Tag Archives: Good Lord

Breaking News: Leo Laporte in disarray over schedule changes

Leo Laporte is expressing surprise and concern over recent TWiT schedule changes mandated by Lisa Kentzell. During the pre-show to “Security Now” Steve Gibson informs Leo that he’s looking forward to the new time slot and Leo looks up  with no clue that Lisa, his wife, CEHo and cock-gobbler-in-chief, has made a change to his schedule, ostensibly so Leo can “eat.”

Leo, in response to Steve’s questioning about why they made changes said, “I don’t care about people complaining. AT ALL.”

Captain Juno Issues Four Word Statement

For those who saw it live, it was a site to behold for all eternity. Yesterday’s Giz Wiz featuring #SoupGuzzler was a masterstroke. Kevin Spacey is a good friend, Elgan is a hit, dissing Sarah, Father Robert, employees are slaves, #CEHo math and on and on, the gems spewed from his mouth like manna from heaven. It was as if the bone-idle-glutton did a personal show for #TotalDrama. Immediately after the performance, I sent an email to Captain Juno to make sure he saw it. He returned a four word email before setting off on his mission.

“It was a cornucopia.”

Captain Juno sets off on his most important mission
Captain Juno sets off on his most important mission

Father Robert At It Again

The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. Once again, our favorite Father has attempted to stir up drama and get the few remaining fans in an uproar by teasing his precarious future at TWiT. The outpouring of concern did not come, as no one either noticed or cared.

Premium Content
Premium Content

How will losing the  inexpensive host affect TWiT? The preacher hosts four shows and is #soup’s vacation replacement. Hiring a full time employee with benefits will certainly be more expensive than the $5,000 – $10,000 annual donation made by TWiT LLC, to procure the full time services of the amateur impersonator of a 1920’s radio announcer. A solution was quickly devised by the finance committee at TWiT:

TWiET Make co-hosts the hosts: Cost $0
Coding 101: Replace with full-time engineer Patrick: Cost: $0
Know How: Host with full-timers OMGchad & Brian: Cost $0
Padre’s Corner: Cancel, no ratings or sponsors: Cost $0
#Soup replacement: Mike Elgum: Cost $0

Total net cost of replacing padre-$0
Chance of paying money to hire someone- 0%

Can You Care a Little Bit?

This shot scream, "I don't give a shit"
This shot screams, “I don’t give a shit!”

Jesus Christ, could you straighten the shot out, the table is completely crooked. Nothing is centered and everything looks ridiculous. It appears as if no one even moved the screens to even them out, one is behind the table and the other is floating outside the table. I get it, it’s about the content but could you please put in minimal effort?  My mom would yell at me in high school if I left my room like that.
It’s not like the staff was rushed:

For a list of other optical illusions, click here

And why do you need two coffee cups?

Balanced Reporting

Impartial #truth
Impartial #truth

We here at #TotalDrama take our responsibility as journalists very seriously. We do not take sides on issues and pride ourselves on our motto of “Just the Facts.” We recently received disturbing feedback from some fans that said our in-depth reporting on Father Robert Ballecer has made them question their faith.

The Subject of Debate, Plump PadreSJ

Our staff was called in for (yet another) emergency meeting and decided to deliver the following statement:  “Due to circumstances beyond our control, a large percentage of our reporting focused negatively on an individual associated with the Church. It was never our intent to affect peoples faith so we will attempt to rectify this matter.”

Perfect From Any Angle. Photo Courtesy of instagram.com/melody

In an effort to balance the lack of faith in a greater power we offer you a vision of something clearly celestial.  Five billion years of evolution is not enough time to craft this.
I present, God’s greatest achievement to date: Sarah Lane from the back. Trust me. You want to click this image.

Reporters reporting on other reporter’s reportings

bTyEB98TLThe TNT Way: Have a reporter on to talk about a story they’ve written. Fair enough. Not as good as having the actual newsmaker to tell their side of the story. But I’ll go along with it for now.

However, why would TNT host Mike Elgan have a reporter on to talk about what other reporters have reported? Is this like some kind of Inception joke? How about this: Engage in ORIGINAL REPORTING and broadcast it to your audience. This six degrees of separaton-style show is just not compelling enough to ever garner a real audience.