Tag Archives: lisa laporte – failed ceo

TWiT Teams up with Scrotum Shaving Sponsor “Manscaped”

“Manscaped is fantathtic!” Louis Maresca, TWiET Emperor and aspiring Manscaped spokesman

As many of you have reported, TWiT has continued their advertising ascent, this time landing the much-coveted pubic hair and scrotum shaving company “Manscaped”.

“I am unbelievable as always, but when I’m not I use The Lawn Mover 3.0. Thank you for suhscribing!” – Ant Pruitt, TWiT.tv

This seems to be in line with previous sponsors such as Roman, the erectile dysfunction company, and current mattress sponsor Casper. So now you can ejaculate on your mattress in style with a raging boner and “manscaped” genitals.

“Before I used this product I often got a jarring reaction when I removed my black robe, but now I get no complaints!” Fr. Robert R. Ballecer SJ

Many of us had hoped TWiT’s very own fake priest Fr. Robert R. Ballecer SJ, would be the one to grace us with these ad reads, because he is hands down the most qualified to speak on the subject. But we got stuck with Leo Laporte, who often appeared unable to find the right words.

“As a registered anti-anxiety therapist in the Province of Quebec, I can assure you this product will not only reduce your stress but also fix your hideous looking balls you pathetic incel!” – Georgia Dow, Psychotherapist

We dispatched our crack research team and asked them to comb the internet for reviews of this ball trimmer. They found multiple videos suggesting “Manscaped” isn’t the best choice for shaving your pubes, but if we are to believe Artisanal Agency’s statement on how they vet their clients, we might just be wrong on this one.

In the end, the reaction from the chatroom was priceless. Many expressed dismay it had come to this, while others simply made inappropriate jokes (trolls!). There were still some obsessed arse-lickers who tried to defend this choice of sponsor, but they were clearly in the minority.

Note: The following chat log has been condensed.

<Dr_Mom_Grandma> Oh My!
<TanDanner> Wow, you did have to range afield for sponsors in this time
* @Keith512 bangs his head on the desk
<FauxPos> I look like a caveman
<Dr_Morbius> The geezers heads are exploding
<Sophia> this is fun
<+kim> OMG
<AZthmatic> Berries
<TanDanner> oh god
<Bender> Remove all hair would be terrible
<Bender> Forever itchy
<Web4466> my balls have the zz top look
<ElderWand> Oh my
<Loquaciousv2> Yea, went there
<Bender> everywhere
<DesertMoon> kim: LOL!!!! Agree!!!!
<Dr_Mom_Grandma> I’ve seen too many of those ‘accidents’ in the ER
<JeepTalkShow> I wonder if they sell that donut shaped soap
<Loquaciousv2> Just one time, clip the wrong thing....
<JerseyFudge> Leo has plunged new depths ;-)
<JeepTalkShow> ouch! that hurt hearing
<BackinPhilly> Did Lisa find this advertiser as a prank?
<EchoSeven> the tv commercial straight says 'trim your balls'
<Web9470> TWiT has been scrambling for new advertisers!
<+kim> WHO wrote this script!
<Dr_Mom_Grandma> If I gave that to my father he’d have had a meltdown
<Dr-Flay> Twit has had shaving ads for years. nothing new
<@ScooterX> Why is grooming/hygiene considered a prank?
<Web7855> "that junk"...
<OneBrian> Does it come with a little leaf blower?
<ericDuckman> matches the ED pill company
<dalepoco> need a gender-equalizing sponsor
<UserError> does it come with a gold plated spark plug wrench?
<Loquaciousv2> This was information I and nobody needed to know
<imadethat2> I think kim should have done this ad....  ha
<Dr_Mom_Grandma> Kim Leo please tell me there’s no picture copy for that ad
<Sophia> that's entertainment
<TSJim> I hope Leo doesn't do an extended Manscaped demo like he did with BREW.
<Sluggo> beats scissors
<ElderWand> There goes the G rating...
<preternat> leo no disclaimer for getting this product?
<User0072> wow...
<@Mick> Wasn't it Rowan & Martin's "Laugh In" that had that button "Whack his peepee!!!"?  We need that button for this commercial.
<ericDuckman> there's an image i'll never get out of my head

If you see anything newsworthy please (1) visit our chat room, or (2) leave an anonymous comment below, or (3) submit a tip by clicking on “Feedback & Tips” to the right. We hope everyone remains safe in their basements at this time.

Leo Laporte Explains Why TWiT Is Screwed

TWiT marketing handout (“Our listeners continue to grow”  © 2020 Artisanal Agency)

After 15 years of providing second-rate, and at often times, laughable coverage of the tech sector, it looks like TWiT is finally finished.

From one time boasting about having 14 million in annual sales, and owning 25% of all podcast revenue, Leo Laporte recently acknowledged that TWiT is screwed because sponsors now want proof that there are actual listeners, i.e. analytics that can’t be faked.

Man wins Oscar For Best Underperforming Host at a Sham Podcast Company (Video #2)

Here at TotalDrama we’ve been reporting on TWiT’s decline for years. From the elimination of certified on-air talent to the recruitment of questionable talent, Leo Laporte has continued to choose lavish vacations over investing money back into the business.

Coronavirus statement: “I will not be maligned by these disgraceful statements and slanderous accusations.”

As previously covered, sponsorship continued to decline in 2019 and now in 2020, Leo Laporte admitted on March 3rd that first and second quarter sales have plummeted, blaming this on the coronavirus. However, it is obvious to anyone who runs an agency these sponsorships would have been sold and finalized in late-2019, so you can’t blame this one on the “invisible enemy”.

However, the current pandemic has undoubtedly made things worse, and while Lisa Laporte has shamelessly been spouting “coronavirus discounts”, sponsors do not seem to be interested:

<~Leo> Lisa and her team have pursued more than 700 companies in the past few weeks, with one sale.
<~Leo> Listeners dropped off at first, but it's come back.
<~Leo> I'm not too worried about the audience, but advertisers are dropping like flies.

We will continue to watch this with pitying interest but firmly believe Leo Laporte will retire because it is the easiest thing for him to do.

Update: During today’s episode of Security Now (Apr. 21, 2020), Leo opened up further about TWiT’s current problems to his chatroom sycophants.
<Sawgrass> @Leo - another $480B just passed for small business
<~Leo> well that's good Sawgrass
<~Leo> I'm sure we'll need still more
<~Leo> we haven't had to hit our line of credit yet
<~Leo> but things aren't looking good
<~Leo> we're starting to see slow pay and no pay for advertisers, numerous others have cancelled
<Sawgrass> @Leo - still should get in line for $help
<~Leo> I really don't want to take any loans
<~Leo> I'd prefer to shut down than owe a bunch of money
<Sawgrass> @Leo - keep you staff and it becomes grant?
<~Leo> no it only becomes a grant if you don't make any money
<~Leo> and the owners can't get paid
<~Leo> I love my staff but I'm not working for free so that they can get paid
<LonnDawg> Leo, you could apply for the business loans, Trump just said that people who abused the first allocation of money, are now by his own personal words are going to pay it back, however they manipulated the system... They been caught, so the next round of funding is in play and should be available in the next few days, don't fire anybody and you can keep the money ...  I know you know all this stuff
<~Leo> we'd have to repay the loan if we made a profit or if Lisa or I took a draw
<~Leo> I love you guys but I'm not working for free for a year
<Sawgrass> @Leo - time to retire like many of us :)
<~Leo> we'll just ride it down - we're working very hard to get new advertisers who are still solvent
<~Leo> but even solvent companies aren't doing much advertising, especially on podcasts
<~Leo> as always, we'll do what we can afford to do
<LonnDawg> Leo... I don't particularly like this particular individual because he's kind of testy... In his speech, but the information he hands out has been accurate, maybe Lisa or whoever does the accounting could review some of this guy's past updates,  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgEFrvjnQJw to me, I think there's a misunderstanding, a business owner can take a portion of the money
<~Leo> No we consulted with our CPA and it's clear that the terms were not suitable for us LonnDawg
<~Leo> We got expert advice, I promise.
<LonnDawg> ok...
<~Leo> One of the principals I've always stuck to is living within our means. We only borrowed once and that was to build the brick house and we paid it back in six months.
<~Leo> I'm not a high flyer. I'm not speculating on the future.
<~Leo> We do what we can afford.
<LonnDawg> Leo...  A electrical company I used to work for had the same principle, he pretty much paid for everything and had very little loans on the business, mostly because construction is an unpredictable ride in the economy...
<~Leo> That's why we don't carry a bunch of shows that don't pay for themselves.
<~Leo> I'm not trying to build CNN.
<~Leo> I'm not that ambitious.
<~Leo> Lisa might be, but I hold her back.
<~Leo> From day one there's always been two risks: loss of audience and loss of advertisers
<~Leo> we wouldn't survive either - and I wouldn't want to
<LonnDawg> Leo... that's interesting... Because Lisa is part salesman.... And I can see... Sometimes, they have to be held back for their own sake. :-)... Not all problems in the world can be mastered with salesmanship
<~Leo> She's much more than a sales person, she's an entrepreneur.
<~Leo> I'm just trying to do my shows in peace.
<~Leo> It's a lucky thing she came along.
<LonnDawg> yep...I know that Leo... It's not easy to put my thoughts in one sentence, she is a fantastic person with a lot of talent...
<~Leo> The day I hired her I asked her to tell me why we should do anything but the five most profitable shows.
<~Leo> she convinced me
<~Leo> but I might win in the long run - we've had a great ride. I'm very content.

Thanks go out to Jimmy Schumacher who continues to provide the majority of story leads for this website. If you see anything newsworthy please (1) visit our chat room, or (2) leave an anonymous comment below, or (3) submit a tip by clicking on “Feedback & Tips” to the right. Thanks for sticking with us through these difficult times. Stay safe trolls!

Hurricane Lisa will not stop until TWiT is destroyed

In a move that would make Hurricane Maria envious, TWiT’s much-maligned CEO Lisa Laporte continues her reign of destruction on what remains of the failing TWiT Network.

In the latest Inside TWiT blog post, Lisa Laporte outlined the upcoming fall changes (i.e. cancellations) that were necessary to “bring more context and perspective” to the TWiT network.

The informative yet sponsor-challenged Home Theater Geeks has finally been 86’d from the menu, but thankfully Scott Wilkinson will continue to grace us on The Tech Guy radio show, while also remaining Leo Laporte’s personal audio/video calibrator for the rest of his natural life. The LG TV tagline “Life’s Good” is extremely appropriate here, unless you’re totally trapped right now like Scott Wilkinson.

Secondly, the hilariously insightful daily tech news show Tech News Today is being downsized to a weekly show, leaving its final viewers concerned how they are going to last 6 days without their daily dose of tech news.

But as a goodwill gesture, those who subscribed to Tech News Today will automatically be subscribed to its weekly replacement (yay?) We haven’t seen this level of generosity since U2 gifted their fucking terrible album to all iTunes users and that didn’t end well.

Last, but not least, the highly unpredictable Know How has been exorsized of half its shows. The twice-a-week show — which Father Robert Ballecer simply uses as a pulpit for self-praise and native ads — will now be seen only once per week. We reached out to Fr. Robert for comment and his exact words were “I TOTALLY understand that it’s painful… but this is healthy”. [ #twitlive chat – Oct. 1/17 17:52 PDT ] We firmly believe this isn’t the first time he’s used that line on somebody.

In summary, Abraham Lincoln might have freed the slaves, but Lisa Laporte did one better by liberating Mondays from the TWiT schedule. While canceling shows does marginally impact the bottom line, we don’t think this is enough to stay profitable, which is why we suspect another round of firings is just around the corner. Please tell us who you think will be fired next, and why. If you’re a TWiT employee now’s your chance to throw your co-worker under the bus.

Editor’s Note: Thank you to the anonymous chatter in our chat room for providing the content for this story. If you have breaking news please feel free to submit a tip, or if you’re tired of rotting away in your Mom’s basement please send us your resume.

Failed TWiT Show “The New Screen Savers” Still Has No Audience

“Watch my hands. When my hands go down, everybody applaud… Whoa yeah! Yeah yeah yeah! Woo woo, woooooo!”
Leo Laporte
He had a talking digital assistant read the cold open? As a mom, I’m shocked.

It’s hard to believe Leo Laporte’s failed, ego-inflating side project The New Screen Savers is still having new episodes produced. I guess that’s what happens when you have an admitted failure of a CEO like Lisa Laporte.

In a move that should surprise no one, #Soup had to resort to having Anthony — the only one with any talent left at TWiT — “Simon says” the Amazon Echo into repeating the cold open for the show.

Oh god. That show is still on? Did you know I have kids?

We’ve previously written about how they had to have their rent-a-cop read the cold open. Previously, he had to force a The Tech Guy viewer to do it.

Just admit TNSS isn’t working, Leo. It didn’t restore TWiT to glory. TNSS is never going to happen.

Lisa Laporte’s fantastical dream of having the “TV show” syndicated on airlines and college campuses is similarly never going to happen.

Lisa Laporte is really bad at her job. I have kids, by the way.

The show is terrible. It’s boring. It’s devoid of content. And the saddest thing is… it’s depressing. It’s just sad to watch you do it to yourself weekly.

I will give Anthony kudos for the production of Megan Morrone’s acting debut in the short below. It gave us lots of great pictures of Megan.

Thanks to an anon from #drama for the video.