All posts by Ghost Dog

Media Superstar Howard Stern Belittles TWiT and Questions Revenue Numbers

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A Real Talent Howard Stern
A Real Talent: Howard Stern

Jeff Jarvis, CUNY adjunct professor of something, telephoned in to the Howard Stern radio program to kiss Howard’s ass. Between kisses, Google’s #1 fan tried to get in a plug for his other love; Leo Laporte.

Howard would have none of it and laid down the truth.

Howard openly called in to question the revenue numbers publicly given out by TWiT and Leo’s wife turned CEO. He went on to mock the chosen name of the network.
Howard; we loved you before and we love you more now, you have always been an inspiration to those of us tirelessly working at TotalDrama HQ. Babbooey dear friend.
Hey Jeff, thanks for helping out, we owe you one!

Longer Audio Clip

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Special thanks to long-time member of TotalDrama koolaide from our chat room and comments for the audio contributions. Team #OneAss.

The New Screen Savers is Officially a Monumental Failure

Well a hey hey hey and a how de do, it didn’t take long but TWiT’s last hope is apparently on its way out. The show known as The New Screen Savers is witnessing its ratings descend at an alarming rate.

Youtube views for video shows are meaningless indicators of popularity. [WinkyFace]

Will this show ever reach TNT level lows?
Will this show ever reach TNT level lows?

Let’s dish, the show was ill-conceived at the outset. They had one advantage in that salaried employees could be made to work on the show at minimal to no cost.  But the shearing of talent meant they had no one left to put on screen. They were forced to cash in a lot of favors from outsiders, but now that well is drying up too. No one wants to be on this failing program without being paid (at least) on a similar level to Patrick.

Not in the top 40??
Not in the top 40??

Oh, and if you non-believers want to see the top 40 tech podcast list unaltered you can click this. But TNSS is undoubtedly in trouble. Who knows, maybe the CEO/ PR expert/ Wife/ Host/ SalesExec/ Producer did not realize that a video show is not an ideal fit for an MP3 dominated podcasting genre. Remember when hopes were high at the studio and fans always heard about new shows on the horizon? That ship sure as heck passed, when was the last time the gun shy execs even teased a new show? They don’t even lie about new shows anymore.

Whatever the colossal error was, the begging of guests  is not the answer. Folks who graciously appear in-studio, should not be pestered into prerecording a TNSS segment because it just takes “a few minutes” after doing This Week in Tech. Frankly my dear, it’s kind of rude. This network needs a better business model than relying on the kindness of others. Already we see TWiT being forced to call in Christina Warren, Inhatko, Ritchie and other TWiT contractors to be This Week in Tech guests. The impact of TNSS on This Week in Tech is a further reduction in guests as tech journalists try and avoid the badgering to do free segments for TNSS. He already fired Chad for not getting good guests who is the next whipping boy?

(Should  the 4th sexiest person in tech ask for a raise?)

Keep the ban going!
Keep the ban going!

Is it time to zip up the body bag on this show and maybe roll the dice on a Padre toy helicopter show instead? We doubt Leo will cancel this show and we predict a pig-headed stubbornness in the vain of, his choice of TNT host, to win out over reason. But…..

Self Love
SelfLove, Ever see him happier?

Folks, Leo needs help and he can’t ask his fans so I will be his voice. Can anyone offer some advice in the comments on how we can save this show?

*Now, why does Padre start three/fourths of his sentences with the word “now” when he does his 1920’s radio voice?

PadreSJ to help the poor!

PadreSJ is expected to spend time caring for the poor. He will console those in need. He will provide comfort to those who find themselves in dire straits. He will shelter those without homes. He will offer care to those who have no one to look out for them.

F the Poor
F the Poor

On second thought, he will continue using the money donated to the church by hardworking Catholics to supply slave labor to a man who hates Catholicism. A man who needs more commandments from god to make it a challenge to violate all ten decrees on a daily basis.


Who among us can forget the joyous outcry when Gum was announced as the new and improved host of TNT. It was about 15 seconds later that iYaz resigned, causing the CEO to blog “We are disappointed to announce that Iyaz Akhtar has chosen to leave…” A month later the lovely and talented Sarah Lane shocked the world by splitting up from Gum. Anyone who truly appreciated on-screen chemistry was reeling in sorrow.

True Love
You will need a chainsaw to cut this tension!

Jason Howell was the sole survivor and he proved to be on borrowed time as well. But then….. the News Director in conjunction management orchestrated a master-class plan.

Promlem not Solved
Promlem not Solved

A rotating co-host line-up was brought in to stabilize [complicate] the rotating carousel of unemployed journalists and bloggers. Then one by one they dropped off too. Sarah Silbert left Tech, Elise Hu left the country and Don Resinger left everything and is currently believed missing. Other co-hosts were brought in to replace the departed but one by one they left followed their predecessor’s liberating path to bliss. K.T. Benner and others. The current crop of hosts, like Christina Warren, have  figured out how to manage this train-wreck show. She basically does not pay attention to Mike or the guests and wakes up when it’s her turn to read the questions Gum prepared. She spends the rest of the show typing away on her computer, texting friends or eating cereal. She loves cereal.

Recently, she had a bona-fide scoop and interviewed some of the reclusive top executives at Apple Inc.. Her commitment to TNT saw her take the day off from TNT to appear on real programs.

….anyway, this show is hilarious and I recommend it.

Gum and PadreSJ are banned from hosting “This Week in Tech”

Where are my facts?  Where is my proof? This is pure speculation!

My facts are my eyes and my proof is my reason. Here’s the facts, Jack:

  • For a decade now, #Soupguzzler has taken multiple vacations.
  • Spare TWiT hosts always fill in (Merritt, Lane, Padre, Gum etc.).
  • All of a sudden, outsiders are substitute hosting the weekly TWiT.
  • PadreSJ would do anything, even help the wretched poor, to host. We know he wasn’t busy.
Would you rather a unrelated pic of Shannon Morse or another Padre pic.
Would you rather see an unrelated pic of Shannon Morse or another Padre pic? I made my choice.

So use your brain…what happened? What changed? Why all of a sudden are they begging Becky and Kevin Rose to host? Maybe the TD premise is accurate. Maybe ratings are down. Maybe they are getting desperate. If you disagree, then buy another TWiT shirt.

Wake up kids, Rome is burning.

*Note: In the interest of saving space “the lovely and talented Sarah Lane” was referred to as “Lane” in paragraph 2 line 2. God forgive me but format matters

Does Leo Encourage Defrauding Advertisers?

Something is rotten in Petaluma. An eagle-eared IRC commenter noticed that Leo may have a motive for his crap website. There is a suspected plot that has been offered up for review: It seems a certain pot-bellied, overly-sleepy, article-reading slob may have a reason for asking for people to get the API key and develop, develop, develop.

How About This For a BUssiness
How About This For a Business?

What does he have in mind? What doesn’t his audience have?  It seems kinda weird to want all these mobile applications and websites with redundant purposes. Could he be looking for someone to program applications to auto-download all his podcasts? Maybe that is where the mass exodus of Mods went? They code? This is easier money than making good shows!

More Powerful That Padres Anti-Troll Program
More Powerful That Padre’s Anti-Troll Program

Fret not, drama people. We may have an API key and are possibly developing an app that downloads the episodes to a server of our own that you can re-download. The #guzzler won’t get to chow down on those extra-large buckets of #soup. We may even have a way to reverse the download numbers thereby effectively shoving the podcast back up Leo’s ass.

Mike Elgum Bullies Randal Schwartz

Are ee ess pee ee cee tee
Are ee ess pee ee cee tee

One of the only remaining nice things TWiT does, dating back to the golden era, is give the fans a show about Linux.  FLOSS Weekly was genuinely born in a time when TWiT cared about the audience and not profit.

Another old tradition is not adhering to a schedule and having programs begin on time. When non-professionals like Elgum helm a broadcast, it is paramount that there is no time frame to follow. The length of his show can vary from seventeen minutes to sixty five minutes. He has no control of what happens nor any idea what he is doing, the chances of him starting on time are virtually non-existent.. All the hosts have always been understanding about the malleable calendar.

The girls won't go for this in 2015
The girls won’t go for this bullying in 2015

It seems power hungry News Director Mike Elgum found someone to push around. Although Gum is unable to start or finish his show on schedule he is forcing the kind and generous Randall Schwartz to start his show an hour earlier so as not to dare delay the comedy news show known as TNT. Oh how I long for what once was and what will surely never be again.  The lovely and talented Sarah Lane would never have stood by for this.

Update 1: Hilton was unavailable for comment. We are investigating why he was let go from TWiT and no longer appears in the “people” section. One possible explanation is he never worked there. Speculation that his picture and profile were  put on the site instead of actually hiring someone of color is pure speculation

How to and How not to

From the ack it looks like...
From the back she looks like… Could it be….

Ignore the picture.
This morning I was on the subway and since I had woken a bit earlier than usual there was a new crop of fellow commuters whom I was not familiar with on my train. The car was not shoulder to shoulder packed but was moderately full.

I stood near the door and leaning with her back against the door in a belted A-line blue dress that fell just above her knees was a very attractive ring-less young woman.  Her coloring was magnificent, she must have had Middle Eastern or Spanish blood because her skin was a healthy olive tone. Her eyes were the perfect shade of green and she had those pale shaded lips, I am not sure what you call that color.

As fate would have it I had my most expensive jeans on along with a good pair of shoes and my greatest button-down shirt and of course my Beats-by-Dre headphones with a leather satchel bag. Urban-chic.


So I was spending this commute alternating between looking at her and playing with my iPhone and she was (I say this in all modesty) doing the same. When she looked up and caught my eyes on her, I did not do what you nerds would do. I did not look away, I held my gaze until she looked away with humility. At the next stop an empty seat opened up right in front of where I stood. All the nearby eyes of standing passengers flocked to the seat but it was mine, if I wanted it. I moved toward the seat but remained standing (like boxing-out for a rebound) and left a path for only her to sit. She accepted and only succeeded in half-hiding her smile. The rest of the ride was a joyful sparring match played with our eyes and I will not divulge the ending to this tale. I relay this story only to let people know how to treat a princess. And of course the one man who does the opposite.

Have you no shame LaPorte? You make her walk around without an ipad, where is your humanity? Whats is next, killing all the starving kids in Africa? Where does it end?

Before You Host

Today I would like to examine how Padre destroyed another show. When the wonderful Nicole Lee was at TWiT she created a show that seemed a perfect fit for their audience. A product review show. This show has been destroyed by pure laziness. Let us take a look at exactly what they choose to review now that Padre is at the helm. On the latest episode I’ll admit they did review one proper product, The Samsung Galaxy S6. A device people may actually be interested in purchasing. But let us inspect and opine on what else piqued their interest.

Junk is junky

Myriam bought a $99 Kickstarter gadget that was essentially an ancient dumbed-down Android tablet running the Instagram app. I ask you Padre, does this need to be reviewed? Are there more than eight people inhabiting our planet interested in buying this? We know Myriam had it lying around her apartment but is that a reason it should be featured on the show? And of course the review consisted of her shitting on the product for being exactly what anyone with a brain would have expected it to be.

I love being on camera
I love being on camera

The next product on the agenda was a mystery to me. I watched the review four times and still do not know what the product was. It was either an accessory to a professional television camera, a rig to hold the camera or an actual camera. The chances of anyone from the audience being remotely interested in making this purchase lies somewhere between zero and zero.

Another day
Another day, another toy

If the quadcopter fans don’t get enough of them contraptions on Know-How, and if hundreds of hours of coverage of these things have not quenched their thirst, Padre reviewed another one. In summary: push the joystick forward and it goes forward, push right and it goes right, et cetera et cetera.

Plug it in
Plug it in?

I do not have any idea what the last product he reviewed was. (see right) But I think I have ten of them in one of my drawers in an old dresser. Padre, here is a free tip on how to do a product review show; review products people want reviewed. It is not complicated. Anyway remember, “if you’re gonna take a shit, do it while you watch, Before You Buy. See ya next time.”

The ew creen avers

Motion denied legal zoom, you’re not an attorney!
Motion denied legal zoom, you’re not an attorney!

This Ill-conceived show is off to a rough start. Apparently the legal team at TWiT may have misspoke when they proclaimed the ‘Screen Savers trademark’ to have lapsed. A cease-and- desist arrived special delivery. Laporte says he will fight NBC/Comcast but our money says he will acquiesce to their demands and change the name. He may even need to hire an attorney, sometimes you need to spend greenbacks on legal talent too. Our guess is the TWiT legal team is actually the ceOH and a database search.

When does Gûm host?
When does Gûm host?

The show seems destined to go over budget anyway. Much like I’d Fund That, we don’t see them getting guest hosts or guest spots to show up on a Saturday without paying money. Their board (see left) does look cool though. What if Kevin Rose cancels like he did for the anniversary episode? This issue combined with the fact that this is primarily a video show leaves us worried about the fate of the show. Maybe in yesteryear with the lovely and talented Sarah Lane, Iyaz with a how-to segment, Shannon, Becky, Tom, a Kiki science segment, Veronica, Justin and Brian, it had a chance. But the new crop of hosts is not really cut out for broadcasting. We assume all the expected fumbling and bumbling is why the show will not be recorded before the live-stream. Podcasting revenue is 80% from audio down-loads you know.

You get even this close...
You can stay but if you  get even this close…

Speaking of legal questions and since we have attorneys in our audience, help me out: Let’s say the lovely and talented Sarah Lane comes to NY for TechCrunch Disrupt. I list my apartment on AirBNB for a crazy low price. I reject everyone until I get Sarah as a tenant. Then, when she is in the shower I enter the apartment to check the water pressure, is that illegal?

UPDATE: They kept the Framerate and NSFW names in spite (never used them) so maybe they could trade those for TNSS? What goes around does tend to come back around.

UPDATE: The issue at hand is not Trademark but copyright. We do believe TWiT infringed on their copyright but our legal experts do not think Comcast can win in court.