Tag Archives: bullshit

Why You Should Advertise With TWiT

Total Drama is not afraid of our community and if we have something positive to say about TWiT we say it. Do not adjust your monitor. Buying ads on TWiT is a good business decision and here is why…

God don't lie.
God don’t lie.

If your company is looking for an edge and you’re thinking  about advertising on TV or radio—think again. When you pay for an ad in old media you don’t get anything close to what you get if you advertise on the TWiT network. Most companies in old media are bogged down with “standards and practices” and  even cumbersome “morality,” but not everyone has this dilemma. When you buy an ad with TWiT you don’t just buy a commercial, you buy the man: the news and the content. It’s all included for one low, low price. Any broadcaster can simply endorse a product, but I challenge you to find one network that loooooooooooves the sponsors like TWiT does; on and on they go.

You should borrow money and not from a bank
You should borrow money and not from a bank

They will clarify to the imbecilic fans that it’s real opinion which they are spewing and not just an ad. They accomplish this by mandating that every advertiser receives one personal anecdote per ad, whenever possible. For example: Leo’s son and his Casper mattress, Padre recalling the days when he was hiring tons of employees. With Zip Recruiter it’s so easy. Mike and his (really super easy) Blue Apron meals. Has an actual policy been instituted ensuring that they all prostitute themselves and their lives into the ads with these honest tales? They will never just read an ad, all employees will use and love the products.

There’s another gem included in the ad package: Most every unsuspecting guest on their shows will be thrust under the spotlight and asked to chip in to the ad with a story of their own. They will literally put guests on the spot—live—for the sponsor. And fret not about the listeners, ads can take up to eight minutes—it’s all o.k. But you get even more than that, you can become the content, too!

Trust is bond between me and Leo
Trust is a bond between me and Leo, trust me on this.

Remember when Ford was a sponsor? Every other week Leo would talk about Allan Mullalay (his great friend) and quote him and talk about Ford in technology. Yes, he recites his disclaimer but then proceeds to give Ford air time on Premier and TWiT as coverage. Now that Ford is no longer a sponsor they have become just another irrelevant car company? And remember Carbonite? At least once a week a “Tech Guy” caller would serendipitously get through to tell a story about his woes of not backing-up and (disclaimer they’re a sponsor) #Soup would mention Carbonite. Does no one need to back up anymore?

If you’re a really big sponsor you may even be interviewed on “Triangulation.”

I loooooooooove this company
I loooooooooove this company

{Prosper and Harry’s shaving stuff are Silicon Valley companies} you get stuff like that said if you advertise with TWiT, they’ll say anything. They blur the line between content and paid commercial all the time. ‘Smooth transitions’ they call the blur. As the CEO of a sponsoring company, you also get to be a good friend of Leo; Lynda, Joe and Steve from ITP, Bill Harris, the great guys from Warber Parky, Carbonite founder etc etc etc etc. The fans eat that shit up. They will whore it all for you, if you buy ads..

I don't lie.
Do I look like a liar?

Do you want an endorsement from Kevin Rose for Legal Zoom or from Amber MacArthur for Freshbooks? No problemo, he will throw that in free and you don’t have to pay them. Do you want the hosts to love and use your product? Easy, it’s part of every host’s job description, they have to use them. They’ll make wills, they’ll eat NatureBox nuts, they’ll install doorbells, they’ll do anything. And it’s legit, they really, really looooooove it all. Leave your dignity at the door please.

Technology maven and sponsor
Technology maven and sponsor

One employee dared to have an opinion against a sponsor and he no longer works at TWiT. Presently, all employees shave with Harry’s, all of them, they love it. And don’t worry, even if it’s old salami and a cracker for your pet (delivered once a month by barkbox) Ozzie the putrid pooch will love it. That’s right, Ozzie’s endorsement is for sale too. Oh, and if you want the ultimate sellout, we have one pitch man in a priest outfit telling you how great ProXpn is and how everyone loves it. TWiT has never hired anyone with Zip Recruiter, ever, never ever. But who cares? They list a job there so they can say to the catatonic fan base that they use Ziprecruiter. Would it kill them to just do the ad without the misrepresentations? BUT ALAS, I LOVE IT. Barbados vacation, here I come.

Did you ever wonder why they don’t prerecord ads? Think about it and you’ll know why sponsors prefer live. It’s all for sale if you got money. So call or e-mail TWiT and place an ad today!

Note* Paul Thurott doesn’t put up with this shit and will not be a part of the shenanigans. [Per commentor except audible]
Note* Much of this sponsor story was based on other stories found here and here.

Note* I have no problems with ad reads or advertising in general. It is easily and often done with integrity.

Happy Times

What a wonderful moment for the TWiT family.

Leo was humble throughout the broadcast as he kindly took the loving fans on a genuine ride through the history of TWiT. He was magnanimous as he thanked Jason Howell, Colleen, JammerB, Chad, Eileen, DeBartolo, Dane, Steve Gibson and Paul Thurott. (He developed an odd cough when thanking people) He cajoled his panel and told them how much of a fan he is of theirs. He asked Roger Chang if he was still doing that show, whose title he forgot, and then told Rog how much he loves that show. His dear friends including Kevin Rose, Morgan Webb and Chris Pirillo sent in video congratulations.

JCD may have gotten himself banned once again from TWiT, until he is needed to appear on a show.
JCD may have gotten himself banned once again from TWiT

The chat room’s heart filled with sentiment as John C. Dvorak recalled some old stories and watched videos from great days of long ago. One such moment saw JCD reminisce on the time they filmed the show from the Apple store and Leo refused to invite over the famous female Podcaster [Leo hated.] (Odds: 3-2 Veronica, 5-2 Cali, 6-1 Molly) Then there was my favorite segment when he thanked the fans. He could not do it without them and their continued support.

TWiT Employee Hilton was not thanked
TWiT Employee Hilton was not thanked

TWiT went on to shock the fans with the announcement of the New Screen Savers. He promised us amazing hosts from Kevin Rose and Kate Botello to whomever.  Journalist/friend Jason Hiner published his #scoup/puff-piece detailing the event as soon as it was announced. After the show Padre came out to sit with Leo and bask in the glow of Leo. They spoke of the show they are creating for the fans and how great it will be. Leo told Padre how he thought he will be Pope one day.

I wish I could express how I felt in words but as I am fortunes favored fool I came across a video that summed up how I and the whole panel felt:

Notable absentees were great friend Kevin Spacey, the dark triangle, dear friends and sponsors, Alan Mulally  CEO FORD Motors,  Lynda Founder Lynda.com, Bill Harris CEO Personal Capital, Carbonite CEO and other loves who happen to be sponsors.

Screenshot 2015-04-22 17.49.44

Bald-Faced Liar

The #soupguzzler is a big spender and spares no expense for you, the fans—or so he claims. In actuality, he is what doctors call full of shit. Now that he is done paying for the hosts’ flights (the check is in the mail) for New Year’s Eve, he is sending a team down to CES.

The team is made up of Richard DeBartolo, Father Robert Ballecer and Scott Wilkinson.

On the job for AVS Forum
On the job for AVS Forum
Covering C.E.S. since the 40's
Covering CES since the ’70s
Wasting the churches money at CES for over a decade
Wasting the church’s money at CES for over a decade

Upon further scrutiny, it seems as if these three pawns of the Great Pretender are all heading to CES on someone else’s dime: Scott is punching his ticket for AVS forum for the [sic] 20th year in a row; Dickie D is making tracks for ABC for the [sic] 33rd year in a row; and Padre is being flown out by the Church of Saint Jude for the [sic] 10th year in a row. Looks like we found a question for this week’s Inside TWiT to go along with “2014 ad revenue” questions.

For those of you looking for CES coverage we recommend GeekBeat’s live coverage.  CNeT will usually put out some good videos and Molly Wood is doing pretty good twitter coverage.

Enhanced user social cutting edge experience

SF Jargon
Can anyone be a CEO in 2014?

#TotalDrama has been running low on funds. We tell you this because we are committed to openness and honesty with our fans. Luckily the team at #drama may have stumbled on a windfall of cash. Yesterday SkiEast featured,  a must-read article, that shed light on  the make believe nonsense that the TWiT CEHo will be paying $400,000 for. (see image) This high level plan was combed over at #drama HQ and a few black holes were found on this white board. We put our team to work and formed a new company henceforth known as “Four Toilets” to compete in this space.

Affordable Nonsense
Affordable Nonsense

We immediately set out on a plan to both accomplish the goals laid out by the current contractor while simultaneously adding objectives and saving TWiT LLC some serious bank. We even used a piece of paper instead of a whiteboard in a cost cutting move. (see image) The plan looks solid and we hope to add some more value and bullshit in the near future. The asking price for this business plan is $85,000.

Jesus Christ what happened to TWiT? Enhancing brand image, wtf wtf wtf. There was a time this would have been laughed at and not embraced.
Anyway, I am off to get a plaid shirt, grow a beard and get a business card stating I am CEO so I can meet some of San Francisco’s hottest honeys.

TWiT comeback on the Horizon

Viewers of the Dropcom, TWiT’s mechanical eye in the sky, were greeted with an unusual sight on Saturday. What was first thought to be a spontaneous game of Ring Around the Rosy, turned out to be the often anonymous sales team holding hands and dancing around the studio. What caused the glee?

Needs help keeping track of his money.
Needs help keeping track of his money.

Inside sources reveal that a milestone event was achieved. For the first time in nine months a viewer used the forgotten offer code TNT. The viewer known as Chickenhead was unavailable for comment, but TWiT founder and propaganda connoisseur had this to say, “I could not be happier with the job Gum is doing, he is knocking it out of the park.” Could this be a sign that the troubled network is poised for a comeback?  Not likely.