Jeff Jarvis, Google Shill

SHILL

  1. A person who poses as a customer in order to decoy others into participating
  2. person who publicizes or praises something or someone for reasons of self-interest, personal profit, or friendship or loyalty.
  3. verb. To work as a shill: He shills for a large casino.
  4. To advertise or promote (a product) as or in the manner of a huckster; hustle
“I spoke at a Google Big Tent event in Berlin (Google paid my travel expenses; I do not accept other payment from Google)” —Jeff Jarvis
Jeff Jarvis Google Shill
Jeff Jarvis Google Shill

Accept? Why would Google offer to pay you? “Other” payment, because international airline fares are, in fact,  considered a form of payment. Jeff Jarvis, according to Jeff Jarvis, gets his travel paid for to conferences in major cities all over the globe by Google, Inc. He laughs this declaration off every time he is cornered into disclosing this truth. He regards it as an irrelevant fact. He is mistakenly caught up in the need to mention this detail as if he were one of the people who could be corrupted.  The disclosure section of his blog has barely been updated since July 2005.

So let’s get back to these trips. How does this scam work? Google pays his airfare and then he pays his own lodging and expenses? I First Classthink not. More likely the managers of these events, which are sponsored by Google, put the speaker, Jarvis, up at hotels. A Per Diem would certainly not be out of the question. Parties in Paris with the elite are almost a certainty. Sipping champagne with Sophia Loren is but a small perk. You think his university pays? Then why don’t they pay the airfare?
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What about his jobs?
Host of “This Week in Google.”
Author of “What Would Google Do?”
Author of “Public Parts: How Sharing….Improves…..and Live.”
Director-Tow-Knight Center for Entrepreneurial Journalism at CUNY
Lecturer on all topics related to his books.

jarvis-purple
A Purple Jarvis on the shitty show TWiG

His entire livelihood is tied up in this company and we are supposed to believe this doesn’t affect his opinions? Does it matter that the money for the PR stints comes from an intermediary and not directly from his friends Sergey and Larry? It is human nature to love that which feeds and sustains us. He may not even realize it, the man is of average intelligence. He just lives in NY and somehow got a professorship.

Howard Stern fans, who don’t particularly know what Google is, berate him as a Google Shill after his appearances on that program. The comments on Jarvis’ blog are filled with accusations of impropriety, although he chuckles them all away. His Twitter stream is inundated with cries of “shill” every time he opens his mouth. He often dismisses these accusations preemptively. He generally has the sense to know he is a shill so he will ask fans not to send him letters calling him a shill, he makes this plea under the illusion that he is speaking to the Google-hating fringe.

Every article he writes is on the side of Google. Every product he uses is from Google. Every thing he talks about is related to Google. If Google is caught red-handed doing wrong, he speaks in baby talk and says things like ‘google woogle did boo boo.’  This is a professor of journalism? TWiT.tv is where journalism goes to die. The saddest part is everyone, including Jeff,  in the inner circle on the lecture circuit understands the game. He sold his soul for pocketful of gold, he fits right in at TWiT.
#TotalDrama contributor Richard Yes—Full Disclosure: 
I hate Google and Facebook, I think Jarvis is a shill. I own many Apple and MSFT products but I use Gmail, Google Search and YouTube and other aspects of the internet that Google has monopolized. I think Sarah Lane is pretty.

@LeoLaporteSucks Twitter is reporting that the Twit Brickhouse is for sale

Breaking News:

This hot tip just in for the real estate listing (CLICK IMAGE FOR PDF)

twit shithouse-1

If Leo thinks he’s going to buy this building, he’s INSANE. He’d be better of retreating to his mansion and broadcasting from Studio T (the toilet) or Studio B (the bathtub).

Here’s the link to the complete real estate listing for the Shit Twithouse.

#TotalDrama contributor emojiTECH has posted a rockin’ tribute to the forthcoming sale:

Advertisers demanding more time

Cool it with the advertiser ass-licking Leo.
Cool it with the advertiser ass-licking, Leo.

TWiT viewers have long been accustomed to repetitive ads on the network. We can all recite the offer codes by heart for Audible.com for example. But in recent weeks—after an “Inside TWiT” with Leo ‘n’ Lisa revealed that ad numbers are plummeting—it has become all but unavoidable to notice that the ads are getting loooooooonger and increasingly more desperate and cloying in their presentation.

Recent shameful examples: Leo has taken to shaving on camera; Steve Gibson has resorted to pimping his trumped-up love affair with the orange handle of his Harry’s blade, and I can hardly scrape the image of Padre wearing his puffed up SCOTTeVEST on camera for days. Other ridiculous extensions and intrusions into TWiT editorial are too laborious and ponderous to list here.

I would not presume to speak for everyone at #TotalDrama, but I’m confident that tech news seekers are not tuning in to hear Leo bloviate about the four advertisers that are on constant rotation.
It’s boring, Leo!

HelloWorld Promoted To Contributing Editor of the Site

Known for his dedication to #truth, HelloWorld has been one of our most productive contributors. Today the editorial board of #TotalDrama has made a decision to promote him to Contributing Editor of this publication.

Congratulations HelloWorld!

We have an updated statement from HelloWorld:
“Earlier today I was honored by the editorial board of #TotalDrama with the surprise of a lifetime. I humbly accept the promotion and will, to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the integrity of the journalistic process that those who came before me have started.”

@LeoLaporteSucks added to our “Heroes of the Effort”

CONGRATSIn a development near and dear to the hearts of contributors to #TotalDrama, we proudly announce a new addition to our “Heroes of the Effort.” Always available under the FAQ section on the top right of the blog, we repeat here his entry, both to ease new readers into discovering the history of the movement, but also because it’s just simply the right thing to do:

@LEOLAPORTESUCKS
A true hero in every meaningful sense of the word, the @LeoLaporteSucks Twitter account is forever reserved an honored seat in the Pantheon of Heroes of the Effort. Through sheer force of his various chron scripts and a fierce dedication to hand-crafted #truth Tweets, @LeoLaporteSucks works tirelessly to advance the cause of enlightenment worldwide. And for this, we applaud heartily and with a genuine spirit of comradery.

Here’s a classic example of his electronic artistry:

Lights Curiously Out on One Particular Dropcam

A joint reporting effort by the team at #TotalDrama has finally concluded and the results are scathing, as one member put it, “They are more gross than juicy.” Questions arose when the once transparent TWiT HQ turned off the Dropcam,  the 24/7 all seeing eye in the sky, in founder and former CEO Leo Laporte’s office.

Lower Right Camera is Laporte's Office
Lower Right Camera was Laporte’s Office, Photo Courtesy of Lkalif Studios

He never showed any aversion to disgusting fans with his exhibitionist antics before and soon the questions mounted. He was often seen shoveling monumental amounts of food into his face and bouncing around as the bodily waste left his body in a gaseous state. So what triggered the literal flipping of the switch? Why the sudden departure from open to closed shades?

An unnamed source with both close ties to TWiT and its founder (although he claims no ties to the CEO) appears to have the answer. WARNING: If you’re under 18, stop reading now.  The eyewitness claims to have seen Laporte fondling his genitals on multiple occasions on the Dropcam. Leo was acting licentiously during a meeting with Sarah “The Angel” Lane and during an interview with prospective hire Jill Duffy. The condition common in preschoolers is notoriously hard to explain. Most outgrow the condition; some never do.

Apparently Leo’s manhood remained blessedly under wraps but his diddling did not stop. We at #TotalDrama are not claiming to be saints and Lord knows that we have all seen Sarah Lane walking back and forth on Dropcam, so we know the temptation all too well. But please, for the love of God Leo, have some decency. Wait until she leaves the room.

Andy Ihnatko goes hatless

In an earth-shattering development that will be a shock to avid Andy Ihnatko fans everywhere (which we definitely are here at #TotalDrama), the usually be-hatted  Mac Fan was spotted on the livestream sans chapeau.

Andy Ihnatko without a hat for the first time in nearly 1,000 shows.
Andy Ihnatko without a hat for the first time in nearly 1,000 shows.

Andy’s appearances on the TWiT network  is always a welcome occurrence, but we’re not quite sure yet what to make of seeing his complete forehead.

Leave your thoughts in the comments below and we’ll pass the best of those on to Mr. Ihnatko.

Leo Laporte using Robin Williams’ death as show material

The ever-insensitive and tone-deaf Leo Laporte has used Robin Williams’ sad passing as an excuse to tell his “MacBreak Weekly” audience that the Academy Award-winning actor’s death “was felt more keenly in the Bay Area.” Leo, please. Get a grip. Not everything needs to point back to you and your show.

A longtime TWiT watcher said he was shocked by Leo’s apparent lack of empathy. Upon learning of this transgression of basic human decency, the unnamed source said, “His sad devotion to steering content toward Search Engine Optimization (SEO) began with the hiring of Lgum and his attendant 3 million G+ bot fans, but has since sunk to a new low by attempting to squeeze a tragic death into a completely irrelevant show description. Not only is it a sad day for Mr. Williams’ family, and for America, but also for Leo’s integrity.”

TWiT considers selling itself to Gazelle

TWiT might sell itself under Gazelle's "Cash For Trash" deal.
TWiT might sell itself under Gazelle’s “Cash For Trash” deal.

Just like Gazelle encourages you to sell your old gadgets for cash, so too, is Leo considering dumping his aging network on the gadget-buying company. “It’s just time to get rid of this old piece of shit. Sure when I first founded the company it was good. But now it’s just basically garbage,” said a visibly disturbed Leo between gulps of Italian Wedding soup.

Sources say that Leo ‘n’ Lisa have run the numbers—and it’s not lookin’ pretty for the creaky, out-of-touch tech network. So they’ve decided to sell it for whatever price Gazelle will offer; most likely at a steep loss.

Exposing The Dark Underbelly of TWiT, Leo Laporte, and Failed CEO Lisa Laporte