Captain Juno — hero for the world

The FAQ page of #totaldrama has been updated with a new section: Heroes of The Effort. Our first honoree is Captain Juno. You can always click on the FAQ at the top right of the homepage, but Captain Juno looms so large for us here, that we thought an extra-special shoutout was in order:

HEROES OF “THE EFFORT”

CAPTAIN JUNO
Captain Juno is an unidentified freedom fighter in The Effort against the lies of Twit. He is known to spare nothing in exposing what needs to be exposed; unmasking what needs to be unmasked; and video-ing what needs to be videoed. Bless you Cap Juno, for all that you do—and all that you will do. Here’s the link to his YouTube, a must-see for all fans of #totaldrama and #truth.

Don’t think we’ve forgotten about Tonya Hall

Tonya_HallIf you think we’ve forgotten about the trailblazing hostess of “Marketing Mavericks,” then you don’t know #TotalDrama. There’s plenty of time to dive deep into the bottomless pit that is Tonya Hall. So grab a bottle of hairspray, because girlfriend, we are gonna be here a while.

If you like a lively pre-show filled with girly giggles and a heavy dose of scarves and sweaters plus the largest laptop this size of Texas (more on these two tricks for the eye later) followed by a snoozefest of a show dealing with the intersection of the triangle connecting the parallelogram of marketing and the intergoogles, then “Marketing Mavericks” might just be the show for you. If you’ve ever wondered what the CEO of a suspect online retailer ate for breakfast or what the third-rate PR flack from a nearly bankrupt Web 2.0 company is twooterin’ and tweeterin’ about this month, then “Marketing Mavericks” is definitely the show for you.

But before we can get to all of that public-relationy amazingness, we have to address the elephant in the room: Tonya honey. Hey! Tonya. We’re talking to you. Listen girl. We are on to you. Update your decades-old Twitter profile pic. Lose the voluminous scarves that you’re hiding behind and for Chrissake step out from behind that gigantic laptop and embrace your inner NatureBox. Leo has; Padre has. Now it’s your turn. Say it loud, say it proud, “I am a big personality. And I will have a black person on my show before the end of the year.” Aw, who are we kidding? Twit doesn’t have black people on the air.

But seriously, who gives a flying fudge about marketing? “Marketing,” after all, is just a polite word for “fibbing.”

Leo’s “best friends”

Leo Laporte claims Kevin Spacey as a “great friend.”

Any regular watcher of the TWiT livestream has heard Leo Laporte and his dubious claims that he has celebrity pals. Although it’s unclear how many of these “best buddies” even know that Leo exists—let alone are aware that he boasts of their friendship.

Please leave a comment if you have any evidence of Leo being friends with:

  • Kevin Spacey (Leo has interviewed the Academy Award-winning actor “many, many times.)
  • Kevin Rose
  • Kevin Bacon
  • Kevin from “Home Alone”

New information has come to light from a trusted source, here are the latest additions to Leo’s FriendZone®:

  • Steve Martin
  • Steve Wozniak (The WOZ)
  • Stevie Wonder (We might need to research this one a bit more.)
  • Kevin Pollak
  • Nick Bilton (dubious)

Update! Update! Update!

  • Regis Philbin (Leo taught Regis how to use Twitter.)
  • Pope Francis (Leo knows His Holiness through an indirect spiritual connection courtesy of PadreSJ.)
  • Steve Jobs (Leo apparently played volleyball with the late founder of Apple.)

The sooner this is sorted out, the sooner we can get back to more important topics. Thanks!

Proposed update to Twit show title “Coating 101”

YUM! wear 309
The show might get a name change to “Coating 101.”

It has come to our attention here at #TotalDrama, that PadreSJ’s show “Coding 101” is up for a possible name change.

Leo Laporte, in consultation with his girlfriend CEO, are set to change the name to “Coating 101” to bring the show more in line with Padre’s love of fried chicken.

Padre will reportedly discuss all manner of chicken coatings from KFC’s “Original Recipe” to the Popeye’s chicken franchise’s legendary “Louisiana Spicy” coating.

Best of luck with the name change, Padre! And don’t forget to wipe your mouth.

The only bright lights on TNT

There’s been a lot of hate thrown around on this blog lately—so it might be nice to take a step back and note that a few TNT guests are nothing but pure delight. If they were ice cream, they would be a double scoop of mint chocolate chip.

  • Elise_Hu2Elise Hu
    NPR reporter

    Smart and engaging feminine presence on the mostly male-dominated Twit network. Elise is not only clever and funny, she has a dazzling smile and gorgeous hair.
    Check out some of Elise’s writing on her blog.
  • markmilianMark Milian
    Bloomberg reporter

    The slender, adorable and scruffy-faced young reporter for Bloomberg with the mildly surfer-dude deep voice brings a youthful outlook to an otherwise dull show whenever he’s a guest.

Oh, I guess the list is pretty short after all.  Weird.

Gumbot fans rejoice:

mike-elgan

Many of the kids out there are dreaming of one day becoming a Gumbot. But..it’s hard to know where to start. We at #TotalDrama care about the kids so we put this guide together:

  • Always speak in one tone and never show any inflection in your voice
  • Make jokes nobody gets, are not funny and make no sense to anyone but Joe Panetierri
  • Always wear black high crew neck undershirts. If they come in style just switch to white or try a V-neck
  • Pre Show interaction with fans should consist of saying “Whaddup chickenhead”
  • Post Show interaction with fans should last for no more than 20 seconds after picking a title
  • Segue into every ad read with:  ……In a sec …..but first
  • Never say ‘a lot’ or ‘many’ you will say bazilion or gazillion
  • Never say ‘funny’ you will say ‘hilarious,’
  • Start every new thought with; “well”
  • Use only the following six adjectives: Astonishing, Awesome, Important, Creepy, Scary and Cool, If you need more you can amend like so:
    1.Really (ie) Awesome
    2.Really really (ie) Awesome
    3.Super (ie) Awesome
  • Call people by their first and last name; Good morning Jason Howell. What do you think Don Reisinger?
  • Go on for 5 to 10 minutes with any thought and allow guests to do likewise, babel away, do not get to the point
  • The proper amount of time to spend on a dumb theory of yours is 20 minutes per half hour
  • The show length is irrelevant. Listeners will adjust their commutes, you’re an important news man.
  • Any press release from Google Inc. related to G+ or Google Glass, is a lead story
  • App updates in IOS are a #scoup
  • Ask bloggers how to run major corporations and countries regardless of their education or intelligence
  • Disparage Supreme Court Justices, CEOs and heads of state as “not knowing what they are doing”
  • Drum dat table