Man of God: Father Robert Ballecer Says “Fuck Yo Sink”

Father Robert Ballecer
Fr. Robert Ballecer
This is the Total Drama series Man of God, in which we chronicle the exploits of one Father Robert Ballecer, aka Grimace in a Priest Costume, aka The Digital Jesuit, aka <PadreSJ>, aka FFF, aka <MetalHealthSJ>. Please use our dvr and send in tips with examples of his very Christlike behavior.

In this week’s Man of God, we listen to the ham planet with a brown, basketball-sized JELL-O ball for a head say “Fuck Yo Sink”, and then try to play it off when he finds out his mic is on.


EffenDunn’s future at TWiT in doubt

UPDATE: EffenDunn is back at his post doing the usual shitty job that he’s famous for.
EffenDunn is now EffenDone.
EffenDunn is now possibly EffenDone as TD of TNT, leaving his future in serious doubt at his dream job at TWiT.

EffenDunn is now possibly EffenDone as technical director of TNT and his future is in serious doubt as a meaningful contributing member of the TWiT staff. This occurred one day after we covered the ongoing purge of gay employees at TWiT. No longer the TD, he might be grabbing a mop for special after-hours cleanup duty after all the real work has been done by competent workers.

As you can see in the video below, Mike Elgan has little compassion for former members of the TWiT family after they’re no longer employed in their original positions. “Where is EffenDunn? He isn’t Effen here.” Then laughter was heard in the studio on the livestream cam. (Now that the Dropcams have been taken down, it’s harder to be certain of exactly what went down…but it’s a sad story to be sure for Cleanthes, TWiT’s self-proclaimed former number one fan.)

After you watch the video, please think about this: Elgan’s response to a legitimate question posed in the official TWiT chatroom is to make a joke; he makes a rude comment about a man he’s worked with for months. What a great atmosphere to work in—no wonder so many talented contributors have fled the scene recently.

Cleanthes moved to Petaluma on his own dime to work with his idol, Leo Laporte. He was a longtime chatroom participant and came to TWiT full of excitement and wonder.

The exact reason why he’s been demoted from his dream job is unclear, but we have no doubt that it was unrelated to his near-total incompetence at running the Tricaster.

The scene of the crime: Jason C. Cleanthes pretends to run the Tricaster.
The scene of the crime: Jason C. Cleanthes pretends to run the Tricaster.

But here’s what we do know: There is no way that Mike Elgan enjoyed sitting there show after show saying after mishap after fuck-up that they’ll “Fix it in post.” The embarrassment that resulted had to have been a major factor for Elgan.

No word as of yet if Effen will get his prized TWiT tattoo lasered off. But one thing’s for sure…Lisa certainly won’t allow Effen to continue at his current pay level. Life just got a little harder for our man in Petaluma.

Here’s the transcript of some insightful #twitlive chatter:

Last Night

16:31 <Web7220> Production meeting!
16:31 <Web7220> Yay!
16:31 <CreamyCornCob> Production Meeting, "Your doing it wrong!" heh
16:31 -!- mode/#twitlive [+v PadreSJ] by ChanServ
16:31 <+PadreSJ> Hey PDelahanty ... do we have a production meeting today?
16:32 <+PDelahanty> PadreSJ: *shrug*  Maybe?
16:32 <+PadreSJ> PDelahanty, well... if we do, can somebody setup the speaker phone so I can come in?
16:35 <jab> Can we get a Dropcam in that meeting?
16:36 <+PadreSJ> jab, nope... cuz we're gonna talka bout you
16:37 <+PadreSJ> Wait... there's a meeting?
16:37 <+PadreSJ> dang...
16:37 <ayemossum> you got left out PadreSJ
16:37 <ayemossum> what's up with that?
16:37 <+PadreSJ> ayemossum, I always miss it...
16:38 <+PadreSJ> Hey PDelahanty ... can you setup the speaker phone?
16:38 <neo> Is it a meeting where someone gets fired?
16:38 <CreamyCornCob> Jason if your not in the meeting, their talking about you hehh
16:38 <+PadreSJ> neo, out of a cannon


09:57 <Frodo> Who is the TD today and where is EffenDunn?
09:58 <JND> Frodo Anthothy Nielson
09:59 <&Dan> Frodo: effenDunn doesn't work at twit anymore bro.
09:59 <JND> Did EffenDunn leave or was he fired?
09:59 <&Dan> he left.
09:59 <p2k> what?!
10:00 <p2k> sorry - didn not hear effen dunn is done?
10:01 <Frodo> Will Mike enlighten us today?
10:02 <Dr_Morbius> where's Effen Dunn?
10:03 <Frodo> Mike where is Jason?
10:03 <HelplessCorgis> hope effendunn is ok

Leo Laporte’s purge of gay staffers continues

Leo just can't help firing the gay staffers at TWiT.
Leo just can’t help firing the gay staffers at TWiT.

Slack-mouthed soup-slurper Leo Laporte’s purge of all gay staffers is almost complete. With the recent firing of Jeff Noodles, the few remaining LGBT community members includes Myriam Joire and Jason C. Cleanthes. Before that Chad Johnson and Dick DeBartolo were shown the door.

It remains to be seen just how far Leo will allow himself to be manipulated by the notoriously anti-gay Lisa Kentzell. But we fear for Jason C. Cleanthes. He needs the paycheck.

So here’s the complete list of fired, demoted or otherwise purged gay/lesbian contributors:

  1. Gina Trapani
  2. Chad Johnson
  3. Jeff Noodles
  4. Dick DeBartolo
  5. Edie Reingold
  6. Colleen Kelly
  7. EffenDumb (Jason C. Cleanthes) (possibly demoted but not yet fired)

We here at TotalDrama stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the brave gay employees that have been fired by TWiT. This unfair treatment should not be tolerated in 2015. Leo and Lisa should be ashamed of their unfair business practices.

Jeff Jarvis thinks David Letterman sent him personal notes

Idiotic blowhard Jeff Jarvis is currently operating under the severe delusion that David Letterman actually sent him personal notes. Jarvis is so old and his eyes so weak that he can’t tell that these are simple form letters sent by assistants and then signed by an intern. David Letterman obviously has no clue that these letters were even sent.

Update: The editorial board at TotalDrama has just learned that Jeff Jarvis’s most-prized possession is in fact, not these letters, but his United Airlines Global Services membership made possible by his unethical business relationship with Google, Inc.

All TWiT contributors should demand more money

Leo thinks that he can get away with not paying TWiT contributor more money.
Leo thinks that he can get away with not paying TWiT contributors more money.

Leo Laporte just announced that 60 million more people will soon be able to listen to TWiT shows on Spotify. They are apparently a “launch partner” of the new service rolling out shortly.

WHAT THIS MEANS: Any current TWiT show contributor should immediately demand more money from Leo ‘n’ Lisa if their content and talent is to be used to line the pockets of the owners.

It’s only fair! And for the underpaid staff and contributors to not be able to share in this larger share of revenue because of the increased exposure brought about by this new partnership deal would be a criminal grab for cash on the part of Lisa “Kentzell” Laporte. Watch your wallets, TWiT contributors!

Who do you hate the most at TWiT?

Anybody who reads this site knows that you’ll only find positive posts and helpful suggestions on how TWiT can improve their programming here. And anyone who visits this blog regularly knows that we don’t dabble in the negative very often.

But just this once, we’d like to present you with a choice of who you hate the most. We present to you THE TROLL POLL.

Share this post with others so they can vote!

Short link:
Direct link to poll:

Life After Leo: Needles Works for Meerkat

Stupid Meerkat Rig (first of many)
Stupid Meerkat Rig (first of many)
In a move that surprised no one, Jeff Needles now works for Meerkat. #Soup said he didn’t have a job lined up (could have technically been true at the time) and that Noodles “couldn’t take the heat,” but apparently he can take the heat at a quickly growing San Francisco tech startup.

Yes, Leo Laporte and TWiT aren’t the only game in town (Jason Howell), and fame and fortune can soon follow after you leave the Walrus’ nest (Sarah, Tom, Iyaz, Chad).

Congratulations, Noodles! We never liked you, but you have again shown that nobody needs TWiT or Leo to be successful. Carly Perkins will replace Noodles’ job functions at TWiT, until she is hired by Victoria’s Secret.

Leo’s talking points

Leo Laporte just recycles the same dumb stories over and over.
Leo Laporte just recycles the same dumb stories over and over.

Professional weight-gainer Leo Laporte was once known as an entertaining personality who brought joy and knowledge to his loyal fans. He was engaging and insightful on shows such as “The Screen Savers” and “Call for Help.” But in recent years he has grown ever lazier and has allowed his shitty attitude to  grow with his waistline. LaPig has these days pretty much narrowed down the recycled subjects he talks about on his various shows to this short list:

  1. How his hair has grown back after the New Year’s Eve Show
  2. How he was banned from Apple Events years ago
  3. How he “feels bad” about showing up late to shows
  4. How they all just “looooooooove” Chad
  5. How they spent $1 million on a studio

Please let us know in the comments section which ones we’ve missed.

International day of prayer and candlelight vigil set to honor Jason Howell

A gathering is set for this Saturday in Petaluma to give hope to Jason Howell and encourage him to leave TWiT.
A gathering is set for this Saturday in Petaluma to give hope to Jason Howell and encourage him to leave TWiT.

An international day of prayer and candlelight vigil has been set for 9:30 p.m. PST on Saturday at the Petaluma Town Square to honor the lone remaining decent employee at TWiT: Jason Howell.

Jason Howell
Jason Howell

Jason is the only one left at the Shit Twithouse with any talent, drive or ability. He is now completely surrounded (after Chad, Noodles, Sarah, Iyaz and countless others have moved on).

So it is with a humble heart and a hopeful eye toward the future that we are calling for all TotalDrama fans to descend on Petaluma this Saturday for a prayer vigil to let Jason Howell know we care for him and wish him only the best. And that he use the light of our candles to find the strength within himself to leave TWiT and find a better more rewarding job. You can do it, Jason!


TotalDrama will be playing this video of Jason Howell’s greatest moment on large screens at the vigil: