Tag Archives: lies

Leo Laporte Makes Shit Up for Ads and TWiT Constantly Shits on Its Sponsors

Thanks to an eagle eyed viewer/reader, we bring to you video proof, straight from the #soup’s mouth, of what we all know. #soup makes shit up and doesn’t care about the advertisers.

TWiT has long disrespected its advertisers, however. The editorial board here at Total Drama discussed this at our last meeting and we’ve had enough, so we decided to create a consolidated post to express our disappointment with the way TWiT disrespects its advertisers.

A former TWiT staffer (terminated without warning during the holidays by #soup) has provided us a current job listing on Craigslist for TWiT. They are anonymously hiring for a position using Craigslist instead of ZipRecruiter which they “LOOOOOOVVVVE” (Gum’s words). This ad will certainly be taken down soon after this post, so here’s what it looked like.

TWiT Craigslist Ad for Supervising Producer
TWiT Craigslist Ad for Supervising Producer originally at http://sfbay.craigslist.org/nby/tfr/4854675423.html

Here’s how TWiT co-host Katie Brenner disrespects sponsor NatureBox on air.

And here’s how TWiT host Tonya Hall disrespects sponsor ZipRecruiter on-air.

And here’s how TWiT’s TNT host Mike Elgan trashes sponsor PayPal on-air.

And here’s how Leo trashes previous sponsor Citrix ShareFile on-air.

And here’s Leo making fun of Rocket Mortgage by Quicken Loans.

And here’s Leo claiming on-air that Ring.com didn’t pay their bills.

So, if you choose to do business with TWiT as a sponsor, know what you’re getting into, and know that #soup loves to show his email on screen all the time, including the phone number of his soon-to-be stepchild (withheld because we are not monsters).

Leo's Inbox on Any Given Sunday
Leo’s Inbox on Any Given Sunday

Caveat emptor. You might be thrown under the bus next, and be assured, the humiliation will be televised.

Leo Laporte, master of spin

Leo gives Chad the big "fuck you."
Leo gives Chad the big “fuck you.”

In the post-show to “MacBreak Weekly,” Leo Laporte just responded to chatroom queries about the demise of Chad Johnson’s employment at TWiT as Chad’s opportunity to “take OMGCraft to the next level.” Leo then added that he “loves and supports Chad.” He then quickly went on to say that he hoped to make Chad an “off-site producer.” We here at #TotalDrama have no idea what that means; and we suspect that Leo doesn’t either.

One wonders if Leo would have told the suffering victims of Nagasaki after the Americans dropped the bomb on them, that this was their “opportunity to rebuild a great Japanese city.”

For Leo and Lisa, “positive” news turns out to be exactly not that.

Native Advertising

I don’t know, maybe it’s me?
It just seems like the personal testaments and promises are all lies. Mike is not making money with his android watch and El Padre doesn’t have people coming up to him needing ITCproTc or whatever that thing is. If you do a live-ad then just do an ad read. It is fine, we get it. But don’t make up stories to make it not an ad, just do the damn ad read.

Sequel Released to Blockbuster Documentary

This video premiered early this morning. I did not have a chance to view it, in its entirety, but it seems to be what was heralded from the get-go. If you do not have time to sit through the entire two hours of uncut lies, this is a highlight reel

Brony Con 2015 should be better than last year, hit me up if you need tix.

Even on Days Off, He Lies to Fans

Total-Drama-All-Stars-totalRecently, on what was described as “the most boring three hours of his life,” the Jiggling Juggernaut and #Soup Aficionado was forced to spend some downtime with colleague Mike Elgum.  Food was served (obviously) and it was homemade by the TNT star himself—Mike Elgum. It’s interesting that the pizza party took place after this article was posted at #TotalDrama. But let us return to the matter at hand. Leo described the food later to fans as “awesome,” but that wasn’t good enough for the team here at #TotalDrama.

Abomination by Elgum

The team contacted world-renowned chef Wolfgang Puck and showed him Elgum’s lackluster doughy concoction. Puck also viewed the damning video of the hideous creation process. The response from the Master Chef could only be described as an angry tirade at the insult to Puck’s Italian heritage. The Italian culinary stallion’s rejoinder was too lengthy and too full of adult content to share here. After an emergency meeting of the #TotalDrama editorial board, it eventually was decided that a short summary would be released:

Master Chef Wolfgang Puck
Master Chef Wolfgang Puck

From [expletive] astart to [expletive] afinish,  it was a [expletive] disagrace to everyone whoaever put on [expletive] baking agloves. I saw the [expletive]  avideo and the [expletive]  adough was prepared inexcusably. [spit] You do not [expletive] spin a de dough [expletive] five a inches above eh de head. You a needa to [expletive] spreada outta da dough and dat meana at leasta sixteen [expletive] inches. He’sa [expletive]  pizza was a lumpy anda [expletive] full ofa uncooked a [expletive] dough. [spit] The oven wasa not[expletive] a hot enough and Pizza wasa too [expletive] far from a da [expletive] fire. The vegetables [expletive] were not a [expletive] precooked, only a [expletive] [expletive] moron thinks the vegetables [expletive]  needa the same [expletive] exacto amount of cooking as a da [expletive] pizza.

Wolfgang went on to question Laporte’s claim of Italian ancestry, saying that Laporte seems “more French.” [Translated from Italian] “They like to make love with their faces in France and do not know the first thing about food.” The crew from #TotalDrama did not stop there. A team was dispatched to Elgum’s residence to taste the suspect pizza for themselves.

Phony recipe from a phony host
Phony recipe from a phony host

Posing as journalists from Thailand, sent to Petaluma researching a story on hard drive production, they maneuvered their way into the home and eventually were invited to partake of the infamous pizza pie. All of this was documented for the official record. Noted journalist and food critic HelloWorld said, “Uuuucccccchhhhhh! Barf…Oh God, [puke].”

Below is a favorite video I made detailing how a meal should be prepared as performed by characters from “My Little Pony.”

There you have it folks, another day, another lie.

Editorial Note: Sarah Lane was not available for comment.

TWiT Forced To Lower Ad Rates as Content Value Drops

A long-held thesis of #TotalDrama states that the quality of content at TWiT in general is sinking faster than TNT’s ratings. A new story has just emerged that gives credence to this very thesis. A stunning rise in the number of ads on the network has miraculously taken hold of TWiT. It is apparent on all shows—from the merely unwatchable to the fantastically brain-wrenching. Did the sales team do a good job? Has the content improved? Is Gum a hit?
I fucking doubt it.

Money talks when talent walks.
Money balks when quality walks.

An anonymous new tipster has alerted us that TWiT ad rates have been drastically reduced. Shit content will NOT get premium rates. It seems that in return for lowering the rates, TWiT head of sales/CEO/host/head of programming/reporter/bookkeeper/GF has asked for an increase in the quantity of ads to make up for the cash shortfall.  But therein lies the problem: The founder of TWiT has long promised that no more than one ad per half-hour segment would appear on any network program. A solution was quickly discovered—breaking yet another promise to the suck-up fans who remain loyal to the legendarily lazy lard-ass. Already today, two hour-long shows, the never-prepared-for “Triangulation” and the forever-unwatchable “Marketing Mavericks,” contained unbearably long ads that practically dominated the hour of “content.”

So what we are left with is a virtual admission that the content has indeed reached truly awful levels. This ad-stuffing maneuver is merely a short-term solution that guarantees no long-term success for the network. A network, it must be said, that should have been declared DOA in 2013. Only once the few sponsors that are hanging in there realize that they are being fleeced (and ask for similar decreases in their ad rates), will the CEHo have finally succeeded in scuttling this sinking ship of a network for good.

Anyone have a spare life preserver?

*update* A new, and as yet, unverified source is claiming that the ad rate drop strategy may have come from #soup and not the #CEHo. We are investigating.

TNT Stitcher Ratings Collapse

Elgum Does it Again
Elgum Does it Again, click image to see scope of loss.

The heralded gains in Stitcher ratings have proven short-lived. “Tech News Today” has been spewing countless plugs for people to double subscribe via the Breaking News Maven: Mike Elgum. However, the pitiful begging seems to have resulted in  the exact opposite effect. The intended spike has turned into a never-before-seen drop as the

Will a triangle desk help ratings?
Will a triangle desk help ratings?

ratings on Stitcher have plummeted to record lows. Not to worry TNT fans, they can always redo the desk or change Gum’s face from orange to lavender.

Delving Inside the Mind of a Madman

At first glance, the latest video of Captain Juno seems like a quick little recap of an uneventful episode of Inside TWiT. This could not be farther from the truth, it is a deep dive into how the mind of an unparalleled liar ticks.

This performance seemed truthful and full of unassailable facts. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you don’t know this fat man very well at all.

This man, like most humans is innately aware, since childhood, that telling lies is wrong. The mouth may lie but the body generally won’t and the mind will limit what it allows the mouth to do. Poker players are adept at reading body language for lies and it’s why Freudian slips occur. The first thing to note about this particular specimen is that he has two distinct types of lies, lies about the future and lies about the past.

Lies in Future Tense

These lies are easy to justify and are often classified as “promises.” This version has born such gems as, “if there’s a story in Thailand, he [Elgum] is gonna be in Thailand,” “we will fly all our hosts, who want to be here,  in for the New Years Eve Party and put them up,” “we definitely plan to do a show for cordcutters,” and all the tales of new shows and field reporting etc. The liar just needs to want to do these things and it is not a lie, because in his mind he does intend to do these things and the future is not certain. The mind will inject the word “want” in the statement on many occasions, even to the detriment of the liar’s intent to trick the listener.

Lies in Past Tense

These lies are harder to justify to the mind because, unlike the future, the past is  a certainty. To lie about past events, he uses three tricks; vagueness, liberal use of adjectives and exaggeration. Vague statements are where he excels. So when he fired Erik for an innocuous nothing he simply needed to say “he went off,” and “I can’t trust someone like that on the air.” These are subjective unquantifiable phrases and not lies. When he fired Tom, he said over and over “I couldn’t afford him.” How do you define this? If Tom asked for $15,000 a year (poverty level in the USA) in total, he could say that phrase and noimagest technically be lying. But what did the fan think when he heard the #soupguzzler say that? Probably that Tom asked for a huge raise. Liberal use of adjectives is common in TV land. “That show is a hit,” “he is knocking it out of the park” etc. In a court of law he would withstand any and all  perjury charges no matter how black his heart is. Adjectives, gotta love ’em. His notorious and classic lie, is really just an exaggeration to the tenth power. “Kevin Spacey is a great great friend and we have interviewed him many many times.” In actuality, Amber MacArthur has interviewed him and Spacey’s partner, Dana Brunetti, knows who Leo is and has appeared on Tom Merritt’s shows.. This masterpiece encompassed all three tricks.

August 20th, 2014

Here we have:

  • “The numbers are back up”
  • “Some shows do ninety thousand downloads”
  • “It’s doing quite well”
  • “Some shows are up 50%”
  • “There was originally a 25% dropoff but now it is back up”

To the studious ones we already see what he did. You can’t define “back up” or “quite well” and some of our shows do 90K downloads means one show did 90K, possibly the WWDC episode. But the last statement threw me for a loop. It genuinely seemed legitimate. The hand motion suggested he even had a chart of downloads. Now I am aware that about a month and a half prior he said [in chat] they were down 20% and are back up, but when I say legitimate for this man I judge with a different scale. A 5% (20% <-> 25%) discrepancy from now to then is trivial. Regardless, he seemed to like this particular statement.

I couldn’t sleep after this so I purchased a book on statistics.
liestatsFirstly, if the numbers were down 25% and subsequently they are up 50% that means an increase of ~25%?
No fucking way, these numbers do not not not jive. Not even with what was said in this same session that download numbers are back where they were.

Secondly, my hypothesis requires you to imagine two graphs. Both graphs fluctuate. The graph of current (Lgum) TNT downloads flutter from 30K-50K and the graph of downloads from the former (Merritt) TNT do the same but from 40K-80K. Well, in the mind of the deluded former mediocre star of cable TV, the 50K from 30K-50K is about the same as the 50K in 40K-80K. So the downloads are equal.

He consciously will not use words that denote precision such as (*math note* ‘average’ is actually a finite number) the “average” downloads, rather he adores dishing out numbers for “some” shows. I also noted that in his hand depiction (gesticulation) of the graph, his brain did not permit his hand drawn line to make it back up to where it started in the graph.
After thinking through this and re-watching the video over and over, it clicked and I fell into a deep peaceful sleep.

It is also good to know that when the brain tries to recall a fact, the eyeballs often drift to the upper left as you access the side of your brain where memory is located. When you think of a lie, your eyeballs drift right as you think creatively.  The lovely and talented Sarah Lane does an exaggerated look up to the sky when she recalls things on camera, for effect and it is kind of cute. Try looking up right and up left as you think for yourself, you can actually feel your brain differently.  *Note* The CEO is a sociopath, so this does not apply to her. She can look you in the eye and tell you the sky is as orange as our favorite TNT host.

Learn the game people, learn the game.