Misc

How Low Can TWiT Ratings Go?

2 Comments

As we have seen from other studies YouTube views offers a great insight into the ratings that the TWiT PR department lies to us about. This image shows a sample of the last few episodes of the weekly show TWiT:

JCD = views, Elgum = what else is on
JCD = views, Elgum = what else is on

It looks like when JCD joins the panel there is a 25-percent increase in views. When Padre or Elgum host, the viewers tune out. I know what you’re thinking, it was probably the same when Tom and the lovely and talented Sarah Lane were substitute hosts. Not exactly, see the #truth below.

Tom get over 4,000 views and obviously Sarah topped 5,000
Tom got over 4,000 views and obviously Sarah topped 5,000

So we at #Drama want to know what you think. How many views will this week’s TWiT get with Mike Elgum hosting? It was a big week with Applle news. Remember, Leo could not be happier with the new TWiT. Click the link below and make your voice count.

http://strawpoll.me/2574212

Misc

Petaluma Market refuses to install Apple Pay machines

3 Comments

Lisa Kentzell is reportedly distraught that the Petaluma Market is refusing to install Apple Pay machines at checkout. “How am I supposed to get my pervy boyfriend his soup if I can’t use my shiny gold iPhone to pay for it?” said the visibly disturbed homewrecker.

Lisa Kentzell is demanding that Leo's soup be paid only with Apple Pay.
Lisa Kentzell is demanding that Leo’s soup be purchased only with Apple Pay.

Interns have been dispatched to scour a 50-mile radius from 140 Keller St., to see where they can most efficiently supply the TWiT founder with his precious liquid lunches. #TotalDrama will stay on top of this story for further developments.

Misc

Leo Welcomes Pirillo Baby to World With Insult

6 Comments

The baby was just a few hours old but not to soon to get insulted by the magnanimous Laporte. Was it an enemies offspring? No it was the beautiful innocent daughter of good friend Chris Pirillo.

A hug from a "friend"
A hug from a “friend”

Pirillo is not as close to the #soupguzzler as Kevin Spacey, but would it hurt to say a friendly “congratz” to the curly haired first-time dad. What’s that? You don’t believes this article, no one could be that heartless. Feast your eyes on the video below:

Was Leo caught off guard in a bad moment, did he immediately correct this blunder ? He didn’t stop trolling in the chatroom:

[14:35] <~Leo> I didn't even know she was pregnant!
[14:36] <~Leo> Who was the father?
Misc

TotalDrama is a Global Site

2 Comments

When #TotalDrama.org was christened we really hoped it would grow to be a global website. Too much of the internet is U.S. centric like Tom Merritt’s shows. We wanted to be global in the vain of eLgum. If there is a flood in Thailand, #TotalDrama is going to report from Thailand.

Here now is a little progress report on the reach of #truth, A.K.A. our website, courtesy of Google-analytics. The growth in just a few short months is off-the-hook. The #drama movement is shaking our planet like the floor of the SHiThouse when Padre walks through.

Welcome Mother Russia *no Google glass or G+ was used in obtaining this data
Welcome Mother Russia! *no Google glass or G+ was used in obtaining this data

And it looks like most of the cowboys in the USA are on board except for three of the stupidest states that no one ever heard of, looking at you Indiana or Montana, or whatever is out there. Dearest Alaska; snow is no excuse to hide from the #truth.

Better late than never Louisiana
Better late than never Louisiana!
Misc

Be careful of the iPhone 6 Plus

6 Comments

Just a quick tip for those #TotalDrama fans who may be pre-ordering the biggest-size iPhone 6 Plus tonight (Midnight PST or 3 a.m. EST):

It's just too much of a risk getting the bigger iPhone 6 Plus. This fat head was never meant to be seen so large.
It’s just too much of a risk getting the bigger iPhone 6 Plus. This fat head was never meant to be seen so large.

The bigger screen will show Leo’s fat face so insanely huge, that you may suffer seizures, migraines, heart palpitations and runny stool. A safer approach would be to just pre-order the 4.7-inch “normal” iPhone 6. That way you can still have the latest Apple technology, but not risk seeing any of the TWiT content or blubbery hosts at too large a size.

Just imagine how gigantic Father Padre the Blobby Priest’s chubby cheeks would look if viewed from the larger screen. Unless you’re willing to shell out extra dough for the special Jony Ive Apple Leather Puke Bucket as an additional accessory, it’s best to stick with the more diminutive iPhone.

Good luck, and happy pre-ordering!

Misc

Gum Sinks Lower

8 Comments

The ratings continue to slide with TNT looking to fall out of the top 100 for the  first time in three and a half years. Expect some major begging during the outros this week fans!

How low can you go? We will find out.
How low can you go? We will find out.

When asked for comment, the #soupguzzler had this to say:

“We could not be happier with the job Lgum has done. He has really raised the tenor of journalism here. TNT is a deep dive into the day’s news and not that fast-paced nonsense like the old TNT. Gum has become a real professional broadcaster and I am really very, very happy.”

The interviewer then realized that soup was actually asleep and repeating these words in his nightmare.
When asked for comment the Gum said the following:

“It’s astonishing how awesome TNT is. It is really, really super good. In a sec I’ll tell you why, but first I wanna give Chickenhead a waddup. You can reach me for more comments at my favorite technology company, Starbucks, where I will drink coffee from a cup with a sensor in it. Hey, waittaminute, you’re a troll and I am out of here.”

Gum ran away fast as heck but we caught up with the CEHo who was forthright as always:

“Ratings are way up [sic] and we expect to cut some costs anyways. Look for a few editors and hosts to be on the street this holiday season. [wink] Gotta get back to spreadsheets, the board in my office with shows on it and  meetings with interns. You know I have to be out of the office today by 4:45, CEO work is hard.”

Misc

When the mods come out to play

4 Comments

There is no better way to see the true nature of the merry band of men (??) known as TWiTModSquad than late at night.

Only then do they let their flags fly, let it all out.  Troll or comic,  sarcastic prick or helpful observer.  All there to see.

Head nazi, oops mod, Dan mostly just helps out.

Here he helps our friend Lazy do the . thing

Screenshot 2014-09-11 08.11.48

Screenshot 2014-09-11 07.39.13

Above you can can see Dan is ever vigilant to Lazy’s every word.

Mostly Dan thinks it’s his room, to shoo, to quiet and to hold forth on all things Dan.

Screenshot 2014-09-11 07.35.32

Don’t pick a nick starting wit ‘Web’. Bad juju.

Screenshot 2014-09-11 07.36.40

And he’s technically very savvy. Here we find the only difference between major Windows releases is the Start Menu!

Screenshot 2014-09-11 07.37.18

Thanks Dan!

There are even altercations between some of our favourites.

Here we have marmot the good vs ScooterX  the (bad? good? anally retentive?) Pick one.

Screenshot 2014-09-11 07.43.43

It is like a barrel of monkeys, ones who rarely get out and need some happy IRC chatters to correct.

Remember, late at night or early in the morning.  When the only thing on live.twit.tv are stale re-runs or Padre’s Corner. That’s the time to come on in and enjoy the fun.

Ask questions in #helpdesk. Remember to spell them right.

Tell the mods what you think of them.  Short words please, no swearing or animal sacrifices needed.

Have a good time all!

Misc

In honor of 9/11

2 Comments

Today is September 11.
In honor of one of the most horrific terrorist attacks the United States has ever known, we here at #TotalDrama bow our heads and pray for the continued good health of the nation.

God Bless the United States of America
God Bless the United States of America

Unfortunately, our sources are telling us that more attacks have been planned. We are preparing for the worst here in the #TotalDrama newsroom.

Just to clear up any possible confusion: We’re referring to September 11, 2014, the day that Leo Laporte decided to continue broadcasting his banal programming. Here’s the lineup of terrorist acts that we’re being told have already been launched for September 11, 2014:

1:00 p.m. TNT
2:00 p.m. Know How…
3:00 p.m. The Social Hour
4:30 p.m. Coding 101
5:30 p.m. Home Theater Geeks pre-recorded on 9/6
7:30 p.m. The Giz Wiz9:00 PM TWiCH
10:00 p.m. OMGcraft

We pray for the soul of the nation and beseech almighty God above that this passes without too much pain and suffering.
Use offer code “TWiT Al Qaeda.”

Misc

Say aaaahhhhhhh

2 Comments
A healthy salad? Maybe not!
A healthy salad? Maybe not!

Thanks to modern technology and friends of #TotalDrama within the highest levels of U.S. intelligence agencies, a new revelation has been exposed. Two facts that lived in conflict, until now, have finally been reconciled. How is the rapid weight-gain congruent with the fact that Laporte eats salad?  The weight-gain—estimated at 2.42 pounds per day—is an amount well over the expected level, being that two of the five daily meals are listed as “salad.”

472 Kcal bite [unaltered photo]
472 Kcal bite [unaltered photo]
The first step in solving the riddle was photo-analysis via the latest high level CIA equipment. The process broke down the gargantuan forkfull of food to its essential elements. The results were so outlandish that #TotalDrama was compelled to garner another source to confirm the findings. A reporter was sent to find a former intern whose very job was ordering and fetching the “salad.”  The question was posed, “What was in the salad?” This was done without giving the intern prior knowledge of the CIA findings. The result was a 100-percent match, and the ingredients are meticulously listed below:

  • Fried bacon
  • Ribs (extra sauce)
  • Jiffy peanut butter
  • Hold the lettuce
  • Seven Island dressing
  • Fried wontons
  • 1 Big Mac with extra cheese
  • 1/2 pie of Dominoes pizza
  • Chocolate milkshake
  • Cream gravy
  • Ham coated in goat cheese
  • 2 Slices of cheese cake
  • Green ham (shown in picture)
  • 3 pieces of lasagna
  • Fondue
  • French fries
  • Hold all vegetables

*Update* Details are now emerging that the Petaluma Market keeps  yearling piglets out back to slaughter upon receipt of the Laporte salad order.

Exposing The Dark Underbelly of TWiT, Leo Laporte, and Failed CEO Lisa Laporte