Oh, and make sure you’re in church on Sunday. “God” is watching and sees everything you do.
Seriously–get your ass to church and stop obsessing on this blog. Oh, and while you’re in church, go ahead and pray for Padre’s soul as well. He’s going to hell for not lifting a finger off his drone controls even once to help the poor.
In a move of epic proportions that will certainly shake the foundations of human decency worldwide, Leo ‘n’ Lisa have now consummated their marriage on social media.
There aren’t enough puke buckets being manufactured in the four corners of the globe to contain the vomit that will be spewed after seeing these pair of Instagram accounts. (WARNING: THIS IS NOT A JOKE.) One account is Mr. Laporte, and the other is Mrs. Laporte.
A photo posted by Leo Laporte (@mr_laporte) on
Here’s a shot that Lisa Kentzell posted to her public Instagram account. This bitch is nuts. Just look at those freaked-out eyes and bizarrely raised eyebrow. And what’s with that hair that looks like Loretta Lynn’s wig from 1963? (No disrespect intended to Loretta Lynn, just pointing out that in 1963 wigs were completely in vogue.)
International meet-ups? A travel show with Sarah Lane? Using Chad Johnson as an off-site producer?
Any of that sound familiar? Well it was all lies. Surprise! None of it happened. So what should we expect out of Leo Laporte’s assertion last year that a New York studio (built in conjunction with The City University of New York and guided by the deft hand of Jeff Jarvis) would soon be available for shows, interviews and some kind of morning tech-related broadcast endeavor?
I’ll break it to you gently: Nothing. We should expect nothing. And neither should Jeff Jarvis. Because he’s never getting that New York studio—not with Lisa ‘n’ Leo planning an epic honeymoon. Hey, first-class airfare and 5-star hotels cost money. So the countdown has begun on the next far-fetched tale of bullshit that Leo will spin…anybody want to take a stab at it in the comments section?
The marriage of the shitty misogynist Leo Laporte and his equally-shitty gold-digging fugly wreck of a human girlfriend has finally come to pass. In what can only be described as a match made in hell, Leo has confirmed on his Google Plus page that Lisa Kentzell is now his “bride.”
Syrupy congratulations are pouring in from all over sheepland and it’s not pretty. One commenter even went as far as to say that he wishes them a “blissful marriage.” Sure, tell that to Jennifer.
No word on if Abby and Henry were at the ceremony.
Update: An eagle-eyed TotalDrama chatroom participant noticed an uncanny resemblance to an icon of American horror in the photo below.
TotalDrama readers are really hitting the “Feedback & Tips” button hard (available to you 24/7 on the right side of the screen). And we thank you for that. For without our loyal hate-watching hordes we simply would not be able to continue publishing The Truth.
But sometimes, something so repulsive and vile gets thrown into the tip bin that cannot be ignored. Unfortunately, this is one of those times. After a late-night emergency session of the TotalDrama editorial board, we have determined that this must be a photo of Leo after a visit to his Japanese soaking tub that he recently had installed in his front yard.
We only share this image with you now, so that you may protect your children’s eyes and their innocent spirits. If this image of Leo Laporte were to be seen without proper supervision there’s no telling how many mental facilities would need to be constructed to house the deranged. And don’t even try to guess where Leo’s left hand is. We really don’t have enough puke buckets to go around.
Christina Warren (even though still insisting on using “girl” in her Twitter moniker @Film_Girl) has graduated from childhood to full-blown womanhood on her recent “Today” show appearance.
Her hair looked stunningly non-greasy and her lipstick was not the messy streak of gloss that it usually is.
Congratulations, Film Girl. For you are now a woman who apparently owns a mirror.
My hair looks so awesome! Thanks @TODAYshow hair and makeup! pic.twitter.com/yWX4TNpJjF
— Christina Warren (@film_girl) January 29, 2015
All I can say is that her current look is definitely an improvement on her old look. You know the one where she wears a “I Fucked Your Boyfriend” shirt. Stay classy, Christina!
As the carnage mounts around us here in the bunker at TotalDrama HQ, we pause to mourn the loss of another freedom fighter: The amazing @OhLeoYouSuck account has been suspended.
Apparently, TWiT CEHo Lisa Kentzell took enough time off trimming her bangs and not planning international meet-ups to have her minions at Twitter press the delete button on the recently-formed @OhLeoYouSuck.
We miss you already, @OhLeoYouSuck. God bless you, wherever you are. Here’s the original post in case you want to take a prayerful moment alone.
Thanks to the eagle-eyed tipster who used the “Feedback & Tips” button on the right side of this site to alert the TotalDrama editorial board about this news.
It seems that what TotalDrama contributors do during the day is a topic of interest.
So Today I:
Woke up, fell out of bed
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
And looking up, I noticed I was late… ©The Beatles
Started off to the gym, got there and realized that I had forgotten an important component, my gym bag containing shorts and shoes.
So back home and on the way I got to listen to a portion of today’s TNT. I never listen or watch. I’m not around and not interested. But today I did.
And I got lucky; Mike hit it out of the park. A super show. And a new word: PHABULET.
Here is a portion that I listened to. Now it’s a test. There is a skill-testing question at the end. I’m expecting no cheating. Just the usual honest and fair comments.
Wide-ranging discussions among members of the editorial board here at TotalDrama have left us bewildered at the blatant hypocrisy that Leo Laporte has employed to explain away to himself and others the “family-friendly” nature of his network.
We’re hoping that the commenters can help us come to grips with these two diametrically-opposing viewpoints shared in the video linked above.
So which is it? Is TWiT indeed a “family-friendly” environment that is safe for kids, or is it a neverending fuckfest filled with f-bombs and other profanity that would make even a digital Jesuit in a religious clownsuit blush?
