Infographic: TWiT Website Audit: A Colossal Failure

If I was the CEO of TWiT, heads would roll. Here’s why. The company wasted $350,000 on a colossal failure of a website. But I guess since the CEO is not doing her job, I decided to take an hour out of my millionaire lifestyle and give it a gander. Here is what I came up with: Hope you enjoy.

TWiT Website Audit
A colossal failure.
Total typography failure. Leo peeking over the top.
Total typography failure. Leo peeking over the top.
An old never fixed bug.
An old never fixed bug.
Accessibility Report
Accessibility Report
Ridiculous load time due to API.
Ridiculous load time due to API.
Useless redundant thumbnails.
Useless redundant thumbnails.
API Load Time
API Load Time
Worst blog design we have ever seen.
Worst blog design we have ever seen.
redundancy, and poor information planning.
redundancy, and poor information planning.

BREAKING: Lisa Signed a Lease for Studio Beside The Hummus Guy

Lisa Kentzell Laporte, Master Negotiator
Lisa Kentzell Laporte, Master Negotiator

Lisa has abandoned plans for the tiny studio at 800 Lindberg Ln where our tipster just took pictures.

The lease has been signed for 1351-B Redwood Way, as seen on Positively Petaluma.

They will be moving to The TWiT Shed in “June or July,” according to Lisa Kentzell Laporte.

Total Drama Tipster Provides On-Site Recon of Possible New Studio Location

Guest SubmissionA Total Drama tipster visited our chat room to pass on pictures he or she took of the potential new TWiT studio.

Thank you, anonymous contributor.

All of TWiT is going to be crammed in there, if expert negotiator Lisa Kentzell Laporte is able to secure a lease.

How do you think TWiT will fare in the new location?

800 Lindberg Lane Storefront
800 Lindberg Lane Storefront
That support beam looks bent.
That support beam looks bent.
Where will Fr. Robert Ballecer sleep?
Where will Fr. Robert Ballecer sleep?
Very limited parking, according to our tipster
Very limited parking, according to our tipster

Alex Garcia doesn’t appreciate our contributor

You’re Welcome, Alex!

Leo Laporte Complains About AMP Project His $350K Site Can’t Use

Why can't I use AMP, Four Kitchens?
Why can’t I use AMP, Four Kitchens?

Leo Laporte spent the better part of 30 minutes on This Week in Google complaining about the Accelerated Mobile Pages (AMP) Project. You can witness it in the video above in a condensed version.

He’s very upset that the poorly-developed, slow, sometimes completely unavailable, and expensive website that he contracted to be built is unable to handle the capability.

We would imagine he’s also upset because nobody uses his stupid API which was the whole point of the new site. Developers summarily rejected it due to the 5 requests per minute limit enforced across all users of any app developed. (This is because he doesn’t even own his own API. He has to proxy all requests through 3scale, who he has to pay for the requests. Ha!)

We have good news, however!


100% of Total Drama’s posts are now available in an AMP format for Google’s consumption. See an example here.


Each post has code linking to the AMP version which Google will consume and display in the carousel.

Site Comparison

TWiT.tv TotalDrama.net
100% TLS (Secure) No Partial Yes Yes
HSTS (Prevents downgrade attacks) No No Yes Yes
HTTP/2 No No Yes Yes
Accelerated Mobile Pages No No Yes Yes
Absolute Shit Content Yes Yes Yes Yes
Cost the same as 5 Tesla Model S Cars Yes Yes No No

Leo Laporte Disappoints the Brick Suckers Who Gave Him Money

Haha, brick suckers.
Haha, brick suckers.

We’ve previously reported that Leo Laporte plans to move the studio after being priced out of his crown jewel of a studio.

Could TWiT soon broadcast from a run-down abandoned church in the woods?
Could TWiT soon broadcast from a run-down abandoned church in the woods?

TWiT’s genius CEO, Lisa Kentzell Laporte, failed to negotiate a long-term lease or purchase the building when given a chance, and now “The Brickhouse” will be a “brewpub” — to borrow Leo’s term for it.

Leo has his eye on a property at 800 Lindberg Lane (PDF). Petaluma Market’s investors will be happy to know that it’s closer than the property beside The Hummus Guy.

Brickhouse 800 Lindberg Ln
Total Sqft 18,400 5,544
Ground Level Sqft 9,400 5,544
Basement Sqft 9,000 0
Has walls Yes No
Has a bathroom Yes No

Will TWiT still be as good in a studio less than one-third the size? Just kidding — it sucks now.

It won’t stop Leo from complaining about actually spending money for legitimate business expenses on a studio build. It certainly won’t stop Leo from telling the brick suckers who gave him money for the current studio that they can buy back pieces of their broken bricks, as seen in the video above.

TWiT Willfully Violates Federal Law with Funding from Gazelle

Leo Laporte willfully violates copyright every time he “covers” lives events. He takes streams broadcast by companies with explicit copyright warnings and re-streams them with “color commentary” over the top, making fun of the company in question.

To add insult to injury, he then sells his own ads on top of the third party’s copyrighted content with impunity!

This is what you can experience for yourself in the video above.

Scary weirdo, Jason C. Cleanthes
DERP

We don’t normally post about it, but this time, the moronic technical director Jason C. Cleanthes (EffenDumb) managed to fuck up the video switching and actually showed the copyright warning on the screen.

Leo’s audio was fucked up for most of the stream’s duration. A piercing high-pitched audio tone was constant throughout the illegal event as well. The video fared no better, with screen tearing throughout the screen capture and re-stream of a YouTube full-screen page.

EffenDunn is well on his way to being an off-site producer like Chad Johnson. Congratulations Jason C. Cleanthes!

Leo Laporte Insults His Live Viewers and Chat Room Again

Take in the view, ladies
Take in the view, ladies

Leo Laporte has repeatedly made it clear he hates the chat room, saying they were “never of value.”

Jonathan Abrams, founder of famously-failed Friendster and soon-to-fail Nuzzel — whatever that is — was Leo’s guest on TWiG. He was absoultely incredulous that sheep would sit there watching the garbage that TWiT spews to the live stream on a daily basis. We are surprised too, Jonathan.

Something perhaps even more humorous happened as well. Jonathan Abrams got tired of the way Leo was treating him. Leo kept saying that the foundation of his business was fundamentally flawed, no one would use it, and therefore Leo didn’t need to care.

Suddenly, Jonathan had to “change his battery.” When he returned, Jeff Jarvis suddenly remembered — hangouts message from Jonathan? — that Johnathan Abrams had a “hard out” and had to leave. Hmm.

Leo says TWiT Guests are “Crappy”

Tee hee!
Tee hee!

We have always said Leo Laporte has no shame, but it appears he does. We can see in the video above that he didn’t want everyone to know his embarrassing secret: TWiT guests are crappy sometimes (most of the time we would argue) by his own admission, including next week’s Christina Warren (film_girl).

Epic Fuckup EffenDumb
Epic Fuckup EffenDumb

Thanks to the ineptitude of Tonya Hall and Jason C. Cleanthes (EffenDunn), we got to hear the shocking truth. Thanks for fucking everything up, Tonya, and thanks for being a constant fuck-up with audio levels and video switching, Jason!

TWiT Terminated by Twitch

Update: Our long national nightmare is over. TWiT has been up and down on Twitch after this post was written.
TWiT Banned by Twitch
TWiT Banned by Twitch

Twitch — that’s hard to type without TWiT’s dumb mixed caps — has finally removed TWiT from its platform.

Twitch’s statement says that TWiT violated the terms of service. TWiT certainly has nothing to do with gaming after canceling Game On and OMGcraft. They were a holdover from when Leo Laporte broadcasted on Justin.TV before it became Twitch.

Twitch recently allowed creative content, which we thought might save TWiT, but in retrospect, that makes no sense. TWiT’s content isn’t creative at all; all they do is rip off others’ content and reproduce it as their own.

Perhaps the terms of service state that you are not allowed to show dick pics or cunt pics on the live stream. We’ll never know.

The tall ogre that walks around with his hands on his hips all day instead of working had this to say:

<+PDelahanty> Restarted the streams, but Twitch seems to be having a problem.  We'll try that again later.
HERP DERP HOW DO I INTERNET???
HERP DERP HOW DO I INTERNET???

He can’t even figure out that his embedded Twitch player that took him months to implement is broken because of TWiT being kicked off Twitch.

Apparently the other sheep can read, unlike Patrick Delahanty.

Let us see what the sheep had to say in #twitlive. Poor ScooterX is having to pretend to have any sort of insight. He’s their most valuable fake employee!

<@ScooterX> TWiT is aware that the Twitch stream is offline

<marsworm> so ScooterX there aware that it say "The community has closed this channel due to terms of service violations "

<BillHicks> did twit leave twitch? mobile link seems down

<@ScooterX> BillHicks: "leave" is not the best term. Twitch pulled the stream for now