Tag Archives: Slavery

Where’s Iyaz?

I have a question: Why has Iyaz never been invited back on TWiT?

He was a nice guy.
He was a nice guy. This pic was obviously photo-shopped.

Leo has told the fans that sometimes they take things too much to heart. Fans need to understand this is a business he is running.
For example: Not rehiring Tom Merritt, cancelling Amber and Dickie D et al, poaching Chad from Brian then subsequently firing Chad. Again, TWiT is a business and in business, decisions need to be made and sometimes difficult decisions. They are not personal.

I wonder why it doesn’t work the other way.

Sarah Lane was too busy to comment
Sarah Lane was too busy to comment

I wonder why Iyaz quitting was such a crime that it really set Leo off. #Soup made many comments about it, usually without naming names but we knew who he meant. So why is every Tom, Dick and Lyndsey from CNeT a frequent guest of TWiT, barring one Iyaz Akhtar. I Wonder.

Jeff N. Dishes on TWiT

What many suspected, is confirmed. TWiT finds fans and pays them pittance until their dream becomes a nightmare. In a medium post [from June 2015] a former TWiT had a lot to say.

One Way Ticket to Freedom.
One Way Ticket to Freedom.
"how I ended up at TWiT involves my Leo-fandom from The Screen Savers days followed by me relentlessly emailing..."
"they [TWiT] were interested in discussing a full-time gig. It was less money than I was hoping for"
"I was excited and optimistic and maybe a tad naive."
"But dreams change. Reality sets in"
"~5 months at TWiT. There were ups and downs, periods of bliss, followed by periods of misery. It was only once the frequency of the latter outpaced the former that I knew it was really time for a change"
"....and I’d end up just giving up and staying at TWiT."

The story has a happy ending. Jeff got a job at Meerkat.

"Right now, I’m extremely thrilled to be doing something I love for a company I believe in"

How long until the remaining fans-turned-underpaid see the light?

Pro Tip for Jeff: You do not have to put everything on your resume. Leave off stuff like McDonalds griller, Cineplex usher and TWiT.

Leo Laporte World’s #1 Boss

We all like a little recognition from our boss once in awhile. It feels good to get a pat on the back. Well at TWiT you’re lucky if your boss knows your name.

Randal has been doing shows on TWiT for about six years and Leo can’t be bothered to remember his name. Carly, on the other hand, Leo can recognize from behind at a distance of 67 meters yet he has no clue what her name is.

Hey Leo, here’s a resolution, learn your employees names!

Calling all TWiT Moderators.

We at TotalDrama.org would like to encourage the TWiT Moderators to express their inner feelings at the sight of their Führer living in such gluttony and opulence in London.

Leo loves me

Do you [TWiT] Mods set a value on your time and livelihood? or are you simple half-baked slaves who merely lap at your masters heal in the hope that he may one day toss you a bone.

 Now that you have experienced and savoured Leo’s, effluence, sorry should have been affluence; which was made on the back of your misguided support. Do you now think you should be paid a minimum wage for your pathetic efforts rather than being repeatedly exploited by Leo and Dan? Perhaps it may be time to consider getting a real moneymaking job, hobby or even a girlfriend and thereby accomplishing something of your lives and adding value to all society.

Leo is so funny
I hope Leo says my name today on air

TWiT Moderators please feel free to express your thoughts and aspirations so that all the silenced TWiT fans (you continually choose to insult) can understand your motivation for living.

Fans, we would also ask you to give examples of overzealous TWiT Mods you have had the misfortune to have known.

Captain Juno Issues Four Word Statement

For those who saw it live, it was a site to behold for all eternity. Yesterday’s Giz Wiz featuring #SoupGuzzler was a masterstroke. Kevin Spacey is a good friend, Elgan is a hit, dissing Sarah, Father Robert, employees are slaves, #CEHo math and on and on, the gems spewed from his mouth like manna from heaven. It was as if the bone-idle-glutton did a personal show for #TotalDrama. Immediately after the performance, I sent an email to Captain Juno to make sure he saw it. He returned a four word email before setting off on his mission.

“It was a cornucopia.”

Captain Juno sets off on his most important mission
Captain Juno sets off on his most important mission

He who weeps for these, weeps for corruption

Today, Leo Laporte saw an opportunity to cash in on a ratings windfall. After initially deriding the popular ALS “Ice Bucket Challenge” as silly, the Corpulent Campbell’s Soup Crooner turned the challenge into a last-ditch effort to save the struggling TWiT Network. But what happened directly after Laporte’s desperate action is what caught our attention here at #TotalDrama.

The Hefty Hypocrite’s stunt left puddles all over the multi-million dollar studio and expensive equipment. (Equipment, it should be noted, that was paid for in part by TWiT fans.) See the video above as the panicked and brainwashed TWiT slaves spring into action as Laporte is seen at first laughing, then averting his uncaring gaze from the embarrassing scene. Watch as Laporte’s staff labors on their hands and knees, their over-worked fingers scraping the studio floor—groveling before their Lord and Master. The minions try desperately to clean up his mess with nothing but dirty rags. Turns out, that this shameful exhibition could have been avoided had the Obese Orator only bothered to lay down a waterproof tarp or simply go outside like every other sane participant of the challenge did. “Let the minions do their duty,” one might well imagine Laporte muttering as he left the set.

*Update* A viewer claims that Laporte’s pampered pooch, Ozzie, was seen to have followed the glutton off set as Laporte continued to cackle at his dejected indentured servants.

All in a Day’s Work

Hey, look at the pretty trees and feel that wonderful sunshine! Well, on an otherwise lovely Wednesday afternoon, it looks as if Leo and CEO/GF Lisa Kentzell have taken once again to ruining the lives of TWiT program editors. Thinking it could help stave off dwindling profits, and on a whim over three hamburgers with fries—Leo and his gal Lisa, the dysfunctional management team, decided to upend a few young lives and make all the peons work late as a permanent schedule change. The sound was muffled (see video below) by pieces of hamburger and fries, but Leo was heard to say, “It’s just a scheduling thing.” Why not?

The lovely and talented Sarah Lane

An unnamed and clearly distraught employee said, after learning of the change in late-night work schedules, “I wouldn’t care, but the only time I am not miserable at work is when Sarah [Lane] walks by [be]cause she smells like flowers. Now I may never see her again.”

Thems the breaks, kids!


The #TotalDrama reporting team has been researching the hours worked by the beloved CEO/GF. In a preliminary investigation, it appears that she arrives at work by 11 a.m. and has been spotted scooting out the door as early as 4:20 p.m. But hey, there’s not that much to do at TWiT HQ in these stressful times. Is there?

Sick of the Ugly Dog

No, this is not a post about any particular executive at TWiT. This is an analysis of the abomination of evolution known as Ozzie the ugliest and most putrid pooch ever.

The head in on the right?
The head is on the right?

In a new way to embarrass, humiliate and dehumanize the staff, all employees of TWiT are responsible to care for the aforementioned misanthropic varmint. Oftentimes you will  accost the staff in the streets of Petaluma, both feeding and chaperoning this wretched creature.  To deepen the shame, staff is asked to return the discarded canine feces in a plastic container as a testament that he did his business faster* than chief TWiT before This Week in Tech.  In one of the great examples of Stockholm syndrome to date, the staff actually fight over this task. Where does it end, Asking to wash #soupguzzler’s underwear?

The humiliation of TWiT staff needs to stop. JammerB is sixty years old and one of the highest trained personnel. Can he please be relieved of making coffee for #soup and plugging in the host’s laptops for them? Every human being deserves a small amount of dignity.

*Previously reported here.

* *Edit Update* An unnamed Expert agreed that “making humans care for another human’s dog’s feces is an excellent tactic to transform the victim into exhibiting total submissive behavior.”

Gumbot fans rejoice:


Many of the kids out there are dreaming of one day becoming a Gumbot. But..it’s hard to know where to start. We at #TotalDrama care about the kids so we put this guide together:

  • Always speak in one tone and never show any inflection in your voice
  • Make jokes nobody gets, are not funny and make no sense to anyone but Joe Panetierri
  • Always wear black high crew neck undershirts. If they come in style just switch to white or try a V-neck
  • Pre Show interaction with fans should consist of saying “Whaddup chickenhead”
  • Post Show interaction with fans should last for no more than 20 seconds after picking a title
  • Segue into every ad read with:  ……In a sec …..but first
  • Never say ‘a lot’ or ‘many’ you will say bazilion or gazillion
  • Never say ‘funny’ you will say ‘hilarious,’
  • Start every new thought with; “well”
  • Use only the following six adjectives: Astonishing, Awesome, Important, Creepy, Scary and Cool, If you need more you can amend like so:
    1.Really (ie) Awesome
    2.Really really (ie) Awesome
    3.Super (ie) Awesome
  • Call people by their first and last name; Good morning Jason Howell. What do you think Don Reisinger?
  • Go on for 5 to 10 minutes with any thought and allow guests to do likewise, babel away, do not get to the point
  • The proper amount of time to spend on a dumb theory of yours is 20 minutes per half hour
  • The show length is irrelevant. Listeners will adjust their commutes, you’re an important news man.
  • Any press release from Google Inc. related to G+ or Google Glass, is a lead story
  • App updates in IOS are a #scoup
  • Ask bloggers how to run major corporations and countries regardless of their education or intelligence
  • Disparage Supreme Court Justices, CEOs and heads of state as “not knowing what they are doing”
  • Drum dat table