This video premiered early this morning. I did not have a chance to view it, in its entirety, but it seems to be what was heralded from the get-go. If you do not have time to sit through the entire two hours of uncut lies, this is a highlight reel
Brony Con 2015 should be better than last year, hit me up if you need tix.
— Robert Ballecer, SJ (@padresj) September 3, 2014
The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. Once again, our favorite Father has attempted to stir up drama and get the few remaining fans in an uproar by teasing his precarious future at TWiT. The outpouring of concern did not come, as no one either noticed or cared.
How will losing the inexpensive host affect TWiT? The preacher hosts four shows and is #soup’s vacation replacement. Hiring a full time employee with benefits will certainly be more expensive than the $5,000 – $10,000 annual donation made by TWiT LLC, to procure the full time services of the amateur impersonator of a 1920’s radio announcer. A solution was quickly devised by the finance committee at TWiT:
TWiET Make co-hosts the hosts: Cost $0
Coding 101: Replace with full-time engineer Patrick: Cost: $0
Know How: Host with full-timers OMGchad & Brian: Cost $0
Padre’s Corner: Cancel, no ratings or sponsors: Cost $0
#Soup replacement: Mike Elgum: Cost $0
Total net cost of replacing padre-$0
Chance of paying money to hire someone- 0%
In an earth-shattering development that will be a shock to avid Andy Ihnatko fans everywhere (which we definitely are here at #TotalDrama), the usually be-hatted Mac Fan was spotted on the livestream sans chapeau.
Andy’s appearances on the TWiT network is always a welcome occurrence, but we’re not quite sure yet what to make of seeing his complete forehead.
Leave your thoughts in the comments below and we’ll pass the best of those on to Mr. Ihnatko.
Many of the kids out there are dreaming of one day becoming a Gumbot. But..it’s hard to know where to start. We at #TotalDrama care about the kids so we put this guide together:
- Always speak in one tone and never show any inflection in your voice
- Make jokes nobody gets, are not funny and make no sense to anyone but Joe Panetierri
- Always wear black high crew neck undershirts. If they come in style just switch to white or try a V-neck
- Pre Show interaction with fans should consist of saying “Whaddup chickenhead”
- Post Show interaction with fans should last for no more than 20 seconds after picking a title
- Segue into every ad read with: ……In a sec …..but first
- Never say ‘a lot’ or ‘many’ you will say bazilion or gazillion
- Never say ‘funny’ you will say ‘hilarious,’
- Start every new thought with; “well”
- Use only the following six adjectives: Astonishing, Awesome, Important, Creepy, Scary and Cool, If you need more you can amend like so:
1.Really (ie) Awesome
2.Really really (ie) Awesome
3.Super (ie) Awesome
- Call people by their first and last name; Good morning Jason Howell. What do you think Don Reisinger?
- Go on for 5 to 10 minutes with any thought and allow guests to do likewise, babel away, do not get to the point
- The proper amount of time to spend on a dumb theory of yours is 20 minutes per half hour
- The show length is irrelevant. Listeners will adjust their commutes, you’re an important news man.
- Any press release from Google Inc. related to G+ or Google Glass, is a lead story
- App updates in IOS are a #scoup
- Ask bloggers how to run major corporations and countries regardless of their education or intelligence
- Disparage Supreme Court Justices, CEOs and heads of state as “not knowing what they are doing”
- Drum dat table