TWiT’s Abortion of a Live Event at the Crunchies 2016 Featuring Sarah Lane

Tee hee!
Tee hee!

After the firing of Mike Elgan, TWiT has exactly two full-time hosts now: Megan and Jason.

With FMCP out of town, we wondered who TWiT would send to cover the 2016 TechCrunch Crunchies.

As it turns out, they sent Tonya Hall, someone who can’t stop an interview when she’s dealing with a former employee who — shall we say — is not at her best.

You can see everything in the video above. The Sarah Lane interview is a bit long, but it’s worth watching. The rest involves Tonya thinking everyone knows who Leo Laporte and TWiT are. Of course, no one does.

We hope you enjoy the video compilation of what was cut out of the version TWiT posted online.

Lisa Laporte’s Vagina – Accidentally Displayed Live on TWiT

Update: Like the sizzle reel TWiT released when Leo exposed his dick pic, TWiT has released a new sizzle reel to distract again!

Are they worried about something? We feel sorry for Anthony Nielsen. Every time one of his bosses exposes genitals, he has to make a new sizzle reel.

NSFW Video
Link to MP4 for embedding or distributing.
Link to vid.me backup in case you have issues playing it.

Leo Laporte previously exposed a penis on The Tech Guy. Now he has exposed a vagina from a person named Lisa with a last name that begins with “Kent” on the flagship show This Week in Tech.

Leo states that the vagina in question is “something filthy” while Liberty Madison #ThatTechGirl — maybe it was Drake since they all look alike — must gaze upon it in terror. Philip Elmer-DeWitt can be heard saying “Oh jeez!”

We are hoping our commenters with more forensic experience can help us determine the rightful owner of the pictures below. Perhaps someone could ask the CEO of TWiT, Lisa Kentzell Laporte, if she could assist. We are sure she doesn’t want this kind of “filthy” content appearing on the TWiT TV Network.

NSFW Content Below

Continue reading Lisa Laporte’s Vagina – Accidentally Displayed Live on TWiT

Why Everyone Ignores You in #twitlive

Do you ever wonder why nobody responds to you in #twitlive? Do you wonder why the only people talking are the same 5-7 people every day? Do you, like possibly Leo Laporte, wonder why there are no <WebXXXX> chatters anymore?

The inmates have taken over the asylum and Leo Laporte is no longer in any sort of control over the situation.

In #twitlive, no one can hear you scream — or talk.

We’ve been thinking about writing an exposé for a while, but <@OzNed> finally gave us the written proof we needed to wrap everything up in a nice little bow below.

Let’s explore the myriad ways #twitlive is currently broken.

Join Delay

We’ll start with the join delay. When you join #twitlive, there is a two minute delay before you’re allowed to talk. This trick is visible, unlike the nasty invisible tricks we’ll detail later. They ostensibly do this to prevent drive-by trolls joining, spamming, and then quitting. This gives the ops time to determine if a chatter is worthy of hanging out with Uncle Leo.

<User8471> hey everybody!
== You must wait 120 seconds after joining to send to channel (+d): #twitlive

Even users with voice — like mister <+raygun01> in this video — are subject to this limitation, for no apparent reason.

CTCP Queries

<@legat> queries your IRC client for TIMEand recently for VERSION — when you join #twitlive. You may be wondering: “Who the fuck is legat and why is he querying my client?”

legat [legat@moderator.twit.tv] requested CTCP VERSION from User8471
legat [legat@moderator.twit.tv] requested CTCP TIME from User8471

@legat, in this case, is acting as a bot, though it sometimes talks as well, so it may be a person running a script. It queries your time and then matches up your geolocated — and often very inaccurate — timezone to your CTCP TIME reply. What does this mean? If your timezone doesn’t match, you are SHUNNED.

What is SHUNning, you may ask? It means no one can see you talking, with the possible exception of the mods/ircops. YOU ARE TALKING INTO A VOID.

This was added a few months back and Leo congratulated <@can0k> on this “genius” (his words) technological achievement. Trolls quickly saw through this obvious scheme and started changing their timezone to match what is in IP geolocation databases so it had no effect on the trolls, but it did affect the normal #twitlive sheep. If their IP’s purported location doesn’t match their real location, they get shunned.

<@can0k> hung his head in shame and left with <&Dan>, never to be seen again after the virtual mod mass-suicide of 2015 in the aftermath of #DickGate. Leo had to beg morons like <Keith512> to become mods after the great exodus.

Auto-Kicks Just for Talking

Shortly after certain trolls started repeating things in #twitlive over and over, the flood controls were lowered, limiting people to saying 2 things in a rolling period of six seconds. The 3rd line gets you kicked and no one sees it (except perhaps the mods). The trolls quickly learned this and simply adapted to send one line every two seconds, never getting kicked automatically.

The morons in control left this measure intact, which kicks only sheep every single day. Looking at the logs is hilarious and gives lots of material for @LeoLaporteSucks on Twitter.

<GrumpyCat> me looks at KensNote2 with a grumpy look
<GrumpyCat> ?me
*** irc.twit.tv sets mode +b *!*@twitirc-5cf2df66.stanford.edu
*** irc.twit.tv kicked GrumpyCat (Channel flood triggered (limit is 3 lines in 6 secs))
<KensNote2> GrumpyCat are you always Grumpy
*** OzNed sets mode -b *!*@twitirc-5cf2df66.stanford.edu

Two Hours Later

<GrumpyCat> is everyone else at another chat room?
* GrumpyCat retired from the radio show 
<GrumpyCat> lol
*** irc.twit.tv sets mode +b *!*@twitirc-5cf2df66.stanford.edu
*** irc.twit.tv kicked GrumpyCat (Channel flood triggered (limit is 3 lines in 6 secs))
*** OzNed sets mode -b *!*@twitirc-5cf2df66.stanford.edu

Auto-Kicks for Repeating, Even Hours Apart

The best part of this is that the poorly-written flood controls also control duplicated lines. This was put into place because trolls would flood the same message over and over, so the bot would kick on the repeated message.

However, the bot can’t detect a duplicate if one simply adds punctuation at the end or changes one letter, so it doesn’t affect trolls at all, who immediately adapted to this intended limitation.

Again, who it does affect is normal #twitlive sheep just trying to talk. Especially hard-hit is Giz Fiz. Part of the show is a game show where the chat room answers “true” or “false” to a series of trivia questions.

If they say “true” or “false” two times in a row, instant kick/ban. Or, take the following situation where <WIGuy> thought two things were funny seven minutes apart. Big mistake, WIGuy!

<WIguy> lol
<WIguy> lol (7 minutes later)
*** twitbot sets mode: +b *!*@twitirc-eee33019.wi.charter.com
*** WIguy was kicked by twitbot (Stop repeating yourself!)

Even recently “promoted” Tech News Today host Jason Howell has been a repeated victim while at work.

<runwithscissors> android security team already debunked this
<+raygun01> link runwithscissors
<+raygun01> plz
*** irc.twit.tv sets mode +b *!*@twitirc-2425985b.hfc.comcastbusiness.net
*** irc.twit.tv kicked raygun01 (Channel flood triggered (limit is 3 lines in 6 secs))
<+raygun01> And then there is this: http://www.theverge.com/2015/11/16/9743996/apple-designer-interview-bruce-tog-tognazzini-don-norman <+raygun01> ""Former Apple designers say the company has lost 'the fundamental principles of good design' *** irc.twit.tv sets mode +b *!*@twitirc-2425985b.hfc.comcastbusiness.net *** irc.twit.tv kicked raygun01 (Channel flood triggered (limit is 3 lines in 6 secs))
<+raygun01> curtisb believe it or not, still like... 90 percent? <+raygun01> ugh *** irc.twit.tv sets mode +b *!*@twitirc-2425985b.hfc.comcastbusiness.net *** irc.twit.tv kicked raygun01 (Channel flood triggered (limit is 3 lines in 6 secs))

This also gives @LeoLaporteFraud plenty of material.

Automatic Shunning

#reports
#reports
This brings us to present day and the gift that <@OzNed> provided. We have long known that everyone is automatically muted now unless you are one of the chosen few sheep allowed to chat. Everyone else is automatically shunned, which is why you see no one — especially WebXXXX — chatting.

[02:01:40] <@OzNed> poor [21:01:07:04:Feb:16] <zed> UNSHUN by OzNed in #reports on AussieKJ_, [twitirc-3ffb6615.bigpond.net.au] (58.166.243.216)

[02:01:40] <@OzNed> [21:01:07:04:Feb:16] <zed> *** XLINE: zed removed SHUN on *****@58.166.243.216

[02:02:13] <@Keith512> opps wrong room :)

The mods have a secret channel called #reports where the shuns and unshuns happen, and possibly where the shunned users’ text goes (since it does not appear to others in #twitlive). We are fairly certain they can read your shunned text, because if you act like a sheep and talk into the void long enough, they will unshun you — but this usually takes hours. Hours of talking into a voidwhere no one can hear you except for the mods in a secret gestapo channelbefore you are allowed to talk.

== #reports You need to be identified to a registered account to join this channel
== #reports Cannot join channel (Incorrect channel key)
== Channel modes on #reports are: +Rknrst <key>

They appear to be running a bot named <zed> — who does not talk in #twitlive — from a residential Time Warner connection. However, IRCops can fake a user’s host, and they most likely have in this case to make <zed> appear to be a regular user. This bot handles the shunning/unshunning.

== zed [zed@twitirc-47h0ki4823.res.rr.com]
==  realname : zed
==  channels : #twitlive
==  server   : irc.twit.tv [TWiT IRC]
==  account  : zed
== zed is a registered nick
==  idle     : 0 days 0 hours 0 minutes 21 seconds [connected: Mon Jan 18 21:05:04 2016]
== End of WHOIS

CTCP VERSION reply from zed: mIRC v2.1a Windows IRC Client Copyright (c) 1995 Khaled Mardam-Bey.
^^ LOL mIRC from 1995 fake VERSION reply on the bot.
Father Robert Ballecer lying again and trying to explain away the shunning to this random sheep
@BHCcube renamed his account. He didn’t want to be part of the story, and out of respect for him, we are not linking to his new account and instead present this screenshot of the earlier tweets.
FMCP Lies About #Twitlive Shun
FMCP Lies About #Twitlive Shun

Conclusion

This post has been a long time in the making. We hope you appreciate the in-depth explanations for why you cannot talk in #twitlive.

What’s pretty funny is that <@ScooterX> literally controls who Leo is allowed to talk to on Leo Laporte’s national radio show — The Tech Guy — and who he gets answers from.

Leo is truly powerless in his own chat room.

Megan Morrone Deez Nuts

Update: Jimmy Jam did not like this article.

Did possibly-racist, definitely not a monkey Megan Morrone read our previous Deez Nuts coverage and get inspiration for Tech News Today?

The brow-gifted co-host of the new and Elgan-free Tech News Today evening show teased an upcoming story by saying “Deez nuts” but never mentioned the phrase again in the actual story.

Even Jason was taken aback, saying “Uhh, what?”

Our tribute to Megan’s journalism is the video above. Here is the original video and meme in case you are unfamiliar.

Man of God: Father Robert Ballecer Accepts Bribe for Glowing Acer Laptop Review

Father Robert Ballecer
Fr. Robert Ballecer
This is the Total Drama series Man of God, in which we chronicle the exploits of one Father Robert Ballecer, aka Grimace in a Priest Costume, aka The Digital Jesuit, aka <PadreSJ>, aka FMCP, aka <MentalHealthSJ>. Please use our dvr and send in tips with examples of his very Christlike behavior.

In the Know How pre-record above — the episode has not been posted for download as of the date of this posting — Father Robert Ballecer puts away a Synology router he just finished fawning over, lamenting the fact that he can’t do giveaways on the show, even though Synology would allow it, because Leo and Lisa Laporte do not allow him to do so. Robert says specifically that he cannot keep the router because it’s a conflict of interest, so he must send it back or give it away.

Not one hour later, he does nearly an entire episode devoted to a “review” you can see part of in the clip above. After the review is over, he states that he’s keeping the laptop. Notice that Father Robert always uses Acer computers and is a bought and paid for Acer shill.

It seems odd to see a priest with no moral compass, but we guess that explains why he works at TWiT.