Jeff Jarvis Freaks Out About Satirical Article and Squelches Free Speech

The purple-faced Jeff Jarvis
The purple-faced Jeff Jarvis

Jeff Jarvis, purple-faced yellow journalist who ostensibly works at CUNY when he’s not shilling for Google, absolutely freaked the fuck out when a satirical article went up with “Prof. Jeff Jarvis” as the byline on Esquire’s site.

It took Jarvis’ ridiculous stance on some bullshit (didn’t read his original and don’t care) and turned it against him. Everyone knows that Jarvis is a moron, and that’s why he is regularly satirized by comedic writers.

BoingBoing even did a good writeup further pointing out how ridiuclous Jeff Jarvis is being.

Jeff managed to get the article pulled by yanking some strings he had higher up at the publication’s parents and silenced free speech. The system works!

Too bad his buddy Xeni Jardin couldn’t save him from insults at BoingBoing.

Mike Elgan: Snopes Example of Idiot Journalist

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Update: Apparently Gum or TWiT complained to Snopes and they changed the image. Thankfully we have a screenshot below.
Hey, would ya blow me?
Hey, would ya blow me?

On our previous post relating to Mike Elgan, a commenter let us know that has used Mike Elgan as their main example of a journalist falling for stupid name gags.

Dearly departed HelloWorld used to troll Mike Elgan regularly, and here’s his post from 2014, near the beginning of Total Drama.

Original Video from HelloWorld

Relive the magic.

Another Elgan classic: Wearable Banana

He can’t close boxes

Leo Laporte Searches “Mike Elgan” and Receives Mostly Total Drama Results

Update: They hilariously blurred out the visible Total Drama thumbnail in the posted episode.
Mike Elgan on Qwant
Mike Elgan on Qwant

The DJ masquerading as a tech personality, known as Leo Laporte, searched for “Mike Elgan” on some dumb French search engine on This Week in Google to try out its capabilities. He then clicked on the videos tab and was greeted with solely Total Drama content.

Elgan was on the show, gripping a microphone and holding it close to his face like a phallus, espousing his love of Cuba.

We suspect it will be edited out of the show, as they normally do when censoring the shows, but we will update the post if it’s left in. They did censor it, as linked in the update at the top of the article.

Man of God: Father Robert Ballecer Seemingly Admits Committing More Crimes

I said I may return for remarkable stories. I consider this to be remarkable. Thanks to the anonymous reader who sent in the tip.

Father Robert Ballecer
Fr. Robert Ballecer
This is the Total Drama series Man of God, in which we chronicle the exploits of one Father Robert Ballecer, aka Grimace in a Priest Costume, aka The Digital Jesuit, aka <PadreSJ>, aka FMCP. Please use our dvr and send in tips with examples of his very Christlike behavior.

Update: TWiT was so proud of FMCP’s admissions that they left them in the posted episode.

In the video above, you will witness Father Robert Ballecer seemingly admit to fraud, trespass, and violations of the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act.

This is not the first time he’s used the TWiT dot TV platform to announce possibly felonious activities.

I am not back “full time”. I will be here when needed. I also still have unreleased videos in “the vault”.

Leo Laporte Mistakes His Staff’s Incompetence for an Attack on TWiT’s Website

Video Link

Leo “worst engineering staff in the business” Laporte showed us all his “Engineering” chat during iOS Today. You can see the raw video above where he scrolls backward chronologically.

We have reproduced the chat in its entirety below.

Key Points

  • Look at Patrick’s contributions. He is a worthless sack of shit that waddles around the Shithouse with his hands on his hips. He provides literally zero assistance as Leo’s sole full-time “software developer” during this entire problem.
  • Bruce makes fun of the one-horse farm town Petaluma that Leo Laporte makes his employees move to so that they are stuck, like Jason Howell. It’s a great way to keep them there while paying them just enough to get by, but not enough to save up to move away.
  • Leo thinks it’s an attack by his “trolls,” but in reality, Bruce and Russell are just incompetent in setting up their load balancers.
  • Leo doesn’t use LastPass anymore. Screw Steve‘s recommendations, right Leo?
  • Russell Tammany is the only half-smart one who works for TWiT, and he doesn’t work for TWiT. He’s a contractor.

Sample screenshots from the video above are available below the chat transcript.

Chat Transcript

— Thursday, February 18, 2016 —
Bruce Chezem
heroku recommends CNAME at DNSimple among other providers

Russell Tammany
[hidden by sausage finger] sure if it was an attack or just amazon pulling away a load balancer, it could have been too much load against [hidden by sausage finger] elb though… do we have any really high traffic metrick from heroku right before?

Patrick Delahanty
[hidden by sausage finger] would be odd that our traffic was naturally high during our off hours.

Continue reading Leo Laporte Mistakes His Staff’s Incompetence for an Attack on TWiT’s Website

Father Robert Ballecer Dismisses TWiT’s Race Problem

Guest SubmissionThis submission was sent in by an anonymous contributor using our tip function. Please feel free to submit great posts like this one.

I am one of many African American TWiT viewers. Many people have brought up that TWiT has a problem, there are no black employees and may never have been any. And TWiT is not a small operation.

This lack of diversity is a common issue in many fields including some of the largest tech companies. Without diving into the socioeconomic causes and solutions or handing out blame, I do want to bring up something I find offensive. All minorities have issues regardless of which minority had it worse. But look at how Padre handles it:


These are a few bad examples but every time this issue comes up he refuses to admit the problem and instead talks about himself. (Being shot at for his race?) Why not address the problem instead of turning the problem on its head to protect TWiT?

Hilton A. Goring could not be reached for comment.
Hilton A. Goring could not be reached for comment.

TotalDrama used to do a joke about a black camera guy who was in the TWiT directory. That is of note because it shows that instead of caring about the issue, like Padre, they care about the perception of TWiT.

Can you imagine if Google answered this criticism by saying, “well, we have a lot of Indians and Jews.” Preposterous.

Leo Invites a Viewer to Buy a New Brick for the New Shithouse

Update: Alternate version at the bottom of the post.

Guest Submission

An anonymous chatter shared this video with us that he or she made.

During the TWiT aftershow, Leo Laporte floated the idea of selling new bricks to his remaining sycophants to cover the supposed $500,000 cost of moving that he “doesn’t have.”

It’s a bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off for him.

Alternate Version

As pointed out by a commenter, a second version was tweeted to the wonderful @LeoLaporteSucks. It appears to be by the same anonymous person.