All posts by Mike Elgum

movie recommendations

This is a first since the inception of this website. I kid you not. Check the annals (two n’s) of our site and you will find nothing of its kind. This movie recommendation is not without purpose, it is not only here to entertain you.
The movie I speak of ‘Quiz Show’  is available now to rent and stream.

To Tell the Truth.
To Tell the Truth.

This film started slow but sped up in the second act and the third act was riveting. The concepts examined in this movie are great. The descent into corruption for money. The lust for fame. The trading in of values. Advertising in TV. The death of morality in TV. Bastardizing intelligence. Selling out. Lying to the public.

It also has a lot of stuff for people who like literature and Shakespeare, so no one from TWiT will watch it. It is honestly in my top 15 all-time-movies.  Rob Redford directed and he is a great, great friend.

Is anyone safe?

A week after going on record in TWiT IRC to defend the character of the  chronic alleged sexual harasser #soupguzzler, Laporte’s call-screener, Heather, suffered some humiliation at the alleged abuser’s hand. What was her crime? Who knows?

Heather hurt after humiliation
A smile to hide the pain?

It was three weeks ago that Heather’s friend and sweetheart fill-in, Kim, was told she was incompetent by Laporte. Kim’s crime was not giving the delusional over-eater the proper calls, AKA easy calls. Heather seems to have become guilty of the same crime. After all, how hard can it be to ring up an 80 year old lady to inquire about what computer to get her grandson embarking on his college career?

"How much is an iPad?"
“How much is an iPad?”

His voice was hard to make out due to excessive portions of food bouncing around his gullet, but #Drama was not to be denied. Experts at audio reproduction, the #guzzler’s voice was remastered (see video below) which let the fans listen in on him questioning her ability to screen calls. The virtuoso of demeaning employees also left the camera on her throughout her public ridicule. Is this part of a plot to fire Heather and insert a more affordable Jeff_N into the call screener position? It wouldn’t $urprise me. Poor Heather!

Thanks to SpringR for video tip

Fret not Heather, being humiliated by this man puts you in some esteemed company.

*Update* It looks like Heather will be moved aside for Jeff_N after all, we will check the chat log to see who initiated that theory, I believe it was Richardya or KC and homage will be paid.

Enhanced user social cutting edge experience

SF Jargon
Can anyone be a CEO in 2014?

#TotalDrama has been running low on funds. We tell you this because we are committed to openness and honesty with our fans. Luckily the team at #drama may have stumbled on a windfall of cash. Yesterday SkiEast featured,  a must-read article, that shed light on  the make believe nonsense that the TWiT CEHo will be paying $400,000 for. (see image) This high level plan was combed over at #drama HQ and a few black holes were found on this white board. We put our team to work and formed a new company henceforth known as “Four Toilets” to compete in this space.

Affordable Nonsense
Affordable Nonsense

We immediately set out on a plan to both accomplish the goals laid out by the current contractor while simultaneously adding objectives and saving TWiT LLC some serious bank. We even used a piece of paper instead of a whiteboard in a cost cutting move. (see image) The plan looks solid and we hope to add some more value and bullshit in the near future. The asking price for this business plan is $85,000.

Jesus Christ what happened to TWiT? Enhancing brand image, wtf wtf wtf. There was a time this would have been laughed at and not embraced.
Anyway, I am off to get a plaid shirt, grow a beard and get a business card stating I am CEO so I can meet some of San Francisco’s hottest honeys.

Why are Squirels Cute and Rats Disgusting

It is said by men everywhere that there is one way to be woken up in the morning that surpasses all others. I disagree, it is overrated and annoying. I prefer a cup of coffee in the morning. Whatever. So today we awoke without the horror of an Elgum-TNT in our rear view mirror and unusually, something to look forward to on a Friday.

The fans have spoken
Fans have spoken: Click to see what they said

As always, my job is to present an honest unbiased retrospective as we digest yesterdays TNT. The reviews came in by the fans and they were glowing. Fan favorite Sarah Lane kept to the Lgum-format so as not to humiliate the current host and in so doing stayed classy for San Francisco. This editorial decision highlighted what a talented host can fix and what a talented host can not fix  within the current confines of the TNT structure. The energy was high with lots of pep by Lane and equally perky co-host Hu,  they made the broadcast easy to listen to. Jason, who can get along with anyone, was noticeably happier having Lane in the captain’s chair. A particular remnant of the new-and-unimproved-TNT remained and held the broadcast back. An unassailable issue with having journalists as guests is….. they can suck.

TWiT did not invent broadcast news programs and something learned long ago was that not every great writer is a great guest. The  Beijing correspondent was boring and again, not every guest can be resurrected with a good host. Peter Kafka is one of my favorite writers but when he appears on TNT, it feels like my fingernails are being pulled out using a rusty pair of tweezers.

Celebrating #TotalDrama day at TWiT HQ
Celebrating #TotalDrama day: Hair down and to the side!

Next Issue: Selecting and covering the in-depth story(s) on all tech news shows is paramount and where Merritt of Daily Tech News Show shines. This one facet is what breaks or makes shows. The key, finding what to talk about. This is why preparing a news show is not just summarizing headlines.

Competition 3 miles ahead
Alert:Competition 3 miles ahead

As an example, let us examine the story of the new social network Ello. So what? What is interesting? A new social network that doesn’t want to do ads, is that it? The host/producer preparation must be to hone in on what people will want talk about, what the buzz is, and start that conversation. This is why Elgum preparing a show alone at 4AM, without someone to bounce things off of and see what is interesting is a monumental mistake.  Another thing Merritt would do is monitor the IRC to see if something he missed got the audience abuzz.  This is why a consistent everyday co-host, preferably in studio,  is the best option. Back to Ello and finding an interesting angle to discuss with your guest: How can any new social network overcome the problem of not being where the people are, is it even possible to succeed or is Facebook the foreseeable undisputed champ? If Ello flourishes will they be able to turn down billions of dollars in ad revenue, can any human do that when push comes to shove? Basically, the hosts job is to find one of the quintessential talking points.

It is certainly to early to tell how TNT will fare in 2015 and who knows if late sleeper Lane will have them dump TNT and keep TN2 when the Gum departs Petaluma. It is silly to speculate but I am betting the 5’0 blond is up to the task.

Update: Based on comments, author changed ‘Broadcast Journalism’ to  ‘Broadcast News Program’

Petaluma Psycho

I have been writing for this site since mid-October 2014 and I seem to have gained a reputation as the Pro-Leo guy or TWiT apologist. This is simply not true and I think this article will support my stance. Ya’ll seem to think #soupguzzler is some sort of “liar.” Well, fine, he does lie a bit to fans about some stuff. Yea, I’d Fund That, Game of Geeks, twelve meet ups a year world-wide, in just eight months Mikes turned into a real pro, great friends with Kevin Spacey, not letting advertisers dictate content, a fresh Breaking News Division, cancelling shows, offering Amber a goodbye episode, money invested in TWiT, flying people in for the NYE show, sending Elgum to Thailand to cover stories and a few other minor untruths but big deal.

However, I think the way he treats people is a little cold. In this video we see an oral reunion with Ray Maxwell. A former TWiT host and friend.

  • The poor guy has to call in to talk to Leo
  • Leo couldn’t call the guy when he was diagnosed with cancer?
  • He will hook him up with the Know-How show, sure
  • I just miss you so much”
  • He doesn’t even save the guys contact info
  • They are going to visit him in Vancouver

10929654_800I couldn’t place what #soup’s condition was until I remembered a line from American Psycho. A great novel/movie everyone should watch about Patrick Bateman, a self-centered psychopath who basically hates everyone. Here are some quotes.
Do they ring any bells?

Patrick Bateman: I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust

Steve Jobs Only Stole a Couple Thousand From Woz

It is a shame how the greedy often rip off the innocent. Lost amongst the Soup Maestro’s blathering  about how his shows subsidize all the other shows is one small detail. He has co-stars on his shows. In some cases those co-hosts are the shows. Is there anyone who thinks Laporte’s contribution of eating lunch is equivalent to Steve Gibson’s contribution of  delivering complex sermons on the intricacies of the internet? Which Gibson, in all likelihood, spends hours and hours preparing for.

Gee, I wonder what the profit split is, fifty fifty seems likely. Well not really. They both need offices, they both need microphones, editing can’t be more than 20 minutes work, a few C notes for hosting etc. Hmm, I guess they have a spreadsheet for those expenses. That show is a massive success  and grew 28% just this past year, surely Steve got a 28% raise as well. If Leo is able to subsidize all the other shows with his share of his four shows, Gibson must be living on easy street.   Looks like being smart isn’t as lucrative a trait as being conniving.


“Trust no one” may in fact have its own double entendre, ay Steve?

Leo, Shannon and Sarah

Get your mind out of the gutter Monsieur Laporte, this is not some sick fantasy of yours. What follows here  is a detailed introspective  of how the latest Sarah incident is directly related to the latest Shannon incident. In this story reported by Helloworld, we saw Leo say the following to Sarah while leering at an adorable and fashionable short skirt she wore,  “You can’t see anything except a dark triangle.”  This was an obvious allusion  to the pubic tuft of hair often found above a woman’s genitalia. (Asked for comment, Sarah-Lane-expert Richard Yes had this to say, “anyone who watches Sarah do a Harry’s Razor ad while focusing on her telling smile is keenly aware that there is no such triangle.) A good point but not the angle we are working on here.

Scream or Laugh? No One Knows!

The question remains, is this a form of sexual harassment? Judging by the reaction of Miss Lane it appears it was not. She smiled, she chuckled, she retorted with another joke. However the behavior of Mr. Laporte  needs to be examined in its entirety on an institutional level. Firstly, it should be noted that this behavior, if not from a boss, would not be illegal. Often grownups, like my mom and dad, make adult jokes with each other, especially friends. But then why is this behavior inappropriate? Laporte could just say he was acting as a good friend in a joking manner. To answer this question we need to examine another joke by a TWiT employee.

My Name is Sarah, with an H Dumbass
My Name is Sarah, with an H Dumbass

When Shannon responded to a joke on Twitter regarding Lisa, the joke resulted in her *termination. Boom, Lisa didn’t like the joke, so Shannon was shown the door. Well, what if Sarah didn’t like what Leo said, what if it made her uncomfortable? Too bad princess. Jokes are acceptable only when his majesty the boss Leo or his girlfriend/CEO say it’s acceptable! This my fine feathered friends is why it’s sexual harassment, allegedly.  Remember when Sarah returned from her trip and found herself the victim of a prurient shoulder rub by Laporte, what if Jason walked into CEO’s office and began to rub her shoulders? The lawmakers put sexual harassment laws on the books for this very reason. Without these edicts, the boss says what he wants and the employee acquiesces. If you think this is a two way street you will find yourself in a serious head-on collision.

The actual time window to file a sexual harassment claim will vary by state. Sarah may want to file within the next 180 days to see if she has a claim and could own TWiT by the end of November. Who knows? Tom Merritt may find himself back from whence he came.

Read more:
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution

*It should be noted that the exposé by #TotalDrama resulted in a temporary stay of the Shannon termination.

Metaphorical TWiT Review

Wholesome Shannon
Wholesome Shannon

Time to class up this website and give an unbiased review. No longer will Leo be the victim of hate. It’s now time for fairness and equality. I will be doing honest show reviews for the readers of this great site who deserve columns written with integrity.

Let me start with what is called a metaphor, bitches. I live in a big city and went out for Mexican cuisine with friends. The eatery was only a ten minute walk from my residence so I elected to travel home by foot after a lovely evening. I was only about three minutes away from my home destination when I realized I had made a serious error and should have taken a cab.

#TotalDrama writers flaccid!
Average #TotalDrama Writer Flaccid!

The Mexican meal was not happy where it lay and wanted out and wanted out fast. The food, awash in intestinal fluid, rushed through my colon on its way to a raucous ride through my small intestine where it was finally damned by my taut rectum. The pressure was great but I held my own. I prayed to God to let me get to my lobby and if the explosion were to happen there, so be it. I would take the mess in my pants up the solemn stairwell and into my apartment where I would discard the evidence and none would be the wiser.

I clenched my buttocks and every step was an epic battle. I made it to the lobby. But I grew brash and, feeling confident, I decided to take the elevator. Once inside the emergency status returned and my eyes began to water. I gathered every iota of strength and kept the rushing monsoon at bay. My face flushed with blood and my eyes were frozen wide open and unblinking as the elevator doors at last parted. The sanctum of my front door was in sight. I moved one cautious foot in front of the other and finally reached satisfaction just as I inserted the key into the door.

Are you serious?  Gross
Are you serious? Gross

God was kind to me. I only had 30 feet to get to my round porcelain goal. Victory was in my grasp as a smile could be seen on my face. Both feet passed the bathroom threshold, there I stood, my back to the flushable oasis I had dreamed of. I undid my bucklings and with one motion I slid my pants and undergarments to the floor. But I was too cocky. The combination of  bending down, which straightened my colon, and the release of tension when my pants fell to the floor was too much to overcome. It was everywhere.

The remnants of the explosion took hours to clean. Somehow the radius of the blast seemed to defy three separate laws of physics. The image of myself naked on my knees crying in my own feces with filthy rags is the metaphor for the October 19th episode of TWiT. I will give it 2 out of 5 stars.