Dumb guy Mike Elgan continues his dumb guy routine of trying to pretend he’s an interesting person on his “Tech News Today” program on the ailing TWiT network. Watch as he deftly informs his audience that he’s going to make vanilla ice cream. It’s riveting banter that you’ll definitely want to stay tuned for.
Category Archives: Misc
Blame Canada
*Editors Post*

We have left totaldrama.ORG and moved to totaldrama.EU. Look at your URL if you do not believe me. And…. we will be moving IRC servers too. Everything you love will still be here, just Europeanish to fit in with the other .EU’s. No longer will we be harassed by the freedom-loving Americans and their cowboy boots. Leo, Sarah and Burke have already updated their bookmarks—and so should you. (IRC info)
America was cool but if Gum won’t move away on his own, we will be forced to lead as role models. Maybe one day he will follow our example. And I don’t mean travel to Shenzhen China to cover stories about hard drive manufacturing. Do not worry, the whole team acted as one and all your favorite writers are on board, everyone from Helloworld to Captain Juno to Emojit3ch. Thank you, on behalf of everyone, to the team who worked day and night on this noble task. It was so moving to see everyone chipping in with their expertise.
I am looking forward to a 2015 filled with real journalism and no ad hominem attacks. Welcome to Canada!
*A percentage of some proceeds from site will be donated to Unicef (.0000001 like TWiT)
Panties on TNT
Santa

As Santa goes over his Who is Naughty and Who is Nice list, we here at #TotalDrama did too. Our editorial meeting concluded recently and we decided it’s time to present the Top Nine Evil Moves of 2014:
#9 — Laughing as slaves and interns clean his mess
The ALS challenge gimmick was too much to pass up. But this reluctant participant was too lazy to walk outside. Instead he did it indoors and laughed as his slaves slaved away.
#8 — Forcing Jason to work Sundays and tearing him away from his family
It was a sad day for the entire Howell household when Jason gathered the whole family to the dinner table. “No more seeing Dad on Sundays, no more baseball games or play recitals, the boss has stolen my Sundays. But I can sit home alone on Thursdays as mommy goes to work and you, my precious darlings, are in school” Not a dry eye, ne’er a one.
#7 — Conspiring with Padre to fire Shannon on her honeymoon
Uncovered by #Drama, it appeared Shannon’s time at TWiT was up until we broke that #scoup and saved her for a time. In an expected move of cowardice, the news that she was fired was scheduled to be forced on the young lass over her honeymoon. They did not want to tell her face to face and at that happy time they could send a quick email instead of telling her in person.
#6 — Disrespecting longtime friend Steve Gibson
In what can only be described as sheer and utter disregard for another human being, the glutton walks away for minutes on end while doing a podcast with Steve Gibson. Implying to his listeners the man is a bore who goes on and on.
#5 — Firing Amber without even a text after eight years of service
Remember, this man fired Erik Lanigan by text and chastised iYaz Akhtar for resigning by email. But Amber, she got neither an email or a text from this behemoth.
#4 — Firing Chad with no notice
We all know what happens to young boys who move to California chasing their dreams. But who knew the father figure would not give him some time or even a warning (we noticed he is wearing the same shirt as in #5 too #WTF) before shoving the twenty-something host out the door.
#3 — Making editors work nights on a whim
This was a gut wrenching day for the entire editing staff as their lives were upended as #Soup guzzled down a few hamburgers and fries.
#2 — Laughing at Elgum’s possible life threatening sickness
Now #TotalDrama is not big fans of the newsman but when we saw he may be dying we had some sympathy, not these two. CEHo and LEHo laughed and laughed.
#1 — Humiliating Sarah Lane on live stream after Elgum debut
It is no surprise who once again comes in at #1. In a textbook display of what psychologists call “Displaced Anger” the king goes off on Sarah for some mindless reason rather than admit he just made the biggest mistake of his life in firing Merritt and hiring a news anchor with zero broadcast experience. To be fair, how would you have reacted after watching his mind-numbing debut?
DEEZ NUTS
Christina Warren and her dumb hat
Women in broadcasting (think Barbara Walters, Diane Sawyer, Katie Couric) have always worn dumb hats when conducting their most important interviews. One must only let their mind wander back a few years to think of the hours and hours of videotape in the archives of the National Museum of Broadcasting showcasing these gorgeous and smart women with their hats. Oh wait. They don’t. Accomplished women have not marginalized themselves with ridiculous head coverings that steal the spotlight from their on-air personas. So good luck being taken seriously with your shitty fashion, Christina Warren—never let some pothead-esque chapeau stand in the way of your dumb opinions. The men in the room certainly don’t seem to take you seriously, so why should we? And with a Twitter handle like @film_girl, you’ve already told the world you have no interest in being a woman of substance. So keep your stupid hat, little film girl, and let the real women do the meaningful reporting.
Scumbag?
Native advertising, it is a thing despised by Leo Laporte and @profjeffjarvis, two scrupulous experts on journalism. When one is viewing a respected publication such as the New York Times, one may read a story that is actually a paid ad in article format, with a disclosure that it is an ad only revealed in small print. This is a disgrace. This is offensive. This is known as native advertising.
As we know, 70% of the podcast audience is audio only. They do not see a lower-third. Therefore, it is the host’s responsibility to make them aware when he is reading an ad. Most reputable radio networks employ policies requiring phrases like “and now a word from our sponsor” or “this show is brought to you by” to be read, so the audience knows, at the outset, that it is an ad. Listen to the clip (below) and see when or if #soupguzzler does a disclaimer that he is reading an ad for Blue Apron. This is especially offensive on a podcast where the host often talks freely about favorite games and apps and phones and movies and maybe food services too. The #soupguzzler does these native ads constantly.
How long does he wait to say it is an ad?
Does he ever reveal it is an ad?
They’ll figure it out when they hear an offer-code?
Theeeeeeeeeeee Tech Guy!
https://soundcloud.com/ghostdog-6/commercial
He Like a de women!
Original content aired by TWiT.TV under Creative Commons license
Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Seventy years ago the USA intelligence agencies failed causing a Hawaiian naval base to be destroyed which in turn gave World War II a new combatant. In 2013 and 2014 a CEHo attempted to move revenues away from being 85%-90% Leo and failed even worse. But #totaldrama failed too.
We have not supplied an adequate explanation as to how management could be so inept. In a few short months they fired their #1 talent, hired an obese priest to be their main star, reduced the presence of the lovely and talented Sarah Lane by 50% and the only new show not to be cancelled is Padre’s Corner which has yet to get one ad, outside of networkwide-weekly-buyouts. This is not a joke even though it may seem like one.
So today I offer two possible answers. One hit me when I was perusing Richardya on Soundcloud, this piece had lyrics that made me think of psycodelic drugs.
http://soundcloud.com/richardya/rabbit/s-MBPIW
That is one answer, psycodelic drugs. The other answer is a mental condition brought to our attention in the invaluable comments section of our little niche kitsch blog.
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms: Five or more? Our boy is 9 for 9.
<1> Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
Let’s think about this. Have you seen the chair he sits in? Do you know how often he speaks to his staff when not on camera? Try never. He makes everyone, including Vint Cerf: the father of the internet, wait for him. He loves associating himself with people like Steve Wozniak and Steve Jobs when he should be associating with people like Prof Jeff Jarpiss. Does he tell you fans about his fabulous 49’er seats, or that he goes to the Superbowl or that he sits front row at concerts and flies first class and on and on.
<2> Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
The man speculated that if he was offered thirty million dollars for his network he would think about selling. Uh Huh. (video proof) He also considers himself 1st class elite and surrounds himself with pictures of himself and his network logo. (Look at his desk) He is very infatuated with his looks and his relationship. Why does everyone know about his fancy toilet and TV, oh the success he is.
<3> Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
Have you ever heard him mention a friend from his actual life? No. Never. But how many times has he mentioned Kevin Spacey and Steve Martin and Paul Simon and fucking Regis?
<4> Requires excessive admiration
His girlfriend and news director could be two of the biggest suck ups living in the eastern hemisphere of planet Earth. Le’gum quotes #Soup like other people quote Shakespeare and Aristotle. The Soupguzzler hires people like Jeff_N and EffenDund and Patrick who are huge fans. He wants to be around people who worship him. If you examine all his co-hosts from Steve Gibson to Dicky Debartolo to @ProffJeffJarvis they all heap excessive amounts of praise on him. (not Thurrott)
<5> Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
Why not fly first class and stay at Claridges where royalty stays? People serve him coffee and bring him lunch. People plug in his laptop. He hates his fans but loves their admiration. He has a 24 hour chatroom where one can praise him or hit the road.
<6> Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
Pay the stars on MacBreak Weekly and Windows Weekly pittance. Pay guests (besides JCD) on TWiT zero and expect them to beg to be on his show. Tear Jason away from his family on Sundays to work his show. Change editors hours to working nights from working days on a whim. The Hebrews were treated better in Egypt than his employees are treated. Chat room mods are even bigger suckers, those freaks serve him because he says their nicks twice a year on camera.
<7> Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
Ruins lives without thinking about it. Bye Bye Erik Lanigan. His poor fans spending their last penny on TWiT mugs so he can go on yet another vacation. [This symptom <7> of the disorder is very similar to prior <6> if you think about it, so the examples there belong here too, but I am not typing them again.]
<8> Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
Gee, he thinks Kevin Rose and Dvorak ripped him off. He thinks every podcaster on Earth ripped him off yet pays zero homage to the podcasters before him, such as Adam Curry and Harry Gilchrist. He is so jealous of Kevin Rose for selling Revision 3. I don’t even like Kevin Rose but the fact that he caused so much pain to the two-faced freak makes me like the little guy a bit.
<9> Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
Does alleged sexual harassment count? How about if we factor in laughing at sexual harassment training? How about treating employees like slaves? How about exploiting personal relationships on air to fool the idiot fans in #twitlive? Does making everyone wait for you qualify? How about expecting everyone to appear on your podcasts free and never appear on theirs, no matter how many times they ask?
*Note* I am not a doctor nor do I play one on TV, I barely even watch TV but if the #soupguzzler can diagnose us, we can diagnose him. Tit for tat.
Leo Laporte disrespects Steve Gibson
Bored tech scion Leo Laporte finally has dropped all pretense of caring one tiny fuck about his once-informative podcasting empire and instead has resorted to making fun of his hosts. Watch here as blabbering fraud Steve Gibson blah-blah-blahs his way through uninterrupted paragraph after mind-numbing paragraph of fakeness during a recent incomprehensible “Security Now” appearance. I hope Steve watches this to see just how much of a fool Leo makes him out to be.
The Top Ten Tech Hotties of 2014
Ladies and Gentlemen the votes are in. Here ye, Here ye, may the court come to order, THE VOTES ARE IN! They have been carefully tabulated and then adjusted for error. (We received a few emails from people who meant to vote for Sarah but accidentally cast their votes for the wrong name and we amended said votes.) At #TotalDrama we leave no stone unturned for our fans. So without further ado, may we present the Top Ten Tech Hotties of 2014:
#10 — Shannon ‘Snubs’ Morse
This hi-tech hottie has been seen flying drones and hacking systems all around San Francisco and her talent has taken her to the No. 10 spot on our list of Top Ten Tech Hotties. You may be inclined to attempt sneaking into her panties, but with her hacking skillz you may be surprised to discover that it’s Shannon who got in your pants pocket. Watch those zippers, boys! Because once it comes down, it may not come back up until she’s finished “coding.”
#9 — Mark Milian
This scruffy little devil is known far and wide as one of the most engaging and entertaining men in the tech sphere. Mark’s boyish good looks—paired with his deep rambling voice—make for a one-two punch that can leave even the most staid viewer in a quivering puddle. But don’t let his laid-back demeanor throw you, for under that adorable mop top is a brain that works overtime to deliver the insight that fans crave.
#8 — Marissa Mayer!
Oooh baby baby, oooh baby baby! Being CEO may not seem like a job for a Premier Hottie, but in 2014, Marissa showed us that women can have it all! While a Yahoo email address may be kind of embarrassing these days, having a poster of this Grand Dame of Tech on your wall would not be anything to snicker at. BTW, Nice skirt, Marissa!
#7 — Amber MacArthur
Appearing opposite the legendary lady Sarah Lane every week is a tall order for most Canadians, but not for our delicious Amber. Getting to know social media with this blond bombshell (sporting a pair of ruby red lips) is not a bad way to spend an afternoon. She’s a Grade-A specimen of womankind with quite the penchant for Facebook. Amber stole our hearts the moment we heard her say, “Foursquare.”
#6 — Greg Ferenstein
Ladies love men who couldn’t care less and “Treadmill Guy” is no exception. Not much is known about this hero of the common man other than he can’t be bothered to get off his treadmill when appearing on sub-par shows such as Elgum’s lousy TNT show.
#5 — Jolie O’Dell
This voluptuous vixen of a tech reporter can make even the unbearable Leo Laporte bearable for most tech nerds. What with those fiery eyes and that wicked curl of a smile…plenty of football jocks would trade in their cleats for an iPhone 6. Making her online persona disappear is something this darling seems to do every other week, but after a quick gander at the photo above, we decided to let that infraction slide.
#4 — John C. Dvorak
John C Dvorak has been a tech sex symbol since most of you were in grade school. But with his come-hither eyes and devious smile he has been known to make quite a few ladies burst their bustline with desire. Being half of the hunky heart-throb team from “No Agenda” is no problem at all for JCD, he can handle that and a pair of Sansabelt slacks without breaking a sweat. As JCD pours the wine he’ll be reaching into your psyche—ready to unleash his sexy snake and you’ll definitely be feeling all of him “in the mornin.”
#3 — Veronica Belmont
Gaming and book reading have gone wild with this well-respected cutie emeritus. Is there a gamer out there that has not tried to impress this sweetie with a spectacle of a Skyrim high score? Veronica has frustrated young gamer-boys as if she was Comcast phone support operator on-the-line with a customer. And what a surprise, in a never-before-seen twist, our #3 hottie is best buds with our #2 hottie. And as everyone knows, 3+2=Perfection.
#2 — Tom Merritt
Tom’s blue eyes and fetching facial hair make watching your daily tech news a real treat. And delivering the tech news is what he does best. If you want your news filled with tech, and you want it served daily and you want it on a show, then the Daily Tech News Show is for you. After setting out on his own, Tom just seems to get sexier with each new Patreon supporter. Beard Power Forever!
#1 — Sarah Lane
The runaway winner at #1 was no surprise to our fans. She makes watching a woman getting allegedly sexually harassed by a fat obese glutton a fun way to spend a Monday during the weekly taping of “iPad Today.” Most software engineers end up working with hardware when this feline-loving female gets finished with her favorite tech diction. Congratulations, Sarah! Your radiant beauty, flawless hair and your grace under fire has not only garnered you the No. 1 spot on this year’s Top Ten Tech Hotties of 2014 list, but has landed you the No. 1 spot in our hearts.
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Although GhostDog has his name on the byline, this survey and article could not have been completed without the tireless work of our entire staff of employees and volunteers. A special thanks to Helloworld who would not rest until the flair that makes #td.o what it is, was up to snuff.
The actual vote count before adjustments is here: