Tag Archives: WTF

Jason C. Cleanthes is a stupid dumbass garbage can of a man

Jason C. Cleanthes is a garbage can of a man with no brain. Just look at this bizarre clown:

Scary weirdo, Jason C. Cleanthes
Scary weirdo, Jason C. Cleanthes

Be sure to tweet him at his ridiculous Twitter handle EffenDunn to let him know if you think his constant laughing and saying “sorry” before and after “Tech News Today” is getting on your nerves. He’d love to hear from you.

This man moved to Petaluma to be near his hero, Leo Laporte. Can you believe that shit? And  Cleanthes is still trying to make himself an on-air personality by putting the camera on himself before the start of the shows he is technical director for.

Hey, Jason…nobody wants to see you. Just put the camera on Marc Elgum and be done with it. Or go back to the zoo, you dumb ape.

Mike Elgan Fooled by an Obvious Hoax On-Air

Elgum will literally (attempt to) read anything put in front of him on a prompter. He isn’t able to do this very well, of course, but today Megan Morrone co-hosted the shit-show called Tech News Today, and she had a joke of a story in the “News You Can Lose Segment.”

Why is this segment in a news show they want us to watch?

Leo Laporte has crowed over and over about how TWiT is aimed to be the CNN of Tech, but the following video illustrates how that’s a crock of shit.

The editorial board of Total Drama presents to you:

Mike Elgan Believing a Story
About a Wearable Banana

No shirt, no shoes, no women

TWiT Policy?

I am willing to accept that in five years there has never been a black woman on TWiT. Never, not once. (excluding ring central ad) I am willing to accept that although ten percent of the US population is black, less than 1% of TWiT faces are black and zero employees. But women? More than half the worlds population was born with female genitalia. You have to make an effort to shun half the population.

The following listing is of the most recent This Week in Tech episodes, all of which did not have one person born with (XX) chromosomes:

  • Nov 23: 1 host and 3 guests
  • Nov 16: 1 host and 4 guests (special segment included)
  • Nov 09: 1 host and 3 guests
  • Nov 02: 1 host and 2 guests
  • Oct 26: 1 host and 3 guests

Making your girlfriend CEO does not make you less prejudiced, it shows what traits in women you value and what a woman has to do to get respect there. If you combine this with his outlandish statements to the lovely and talented Sarah Lane it makes me wonder.

For those of you who like math, the chances of getting head 15 times in a row on a two sided coin is .00341796875.  So if 50% of tech journalists are women and they were selected randomly the odds of getting (see listing above) 15 guests in a row as men are likewise .00341796875. And tech journalism is filled to the brim with female journalists.

Leo Welcomes Pirillo Baby to World With Insult

The baby was just a few hours old but not to soon to get insulted by the magnanimous Laporte. Was it an enemies offspring? No it was the beautiful innocent daughter of good friend Chris Pirillo.

A hug from a "friend"
A hug from a “friend”

Pirillo is not as close to the #soupguzzler as Kevin Spacey, but would it hurt to say a friendly “congratz” to the curly haired first-time dad. What’s that? You don’t believes this article, no one could be that heartless. Feast your eyes on the video below:

Was Leo caught off guard in a bad moment, did he immediately correct this blunder ? He didn’t stop trolling in the chatroom:

[14:35] <~Leo> I didn't even know she was pregnant!
[14:36] <~Leo> Who was the father?

Can You Care a Little Bit?

This shot scream, "I don't give a shit"
This shot screams, “I don’t give a shit!”

Jesus Christ, could you straighten the shot out, the table is completely crooked. Nothing is centered and everything looks ridiculous. It appears as if no one even moved the screens to even them out, one is behind the table and the other is floating outside the table. I get it, it’s about the content but could you please put in minimal effort?  My mom would yell at me in high school if I left my room like that.
It’s not like the staff was rushed:

For a list of other optical illusions, click here

And why do you need two coffee cups?

TWIT News Department on Fire

Editor’s Note: This column marks the beginning of a new feature on #TotalDrama: “Ramblin’ Rage by Richard Yes” is a wonderful new stream-of-conscious experiment. It’s a place where our ace reporter unleashes his unfocused anger and brings us the unexpurgated #truth…

I miss the measly little cottage Tech News operation. The CNN of Tech is just not happening. They used to do interesting content with interesting guests but now it is so much less. If it’s happening in tech it’s not happening on TWiT. Who could forget the unparalleled lack of coverage of Amazon buying TWiTCH? Who could forget the horrid breaking news of the Microsoft CEO hiring, five hours after MSNBC and everyone else covered it.

Guess Who Didnt Get One of These?
Guess Who Didnt Get One of These?

They are the leading Tech network and they can’t get an invite to the 2,300 seat auditorium where the biggest announcement of 2014 is happening? And don’t feed us the shit that Inhatko and Ritchie are covering it for you. They got invites and airfare from The Chicago Sun Times and iMore. Basically everyone in tech is going. Almost everyone big man.

What the hell is Elgum doing in his office all day? Don’t answer that. And don’t feed us the story about you being banned, Apple knows who you are about as much as Kevin Spacey does.

P.S. It’s time to bite the bullet and switch to 2X large. XL is not cutting it anymore.

TWiT HQ built on top of ancient porn star burial ground

With Leo Laporte’s recent spate of decidedly non-family-friendly public statements, it has come to light that the ham-necked TWiT founder may not be entirely responsible for his actions.

Dead porn stars from the 1980s might be buried beneath TWiT HQ.
Dead porn stars from the 1980s might be buried beneath TWiT HQ.

It seems that TWiT HQ may be built on top of an ancient porn star burial ground. In the 1980s, as pornography studios proliferated across Southern California—in Los Angeles in particular—studio heads had to decide where to dump the bodies of dead porn stars after the industry was wracked by a secret AIDS scandal. It is rumored that up to 45 percent of the brunettes and nearly 65 percent of the blondes (both fake and real) succumbed to the dread disease. As a result, LA-area graveyards were filled to bursting with the infected, yet beautiful corpses.

After a nationwide search for alternate cemetery space, it was decided that Petaluma would become the dumping ground for these hot, but dead, porn stars. More specifically, 140 Keller St. was chosen as the largest of these open pits. So it appears that Leo might very well have been infected with the spirit of these departed sex film stars. What’s more, the vile phrases coming out of his mouth may just be the last ghostly breaths of the hot and loose actors of filmed sex-acts of days gone by.

We’re praying for you, Leo! If you need a good exorcist, contact your ex-wife. It worked getting you out of the house once before and it might very well work again in this case.