Tag Archives: lies

The End is Near

A TWiT Fan in 2015

The end of TWiT is near, but how long is left? We all struggle to know fact from fiction when our main source of information is a pathological liar. Weeding our way through the web of deceit to get to the truth is what we are about here at #TotalDrama, so I shall pick up the gauntlet.

The murkiest of all the lies, center on the state of TWiT finances. Every single show the #soupguzzler does not host is losing money? TNT ratings are back at the level they were in 2013?  TWiT has been growing 10 percent a year? Ninety percent of record revenue is from #soup’s shows? How can we possibly be expected to believe any of this?

What Do I Believe?

Sold Out Show Ham Nation (not #1 with Tweens)
Sold Out Show “Ham Nation” (not #1 with Tweens).

Information is available to the diligent. We can all look at the YouTube numbers and see there is a direct correlation between YT views and downloads. We also see the ads—how many, how often and from whom. The lease on the studio is up on March 31, 2015. The young talent has fled. Leo is 57 years old. From all this, much can be deduced.

TWiT is in Serious Trouble

Let’s begin our examination: Back in 2013, “Tech News Today” generated the most revenue for the network. It was on five days a week and always ran three ads. Yes, it was an expensive program. But all the show hosts worked on other TWiT programs, to which their wages should be allocated. The daily show, in turn, anchored the live views. There was an amazing synergy between TWiT and other internet personalities, networks and publications. “iPad Today” and “All About Android” were new shows—and they were hits. Suckers were found in abundance to buy the crap T-shirts they hocked every week. Live viewership grew everyday. The Fatman was happy at what he saw and said, “It was good what I made.”

New Year, New Problems

2014? The drop in live views is palpable. The bans and kicks have taken their toll on the chatroom. Sub-par hosts like the soulless Mike Elgum and the Hawaiian Priest with an unnatural affinity for performing in a 1920’s radio voice, dominate the programing. We have not seen some of the biggest and brightest stars on the network at all in 2014. The list is long: Veronica Belmont, Scott Johnson, Justin Young, Nilay Patel, Molly Wood, Shira Lazar, Ijustine, Felicia Day, Joshua Topolsky, Adam Curry, Cali Lewis. More so, many regulars like Scoble and Brushwood and even the legendary John C. Dvorak are growing tired of the self-destructive Laporte. His weight gain is sapping his energy; and he looks about ready to fall asleep at any moment.

A real company, Ford, has dropped their ads from the TWiT network.
A real company, Ford, has dropped their ads from the TWiT network.

The ads are few and far between. Ford has been replaced with Personal Capital, a company that sells nothing. Hover has been replaced with a loan shark. Leo’s laments of his dwindling fortune in chat while drinking alcohol are epic and equally as sad. His lethargic attitude and near-total lack of professionalism are infecting everyone. A common phrase resounds in the SHiThouse: “I don’t care, just leave it.”

The Endgame

The network growth hit a brick wall and shrinkage is here now. (No pithy play on words comes to mind.) The arrogant Laporte will never admit mistakes, and both the CEO and News Director are spineless. He has surrounded himself with sycophants, from his staff to his chatroom. He is aware that the river of money has been dammed. Radford, Shannon and others are being cut. Editors are forced to stay late as more shows are squeezed out of the overworked and underpaid staff. But no new shows are working—the life is gone. A sad reality is settling in.

When the lease comes due he will not renew. He will broadcast the four big shows from his mansion and the employees will be cut loose. Lives will be ruined to maintain his extravagant lifestyle. Lgum will be thanked and spanked and will resume his wandering through the world’s coffee shops; getting tossed for squatting in a multitude of languages. The end is near. And it has a date.

So it is written, so it shall be done.

Leo Laporte is now shucking mattresses

Leo will be boinking dis bitch on dat bed.
Leo will be boinking dis bitch on dat bed.

It’s been a long time since the TWiT network actually advertised something that their viewers cared about. It’s been one long stream of ridiculous products after irrelevant services after the other.

Ad to the roll call of useless ads Casper Sleep. Yes, folks. It’s a mattress company.

How appropriate for the King of Sleaze. Go pork your bitch bride on that Casper mattress Leo. Just don’t expect us to buy into the idea that this new advertiser is anything but pure garbage.

Follow Up Reporting

Unlike at TNT, we at #totaldrama excel in following up on stories. As an ace reporter for #totaldrama I can tell you that uncovering this next gCard._Jorge_Bergoglio_SJ,_2008em was worth the effort. Some time ago my esteemed colleague HelloWorld reported here that Fr. Robert Ballecer may absolve himself from his service to  Leo Laporte for a more fulfilling role serving  Pope Jorge Mario Bergoglio .

After much digging we found this is not the first time a phony baloney My Little Pony story came to the TWiT airwaves. After TWiT hemorrhaged talent in early 2014 a story was concocted that Pope Francis tapped Ballecer’s shoulder to get in the big game. According to TWiT founder Leo Laporte “he decided to turn down” that opportunity and remain at the SHiThouse. A story meant to assuage the fears of TWiT fans worldwide after the parade of exiting talent. The following tweets were Ballecer’s cryptic way of saying something without saying  anything, a technique mastered by Laporte himself.

The first tweet spoke about the offer:

The secmidishi_and_miashi_in_a_seesaw_by_shamashin-d5onozfond spoke on the dilemma of who to serve; Jesus Christ’s human representative on Earth at the city-state established by Pope Pius XI and  King Victor Emmanuel III of Italy in 1929. Home to such works of art as Michelangelo’s frescos Sistinehallon the Sistine Chapel ceiling.  Or Leo Laporte, an ego-maniacal, blowhard who waddles around the chicken capital of the world in a warehouse littered with malfunctioning PET computers and discarded soup containers.

Never has a #scoop been of more woe that of Ballecer and his boss Leo.

Either it’s a total lie made up to dupe fans or he actually turned the Pope down to work at TWiT. Pick your poison.

Leo’s “best friends”

Leo Laporte claims Kevin Spacey as a “great friend.”

Any regular watcher of the TWiT livestream has heard Leo Laporte and his dubious claims that he has celebrity pals. Although it’s unclear how many of these “best buddies” even know that Leo exists—let alone are aware that he boasts of their friendship.

Please leave a comment if you have any evidence of Leo being friends with:

  • Kevin Spacey (Leo has interviewed the Academy Award-winning actor “many, many times.)
  • Kevin Rose
  • Kevin Bacon
  • Kevin from “Home Alone”

New information has come to light from a trusted source, here are the latest additions to Leo’s FriendZone®:

  • Steve Martin
  • Steve Wozniak (The WOZ)
  • Stevie Wonder (We might need to research this one a bit more.)
  • Kevin Pollak
  • Nick Bilton (dubious)

Update! Update! Update!

  • Regis Philbin (Leo taught Regis how to use Twitter.)
  • Pope Francis (Leo knows His Holiness through an indirect spiritual connection courtesy of PadreSJ.)
  • Steve Jobs (Leo apparently played volleyball with the late founder of Apple.)

The sooner this is sorted out, the sooner we can get back to more important topics. Thanks!