Warning!, the following is meant in FUN!!!. Although none of the posts have been altered or any missed (hopefully), so it is a true account.
Category Archives: Misc
Fare Yee Well
Please. if you work at TWiT, you need to be safe. Speaking about the network without explicit authorization has become dangerous to your careers.
All employees of TWiT must obey the network and not speak out.
Current employees, you must be careful who you associate with. You are only permitted to be friends with a certified list available at the TWiT HQ. BB&J were struck down for going public about their banning. They spoke the truth and that was dealt with accordingly. Now Shannon is being handled for having the audacity to be open on QFP and NA or was it an “lol” at a tweeted joke. Was her crime really tweeting “lol.” Is that it? Can we not think of millions of awful things #soup has said.
Gina Trapani has had her (first) name mocked. Why, Seinfeld devoted an entire episode to a female name… Apple employees best be careful of the Tim Cook joke.
The arrogance in the following statement is scary:
[21:27:49] <~Leo> and we have another host who has decided to act very negatively toward me
And people of Drama, please, let us keep our actions lawful and civil, think about what we do in keeping with the one and only mission of spreading truth. Laugh, joke and mock but lets not get carried away. Firing people is not a crime nor is filling the airwaves with propaganda. Just get the truth out. (Leo is not Saddam Hussein and the mods are not Nazis)
TWiT™ and Diversity
We at TotalDrama wear a lot of hats. Sometimes deep investigative reporting, sometimes pure speculation. Sometimes just having a bit of fun at someone’s expense. We even have a group learning how to edit videos.
Today I present my ode to diversity at TWiT. Leo wants to be diverse, really. It’s just those darn diverse people seem to have real jobs. Or aren’t that diverse.
TWiT comeback on the Horizon
Viewers of the Dropcom, TWiT’s mechanical eye in the sky, were greeted with an unusual sight on Saturday. What was first thought to be a spontaneous game of Ring Around the Rosy, turned out to be the often anonymous sales team holding hands and dancing around the studio. What caused the glee?
Inside sources reveal that a milestone event was achieved. For the first time in nine months a viewer used the forgotten offer code TNT. The viewer known as Chickenhead was unavailable for comment, but TWiT founder and propaganda connoisseur had this to say, “I could not be happier with the job Gum is doing, he is knocking it out of the park.” Could this be a sign that the troubled network is poised for a comeback? Not likely.
No respect
Deleted Twitter and Facebook from all my mobile devices and it feels so good! I just don't need the drama.
— Leo Laporte (@leolaporte) October 10, 2014
Have some respect, it is #Drama. Leaving off the hash-tag is a spit in the face to everyone working so hard.
#Notcool
Stresslemania
Well it sure was a stress ridden week. Just as Moses was cast from Egypt and his name stricken from the books of the great kingdom, so too B&J were banished from twit.tv
In order to lessen the burden and relieve some tension, Cap’n Juno ended his one week retirement. I was placed on sound duty so I pressed more buttons to help the headphones people. My skillz were weak but I did all I could.
A fact to note: Since I was tasked to help with sound, I forsook my duty to fix spelling/typos. There are often many such errors. But do not think less of the Captain, he never had a country to call home or language to call his own.
Without a roar from the MGM lion I present, for your viewing pleasure, a deep dive into lies:
Mike Elgum lies about his favorite music
What a shame that Mike Elgum can’t seem to tell the truth about what kind of music he enjoys. On a recent episode of “Before You Buy” he busts out with a ridiculous answer that even Leo Laporte doesn’t buy. What a joke this “news director” has turned out to be. Why should we believe anything he has to say if he can’t even bring himself to be honest about his personal tastes?
That’s your job
There was a recent tweet, pictured below, that brought to light another example of the mismanagement of TWiT. When you see Laporte telling the host of a show (Sarah Lane) how much money he sinks into her show it is wrong on so many levels. TWiT is not “old media” it is actually worse than old media. By the way, this maniac attributes the money spent on iPad Today to Sarah and the money earned to himself….And Laporte claims that two people at #TotalDrama are mentally ill?
The way a network should be run is a host/producer should have one job only. To make a good show. There are other people in charge of selling ads who are under Lisa, (albeit someone with zero sales experience.) They also should have one person responsible for media, social media, maybe placing an ad, maybe making sure they book hosts to appear on other podcasts, radio shows etc.
Instead, the duo that is incapable of taking any blame puts everything on the host. Why da heck should a host be responsible or even know what the rent is. If TWiT ran 60 shows a week the allocated rent to (ie) OMGCraft would obviously be less than it is if they run 25 shows a week. That is totally outside his realm and his show’s “cost” should have NOTHING to do with how many shows TWiT does. Instead, they make that a burden on hosts.
The sales department is grossly negligent as are other departments. If the Sopranos aired on TWiT it would have been cancelled. They really need some talented management there, this boat is sinking fast and more and more talent is leaving. Chad, if you make a good show and it gets tons of downloads on YouTube and does not get downloads from TWiT or have ads sold that is not your failing. That is management’s fault.
Leo also claims all the income from the website ads, the merchandise etc, that all goes in Leos column. Conversely, they meticulously attribute every cost to the shows. Why do they not do likewise with revenue.
All the shows that will live forever and earn money on YouTube, guess who gets that? YouTube revenue is miniscule, but they will end up with thousands and thousands of shows, a nice annuity to subsidize future soup purchases without giving a dime to the hosts. Nice scam soup, I think the cast of Giligan’s Island got a more talent friendly deal in 1964.
The network effect is a great thing and something Diamond Club needs to learn fast. There is a lot of benefit to everyone gained by teaming up. Hopefully <> will not suffer the same fate as one bone-idle-glutton.
Elgum can’t close a simple box
Watch as “Tech News Today” host and bumbling moron Mike Elgum struggles to close a Harry’s Shaving Products box on a recent episode of TWiT’s supposed flagship news show. (Harry’s is a TWiT advertiser and we here at #TotalDrama can’t imagine that they’d be happy that the Elgum seems to find it next to impossible to close a simple cardboard box.) In fact, it’s hard to watch as Elgum eventually gives up and pushes the box to the side.
We almost feel sorry for the inept loser. So let’s just wish him the best of luck in trying to tie his shoes. Hey, Mike: Don’t wander too far away from TWiT, OK? There’s some nasty traffic out there on Keller Street and you might just get yourself into trouble.
“I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours” H.S. Thompson
October eighth will be a day which will live in infamy. After a longer hiatus than TWiF, the eagerly anticipated Inside TWiT returns. Laporte is scheduled to talk lie about the recent show cancellations, his treatment of Amber MacArthur, the masked host who betrays him, the troll problem and of course the N.A. banning.
The NA banning seems to be the most anticipated nugget. Will Laporte speak true? Unlikely. But how does he respond? In my mentally ill head and based on my knowledge of the sociopath, he has two options:
1) Laugh it off and say ‘of course Brian is not banned I love Brian’ but never invite him on again.
2) Shit all over Brian for being a troll and say he is banned, until he needs him (alla Dvorak banning) and then have him back on TWiT.
survey solutions
Sarah’s noise-cancelling headset will be off for this can’t-miss-TV.
