All posts by Mike Elgum

Award Season Begins

Award season has just begun yet two things are already clear. TWiT will be shut out and #TotalDrama looks to be the bell of the ball. The first award won this season is linked below, but the presenters went too far with being negative about Leo Laporte and we do not condone that behavior. That is now officially stated for the record.

The lovely and talented Sarah Lane was not available for comment but we know this brought a smile to her face.
The awards were given by so it covers the entire US.

TWiT Audience Proven To Be Mentally Disabled

A great con was pulled off before our eyes this past New Years Eve. Perhaps greater than the scheme invented by Charles Ponzi himself in 1922. What made this hoax so amazing was that there was no sleight of hand, distraction, hypnosis, distortion  or decoy. Leo Laporte needed only to rely on the fact that his audience is a brainless bunch of bafoons. His cohort in this caper was none other than the The Part Time Professor.  @ProfJeffJarvis

Calm yourself, I am not saying he tricked people into donating. I could not care less if he did. UNICEF makes 3.5 billion a year, no one cares about twit there.

The con was simple. Get the donation total to  reach some milestone amount and Jeff Jarvis’ beard would be shaved. The amazing thing, that no one seemed to notice was………. Jeff Jarvis had no beard. Leo’s audience is now officially pronounced brain dead. I say again people, the emperor has no clothes. Myself and a few others were watching this hoopla as if we were living in a world of drones. They went on and on about shaving his beard of 42 years and no one thought it relevant that he had no beard? Has the world gone mad? Was it a joke I was not in on? Leo is way too detached from the truth, there is no line between fact and fiction in his subconscious anymore.

Before…………….During………………..and After

Oh I almost forgot to mention, on a sad note, Leo may have passed away. Our staff will be  looking into it as soon as we finish lunch. Allegedly his last words were “a wedding soup please.”

#Soup in peace
#Soup in peace

Sarah Who?

Just kidding, but let’s hope the lovely ad talented Sarah doesn’t treat the competition as #soup treated Lanigan and Tom. Otherwise, this dancing and prancing princess better watch her behind, because she won’t have dropcams watching her behind 24/7, or will she?

Editors note* Body type suggests a history of dance, probably ballet or soccer/lacrosse

Chat Mods Lose Control

All the excitement, from seeing Leo straight for 24 hours, has caused the #TWITLIVE chat mods to once again display abhorrent behavior. Perhaps it was a result of all the blood rushing to their lower (male organ)extremities which caused a lack of oxygen to the brain. The practice of doxxing [that gets people banned from most chat rooms and shunned from internet communities] is exercised with impunity by the twit head chat freak on the innocent patrons of chat.

Actual Name Blocked Out By #TotalDrama
Actual Name Blocked Out By #TotalDrama

Your jaw will drop as you see the freaky Dan give out personal details of another innocent former twit fan. Take note how the fellow mods and neutered members of chat sit idly by as he gives out a users FULL NAME and breaks every social norm that governs the internet we love. We thank the freak for sending more people to our IRC but the strain on the server is costing us a fortune.

Leo Laporte World’s #1 Boss

We all like a little recognition from our boss once in awhile. It feels good to get a pat on the back. Well at TWiT you’re lucky if your boss knows your name.

Randal has been doing shows on TWiT for about six years and Leo can’t be bothered to remember his name. Carly, on the other hand, Leo can recognize from behind at a distance of 67 meters yet he has no clue what her name is.

Hey Leo, here’s a resolution, learn your employees names!

Google Confirms #TotalDrama findings

It seems the nerds at Google, Inc. know what they’re doing. No wonder @profjeffparvis is such a fan. It appears the waning interest in the notorious know-it-all is actually confirmed by science. Based on high-level scripts and [ro]bots combing the entire Internet and meticulously calculating every bit of information, the findings forecast the man will be done by 2015.

Google confirms possible imminent demise of TWiT
Google confirms possible imminent demise of TWiT

#TotalDrama didn’t need to show you this unassailable proof—as we have known this all along—but we felt the few remaining hold-outs in the hellholish #twitlive could use the factoids.

Dedicated #TwiTLive fans protest Google findings