All posts by King Leo Laporte

Misc

John Slanina leaks TWiT’s new secret show “Hands on Tech”

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John Slanina, TWiT "Engineer"
John Slanina, TWiT “Engineer”

Proving there are no limits to his incompetence, John Slanina (aka JammerB, aka Table Rotation Artist, Studio ‘A’) demonstrated again on Saturday why TWiT still has the worst engineering team in the business.

If you have been following CEO Lisa Laporte’s Inside TWiT posts you would have read that TWiT plans to release a new show in early 2019 to pacify the dozens of fans who were upset with the cancellation of Know How, The New Screensavers, and This Week in Law.

While Lisa Laporte has stated that this show will incorporate reused content(™) from previous shows, more specific details about the new show has otherwise been sparse. Although one of our tipsters did find a few more ramblings on Google+…

Video of the big reveal is above. At this time we believe JammerB purposely leaked the contents of his GMail Inbox simply to get TotalDrama to ramp up excitement for this upcoming show. You may be an incompetent engineer but you’re a fucking PR genius.

Thank you to the anonymous chatroom member who tipped us off to this story. If you see anything else newsworthy please (1) visit our chat room, or (2) leave an anonymous comment below, or (3) submit a tip by clicking on “Feedback & Tips” to the right.

Click on picture to see JammerB’s leaked GMail Inbox.
Misc

TWiT’s Sponsor List Absolutely Gutted for 2019

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Problems are ramping up for everyone’s favorite tech network. We recently covered the story of three more TWiT shows being cancelled, and now it appears that TWiT has lost nearly 40% of its sponsors going into 2019.



Disgraced actor Kevin Spacey chimes in

A comparison of the Google cache from December 2018 to the current list for January 2019 shows that even more sponsors have decided to bail on the “netcast network“. We have been tracking sponsor exits for some time using the informative website boycott-twit.com, but this month the net losses are extremely troubling. Even Kevin Spacey (Leo Laporte’s good friend) was overheard saying (in Frank’s voice) “I thought I was fucked, but TWiT is royally fucked!“. Spacey then lifted a chalice and symbolically toasted Leo Laporte.

Henry Laporte settles into his new career

We at TotalDrama had high hopes that Hank Laporte’s nepotistic placement into the sales team would put TWiT on a better path, but not even the profound philosopher himself is going to be enough to save TWiT. The best he can do to secure his financial future is to begin taking hardware home at night and hope nobody notices.

So for now the 24/7 tech network pipe dream will continue. The past failures of ZDTV, TechTV and G4 will not deter Leo and Lisa Laporte. They are positive they can succeed where three other corporations have failed… three corporations that had access to unlimited capital at the time. We at TotalDrama don’t take pleasure in TWiT’s imminent demise. Most news agencies that only cover one company would have packed up half their shit by now, but we remain committed to seeing this out until the last employee is fired and the locks on the front door are changed.

Special thanks to the anonymous tipster who provided the photo of Leo Laporte riding his overpriced and obsolete Segway PT. If you see anything newsworthy please (1) visit our chat room, or (2) leave an anonymous comment below, or (3) submit a tip by clicking on “Feedback & Tips” to the right. Thank you for continuing to support independent journalism.

Misc

More TWiT Shows Put Out Of Their Misery (Merry Christmas edition)

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TotalDrama has received hundreds (if not thousands) of tips the past few days alerting us to the announcement that three more TWiT shows have been euthanized on the network (thank you tipsters)

Latest TWiT “underperforming shows”

We would like to send out our heartfelt condolences to Know How, This Week in Law, and The New Screen Savers for not being good enough for even TWiT’s most courageous sponsors. The cancellation of TNSS hits this writer particularly hard because it was segments like the UGM PC build that turned me into a savage die-hard TNSS fan.

You may recall we previously covered show cancellations in past articles Hurricane Lisa will not stop until TWiT is destroyed and the Francis Ford Crappola’s cinematic masterpiece In Memoriam 2: Remembering those we’ve lost at TWiT.. This time around CEO Lisa Laporte insists the cancelled shows are simply “on hiatus”. But we’ve seen those words used before with Marketing Mavericks. In a follow-up post Lisa Laporte advised us of new start times for the remaining Thursday and Friday shows. At this time TWiT is not merging all the remaining shows to Thursday and giving the slaves a second day off.

Suspicious TotalDrama employee “Steve”

It’s possible that these late-2018 cancellations are simply a stopgap measure to ensure there is adequate money for the 2019 Vacation Fund™. But several writers on the TotalDrama editorial team were not satisfied with this simplistic conclusion, insisting Occam’s razor did not apply in this case.

So staff took it upon themselves to spend days analyzing every show video looking for possible explanations. After crunching the numbers they came up with the following hypothesis:

And while we were finally able to reach Hilton Goring for comment after all these years, our fucking journalistic standards do not allow us to print what he said. But Hilton wanted to thank TotalDrama for giving his name enough Google juice to offset the institutional racism that exists in the video production every industry. You’re welcome! Say hi to Bigg Pwee for us.

From everyone at TotalDrama… Merry Christmas and Happy New Year… and stories will be coming more frequently in 2019.

Thanks go out to Johnny_Drama and the anonymous tipsters who provide a lot of the story leads for this website. If you see anything newsworthy please (1) visit our chat room, or (2) leave an anonymous comment below, or (3) submit a tip by clicking on “Feedback & Tips” to the right.

Misc

Megan Morrone Consents

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Update: It has come to our attention that Megan is a mom. Thank you to Jimmy Jam for the tip.

Megan Morrone is living two lives. In her private life she is an adamant supporter of women’s rights and would not put up with sexual harassment of any kind.

In fact I’m pretty sure she has participated in women’s marches holding up some poorly-spelled signs. And we know exactly what she thinks about the 45th President of the United States Donald Trump — he’s a piece of shit.

Most women in this world would adhere to one set of moral principles, but not Megan Morrone.

https://twitter.com/YourJoleen/status/971239487488647172

Megan Morrone is a walking enigma. When she arrives at work she leaves all her principles at the door. Over the years she has allowed Leo Laporte to sexually harass her on numerous occasions. Never once has she ever uttered the words “What you said is not appropriate” even though that would be a perfectly justifiable thing to say in these circumstances. When she does protest it’s always couched as a joke or expressed as a minor annoyance.

Megan Morrone continues to walk the hypocritical line between victim and enabler. She wants Leo Laporte to stop making lewd comments but then we see a sensationalist tweet from her about an IoT device humping another. She doesn’t understand that making sexual jokes like this will only further embolden Leo Laporte. Megan Morrone is a disgrace to all women and possibly retarded. How could a woman this paradoxical be responsible for shaping the minds of three children?!

Karin P. Beam, two-bit incompetent strip mall lawyer.

We at TotalDrama have spent several years meticulously documenting everything Megan Morrone,  Colleen Goldstein or any other woman working at TWiT would need to launch and successfully prevail in a sexual harassment lawsuit. Not even a two-bit incompetent strip mall lawyer would lose that case.

Megan has two options, quit and sue for sexual harassment, or continue putting up with Leo Laporte’s lascivious behavior. Either way Megan Morrone is getting fucked.

Special thanks to the chatroom member who provided the 3D VFX clip which was the inspiration for the movie trailer. TotalDrama apologizes for the length of time between posts. If you have any ideas for an article we encourage you to leave an anonymous comment below or submit a tip.

Misc

Leo Laporte: Racist for Life

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Leo Laporte’s “Gradient” of Blackness (IEEE 205-2001)

In what can only be considered an early Christmas present, Leo Laporte had the opportunity to double down on racism this week when both Owen JJ Stone (Patreon link) and Ant Pruitt (Patreon link) appeared on the number one racist show on the TWiT network, This Week In Tech.

Hilton Goring could not be reached for comment

Leo Laporte has made an illustrious career of spewing casual racist remarks. If there was a Pulitzer prize for racism, Leo Laporte would have won 10 of them by now. Some of Leo’s highlights include:

Self-explanatory

Well as luck would have it, there were 2 “nigras” on Skype this week so Leo Laporte simply couldn’t resist this amazing opportunity to say more racist shit and try to pass it off as a joke. Leo Laporte’s #1 bootlicker Mike_B must have taken the night off as there seemed to be nobody trying to stop him this time. Video is above, you ungrateful bastards.

Misc

I Say Spit… You Say Semen

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Leo Laporte apologizes again

Megan Morrone continues to be on the receiving end of Leo Laporte’s sick perverted mind. From the time he offered to smear shit on her face  — to the time he suggested her underage daughter should practice milking cows because it will be a “very useful skill” going forward. There was also the time he ridiculed her in front of others by commanding her to speak.

Lisa Laporte’s blind eye

We’re completely dumbfounded how this continues to happen at a company which is run by a woman who regularly champions her female employees — but then turns a blind eye to this sort of disgusting behavior.

Original working title of Russ Pitt’s e-book

The latest incident happened on last Saturday’s The New Screensavers. TechTV employee #1 (and major creeper) Russ Pitts skyped in to plug his new e-book Eagle Semen. The title must have sent Leo Laporte’s mind into a perverted spit-swallow frenzy because he proceeded to dish out more improper sexual innuendo at Megan Morrone.

Artist rendering of #twitlive coward Mike_B

Even Leo Laporte’s chief sycophant and Tech Guy chatroom braintrust Mike_B was quick to speak out saying “Leo: People record these and put them on bad web sites”.  Amazing… Mike_B chose not to admonish the behavior but instead to warn him. This guy deserves cancer.

Part of me wants to remain sympathetic to Megan Morrone. But why this woman has not consulted with an employment lawyer or simply found another job is baffling. There is literally an employment lawyer within a 3-minute walk from the shoebox studios. I hate to be the one that says this but maybe the mortgage has nothing to do with this… Megan Morrone secretly wants this to continue.

Misc

BREAKING: TWiT has lost its case against Twitter

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https://youtu.be/aT0KOgL6haI

Re-enactment of press corps reaction

We are receiving reports from the United States District Court that TWiT was unsuccessful at extorting millions of dollars from Twitter in the trademark infringement case of the century — previously covered (1) here, (2) here and (3) here.

We could not reach Leo Laporte (or Hilton Goring) for comment, but we were able to secure the following video from a random German media outlet (above).

Actual Courtroom Audio

Audio of Judge lambasting and laughing at TWiT’s lawyer

UPDATE: TotalDrama has received the official ruling below:

TWiT, LLC vs. Twitter Inc. – Case Dismissal

If you have any ideas for an article (like who Leo is frivilously suing next) we encourage you to visit our chatroom, leave an anonymous comment below or submit a tip.  A big thank you to our intrepid court reporter who was forced to listen to endless hours of TWiT pleading its case in court without being able to openly laugh his ass off.

Misc

Leo Laporte suspects people don’t like him

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In a striking development it appears Leo Laporte wasn’t the most revered employee at ZDTV/TechTV after all… what the fuck?

Random TechTV janitor is upset he was not asked to send in a video tribute

During The New Screensavers “show prep”, he asked Emmy award-winning producer Jerry Wagley (wow times must be tough) how many of his ex-coworkers were contacted to submit a video tribute for the 20th Anniversary TechTV segment.

Surely the people that worked every day around this amazing man would have some good memories of those times, right?

Apart from the usual suspects who are still trapped or enslaved, and the guy who was behind operation suck TWiT dry, it was pretty much the ghost town you expected. Video is above.

The animosity towards Leo Laporte was also confirmed when nobody told him (not even his own staff!) that TechTV was throwing a 20th Anniversary party in San Francisco. How is it possible that the beloved king of TechTV was not made aware of this? The event had been advertised on Facebook which we all know Leo has quit (numerous times), but it’s completely unknown at this time why nobody mentioned this to the captain himself, the man who was at the helm of TechTV until the time it hit the proverbial iceberg.

Thank you to the chatters in our chat room for providing much of the source materials used in this article. If you have any ideas for an article we encourage you to leave an anonymous comment below or submit a tip.

Misc

Leo Laporte blames all crime on Blacks and Hispanics

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Click on image for full poster. Viewer discretion is advised.

Leo Laporte has made an illustrious career of being a subtle and not-so-subtle racist — from the time he couldn’t tell asians apart — to the time he said all black people looked the same.

There was also that time he used a racist slur to describe Florence Ion (@Ohthatflo), not just once but twice. If there was a special league for racists, Leo Laporte would be batting a thousand and be the team MVP by now.

Petaluma demographics/crime piechart (2016 data)

But Leo Laporte isn’t happy with merely being the top racist in Petaluma (where he moved to to escape minorities) — he clearly has bigger aspirations. On this past Sunday’s This Week in Tech Leo Laporte decided to show his further disdain for blacks and hispanics.

Leo Laporte seen here building energy so he can spew racist remarks.

When given the opportunity to explain why Japan has a low crime rate, he surmised it might be related to its homogeneous population and history of public shaming. An intelligent racist would have stopped there. What came from his diseased mouth next was completely disgusting, but it came as no shock to regular viewers of this network.

We’ll give Leo Laporte the benefit of the doubt that he simply “forgot” to mention that white people also commit crimes. Yeas™Leo Laporte is definitely not a racist /s.

Thank you to the user thoughtpolyp who notified us about this incident in the comment section of our last article #fistbump. If you see anything newsworthy please (1) visit our chat room, or (2) leave an anonymous comment below, or (3) submit a tip by clicking on “Feedback & Tips” to the right.

Misc

Leo Laporte mocks radio show caller

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TWiT fan VIP area

It’s no secret that Leo Laporte treats his fans like absolute shit and is never grateful for their support.  Everyone remembers the bricks debacle, the time he said people in the chatroom had no lives, and the time he embarrassed them by saying they only watched the livestream because they had nothing better to do. Classy.

Typical radio show caller (probably from California)

It was only a matter of time before he set his sights on one of his callers from The Tech Guy radio show. After receiving two weird calls in a row (what are the chances?!) he decided to visually mock the third caller whose only crime was that he rambled on a bit. Leo Laporte could have been respectful and listened to the question in full. Alternatively he could have politely interrupted the caller to get him back on track.

Actor demonstrating what proper disdain looks like

But what Leo Laporte ended up doing was one of the most disrespectful things you can do to someone who can’t see you. Many of you probably remember the time he also did this to Steve Gibson on Security Now. This level of contempt is fucking shameful. Leo Laporte has completely run out his usefulness on this planet and needs to retire.

If you have any ideas for an article we encourage you to leave an anonymous comment below or submit a tip. Thanks go out to TWiT for letting us borrow Hilton Goring so he could shoot the VFX portion of the video above.