Tag Archives: Less Padre More Sarah

Leo Laporte Disgusted with Padre’s Coverage of Live Events

There is no man or woman in the universe who likes FMCP aka Robert “PadreSJ” Ballecer. Notorious liar, possible criminal and just all around garbage.

Father Robert Ballecer
Fr. Robert Ballecer

TWiT is bad at doing live events, conference coverage and Padre is no exception to this. FMCP was sent by CeHo to some random event to do a wonderful job of covering it, as part of her continuous desperate attempts to shill sponsors for more money. Guess what? He failed, using his 1920’s radio announcer voice, he stood in the middle of show floor mumbling nonsense for 10 minutes on twit’s live stream. We will spare you with showing entire footage, instead we will share Leo’s thoughts on this matter.

As you can imagine, Leo wasn’t thrilled with the dressed clown job. He showed his continued distaste for Padre and complained to CeHo that he needs more control over planning and doing live coverage. Knowing TWiT’s past history, we can only hope that Padre soon will be an off-site producer.

Before You Host

Today I would like to examine how Padre destroyed another show. When the wonderful Nicole Lee was at TWiT she created a show that seemed a perfect fit for their audience. A product review show. This show has been destroyed by pure laziness. Let us take a look at exactly what they choose to review now that Padre is at the helm. On the latest episode I’ll admit they did review one proper product, The Samsung Galaxy S6. A device people may actually be interested in purchasing. But let us inspect and opine on what else piqued their interest.

Junk is junky

Myriam bought a $99 Kickstarter gadget that was essentially an ancient dumbed-down Android tablet running the Instagram app. I ask you Padre, does this need to be reviewed? Are there more than eight people inhabiting our planet interested in buying this? We know Myriam had it lying around her apartment but is that a reason it should be featured on the show? And of course the review consisted of her shitting on the product for being exactly what anyone with a brain would have expected it to be.

I love being on camera
I love being on camera

The next product on the agenda was a mystery to me. I watched the review four times and still do not know what the product was. It was either an accessory to a professional television camera, a rig to hold the camera or an actual camera. The chances of anyone from the audience being remotely interested in making this purchase lies somewhere between zero and zero.

Another day
Another day, another toy

If the quadcopter fans don’t get enough of them contraptions on Know-How, and if hundreds of hours of coverage of these things have not quenched their thirst, Padre reviewed another one. In summary: push the joystick forward and it goes forward, push right and it goes right, et cetera et cetera.

Plug it in
Plug it in?

I do not have any idea what the last product he reviewed was. (see right) But I think I have ten of them in one of my drawers in an old dresser. Padre, here is a free tip on how to do a product review show; review products people want reviewed. It is not complicated. Anyway remember, “if you’re gonna take a shit, do it while you watch, Before You Buy. See ya next time.”

Apple better watch out!

The difference between the philosophy of Apple & Google was never more pronounced then when the two companies released their set-top boxes and respective remotes. Compare these two remotes and you will discover everything about the souls of these two companies.

An elegant remote
An elegant remote, from a more civilized age.

Apple favored simple and avoided confusion like #soup avoids trolls. Their customer’s complaints were always why can’t you; add an app store, add games, add web browsing, add anything? Apple would just say, “no, three buttons is plenty. We will give you more buttons in a few years. We eventually gave you notifications on your iPhone, and copy-and-paste, so relax kids.”

Is this calculus?
Is this calculus?

Conversely, Google could not say “no” to any function. Any engineer could walk up to the lead engineer with an idea and it would be incorporated into the product. My god, look at that thing, have they no sense of what normal non-engineer mammals are like?

I just perused the Apple Watch guide available in iBooks and I instinctively made myself crib-notes to cheat on any surprise pop-quiz. Apple is straying too far. Tap crown, double tap crown, long hold crown, tap side button, double tap it, tap screen, force tap, tap and hold, long tap, scroll crown, swipe up, down, sideways, drag. #WTF

In 2010, there would have been zero third party apps, one button, and much less functionality. Simple.

Will there be math on this text? You said no math.
Will there be math on this test? You said no math.

Bald-Faced Liar

The #soupguzzler is a big spender and spares no expense for you, the fans—or so he claims. In actuality, he is what doctors call full of shit. Now that he is done paying for the hosts’ flights (the check is in the mail) for New Year’s Eve, he is sending a team down to CES.

The team is made up of Richard DeBartolo, Father Robert Ballecer and Scott Wilkinson.

On the job for AVS Forum
On the job for AVS Forum
Covering C.E.S. since the 40's
Covering CES since the ’70s
Wasting the churches money at CES for over a decade
Wasting the church’s money at CES for over a decade

Upon further scrutiny, it seems as if these three pawns of the Great Pretender are all heading to CES on someone else’s dime: Scott is punching his ticket for AVS forum for the [sic] 20th year in a row; Dickie D is making tracks for ABC for the [sic] 33rd year in a row; and Padre is being flown out by the Church of Saint Jude for the [sic] 10th year in a row. Looks like we found a question for this week’s Inside TWiT to go along with “2014 ad revenue” questions.

For those of you looking for CES coverage we recommend GeekBeat’s live coverage.  CNeT will usually put out some good videos and Molly Wood is doing pretty good twitter coverage.