#TotalDrama has been running low on funds. We tell you this because we are committed to openness and honesty with our fans. Luckily the team at #drama may have stumbled on a windfall of cash. Yesterday SkiEast featured, a must-read article, that shed light on the make believe nonsense that the TWiT CEHo will be paying $400,000 for. (see image) This high level plan was combed over at #drama HQ and a few black holes were found on this white board. We put our team to work and formed a new company henceforth known as “Four Toilets” to compete in this space.
Affordable Nonsense
We immediately set out on a plan to both accomplish the goals laid out by the current contractor while simultaneously adding objectives and saving TWiT LLC some serious bank. We even used a piece of paper instead of a whiteboard in a cost cutting move. (see image) The plan looks solid and we hope to add some more value and bullshit in the near future. The asking price for this business plan is $85,000.
Jesus Christ what happened to TWiT? Enhancing brand image, wtf wtf wtf. There was a time this would have been laughed at and not embraced.
Anyway, I am off to get a plaid shirt, grow a beard and get a business card stating I am CEO so I can meet some of San Francisco’s hottest honeys.
TotalDrama field reporters spotted this photo on this weeks The Tech Guy. It appears to outline a plan to ‘Save TWiT’. We are hoping for such a comeback from the depths to which the moribund network has sunk.
Here’s the plan
For those having trouble reading it I have attempted to convert the photo to text.
1. cut a hole in a box
2. put your junk in that box
3. make her open the box
4. And that’s the way you do it
I may have made a few errors during conversion.
Wow, amazing. Can’t wait to see how it all turns out.
Many years ago when I was a lowly programmer working out of a cubicle my boss imparted to me some accumulated wisdom.
“Never say someone is a fucking idiot in writing, they never forget”
It seems like the current equivalent is calling Leo Laporte’s main squeeze Yoko. That was their sin. A minor slip, but banning ensued.
Brian Brushwood and Justin Robert Young seem to want to move on, to let hasty words be forgotten. But the sting of ‘Yoko’ lingers.
The stench of it, the sound of it, echoing through the tubes of internetdom. Leo can’t forget and he won’t forgive.
Before the recent TWiT meetup in Austin, Brian made some entreaties and was rebuffed. Apologies not accepted. No face-to-face was to be.
So maybe more begging? Or realize that a man will be judged by his actions and Brian and Justin are better off standing up and accepting whatever was said as truth.
This work is copyrighted by the Sad Society of Happy People. Or maybe that was the Happy Society of Slackers.
It is said by men everywhere that there is one way to be woken up in the morning that surpasses all others. I disagree, it is overrated and annoying. I prefer a cup of coffee in the morning. Whatever. So today we awoke without the horror of an Elgum-TNT in our rear view mirror and unusually, something to look forward to on a Friday.
Fans have spoken: Click to see what they said
As always, my job is to present an honest unbiased retrospective as we digest yesterdays TNT. The reviews came in by the fans and they were glowing. Fan favorite Sarah Lane kept to the Lgum-format so as not to humiliate the current host and in so doing stayed classy for San Francisco. This editorial decision highlighted what a talented host can fix and what a talented host can not fix within the current confines of the TNT structure. The energy was high with lots of pep by Lane and equally perky co-host Hu, they made the broadcast easy to listen to. Jason, who can get along with anyone, was noticeably happier having Lane in the captain’s chair. A particular remnant of the new-and-unimproved-TNT remained and held the broadcast back. An unassailable issue with having journalists as guests is….. they can suck.
TWiT did not invent broadcast news programs and something learned long ago was that not every great writer is a great guest. The Beijing correspondent was boring and again, not every guest can be resurrected with a good host. Peter Kafka is one of my favorite writers but when he appears on TNT, it feels like my fingernails are being pulled out using a rusty pair of tweezers.
Celebrating #TotalDrama day: Hair down and to the side!
Next Issue: Selecting and covering the in-depth story(s) on all tech news shows is paramount and where Merritt of Daily Tech News Show shines. This one facet is what breaks or makes shows. The key, finding what to talk about. This is why preparing a news show is not just summarizing headlines.
Alert:Competition 3 miles ahead
As an example, let us examine the story of the new social network Ello. So what? What is interesting? A new social network that doesn’t want to do ads, is that it? The host/producer preparation must be to hone in on what people will want talk about, what the buzz is, and start that conversation. This is why Elgum preparing a show alone at 4AM, without someone to bounce things off of and see what is interesting is a monumental mistake. Another thing Merritt would do is monitor the IRC to see if something he missed got the audience abuzz. This is why a consistent everyday co-host, preferably in studio, is the best option. Back to Ello and finding an interesting angle to discuss with your guest: How can any new social network overcome the problem of not being where the people are, is it even possible to succeed or is Facebook the foreseeable undisputed champ? If Ello flourishes will they be able to turn down billions of dollars in ad revenue, can any human do that when push comes to shove? Basically, the hosts job is to find one of the quintessential talking points.
It is certainly to early to tell how TNT will fare in 2015 and who knows if late sleeper Lane will have them dump TNT and keep TN2 when the Gum departs Petaluma. It is silly to speculate but I am betting the 5’0 blond is up to the task.
Update: Based on comments, author changed ‘Broadcast Journalism’ to ‘Broadcast News Program’
We have video proof that Jeff Jarvis may have finally fallen off the deep end and hit his head. Good luck with getting that head injury looked at, Jeff! We wish you a speedy recovery.
Jeff Jarvis is an old man who has worn out his welcome with the former fans of “This Week in Google.” He was once an engaging, jovial personality. But recently has been infected with the sadness and negativity of the entire TWiT operation. He mostly just whines and yells out grumpy opinions that nobody really wants to hear anymore.
Just because I retired, doesn’t mean I can’t tell the world…
who we are!
Happy #totaldrama day everyone!!!
It is customary to get kicked from TWiTlive IRC at least once on October 23rd in observance of this day. And thank you to the lovely and talented Sarah Lane for giving us our daily tech news on this holy of holy days.
Amen and may god bless you all.
With help from #TotalDrama chatroom members Fred and LKalif:
Leo Laporte:
I’m going to Austin. I need a sandwich. A turkey sandwich. I was just in London. Lisa and I are going to Austin. We were just in London. I’m going to Austin. I was just in London. And Lisa and I are going to Austin by plane and I talked to Steve Martin on my Tech Guy show that put me two degrees from Kevin Bacon. I am going to Austin. I am going to Austin. Look at me, I am going to Austin. Steve Jobs talked to me once. I’m going to Austin. I was just in London. Lisa and I are going to Austin. We were just in London. I’m going to Austin. I was just in London. And Lisa and I are going to Austin by plane and I talked to Steve Martin on my Tech Guy show that put me two degrees from Kevin Bacon. I am going to Austin. I am going to Austin. Look at me, I am going to Austin. I’m going to Austin. I was just in London. Lisa and I are going to Austin. We were just in London. I’m going to Austin. I am friends with Kevin Spacey. I was just in London. The Brickhouse has cost me millions. TNT is a hard show. I got up at 4 a.m. And Lisa and I are going to Austin by plane and I talked to Steve Martin on my Tech Guy show that put me two degrees from Kevin Bacon. I am going to Austin. I am going to Austin. Look at me, I am going to Austin. I’m going to Austin. I was just in London. Lisa and I are going to Austin. We were just in London. I’m going to Austin. I was just in London. And Lisa and I are going to Austin by plane and I talked to Steve Martin on my Tech Guy show that put me two degrees from Kevin Bacon. I am going to Austin. Thanks to Tonya for the help on TNT. I am going to Austin. Look at me, I am going to Austin. I’m going to Austin. I was just in London. Lisa and I are going to Austin. We were just in London. I’m going to Austin. I was just in London. And Lisa and I are going to Austin by plane and I talked to Steve Martin on my Tech Guy show that put me two degrees from Kevin Bacon. I am going to Austin. I am going to Austin. Look at me, I am going to Austin. I need a turkey sandwich I won’t be able to eat on the plane. I need a sandwich or soup.
