Tag Archives: ElganAsshole

New TWiT Hires Announced

Many of us were franticly upset about the shows and staff being cut from TWiT. But fear not, showing a continued commitment to the fans and adhering to the “it’s not about the money” mantra, we have seen replacements already announced in the latest Inside TWiT post. So yes, we lost professionals like Sarah and Amber and the one gaming show bringing in young viewers but let’s see what we’ve gained, shall we.

Will Work for Food
Will Work for Food

Filling the void left by OMGCraft will be Pete. He comes to us from the steps of the Peteluma courthouse. Although not an expert in any particular video game, Pete assures us he will learn if given the sandwich promised by Laporte.  Knowing the miserly Laporte, we expect peanut butter or jelly but certainly not both, this is a business he is running after all.

Oh dear me
Oh dear me

The next next addition, in the mold of Sarah and Amber, is Sister Mary. Mary, like Father Robert, has taken a vow of poverty and should therefore fit like a glove into the TWiT budget. Look for Mary to host a show about the latest, hippest (nothing immodest) apps as well as co-host a program with dear friend Pete that is still under wraps.

Innocent I tell ya
Innocent I tell ya

Lastly we have Kurt. Kurt made a few wrong turns in his life but he assures us that his lawyer #£$%ed him and he is innocent. Considering the maximum allowable wage to pay an inmate (Kurt has three years remaining on a fifteen year stint) is state-mandated at $0.87 an hour, he may be just what the doctor ordered. The “K Man” will start out behind the camera.

Once the #CEHo has this new crop trained, we expect to see more professional broadcasters and editors sent on their merry way. The only quote our staff could get was from the incomparable News Director Mike Lgum, “some of these guys are already really really super better than me., it’s awesome” Finally some truth emerges.

Leo, Padre and Gum Offend Every Broadcaster

We have recently seen some of the most influential broadcasters of our time come out against the new TWiT. On a recent episode of Night Attack, internet megastars Justin Robert Young and Brian Brushwood seemed disturbed that Father Robert Ballecer of the Society of Jesuits, purposefully aired his show in their traditional Tuesday night time-slot. The 7:30PM time was open on every weekday on TWiT’s schedule. He chose Tuesday to defecate his show on the public as  a clear proclamation of where his allegiance lies.  He forsook his friends to please Leo n’ Lisa.

Sad but true.
The pious charlatan was trying to poach as many listeners away from the hilarious Night Attack duo as he could. Pilfering  an audience by putting his show directly up against the talented NSFW team proved a colossal error as the latest number shows his downloads to be in the single digits. The egomania of this man is eclipsed by only one other, Laporte  himself.

In that same week, Gitmo Nations’ media assassin  Adam Curry called out Elgum as a hack. Curry is a hero of many at #TotalDrama, and there was no mistaking that pronunciation. [El-Gûm]
What an honor. Press play below.

All were unavailable for comment, but sources close to the entertainers explained why the Elgum/Padre model is so offensive. It seems that every person who ever called himself a professional entertainer is visibly upset at both; the man who speaks in one monotonous tone, as well as the man whose voice rises and falls more times in a sentence than the CEHo’s undergarments in an afternoon.

When the #soupguzzler tells Lgum he can keep his writing gigs as long as he does a half hour daily show on his network for a whopping 20K a year, he offends every broadcaster. When #soupguzzler inserts the cost-free priest into the time slot of Brian and Justin he offends again. #Soup is essentially spitting in the face of everyone who ever held a microphone. He is telling every broadcaster that anyone can do your job. Tom Merritt, Brian Brushwood and Justin Robert Young, you have no talent in Leo’s eyes. He can replace you with a writer and a man whose main talent is taking the vow of poverty.

And you fans; the bare-ass of Leo is pointed directly at your face when you accept this garbage.

Sarah Silbert disrespected on the livestream by Mike Elgan

Noted tech journalist Sarah Silbert was disrespected the other day on the TWiT network livestream by host Mike Elgan. Silbert subsequently announced that she was leaving the technology press and some at #TotalDrama suspect that Mike Elgan’s abhorrent conduct may have been the last straw for her appearing on the TWiT network ever again.

Bless you Sarah, and we are sorry for your pain.

The video to the exact moment when Mike Elgan refers to “turd-flavored PopTarts” is below and is most likely the reason why Silbert is exiting her career.

Please tweet Sarah your condolences here: https://twitter.com/sarahsilbert