Dan Hendricks Now Costing TWiT Real Money

Long time forum troll and current moderator for the TWiT podcasting network, Dan Hendricks, is starting to become a real liability for his superiors. A group of volunteers decided that it is a time to stop the brutalisation of the innocent in #twitlive by organizing a letter writing campaign. Every time Hendricks exhibits his anti-social sadistic behaviour and kicks someone out, a TWiT sponsor gets a polite letter explaining why it is not a good idea to associate their brand with increasingly tarnished TWiT name.

The campaign has been running for several weeks now, and it seems to be working. TWiT will find it increasing more difficult to sell their adds to unsuspecting businesses.

not_dan
Artist’s impression – Not an actual photo of Dan Hendricks

A friendly reminder of the goodness of Sarah Lane

Occasionally we here at #TotalDrama like to remind our readers of a few essential truths in life: The sun rises in the east, Leo Laporte is a heaving mass of unfunny racist accents, and Sarah Lane is an angel.

Sarah Lane on vacation in France.
Sarah Lane on vacation in France.

Without Sarah Lane, the TWiT network would seep into hell under the massive talentless weight of their loser hosts. Bless you, Sarah Lane. For you are the light of TWiT, the brightest talent; without which darkness would surely reign.
So let’s raise our glasses to the stunning Sarah. I’ll drink to that!

Sick of the Ugly Dog

No, this is not a post about any particular executive at TWiT. This is an analysis of the abomination of evolution known as Ozzie the ugliest and most putrid pooch ever.

The head in on the right?
The head is on the right?

In a new way to embarrass, humiliate and dehumanize the staff, all employees of TWiT are responsible to care for the aforementioned misanthropic varmint. Oftentimes you will  accost the staff in the streets of Petaluma, both feeding and chaperoning this wretched creature.  To deepen the shame, staff is asked to return the discarded canine feces in a plastic container as a testament that he did his business faster* than chief TWiT before This Week in Tech.  In one of the great examples of Stockholm syndrome to date, the staff actually fight over this task. Where does it end, Asking to wash #soupguzzler’s underwear?

The humiliation of TWiT staff needs to stop. JammerB is sixty years old and one of the highest trained personnel. Can he please be relieved of making coffee for #soup and plugging in the host’s laptops for them? Every human being deserves a small amount of dignity.

*Previously reported here.

* *Edit Update* An unnamed Expert agreed that “making humans care for another human’s dog’s feces is an excellent tactic to transform the victim into exhibiting total submissive behavior.”

The laziness of “Triangulation”

324518_wz5ma_feed_image
Tom Merritt is not the co-host of “Triangulation” any more. But the Twit Wiki insists otherwise.

“Triangulation” is an interview show that started out with much promise a few years back.
In a supreme example of Leo’s laziness, the official Twit Wiki STILL lists Tom Merritt as a co-host. Ha! Twit wishes.

Now the show is pretty much just Leo waddling in outrageously late and being completely unprepared to interview their own network contributors. Imagine NBC’s Brian Williams stumbling into the studio of “Nightly News” and asking his producers, “Well, which one of the camera operators am I talking to tonight?”

In one classic and widely-embarassing episode, Leo showed up 15 minutes late to interview Vint Cerf, the father of the Internet. THE FATHER OF THE INTERNET. Can you imagine?

Here’s an incomplete list of recent lame-ass “Triangulation” guests:

  • Steve Gibson, host of the Twit’s “Security Now”
  • Mary Jo Foley, hostess of the Twit show “Windows Weekly”
  • Kevin Rose, former “The Screensavers” midget
  • Jeff Jarvis, purple-faced paid spokesyeller for Google, and co-host of Twit’s “This Week in Google”

Who will be next, Dan the Nazi Mod? Padre the Large Priest? Ozzie the Ugly Dog? Come on Leo, step up your game. We are already familiar with your own hosts. We don’t need a “deep dive” into their history. It’s just lazy programming.

Analyzing TWiT Lgum Style

Lgum Style Analysis

I have looked at the TWiT hosts and noticed a striking difference between TWiT hosts and the hosts of Fox news. Now, we are not saying they should hire models, but we do ask that they have some pride in their appearance. Go on a diet, work out, you’re on my TV,  you work in media, be presentable. You don’t need a flat stomach like Sarah, but please, show some restraint when they serve dessert.

See the evidence for yourself and decide..

TWiT Hosts

Leo

Ech
Ech

FoX News

blond_women_of_fox

This is scientific unbiased research, draw your own conclusions.

Thank god for Sarah Lane.

Getting ready for the week ahead at Twit

So it’s shaping up to be an amazing week—let’s all be sure to make sure we’re ready for this. Be prepared. Give your best. Make America (and Canada and other parts of the world) proud and strong again. Create a legacy that your kids will be proud of.

Leo Laporte
Leo Laporte

Oh, who am I kidding? Nobody at Twit gives a sh*t. So why should we? F*ck it. Bring on the Orange Dancing Monkey and the Fat Ass Fancy Toilet Monster (Elgum and Leo) and let’s just get this thing over with.

Always be Reporting

I am away for the weekend, hence my lack of activity. However, I will not let #drama down. I have conducted an official survey on the entity known as Gumbot and am about to publish my results.
So here they are:

Since Jan 1:

Total Sick days: 0
Total vacation days:0
Total personal days:0
Total speaking flubs: 782 (shitrix counts twice)

As a scientist I do not offer anything but data and will not, I repeat will not, make any conclusions based on said data.mike-elgan

TNT’s lack of professional broadcast color standards

tnt-colorbalance
A typical screen grab of TNT with Elgum appearing with an unnatural hue the color of a Florida orange and the guest showing up as an afterthought in the color balance game.

Since the dawn of color television in the early 1950s, continuing through the late 1960s with the wide adoption of color televisions in American homes, broadcast network engineers have taken pride in presenting a vibrant and dazzling world of color. Professional broadcasters pay special attention to proper color balancing, constantly adjusting for subtle differences in shade and tone.

jarvis-purple
Jeff Jarvis appears purple on “This Week in Google.”

At Twit, however, exactly the opposite seems to be the order of the day. For reasons that have yet to be addressed, it is impossible for Twit to present the show hosts and guests in consistent and realistic color. From episode to episode of “This Week in Google,” for example, co-host Jeff Jarvis appears as either purple, light purple, pink, or dark pink and rotates from one moment to the next in a never-ending merry-go-round of washed out or sickly underexposed positions.

To further the unpleasant color viewing experience, Elgum can do nothing else than appear as an orange-faced monkey. In stark contrast, his guests can be relied upon to appear as either too dark, too light, too blue or in some cases barely even visible. (See photo above.)

So one would think that with a near total domination of white men showing up on every show, it should be easy for TNT to get the color balance right. Just imagine how the brains would be melting in Petaluma if staff were called upon to actually color balance an African-American woman’s skin tone with the putrid orange of Elgum’s face.

Come on, Leo. Take a little pride in your company and demand better of your engineering staff. Viewers deserve it and I’m certain the advertisers would appreciate being part of a more professional network.

Seriously? Elgum is an orange. And the co-host is a white sheet, slightly tinged with purple. Nice.
Seriously? Elgum is an orange. And the co-host is a white sheet, slightly tinged with purple. Nice.

What exactly is Elgan Media?

Our team of crack (not on, but crack) investigative reporters has jumped on this after HelloWorld revealed the company behind TheGum™ , Elgan Media.

A quick google search and some guessing found the following:

elganmedia-whois

It appears to be the employee of TWiT currently know as Gum, but the address might be a previous secret lair.

So a Mike Elgum (TheGum™) is the mad genius who has created this media empire.

LinkedIn give us confirmation.  Gum + wife + unnamed 3rd party (house mate??)

elganmedia-linkedin

But this media empire, have their domain listed as elganmedia.com has the world beating site:

elganmedia-website

It’s sort of Squarespace© v-00.1.  Web 101. Starter site.

Let’s get this going Gum!,  You’re fans are waiting