Is there no end to the torturous abuse leveled against Sarah Lane? Recently she went away on vacation with a new beau* and came back fully relaxed. She sat down at her set to work on iFive (Thanks Dropcam) and in walks the megalomaniac. He comes up behind her to say hello and starts to lecherously rub her shoulders. Like a mongrel beast he marks his territory. Sarah buries the outrage deep within, but it emerged the next day on The Social Hour. Her co-host mentions “an airplane” and Sarah’s unconscious wish to cry out is misdirected at people who touch her on a plane, but we know it was meant for Laporte.
Folks, I have been in prison, I have seen disgusting things: men humping the floor of a cell in a drunken stupor and men having heroin induced diarrhea on themselves, but never have I been so repulsed as when that ogre put his hands on her soft, slight, and pale as the moonlight loving shoulders. (O.k. I was a drop jealous too) But NO, this is not the depravity I speak of here today. The constant sexual harassment is part of the game at TWiT. He fosters an environment where his victims are tricked into believing it is the weak women who ‘cry abuse’ and the strong women who ‘can handle it.’ Oh Leo, you fool no one. We know how you laughed off the harassment course you took at Tech TV.
So what is the latest depravity? What do we speak of today? As the lovely and talented Sarah Lane mucks her way through TWiT she is granted one yearly wish, one perk, one gleaming ray of sunlight fighting through the rain. A gold iPhone. Alas, not this year. This year the horror leveled on her is a boring white iPhone. How dare you Laporte, how dare you. He sent out twenty interns to make sure his friends and family got what they wanted but once again not Sarah. How long? How long must we sing this song?
Hello Sarah, way to make up a fake email so you could say hy in a clever way, and butt out #soupguzzler, the grown ups are talking.
*He scored 0 touchdowns in his college football career, I scored 2 and played defense.
**A $3,842 bounty is being offered by #TotalDrama for the spreadsheet that calculated the cost of iPad Today at $400,000 a year.