No matter your feelings toward this site, regardless of your belief in God or Atheism, irrespective of race religion and orientation, there is unanimity that Ozzie the Dog is a malformed, twisted thing. This egregious affront to all life spends its days prancing around Petulama as it literally pisses on everything it sees.
Mothers hide their children and animals shield their young when this abortion trots by. Half dog, half devil, every aloof step this cretin takes is a rebuke on all mankind. Somehow it appears to have inherited the worst behaviors from every genus of modern biology.
Rumors have surfaced that if you cut its head off, another grows back. Some say it developed a skunk-like spray that it emits from its mouth—others claim it hides all day and only comes out to irritate at opportune moments. Its origin is a murky mystery with speculation that it is nature’s very own bastard.
In a cruel twist of fate, this varmint stumbled upon the only place it would not be immediately euthanized: TWiT HQ. This is where this abomination of nature makes its home. Black hearts abound here and Ozzie has found a place where it can revel in its own wretchedness.
The ever-amazing Mike Elgum refuses to say the word “bitch” during the livestream after a recent TNT. We all know what you’re talking about, Elgum. So why don’t you treat us all like adults and just say it already?
No, this is not a post about any particular executive at TWiT. This is an analysis of the abomination of evolution known as Ozzie the ugliest and most putrid pooch ever.
In a new way to embarrass, humiliate and dehumanize the staff, all employees of TWiT are responsible to care for the aforementioned misanthropic varmint. Oftentimes you will accost the staff in the streets of Petaluma, both feeding and chaperoning this wretched creature. To deepen the shame, staff is asked to return the discarded canine feces in a plastic container as a testament that he did his business faster* than chief TWiT before This Week in Tech. In one of the great examples of Stockholm syndrome to date, the staff actually fight over this task. Where does it end, Asking to wash #soupguzzler’s underwear?
The humiliation of TWiT staff needs to stop. JammerB is sixty years old and one of the highest trained personnel. Can he please be relieved of making coffee for #soup and plugging in the host’s laptops for them? Every human being deserves a small amount of dignity.