Something is rotten in Petaluma. An eagle-eared IRC commenter noticed that Leo may have a motive for his crap website. There is a suspected plot that has been offered up for review: It seems a certain pot-bellied, overly-sleepy, article-reading slob may have a reason for asking for people to get the API key and develop, develop, develop.
What does he have in mind? What doesn’t his audience have? It seems kinda weird to want all these mobile applications and websites with redundant purposes. Could he be looking for someone to program applications to auto-download all his podcasts? Maybe that is where the mass exodus of Mods went? They code? This is easier money than making good shows!
Fret not, drama people. We may have an API key and are possibly developing an app that downloads the episodes to a server of our own that you can re-download. The #guzzler won’t get to chow down on those extra-large buckets of #soup. We may even have a way to reverse the download numbers thereby effectively shoving the podcast back up Leo’s ass.
It’s happening again. Leo “The Scammer” Laporte is pondering something so vile, so unthinkable as to charge for access to his lame chatroom. #Soup wants to charge you $1/yr to $1/mo for the privilege of giving him answers on “The Tech Guy” (he never knows anything himself) and correcting his idiocy on other shows on the network.
#Soup used to hate Jason Calacanis, evidenced by multiple instances of berating Calacanis on-air for daring to podcast as a “competitor” to Leo. Calacanis responded, and the two basically never spoke again, as far as we know.
Calacanis’ podcast network sucked and shut down, and we guess he kissed Leo’s ring to get back in front of some eyeballs. During the pre-show of the May 3, 2015 “This Week In Tech”, Jason Calacanis had an awesome suggestion for Leo: Charge for the chat room to get rid of the trolls.
Here’s the video of Jason Calacanis calling us a gay fish
And Leo’s encouragement
We suggest everyone join the TWiT Live Chat and let Leo and the other mods know what they think of the proposition. We will never charge for the Total Drama Live Chat and we don’t censor your speech (in case you wanted to say something similar to “Leo Laporte looks like a rotten prune version of the bug from Men in Black” or something similar) or say that you eat fish sticks (you do though).
It is no surprise to us here at TotalDrama that the soiled panties of Lisa Kentzell frequently combust as a result of her and Leo Laporte’s incessant fabrications, fibbing and fantastical falsifications.
If it were not for TotalDrama’s crack team of in-house forensic accountants (equipped with Asbestos gloves, fire hydrants, and fresh air breathing apparatus) the viability of TWiT might never have been called into question. But that is where we must now look. It is quite possible that our investigation will need to be followed up on by more capable, shall we say, federal hands than ours after Laporte’s bold—albeit questionable revelation—that the New Year’s Eve show cost him $100,000 for a mere 23 hours of broadcasting.
So let us now allow the facts to take us on a journey of #truth: This purported number equates to $4,347 an hour—assuming that all the staff, contributors and volunteers worked with no pay on this “noble, non-profit” charity event.
This outrageously-inflated figure gives us an indication of the running cost (less wages, taxes, benefits, personal expenses, employee medical insurance, Catholic Church and Ecclesiastical Sinners Confession fees, alleged greasing of Petaluma palms, and various soup concoctions, snacks and nut bills) of the Brickhouse in the region of $9 Million per annum (40 hours of show per week @ $4,347 per hour x 52 weeks.) If we factor in all the other running and miscellaneous costs, we can conservatively estimate the net revenue of TWiT to be circa $1 Billion per year.
This is, of course, complete speculation. But TotalDrama and the general public are no longer allowed to question the University of Phoenix-undistinguished-First Class-#1-gold-digger alumna. And the financials of TWiT remain shrouded in mystery…even on the rare episodes of the formerly-weekly “Inside TWiT” show. We are therefore deprived of her prodigious accounting acumen. This is a shame. Because what we are left with is the unsatisfying stink of speculation, in which the editorial board of TotalDrama is loathe to engage.
For clarity and transparency, we here at TotalDrama (proud members of a free and unfettered press) have one simple demand at this time of Ms. Kentzell: Open the books! Let the public peek behind the curtain so you can prove that the New Year’s Eve charity broadcast for UNICEF was not just a #scam. And to let the cold light of day cast aside any thoughts that the whole sleazy enterprise was not just an exercise in tax evasion; which many now believe it to be. The choice is yours, Kentzell!
A great con was pulled off before our eyes this past New Years Eve. Perhaps greater than the scheme invented by Charles Ponzi himself in 1922. What made this hoax so amazing was that there was no sleight of hand, distraction, hypnosis, distortion or decoy. Leo Laporte needed only to rely on the fact that his audience is a brainless bunch of bafoons. His cohort in this caper was none other than the The Part Time Professor. @ProfJeffJarvis
Calm yourself, I am not saying he tricked people into donating. I could not care less if he did. UNICEF makes 3.5 billion a year, no one cares about twit there.
The con was simple. Get the donation total to reach some milestone amount and Jeff Jarvis’ beard would be shaved. The amazing thing, that no one seemed to notice was………. Jeff Jarvis had no beard. Leo’s audience is now officially pronounced brain dead. I say again people, the emperor has no clothes. Myself and a few others were watching this hoopla as if we were living in a world of drones. They went on and on about shaving his beard of 42 years and no one thought it relevant that he had no beard? Has the world gone mad? Was it a joke I was not in on? Leo is way too detached from the truth, there is no line between fact and fiction in his subconscious anymore.
Oh I almost forgot to mention, on a sad note, Leo may have passed away. Our staff will be looking into it as soon as we finish lunch. Allegedly his last words were “a wedding soup please.”
The heralded gains in Stitcher ratings have proven short-lived. “Tech News Today” has been spewing countless plugs for people to double subscribe via the Breaking News Maven: Mike Elgum. However, the pitiful begging seems to have resulted in the exact opposite effect. The intended spike has turned into a never-before-seen drop as the
ratings on Stitcher have plummeted to record lows. Not to worry TNT fans, they can always redo the desk or change Gum’s face from orange to lavender.
Exposing The Dark Underbelly of TWiT, Leo Laporte, and Failed CEO Lisa Laporte