Bored tech scion Leo Laporte finally has dropped all pretense of caring one tiny fuck about his once-informative podcasting empire and instead has resorted to making fun of his hosts. Watch here as blabbering fraud Steve Gibson blah-blah-blahs his way through uninterrupted paragraph after mind-numbing paragraph of fakeness during a recent incomprehensible “Security Now” appearance. I hope Steve watches this to see just how much of a fool Leo makes him out to be.
Monthly Archives: December 2014
The Top Ten Tech Hotties of 2014
Ladies and Gentlemen the votes are in. Here ye, Here ye, may the court come to order, THE VOTES ARE IN! They have been carefully tabulated and then adjusted for error. (We received a few emails from people who meant to vote for Sarah but accidentally cast their votes for the wrong name and we amended said votes.) At #TotalDrama we leave no stone unturned for our fans. So without further ado, may we present the Top Ten Tech Hotties of 2014:
#10 — Shannon ‘Snubs’ Morse
This hi-tech hottie has been seen flying drones and hacking systems all around San Francisco and her talent has taken her to the No. 10 spot on our list of Top Ten Tech Hotties. You may be inclined to attempt sneaking into her panties, but with her hacking skillz you may be surprised to discover that it’s Shannon who got in your pants pocket. Watch those zippers, boys! Because once it comes down, it may not come back up until she’s finished “coding.”
#9 — Mark Milian
This scruffy little devil is known far and wide as one of the most engaging and entertaining men in the tech sphere. Mark’s boyish good looks—paired with his deep rambling voice—make for a one-two punch that can leave even the most staid viewer in a quivering puddle. But don’t let his laid-back demeanor throw you, for under that adorable mop top is a brain that works overtime to deliver the insight that fans crave.
#8 — Marissa Mayer!
Oooh baby baby, oooh baby baby! Being CEO may not seem like a job for a Premier Hottie, but in 2014, Marissa showed us that women can have it all! While a Yahoo email address may be kind of embarrassing these days, having a poster of this Grand Dame of Tech on your wall would not be anything to snicker at. BTW, Nice skirt, Marissa!
#7 — Amber MacArthur
Appearing opposite the legendary lady Sarah Lane every week is a tall order for most Canadians, but not for our delicious Amber. Getting to know social media with this blond bombshell (sporting a pair of ruby red lips) is not a bad way to spend an afternoon. She’s a Grade-A specimen of womankind with quite the penchant for Facebook. Amber stole our hearts the moment we heard her say, “Foursquare.”
#6 — Greg Ferenstein
Ladies love men who couldn’t care less and “Treadmill Guy” is no exception. Not much is known about this hero of the common man other than he can’t be bothered to get off his treadmill when appearing on sub-par shows such as Elgum’s lousy TNT show.
#5 — Jolie O’Dell
This voluptuous vixen of a tech reporter can make even the unbearable Leo Laporte bearable for most tech nerds. What with those fiery eyes and that wicked curl of a smile…plenty of football jocks would trade in their cleats for an iPhone 6. Making her online persona disappear is something this darling seems to do every other week, but after a quick gander at the photo above, we decided to let that infraction slide.
#4 — John C. Dvorak
John C Dvorak has been a tech sex symbol since most of you were in grade school. But with his come-hither eyes and devious smile he has been known to make quite a few ladies burst their bustline with desire. Being half of the hunky heart-throb team from “No Agenda” is no problem at all for JCD, he can handle that and a pair of Sansabelt slacks without breaking a sweat. As JCD pours the wine he’ll be reaching into your psyche—ready to unleash his sexy snake and you’ll definitely be feeling all of him “in the mornin.”
#3 — Veronica Belmont
Gaming and book reading have gone wild with this well-respected cutie emeritus. Is there a gamer out there that has not tried to impress this sweetie with a spectacle of a Skyrim high score? Veronica has frustrated young gamer-boys as if she was Comcast phone support operator on-the-line with a customer. And what a surprise, in a never-before-seen twist, our #3 hottie is best buds with our #2 hottie. And as everyone knows, 3+2=Perfection.
#2 — Tom Merritt
Tom’s blue eyes and fetching facial hair make watching your daily tech news a real treat. And delivering the tech news is what he does best. If you want your news filled with tech, and you want it served daily and you want it on a show, then the Daily Tech News Show is for you. After setting out on his own, Tom just seems to get sexier with each new Patreon supporter. Beard Power Forever!
#1 — Sarah Lane
The runaway winner at #1 was no surprise to our fans. She makes watching a woman getting allegedly sexually harassed by a fat obese glutton a fun way to spend a Monday during the weekly taping of “iPad Today.” Most software engineers end up working with hardware when this feline-loving female gets finished with her favorite tech diction. Congratulations, Sarah! Your radiant beauty, flawless hair and your grace under fire has not only garnered you the No. 1 spot on this year’s Top Ten Tech Hotties of 2014 list, but has landed you the No. 1 spot in our hearts.
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Although GhostDog has his name on the byline, this survey and article could not have been completed without the tireless work of our entire staff of employees and volunteers. A special thanks to Helloworld who would not rest until the flair that makes #td.o what it is, was up to snuff.
The actual vote count before adjustments is here:
Leo Laporte harasses Heather Hamann
Self-deluded sex perv Leo Laporte gets nasty with Heather Hamann, his call screener for “The Tech Guy” radio show. Leo thinks that she cares about his disgusting birthday weekend with his fugly CEO. Heather does not care and tells him so. Give your boner a rest, Leo. The ladies don’t give a flying fudge about your wrinkled scrote.
Absentee Ballot
*This post is sung to the tune of Madonna’s La Isla Bonita
Well, it is really really easy to look at this image and mistakenly draw conclusions. But that would be super super wrong and really really unfair. There are only allegations at this point that one of these men really really abused women. Astonishing. Secondly, there is no video proof anywhere incriminating one of these men. Awesome. So you can have a gazzilion accusations but you do not have the citations needed to sway this journalist. The creation of this photo, could in fact be the work of Chinese or Russian hackers, in retaliation for James Franco. Or, it could be click bait in the vain of masterbaiter Mike Elgum. I just don’t know.
However, it is certainly a puzzle that the Cosby story has been absent from TWiT. A network that is usually quick to capitalize on ratings gimmicks, such as the A.L.S. challenge. TWiT even had a “large black man” on the program to capitalize on the recent race relation stories sweeping the country. I don’t know.
Editor’s Note*
Please stop sending us emails when Sarah has her hair up, #TotalDrama has no control over that and supports a woman’s right to choose.
Remember when?
Remember when Leo laughed at his “Dr. Evil” chair and thought it was comically big? Take a gander at this recent screenshot and tell us if you think that the chair looks ridiculously big anymore.
#TotalDrama’s editorial board is concerned that Leo’s fat shoulders and girthy loins have imperiled the structural integrity of the wide-winged chair to such an extent as to not only strain credulity but the seat’s steel underpinnings as well.
TWiT wants to hear from you, this is not a joke
Click on the image below to fill out the survey. I think we can make the world a better place by being honest in the comments box at the end of the survey.
The angelic Sarah Lane is indeed human
Perpetual pretty lady and savior of the TWiT broadcast day, Sarah Lane, briefly sheds her infallible nature and forgets that she’s being videotaped. But it’s OK. This video is presented here to finally attempt to quiet the critics of #TotalDrama who say that we have never posted anything that makes Sarah Lane seem less than the perfect angel that she is. Some of us on the editorial board feel that not only does this post make Sarah more approachable, it humanizes her in a way that elevates her to even higher level of transcendent harmony with the universe. Truly she is a cosmic gift and a wonder for the ages.
Best of the Worst
Although it was an impossible task for Jason Howell to make a Best of TNT for 2014, #TotalDrama has a whole host of treats for our audience for the holidays. I am not just talking about the suspenseful (for #2) top hotties in tech. Here is our first video:
Top 8 Lies of 2014
*Reminder* Polls for hottest hotties in tech – 2014 were extended due to popular demand for a few more days
Christmas Fear
#TotalDrama would like to announce that this year’s charity is the National Council of Domestic Violence, chosen by fans in honor of the lovely & talented Sarah Lane. We are also sad to announce that in the spirit of Erik Lanigan, Jeff Stewart and Tom Merritt, this year’s Christmas sacrifice is some guy Bruce, an engineer.
*Reminder* Polls for hottest hotties in tech – 2014 were extended due to popular demand for a few more days
More TWiT Employees Side With #Drama and Sarah against #Soup
In a shocking shift of allegiances, long time technician Alex Gumpel has freed himself from the lapdog allegations with mucho gusto. In a recent seemingly benign post, the long coated youngster clearly stated his allegiance with the slim half of the iPad Today twosome. Asked for comment, he may have posed this question, “Have you seen the first three letters of my last name?”
Welcome to the revolution!
