being used. He’s 100% using the TweetDeck program to post his tweets.

TweetDeck can’t create Twitter polls. No consumer of the Twitter API can, including FMCP’s fictional “bot” lie. The fake priest logged onto the Twitter web site to post these polls:

"source":"<a href="http://twitter.com" rel="nofollow">Twitter Web Client</a>"
"source":"<a href="http://twitter.com" rel="nofollow">Twitter Web Client</a>"

Some questions:

  1. Did FMCP sneak a smartphone into the no-technology religious retreat under one of his many fat folds?
  2. Is Bryan Burnett running FMCP’s Twitter and pretending to be a robot, not far from the truth? Edit: This hypothesis is improbable, now that we’ve seen he is policing his own YouTube/Google account via push notifications.
  3. Does FMCP think anyone believes he knows how to program anything, let alone an artificial intelligence that can respond to current events? We’ve seen Coding 101.

Don’t forget to read the rest of the Man of God series detailing Father Robert Ballecer’s misdeeds in real life and on Twitter.

Watch Leo Laporte Struggle Using Linux

Time capsule of the last time Leo learned something new about technology.

Leo Laporte, Theeeeeeeeeeeeeee Tech Guy, had some technical difficulties with his System76 laptop during Triangulation.

After the show, he sought help from the shutins who frequent his chatroom and discuss Game of Thrones instead of the current guest.

Leo Laporte literally doesn’t even know what distribution he’s using, as you can see in the clip above. He desperately tries to follow Keith512’s instructions before giving up and saying he’ll just use a Mac from now on.

<@Keith512> what nvidia driver is it
<@Keith512> 375,381 or 384
<@Keith512> inxi -F will tell you
<@Keith512> maybe upgrade 375.66 to 381.22
<@Keith512> let me just check

Listen as Leo does various voice impersonations to try to deflect from the obvious awkwardness. It’s a long clip, but it’s painfully delicious.

Maybe he should follow his own advice for fellow grandpas and long-haul truckers:

JUST BUY A CHROMEBOOK.

Nathan Olivarez-Giles Fired from TWiT

Update: It appears Nate has landed on his feet. It’s a bit of a downgrade from the WSJ, but still an upgrade from unemployment/TWiT.

Maybe he could pass some of that luck on to Tony and Kara, whose LinkedIns remain stale.

The firings will continue until morale improves.

Dearly departed @NateOG.

No new bona fide shows will ever be created on TWiT. Leo lied when he said Mike Elgan would be creating a news division and traveling to Shenzen, China to cover tech developments there.

It should come as no surprise, then, that when the portly Laporte promised Nathan Olivarez-Giles (@NateOG) the opportunity to create new shows, including a car show (This Week in Leo’s Leased Tesla) and a Lets Play-style gaming show, that was merely bait to get Nate to stay a bit longer than he knew he should.

After getting Nathan to fill in on a few shows while failed CEO Lisa Laporte and Leo Laporte took their entire extended family to the Galapagos, he was summarily terminated upon their return. Was it because of him cursing out the live audience? We don’t know.

Nathan Olivarez-Giles, seen here in need of soap for his potty mouth

Leo didn’t hesitate to use the pre-taped Nathan segments on The New Screen Savers, without acknowledging the termination. They even trotted out the dead corpse of Nate’s employment with top billing in the newsletter. Leo Laporte has no conscience.

Can you believe they had the balls to force Nate to pre-record months of Know How segments — that they are currently airing — before terminating him upon Leo’s return from the Galapagos? Is it even legal under California law to make someone front-load their work for months that would be paid out later and then fire them?

Here’s to you, Nathan. We apologize you didn’t make it into the latest In Memoriam 2. You’ll be in #3 for sure.

We barely knew you; you only lasted 3.5 months.

Bonus Video

Leo Laporte Is Still An Incorrigible Racist

For better quality watch the video fullscreen.

Katie Benner is a smart and savvy technology reporter for the New York Times who hates Naturebox.

Katie Benner (File Photo)

Benner was phoning in to This Week In Tech to discuss her NYT’s article on how women entrepreneurs who seek financing from angel investors are often on the receiving end of inappropriate verbal advances and touching.

We at TotalDrama fully condemn these scumbags and hope they die a long and painful cancerous death.

The person responsible for finding a correct image of Benner was Karsten Bondy, the lovable but incompetent bow-tie wearing producer and technical director of such hit shows as Triangulation. However TotalDrama places 100% full legal responsibility (FLR™) for this screw up on the racist (example 1 & example 2) patriarch Leo Laporte who should have been the safety net here.

Not only has Benner been a regular guest on Tech News Tonight (which we hear Laporte watches religiously), but she’s also appeared two other times on This Week In Tech (appearance 1 & appearance 2). How does Leo Laporte not know what Katie Benner looks like at this point? Do all Asian people look the same to Leo Laporte? The rest of this trainwreck can only be experienced by watching the video above.

Update: Thanks to the #drama chatroom member who uncovered another photo of “Katie Benner” switched out at the last moment.

Editor’s Note: This one is a joke made by a chat room member, spoofing Leo’s racist error. The video and everything above is real.

And Now, a Word From Zero Sponsors

Update: Friday’s “no ads” discussion from This Week in Enterprise Tech has been added to the video.
Rare picture depicting Lisa Laporte harvesting Galapagos money in the wild

We previously reported on Leo Laporte shitting on sponsor Ring.com just before leaving for his Galapagos vacation. Why can’t we find any discussion of this vacation on TWiT on any show??

Shortly thereafter, during his vacation, Ring.com disappeared from the sponsor list. But — if Leo is to be believed — his lies and ridicule of the FMCP-approved surveillance device company prompted the owner to reach out to tell Leo how much he loved him and wanted to buy more ads. Silver-tongued Uncle Leo isn’t to be believed — of course — but how he talked himself back into Ring.com’s graces, we’ll never know.

Leo said he got in trouble with his wife, Lisa Laporte, supposedly the CEO of the failing company, which already has a lot of trouble selling ads. Leo claimed Ring bought “a whole bunch more ads” just to show him how much Ring loves TWiT.

Hilton A. Goring could not be reached for comment.

But here’s the weird thing. Many shows regularly have zero ads, as you heard in the video above. FLOSS Weekly went without, on the same day. Windows Weekly went without, on the same day.

Home Theater Geeks has gone without ads this entire year. Circumstances are so dire that Scott Wilkinson made on-air remarks about how there are never any ads to read on his teleprompter.

Total Drama dug deeper. Expert analysis revealed the following shows had zero ads recently — by no means an exhaustive list, just spot checks. Something is rotten in the TWiT ad sales department.

I guess that Richard Branson money doesn’t go as far when you constantly shit on your advertisers.

TWiT is going to have to fire a lot more people than just Tony Wang and Kara Kohl to make up for this shortfall.

Other Recent Shows With No Ads

Windows Weekly June 28
Home Theater Geeks The entire year of 2017
FLOSS Weekly June 28
This Week in Enterprise Tech June 30
Tech News Today May 22
  May 23
  May 24
  May 25
  May 26
Know How January 19
  January 26
  January 30
  February 6
  February 23
  March 6
  March 20
  March 23
  March 30
  April 6
  April 10
  April 20
  April 24
  April 27
  May 8
  May 22
  May 25
  June 5
  June 12
  June 29

Scott Wilkinson Gets Masterfully Trolled

Update: By popular demand — one guy using a bunch of different names in the comments — here’s the video of Leo handling a call from Longmont Potion Castle the following weekend.
For better quality watch the video fullscreen.

Scott Wilkinson is a professional home theater expert who we affectionately refer to as the maniacal cackling Santa Claus. He’s probably never been targeted by an Internet troll. But cue “Carmelo” from Needles, California, calling in to The Tech Guy.

Facial composite of “Carmelo” drawn by police sketch artist after listening to audio

What started off as an innocent home theater question quickly turned into a trolling master class. There’s no doubt that “Carmelo” meticulously planned and executed this troll to perfection. This was not a mindless Howard Stern fan yelling “ba ba booey” and then hanging up. This was someone who spent a lot of time writing what he was going to say, choosing every word and sound effect with precision.

Editor’s Note: We found out “Carmelo” is Longmont Potion Castle, a famous prank caller.

At TotalDrama we don’t condone trolling good and honest people like Scott. However we were amazed and in complete awe at the amount of preparation and courage this must have taken. Congrats on the good job “Carmelo” and enjoy your video tribute.

In Memoriam 2: Remembering Those We’ve Lost at TWiT

For better quality watch the video fullscreen.

This is a follow up to HelloWorld’s inspirational video about the great men and women who worked hard and gave their best every day but were still fired in the end.

“Who da’ f*ck is Johnny Jet?”

The latest firings came only days before Leo Laporte and Lisa Laporte ditched TWiT to go on yet another luxurious vacation.

I’m not saying the timing is suspicious but three employees are fired and a week later they are jet-setting to somewhere new. TotalDrama reached out to Robin Leach for comment and his only words were “Shieeeeet these gangstas are legeeiittttt”.

But even though countless employees are now wondering how they are going to make rent this month, every cloud does have a silver lining. For Leo and Lisa, this is that the vacation fund is safe once again. Our sympathies go out to Tony, Kara, Frédérique and the countless other employees who have lost their jobs because of this financially careless waste of money.

Dearly departed Curtis Franklin, who didn’t even make it into the video

Late Update: After the video’s creation, we became aware that Curtis Franklin aka “the swamp monster” has recently gone missing from twit.tv/people.

We aren’t sure if he’s been fired or has simply returned to the Florida swampland to reunite with his own.

Full list of those fired (including the first In Memoriam) and escapees:

Justin Robert Young Iyaz Akhtar
Lamarr Wilson Amber MacArthur
Shannon Morse (Snubs) Gina Trapani
Chad Johnson (OMGChad) Brian Brushwood
Tom Merritt Dane Golden
Evan Brown Sarah Lane
Joe Panettieri Jason C. Cleanthes (EffenDunn)
Myriam Joire Tonya Hall
Frédérique Louis Tony Wang
Kara Kohl Mike Elgan
Jeff Stewart Curtis Franklin(?)

Leo Laporte Shits on Sponsor Ring.com

Time capsule of the last time Leo learned something new about technology.

Leo Laporte used to crow far and wide about how much he loved “the Ring video doorbell” on all of his shows. He did one of his signature ten minute ads any time he was given the chance — and the dollar bills.

We had concerns about the company, given that Father Robert Ballecer claimed he was able to write some Python scripts to intercept the video from the Ring doorbell, which is supposedly strongly encrypted with TLS.

If a fake priest can break your encryption, how good can it be, unless the fake priest is lying?

The love affair has come to an end. Like the many, many times hosts on the TWiT network have shit on sponsors, Ring.com is now a target.

In the clip above, Leo Laporte claims that Ring didn’t pay their bills, perhaps slandering the company if that isn’t true.

Here’s how TWiT co-host Katie Brenner disrespects sponsor NatureBox on air.

And here’s how TWiT host Tonya Hall disrespects sponsor ZipRecruiter on-air.

And here’s how TWiT’s TNT host Mike Elgan trashes sponsor PayPal on-air.

And here’s how Leo trashes previous sponsor Citrix ShareFile on-air.

And here’s Leo making fun of Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans.

So, if you choose to do business with TWiT as a sponsor, know what you’re getting into, and know that #soup loves to show his email on screen all the time, including the phone number of his soon-to-be stepchild (withheld because we are not monsters).

Caveat emptor. You might be thrown under the bus next, and be assured, the humiliation will be televised.

John C. Dvorak and Adam Curry to Host TWiT’s Live WWDC Coverage

It’s finally time.

John C. Dvorak finished his vinegar book and is back on TWiT with no hard feelings.

The jovial relationship between Mr. Laporte, who invented podcasting, and Adam Curry — a lesser known podcaster, former MTV employee, and failed Indiegogo project creatorcontinues uninterrupted.

Tune in June 5, 2017 for live, willful copyright infringement, “as per usual,” according to Mr. Laporte!

manimal couldn’t be reached for comment (we didn’t actually try).

Leo Laporte will be gone to the Galapagos, one of the many expensive vacations he uses to try to fill the void in his life where friends, family, and accomplishments would be. Maybe bragging about this one will impress people, Leo!

For his part, Adam Curry is so excited, he can barely keep it together.

Loek van der Helm (@wonderhelm) removed his tweet that alerted us to the announcement — and now protected all his tweets — but we always retain the screenshots.

Mescaline, or 3,4,5-trimethoxyphenethylamine, is a naturally occurring psychedelic alkaloid of the phenethylamine class, known for its hallucinogenic effects comparable to those of LSD and psilocybin.

Happy Leo Laporte Dick Pic Day!

Penis seen round the world. Pixelated for your protection.
Penis seen round the world. Pixelated for your protection.

Happy 2nd anniversary of Dick Pic day.

The site’s cursor was changed to Leo Laporte’s dick pic in honor of today and because its small size lends itself well to being a mouse cursor. Now, only this paragraph has the dick cursor.

The video that changed everything for Leo Laporte and TWiT

Download Link (Right click and “Save As” to archive)

GIF Version

Click here if you do not see the GIF.

Timeline

We are continually shocked and surprised at what TWiT shows on-air. We always think it can’t get worse, but it usually does. Next year on dick day, we’ll let you know if there are any updates in the saga.