All posts by HelloWorld

Head comedy writer and fan of Mark Milian

Merry Christmas from Total Drama

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Look at this fat fuck and his skanky wife. Yech!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from your friends at the editorial board at Total Drama!

We’re not sure yet what the schedule of posts will be in the coming days, but we wanted to leave you with this beautiful reminder of the love between a fatass diabetes patient and his bitch bride, the home-wrecking cunt of a nightmare: the ever-amazing Leo ‘n’ Lisa Laporte.

May their shitty personalities forever light your world in the New Year and beyond.

Passive-aggressive mean girl Denise Howell forced to wear TWiT fez

Denise Howell wears that ugly TWiT fez over her wig.
Denise Howell wears that ugly TWiT fez over her wig.

Legendary bitchy TWiT contributor Denise Howell (hostess of “This Week in Law”) has been sent a year-end “bonus” by Leo ’n’ Lisa: The ugly TWiT fez. Denise was forced to wear the gift that is essentially just a branding opportunity for the shitty TWiT company disguised as something nice for the hosts. (Total Drama tried for nearly 14 minutes to get a better screen capture than the one above, but Denise kept fluttering her eyes like a French whore so often, that it was impossible to get a more flattering pose.)

Wearing zero makeup with a dirty sweatshirt sitting in her outdated middle-class kitchen at home, Denise Howell appears uncomfortable and barely able to contain the subtext of rage that bubbles under the surface as she wears the ugly hat over her wig.

Hey, Denise: Next time you decide to bring out that ice-cold bitch stare, make sure that you actually have some real-world work experience to back up that rude attitude. Nobody wants to hire an attorney who doesn’t even have a real office.

Father Robert Ballecer thinks that raping women is funny

Father Robert Ballecer, Man of God
Fr. Robert Ballecer, Man of God

Just in time for Christmas, this delightful video comes to light of Jesuit priest (and supposed man of God) Father Robert Ballecer laughing at rape jokes about women—in particular the “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” song. Watch the video to see just how far the Fat Mexican Clown Priest takes this concept and gleefully chuckles at the real-life horror that millions of women worldwide have suffered throughout the centuries.

The editorial board at Total Drama does not think rape is funny and only shares this with you so that you may know the true depths to which Father Robert Ballecer has sunk. It’s one thing for the fatass Leo Laporte to lie down with pigs, but it’s entirely inappropriate and disgusting for a Jesuit priest who lives with children to deal in this type of filth. This video is provided as a public service in case any of our readers would like to reach out to the Jesuits and see if Father Robert Ballecer can be fired for his lighthearted attitude toward rape or at the very least prevent him from ever being near children again.

Mallory Ortberg sets back female tech reporters with her filthy mouth

Update 2: Mallory has parlayed her rude manners and denial of service attack on this website into an invitation to a real show (i.e. not TWiT). We guess bad manners and setting women back worked out well for her.

Update 1: Mallory is not taking this seriously and is displaying immature behavior congruent with her language on TWiT’s live stream.

Video of the Incident

Female tech reporter Mallory Ortberg thinks it’s fine to be unprofessional and curse on the family-friendly TWiT network’s program “Tech News Today” with Megan Morrone. One has to wonder why she has chosen to set women tech reporters back with her unladylike and frankly filthy language.

It’s not lost on the editorial board at Total Drama that Mallory has basically chosen to hide in the darkness of her basement like a troll. We’re not sure if it’s because she’s trying to hide her fat in the shadows, or if she truly believes that she can just curse and cuss her way through her appearance if she thinks we can’t see her. Either way, she’s a disgrace to women in tech.

Megan thinks this is funny.
Megan thinks this is funny.

I mean, it’s one thing to be a douche like Andrew Keen when he unleashed a barrage of “F” bombs to sink the Royal Navy, but we expect that jerk to be a real piece of work. A sweet (albeit dog-ugly) broad like Mallory, however, is a completely different story and she is indeed quite shocking in her vulgarity.

Doesn’t she know how hard women in tech work to not be viewed as unprofessional posers? Thanks a lot, Mallory, you have set the cause back quite a ways with this childlike stunt and you have possibly forever damaged Megan Morrone’s chances of being taken seriously as a woman anchoring one of TWiT’s signature programs. Megan can barely contain herself as Mallory dirties up the show with her salty language; this coming mere days after male host Mike Elgan was fired as host of TNT.

Looks like it will be quite a while longer until women are looked upon with any amount of regard until they can clean up their acts. Tweet Mallory to let her know that we’re on to her little game and she shouldn’t be allowed to drag female tech reporters down into the pig trough with her.

Christina Warren gets her fuckin’ cunty bra all twisted up over SNL sketch

Christina Warren probably thinks this sketch was about her. Well, honey, it wasn't so shut the fuck up.
Christina Warren probably thinks this sketch was about her. Well, honey, it wasn’t so shut the fuck up.

Christina Warren, infamous greasy-haired cunt, is all up in arms about an insightful “Saturday Night Live” sketch that ran this weekend featuring a ditzy tech reporter. Ring a bell, Christina?

We think the lady reporter doth protest too much. Or maybe it’s because Christina just can’t admit that women aren’t funny. Either way, she sucks. Be sure to read the comments section under her article at Mashable; she’s takin’ it on the chin. Read her horrible story here.

Here’s one example of the critical comments on her article that Christina Warren has decided to take to Twitter and rail against:

I think Tech Reporters in general are the worst reporters and it feels like they are the bottom of the class at journalism school, if they went to journalism school. There is so much vocal fry and up-speak it is comical. So to me, this was a way to address 1/2 the problem. They probably noticed a lot of the female reporters are super cute. The men have their own issues. As an example, the recent Yahoo story. Absolutely no one in tech will check sources, nor add a thought to a story. They just regurgitate every other story. The whole industry is about clicks. Look at what Mashable has become. The tech press is awful, besides The Information and Kara Swisher. Zero reporters did research about the Hoax Clock Kid. The main stream press found out about his sister. There was only first reaction outrage from tech blogs. There is a reason the industry is dominated by blogs and not publications. Why did they pick on women? That was a comedy angle to make a joke that they were not real reporters. Another joke could have worked too but that was their comic license.

It really is worth the time to read the Twitter conversation between Christina Warren and Joanna Stern; they touch on everything from lesbian reporters to how “dreamy” Ryan Gosling is. It’s both sad and hilarious to witness these two ditzy broads carry on completely unaware of their hypocrisy.

Patrick Norton looks like total shit

Patrick Norton looks like hell. Nice runny nose, Patrick.
Patrick Norton looks like hell. Nice runny nose, Patrick.

Patrick Norton looks like total shit. Check out the screen grab from his most-recent solo performance on “This Week in Computer Hardware.” Sans Ryan Shrout, the ever-runny-nosed Norton was fumbling about like a wino searching for his bottle (and looked even worse). Perhaps Patrick is an alcoholic? He at least should hope for any kind of excuse for those blood-red eyes, otherwise he should probably get looked at by a brain-tumor specialist.

Anyway, why does Leo continue to support this loser? Patrick’s heyday was so long ago that we at Total Drama don’t even remember why he’s even marginally famous in the tech community.

It’s time for this barely-employed fuck to shuffle on outta here. Leo likes to make fun of some members of the editorial board here at Total Drama for “living in our basements” but take a look at the above picture and tell us who’s living in a basement. Hint: It’s none of us.

There will be no police report because Father Robert Ballecer is a liar

Father Robert Ballecer is a liar. He lies about all sort of things.

Yesterday, Father Robert Ballecer, a Man of God, lied about his mother’s cellphone being stolen from a hospital. He even tweeted about it:

But we don’t have to even wonder for one second if Father Robert Ballecer is lying about this. We know he is. Do you want to know why we know that Father Robert Ballecer is lying about this? Here’s why: There will be no police report. Normally, a police report would be filed in such a case, a clear case of theft from a woman lying in a hospital. A clear cut case that would—as a matter of course—be both the domain of the hospital and local law enforcement. But instead of availing himself and his family of those services, Father Robert Ballecer chose to take to Twitter. He took to Twitter to lie; to lie about his mother’s “stolen” cellphone.

Father Robert Ballecer is a liar. There is no police report. There will never be a police report. Because at least Father Robert Ballecer knows enough to not lie to the police. But he will lie to Twitter.

Harry McCracken’s weird Filipino wife has been hired by TWiT

Marie Domingo is the mail-order bride of bizarre tech writer Harry McCracken.
Marie Domingo is the mail-order bride of bizarre tech writer Harry McCracken.

Marie Domingo, the weird Filipino mail-order bride of the pervert Harry McCracken, has been hired at TWiT. The wide-faced immigrant is now listed as a “producer” working on two shows.

The editorial board at Total Drama is highly skeptical of this “diversity hire” because it’s obvious that hardly any TWiT show is actually produced. How much production value and prep is needed when the host just waddles in late and starts hawking doorbells and mattresses?

Harry holds onto his wife so she can't escape
Harry and Marie…which one is fatter?

Although we wish Marie well, we have no faith in her abilities whatsoever. Nobody of any talent, drive or determination ends up in Petaluma—it’s too far from the successful people who live and work in San Francisco. Petaluma is where losers come to die.

The most important thing to remember during this time when TWiT is trying to fake us out with “people of color” on their staff lists, is that it has been over two years since a black woman appeared on any TWiT show; possibly due to the fact that Megan Morrone is a racist.

TNT co-host Joe Panettieri is missing in action

Joe Panettieri has been MIA from TNT for weeks now.
Joe Panettieri has been MIA from TNT for weeks now.

“Tech News Today” co-host and beloved #CokeRage, Joe Panettieri, has been dumped from the network. The AfterNines (whatever that is) founder has been MIA for weeks now.

Please join the editorial board at Total Drama in our concern that a longtime TNT contributor would just be fucking thrown out like a fucking bum with NO word from host Mike Elgan (Marc Elgum). So this is the best that they can do over there? Just use and abuse good and decent people?

Joe has been cleansed from the People pages on the official TWiT website.


Tweet Joe and let him know that you demand answers. Long Live #PrisonPussy (so named for his signature goatee also called a “prison pussy” in street slang for its resemblance to the hairy mouthpussy as used in penitentiaries across the country for oral entertainment between inmates).

No word yet if Joe left because of Megan Morrone’s racism.