This site is unstoppable!
We take great pride in announcing that we will be winning the award below, from the popular Night Attack podcast. I am not sure if it is a good or bad award, but, it is one more award than Gum will ever win. You can vote by clicking the link below. Feel free to skip the other categories.
In a shocking shift of allegiances, long time technician Alex Gumpel has freed himself from the lapdog allegations with mucho gusto. In a recent seemingly benign post, the long coated youngster clearly stated his allegiance with the slim half of the iPad Today twosome. Asked for comment, he may have posed this question, “Have you seen the first three letters of my last name?”
As it has become his custom, Leo Laporte went to his chatroom to to vent. Early this morning he posted this:
05:18 <~Leo> shoow and JuRY spent an hour on Night Attack last week (while we were on vacation note) slamming me and Lisa
05:18 <~Leo> *shwood
05:19 <~Leo> It was particularly hurtful because we have bent over backwards to accomodate them, and I've never said a word against either
He’s referring to episode 31 of the Night Attack show. It is clear that he has not listened to the episode in question and that he probably got trolled by one of his minions, telling him how they were being “attacked” and “slammed”. Mr, Laporte then goes on to demand an apology:
05:21 <~Leo> and it was particularly hurtful to Lisa - they called her Yoko and other stuff
05:21 <~Leo> shwood seems to be getting a lot of mileage out of it and although we've written to him neither he nor JuRY has apologized.
The investigative team here at Total Drama managed to obtain what exactly it was that Mr. Laporte was writing. Here is his message to Brian Brushwood:
To Justin Robert Young he had similarly kind words:
You see how in the chatroom he pretends he was civilized and demanded an apology, while in fact he was spewing insults left and right without even knowing what he was talking about. But that has unfortunately become Mr. Laporte’s modus operandi.
But this is not where the insults stopped. No, Laporte went on to Twitter to tell his half a million followers that Brian Brushwood was “a drunk” and an “asshole” and that he was attacking him and his family. Those “attacks” never happened.
@PatTrudeau@shwood You tell me. What would you do if some drunk asshole insulted you and your family?
This just adds to mounting pile of evidence that Leo Laporte is one of the worst kinds of cyber bullies, using his great number of followers to spread lies and baseless accusations without bothering to check any of his facts. And if you point out this, you are being called a “troll” and he will send his army of minions against you.
For the internet to thrive, we need to find a way to stop bullies like Laporte from contaminating the public discourse.
There was a recent tweet, pictured below, that brought to light another example of the mismanagement of TWiT. When you see Laporte telling the host of a show (Sarah Lane) how much moneyhe sinks into her show it is wrong on so many levels. TWiT is not “old media” it is actually worse than old media. By the way, this maniac attributes the money spent on iPad Today to Sarah and the money earned to himself….And Laporte claims that two people at #TotalDrama are mentally ill?
The way a network should be run is a host/producer should have one job only. To make a good show. There are other people in charge of selling ads who are under Lisa, (albeit someone with zero sales experience.) They also should have one person responsible for media, social media, maybe placing an ad, maybe making sure they book hosts to appear on other podcasts, radio shows etc.
Instead, the duo that is incapable of taking any blame puts everything on the host. Why da heck should a host be responsible or even know what the rent is. If TWiT ran 60 shows a week the allocated rent to (ie) OMGCraft would obviously be less than it is if they run 25 shows a week. That is totally outside his realm and his show’s “cost” should have NOTHING to do with how many shows TWiT does. Instead, they make that a burden on hosts.
The sales department is grossly negligent as are other departments. If the Sopranos aired on TWiT it would have been cancelled. They really need some talented management there, this boat is sinking fast and more and more talent is leaving. Chad, if you make a good show and it gets tons of downloads on YouTube and does not get downloads from TWiT or have ads sold that is not your failing. That is management’s fault.
Leo also claims all the income from the website ads, the merchandise etc, that all goes in Leos column. Conversely, they meticulously attribute every cost to the shows. Why do they not do likewise with revenue.
All the shows that will live forever and earn money on YouTube, guess who gets that? YouTube revenue is miniscule, but they will end up with thousands and thousands of shows, a nice annuity to subsidize future soup purchases without giving a dime to the hosts. Nice scam soup, I think the cast of Giligan’s Island got a more talent friendly deal in 1964.
The network effect is a great thing and something Diamond Club needs to learn fast. There is a lot of benefit to everyone gained by teaming up. Hopefully <> will not suffer the same fate as one bone-idle-glutton.
Another investigation was launched recently by #TotalDrama’s dedicated staff. Ace reporter Richard Yes (me) released a blockbuster report back in August that predicted a scenario detailing how the end is near for TWiT, and Richard gave this eloquent prognostication:
When the lease comes due he [Leo Laporte] will not renew. He will broadcast the four big shows from his mansion and the employees will be cut loose. Lives will be ruined to maintain his extravagant lifestyle.
The readership of this site is aware that our hypotheses are always followed up. Unlike Elgum, we back up what we say. Hawk-eyed reporters and fans alike have had their eyes and ears open for clues, and the clues were harvested in record time:
1) In this article’s video, captured by crackerjack reporter Skieast, we saw a moment where Laporte gets sentimental about how he will “not be in the Brick-house forever. ” No Kidding
2) This #scoup, by Helloworld, detailed how the Brickhouse lease is indeed up and an increase is needed if TWiT LLC is to live out the expensive lease option. This shirt collar feels tight!
3) Another #scoup, by award winning journalist Helloworld, illuminated the inner mind of Laporte as he contemplates throwing out his current business model. Desperate times call for…
4) And an avid reader, we suspect is using a fictitious name, pointed out that calculations are being conjured up for the cost of each show to help determine which shows survive. Destroy a few lives, save a few bucks.
Click on the image for details —>.
5) Everyone watching has also noted the rapid weight gain is making it increasingly difficult for the man to walk to the studio. Although the parking lot is only a few steps away from the living room set, the long walk is clearly taking its toll on the man. The dream of being shaken awake to do an episode of Macbreak Weekly from his bed may be too hard to resist.
The conclusion of this official investigation (independently conducted) into the validity of the initial thesis by Richard Yes, finds the report both “credible and reliable.” You can take that to the bank.
The ratings continue to slide with TNT looking to fall out of the top 100 for the first time in three and a half years. Expect some major begging during the outros this week fans!
When asked for comment, the #soupguzzler had this to say:
“We could not be happier with the job Lgum has done. He has really raised the tenor of journalism here. TNT is a deep dive into the day’s news and not that fast-paced nonsense like the old TNT. Gum has become a real professional broadcaster and I am really very, very happy.”
The interviewer then realized that soup was actually asleep and repeating these words in his nightmare.
When asked for comment the Gum said the following:
“It’s astonishing how awesome TNT is. It is really, really super good. In a sec I’ll tell you why, but first I wanna give Chickenhead a waddup. You can reach me for more comments at my favorite technology company, Starbucks, where I will drink coffee from a cup with a sensor in it. Hey, waittaminute, you’re a troll and I am out of here.”
Gum ran away fast as heck but we caught up with the CEHo who was forthright as always:
“Ratings are way up [sic] and we expect to cut some costs anyways. Look for a few editors and hosts to be on the street this holiday season. [wink] Gotta get back to spreadsheets, the board in my office with shows on it and meetings with interns. You know I have to be out of the office today by 4:45, CEO work is hard.”
Jesus Christ, could you straighten the shot out, the table is completely crooked. Nothing is centered and everything looks ridiculous. It appears as if no one even moved the screens to even them out, one is behind the table and the other is floating outside the table. I get it, it’s about the content but could you please put in minimal effort? My mom would yell at me in high school if I left my room like that.
It’s not like the staff was rushed:
Recently, on what was described as “the most boring three hours of his life,” the Jiggling Juggernaut and #Soup Aficionado was forced to spend some downtime with colleague Mike Elgum. Food was served (obviously) and it was homemade by the TNT star himself—Mike Elgum. It’s interesting that the pizza party took place after this article was posted at #TotalDrama. But let us return to the matter at hand. Leo described the food later to fans as “awesome,” but that wasn’t good enough for the team here at #TotalDrama.
The team contacted world-renowned chef Wolfgang Puck and showed him Elgum’s lackluster doughy concoction. Puck also viewed the damning video of the hideous creation process. The response from the Master Chef could only be described as an angry tirade at the insult to Puck’s Italian heritage. The Italian culinary stallion’s rejoinder was too lengthy and too full of adult content to share here. After an emergency meeting of the #TotalDrama editorial board, it eventually was decided that a short summary would be released:
From [expletive] astart to [expletive] afinish, it was a [expletive] disagrace to everyone whoaever put on [expletive] baking agloves. I saw the [expletive] avideo and the [expletive] adough was prepared inexcusably. [spit] You do not [expletive] spin a de dough [expletive] five a inches above eh de head. You a needa to [expletive] spreada outta da dough and dat meana at leasta sixteen [expletive] inches. He’sa [expletive] pizza was a lumpy anda [expletive] full ofa uncooked a [expletive] dough. [spit] The oven wasa not[expletive] a hot enough and Pizza wasa too [expletive] far from a da [expletive] fire. The vegetables [expletive] were not a [expletive] precooked, only a [expletive] [expletive] moron thinks the vegetables [expletive] needa the same [expletive] exacto amount of cooking as a da [expletive] pizza.
Wolfgang went on to question Laporte’s claim of Italian ancestry, saying that Laporte seems “more French.” [Translated from Italian] “They like to make love with their faces in France and do not know the first thing about food.” The crew from #TotalDrama did not stop there. A team was dispatched to Elgum’s residence to taste the suspect pizza for themselves.
Posing as journalists from Thailand, sent to Petaluma researching a story on hard drive production, they maneuvered their way into the home and eventually were invited to partake of the infamous pizza pie. All of this was documented for the official record. Noted journalist and food critic HelloWorld said, “Uuuucccccchhhhhh! Barf…Oh God, [puke].”
Below is a favorite video I made detailing how a meal should be prepared as performed by characters from “My Little Pony.”
There you have it folks, another day, another lie.
Editorial Note: Sarah Lane was not available for comment.
Exposing The Dark Underbelly of TWiT, Leo Laporte, and Failed CEO Lisa Laporte