Tag Archives: fuck it

Misc

Best places for group sex parties in New York for Leo ‘n’ Lisa

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New York City is ready for the sex explosion tour of Leo 'n' Lisa following their wedding.
New York City is ready for the sex explosion tour of Leo ‘n’ Lisa following their wedding.

With a hot tip from a loyal TotalDrama chatroom participant, the editorial board here at TotalDrama would like to present Leo ‘n’ Lisa with a customized list of places they can have public sex now that they are no longer living in sin after their fairy-tale wedding in Northern California last week:

public-toiletThe Port Authority Bus Terminal at 42nd and 8th Ave. offers public toilets so they can not only bang with a group of bums watching, they can clean up afterwards.

d28b81_93830be5c9cd4976b268676f5d51f85d.jpg_srz_355_315_85_22_0.50_1.20_0.00_jpg_srzRestaurant Row (46th St. btw 8th and 9th Aves.) offers places ranging from sushi to Italian steaks. Leo could tip the maitre-d $50 so they could fuck right on  one of the private tables in the corner.

UnknownBouchon Bakery at the Time Warner Center offers macarons and fine pastries that Leo can shove up Lisa’s ass before screwing her on the escalator leading down to the Whole Foods.

Lincoln_Center_TwilightLincoln Center at 66th and Broadway has a beautiful fountain that has recently undergone a multi-million dollar renovation. Think wet t-shirt contest but with Lisa’s camel toe on full display.

 
central park zoo weddings 2Central Park Zoo (no explanation necessary).

Best-Hotels-in-Downtown-Meatpacking-DistrictThe Meatpacking District at 14th and 9th Ave. (no explanation necessary).

jfk-airportJohn F. Kennedy International Airport is a great place for Leo to bury his ham hock into Lisa’s porkpie before boarding the redeye back to California.

brooklyn_navy_yardThe Brooklyn Navy Yard can play host to over 1,000 sailors waiting in line to tittyfuck Lisa’s saggy ladyparts.

Misc

No #Soup For You

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Another investigation was launched recently by #TotalDrama’s dedicated staff. Ace reporter Richard Yes (me) released a blockbuster report back in August that predicted a scenario detailing how the end is near for TWiT, and Richard gave this eloquent prognostication:

When the lease comes due he [Leo Laporte] will not renew. He will broadcast the four big shows from his mansion and the employees will be cut loose. Lives will be ruined to maintain his extravagant lifestyle.

The readership of this site is aware that our hypotheses are always followed up. Unlike Elgum, we back up what we say. Hawk-eyed reporters and fans alike have had their eyes and ears open for clues, and the clues were harvested in record time:

1) In this article’s video, captured by crackerjack reporter Skieast, we saw a moment where Laporte gets sentimental about how he will “not be in the Brick-house forever. ” No Kidding

2) This #scoup, by Helloworld, detailed how the Brickhouse lease is indeed up and an increase is needed if TWiT LLC is to live out the expensive lease option. This shirt collar feels tight!

3) Another #scoup, by award winning journalist Helloworld, illuminated the inner mind of Laporte as he contemplates throwing out his current business model. Desperate times call for…

Thank You Lisa
Thank You Lisa

4) And an avid reader, we suspect is using a fictitious name, pointed out that calculations are being conjured up for the cost of each show to help determine which shows survive.  Destroy a few lives, save a few bucks.
Click on the image for details —>.

Will interns just roll him home?
Will interns just roll him home?

5) Everyone watching has also noted the rapid weight gain is making it increasingly difficult for the man to walk to the studio. Although the parking lot is only a few steps away from the living room set, the long walk is clearly taking its toll on the man. The dream of being shaken awake to do an episode of Macbreak Weekly from his bed may be too hard to resist.

The conclusion of this official investigation (independently conducted) into the validity of the initial thesis by Richard Yes, finds the report both “credible and reliable.” You can take that to the bank.

Misc

Father Robert At It Again

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The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. Once again, our favorite Father has attempted to stir up drama and get the few remaining fans in an uproar by teasing his precarious future at TWiT. The outpouring of concern did not come, as no one either noticed or cared.

Premium Content
Premium Content

How will losing the  inexpensive host affect TWiT? The preacher hosts four shows and is #soup’s vacation replacement. Hiring a full time employee with benefits will certainly be more expensive than the $5,000 – $10,000 annual donation made by TWiT LLC, to procure the full time services of the amateur impersonator of a 1920’s radio announcer. A solution was quickly devised by the finance committee at TWiT:

TWiET Make co-hosts the hosts: Cost $0
Coding 101: Replace with full-time engineer Patrick: Cost: $0
Know How: Host with full-timers OMGchad & Brian: Cost $0
Padre’s Corner: Cancel, no ratings or sponsors: Cost $0
#Soup replacement: Mike Elgum: Cost $0

Total net cost of replacing padre-$0
Chance of paying money to hire someone- 0%

Misc

Can You Care a Little Bit?

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This shot scream, "I don't give a shit"
This shot screams, “I don’t give a shit!”

Jesus Christ, could you straighten the shot out, the table is completely crooked. Nothing is centered and everything looks ridiculous. It appears as if no one even moved the screens to even them out, one is behind the table and the other is floating outside the table. I get it, it’s about the content but could you please put in minimal effort?  My mom would yell at me in high school if I left my room like that.
It’s not like the staff was rushed:

For a list of other optical illusions, click here

And why do you need two coffee cups?

Misc

Jeff Jarvis, Google Shill

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SHILL

  1. A person who poses as a customer in order to decoy others into participating
  2. A person who publicizes or praises something or someone for reasons of self-interest, personal profit, or friendship or loyalty.
  3. verb. To work as a shill: He shills for a large casino.
  4. To advertise or promote (a product) as or in the manner of a huckster; hustle
“I spoke at a Google Big Tent event in Berlin (Google paid my travel expenses; I do not accept other payment from Google)” —Jeff Jarvis
Jeff Jarvis Google Shill
Jeff Jarvis Google Shill

Accept? Why would Google offer to pay you? “Other” payment, because international airline fares are, in fact,  considered a form of payment. Jeff Jarvis, according to Jeff Jarvis, gets his travel paid for to conferences in major cities all over the globe by Google, Inc. He laughs this declaration off every time he is cornered into disclosing this truth. He regards it as an irrelevant fact. He is mistakenly caught up in the need to mention this detail as if he were one of the people who could be corrupted.  The disclosure section of his blog has barely been updated since July 2005.

So let’s get back to these trips. How does this scam work? Google pays his airfare and then he pays his own lodging and expenses? I First Classthink not. More likely the managers of these events, which are sponsored by Google, put the speaker, Jarvis, up at hotels. A Per Diem would certainly not be out of the question. Parties in Paris with the elite are almost a certainty. Sipping champagne with Sophia Loren is but a small perk. You think his university pays? Then why don’t they pay the airfare?
.

What about his jobs?
Host of “This Week in Google.”
Author of “What Would Google Do?”
Author of “Public Parts: How Sharing….Improves…..and Live.”
Director-Tow-Knight Center for Entrepreneurial Journalism at CUNY
Lecturer on all topics related to his books.

jarvis-purple
A Purple Jarvis on the shitty show TWiG

His entire livelihood is tied up in this company and we are supposed to believe this doesn’t affect his opinions? Does it matter that the money for the PR stints comes from an intermediary and not directly from his friends Sergey and Larry? It is human nature to love that which feeds and sustains us. He may not even realize it, the man is of average intelligence. He just lives in NY and somehow got a professorship.

Howard Stern fans, who don’t particularly know what Google is, berate him as a Google Shill after his appearances on that program. The comments on Jarvis’ blog are filled with accusations of impropriety, although he chuckles them all away. His Twitter stream is inundated with cries of “shill” every time he opens his mouth. He often dismisses these accusations preemptively. He generally has the sense to know he is a shill so he will ask fans not to send him letters calling him a shill, he makes this plea under the illusion that he is speaking to the Google-hating fringe.

Every article he writes is on the side of Google. Every product he uses is from Google. Every thing he talks about is related to Google. If Google is caught red-handed doing wrong, he speaks in baby talk and says things like ‘google woogle did boo boo.’  This is a professor of journalism? TWiT.tv is where journalism goes to die. The saddest part is everyone, including Jeff,  in the inner circle on the lecture circuit understands the game. He sold his soul for pocketful of gold, he fits right in at TWiT.

Independence is an underlying requirement of journalism, a cornerstone of its reliability.
#TotalDrama contributor Richard Yes—Full Disclosure: 
I hate Google and Facebook, I think Jarvis is a shill. I own many Apple and MSFT products but I use Gmail, Google Search and YouTube and other aspects of the internet that Google has monopolized. I think Sarah Lane is pretty.
Misc

Getting ready for the week ahead at Twit

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So it’s shaping up to be an amazing week—let’s all be sure to make sure we’re ready for this. Be prepared. Give your best. Make America (and Canada and other parts of the world) proud and strong again. Create a legacy that your kids will be proud of.

Leo Laporte
Leo Laporte

Oh, who am I kidding? Nobody at Twit gives a sh*t. So why should we? F*ck it. Bring on the Orange Dancing Monkey and the Fat Ass Fancy Toilet Monster (Elgum and Leo) and let’s just get this thing over with.

Misc

Always be Reporting

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I am away for the weekend, hence my lack of activity. However, I will not let #drama down. I have conducted an official survey on the entity known as Gumbot and am about to publish my results.
So here they are:

Since Jan 1:

Total Sick days: 0
Total vacation days:0
Total personal days:0
Total speaking flubs: 782 (shitrix counts twice)

As a scientist I do not offer anything but data and will not, I repeat will not, make any conclusions based on said data.mike-elgan

Misc

Tired of hearing him talk about his millions invested

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Leo_Laporte_27_September_2007
What are you smiling about fatboy?

I am so tired of hearing him talk about all the millions of dollars from his personal funds that he has invested. The company is profitable, the company has been profitable for years. The amount he has put in has already been paid back. His half truths are so fucking misleading. He has disclosed how much money he makes from podcasting and how much he makes from the shitty radio show for octogenarians. (No offense gramps.)  We know what he makes. Putting a portion of profits into your company is something every business owner does. “All his shows make money and all the other hosts’ shows lose money.” Can we see the spreadsheet your girlfriend put together that backs that nonsense up? Does he understand the halo effect?

F. YOU LAPORTE!