Award season has just begun yet two things are already clear. TWiT will be shut out and #TotalDrama looks to be the bell of the ball. The first award won this season is linked below, but the presenters went too far with being negative about Leo Laporte and we do not condone that behavior. That is now officially stated for the record.
The lovely and talented Sarah Lane was not available for comment but we know this brought a smile to her face.
The awards were given by http://chatrealm.us/ so it covers the entire US.
All posts by Mike Elgum
Following Up on Carly
Looks like #TotalDrama is where you go for reliable facts! Below is an obvious troll who is clearly a fan of #drama messing with the big guy. The sycophants telling #soup how great he is, may be more entertaining though.
![VaVaVoom is right! #drama knows #soup](https://totaldrama.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/8lNGw4d.jpg)
Gratz Carly, we are big fans. Let us hope Leo doesn’t go back on his word [again,] just to spite #Drama.
TWiT Audience Proven To Be Mentally Disabled
A great con was pulled off before our eyes this past New Years Eve. Perhaps greater than the scheme invented by Charles Ponzi himself in 1922. What made this hoax so amazing was that there was no sleight of hand, distraction, hypnosis, distortion or decoy. Leo Laporte needed only to rely on the fact that his audience is a brainless bunch of bafoons. His cohort in this caper was none other than the The Part Time Professor. @ProfJeffJarvis
Calm yourself, I am not saying he tricked people into donating. I could not care less if he did. UNICEF makes 3.5 billion a year, no one cares about twit there.
The con was simple. Get the donation total to reach some milestone amount and Jeff Jarvis’ beard would be shaved. The amazing thing, that no one seemed to notice was………. Jeff Jarvis had no beard. Leo’s audience is now officially pronounced brain dead. I say again people, the emperor has no clothes. Myself and a few others were watching this hoopla as if we were living in a world of drones. They went on and on about shaving his beard of 42 years and no one thought it relevant that he had no beard? Has the world gone mad? Was it a joke I was not in on? Leo is way too detached from the truth, there is no line between fact and fiction in his subconscious anymore.
![Before...................During.........................After](https://totaldrama.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/2.jpg)
Oh I almost forgot to mention, on a sad note, Leo may have passed away. Our staff will be looking into it as soon as we finish lunch. Allegedly his last words were “a wedding soup please.”
![#Soup in peace](https://totaldrama.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/4-300x103.jpg)
Sarah Who?
Just kidding, but let’s hope the lovely ad talented Sarah doesn’t treat the competition as #soup treated Lanigan and Tom. Otherwise, this dancing and prancing princess better watch her behind, because she won’t have dropcams watching her behind 24/7, or will she?
Editors note* Body type suggests a history of dance, probably ballet or soccer/lacrosse
Chat Mods Lose Control
All the excitement, from seeing Leo straight for 24 hours, has caused the #TWITLIVE chat mods to once again display abhorrent behavior. Perhaps it was a result of all the blood rushing to their lower (male organ)extremities which caused a lack of oxygen to the brain. The practice of doxxing [that gets people banned from most chat rooms and shunned from internet communities] is exercised with impunity by the twit head chat freak on the innocent patrons of chat.
![Actual Name Blocked Out By #TotalDrama](https://totaldrama.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/8lNGw4d.jpg)
Your jaw will drop as you see the freaky Dan give out personal details of another innocent former twit fan. Take note how the fellow mods and neutered members of chat sit idly by as he gives out a users FULL NAME and breaks every social norm that governs the internet we love. We thank the freak for sending more people to our IRC but the strain on the server is costing us a fortune.
Now Hiring!
Leo Laporte World’s #1 Boss
We all like a little recognition from our boss once in awhile. It feels good to get a pat on the back. Well at TWiT you’re lucky if your boss knows your name.
Randal has been doing shows on TWiT for about six years and Leo can’t be bothered to remember his name. Carly, on the other hand, Leo can recognize from behind at a distance of 67 meters yet he has no clue what her name is.
Hey Leo, here’s a resolution, learn your employees names!
New Year’s Eve Starts With a Bang
I think there are a few doctrines we have learned this New Year’s Eve:
- Leo is about to pass out in Hour 1.
- Carly is the break out star (and only intern wages, hmmmm).
- Sarah is not driving in for this.
- Gum will be a barrel of laughs.
https://soundcloud.com/ghostdog-6/ll-carly#t=0:05
Tech Reporters United in Stupidity
![Vomiting Step-17](https://totaldrama.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Vomiting-Step-17-150x150.jpg)
People are idiots, and we read what they write every day. I am now convinced that any semblance of sanity or reason in this world is kaput. We poke fun at Jarvis and Laporte for their, what I would not even call inconsistencies, it would be more accurate to call them blatant hypocrisies and contradictions.
(i.e.) These people are outspoken against untrustworthy governments accumulating voluminous amounts of information on individuals but are fully trusting of massive corporations in Cupertino or Mountain View giving themselves permission to look at your emails and private photos in the very same caches of information they are blindly trusted to be guardians of. They are against looking at stolen/hacked photos of Olivia Munn (nice nurse uniform) but OK with releasing stolen/hacked Sony information. And don’t believe their asshole excuses about the “public good.” They were exposing inequality in executive salaries? Bullshit. If one of these reporters actually reported and bothered even once to investigate, they would know that many, many corporations release that information and oftentimes executive salaries are public information. Trust me, the public good of seeing Kate Upton’s tatas far outweighs taking a gander at what Amy Pascal makes at Sony. That is reporting? They have no great cause to get behind and no great wrong to right so they make shit up. And half the time they don’t even understand what they’ve written! These people posture to have something to talk about at dinner. But let us get to the greatest sanctimonious horse hooey; trolling.
![Outlaw ba-dwords now](https://totaldrama.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Chritinna7-150x150.jpg)
So what now? These phonies and freaks are on a campaign against HelloWorld. Why? Because he says vulgar stuff on Twitter. Mind you, he does this with a new account with zero followers. No one sees it besides the dainty and oh-so-delicate @user. The morons who changed their Twitter profile pictures to Anti-Sopa nonsense are full of shit. They want his IP banned. They want identities verified on Twitter. So if you’re struggling with being gay in a country where they will stone you for being yourself and you need to talk—fuck you. If you have a government that throws you in jail for protesting and you want to organize—fuck you. If you have a law practice and love “My Little Pony” in secret—fuck you. Bad words must not be seen by Christina Warren; so any right to privacy should be stricken.
Christina, pull your hat away from over your eyes, move your stupid finger to the corner of your screen and click “block.” If doing that four times a day is too much work, then switch back to the iPhone 5S and its smaller screen. I am sorry you have to see those bad words, but take one for the team. If you really can’t handle it, then perhaps seeking a line of work that is not public is best.
![The spineless Jellyfish floats](https://totaldrama.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/jellyfish-er-300x235.jpg)
Just to clarify the chain of trolling: There are people like the FCC Chairman, Charlie Rose, elected officials, police, actors and CEOs who are maligned and ridiculed (trolled) by Elgum, Laporte, Snell, @film_girl and countless other reporters. Then, others malign (troll) the maligners on Twitter or blogs. Next up on the chain of trolling are the commenters on Twitter and those blogs who malign tweets and those who write the articles. And so it goes—everyone keeping everyone in check. But the Great Minds take issue with only one of the falling dominoes. Only one breed of criticism is “trolling,” the one centered squarely on their dumb-asses.
The analogy between how governments work and how tech journalism works is just too good to pass up. There is basically one or two shitheads who says things and smaller shitheads eat this shit up and regurgitate the said pooh into smellier bite-sized shit.
![Drones are not just remote controlled toys](https://totaldrama.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Smell-300x131.jpg)
The #soupguzzler is so poisonous he (in private where snakes work best) uses this as an opportunity to allegedly blame Merritt. Where else would spineless Snell get this preposterous propaganda?
#Soup, if you are smarter than 99% of the population, your job is not to manipulate them. Remember, there is another 1% out there watching you.
Google Confirms #TotalDrama findings
It seems the nerds at Google, Inc. know what they’re doing. No wonder @profjeffparvis is such a fan. It appears the waning interest in the notorious know-it-all is actually confirmed by science. Based on high-level scripts and [ro]bots combing the entire Internet and meticulously calculating every bit of information, the findings forecast the man will be done by 2015.
![Google confirms possible imminent demise of TWiT](https://totaldrama.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/Screenshot-2014-12-29-14.27.40-300x181.jpg)
#TotalDrama didn’t need to show you this unassailable proof—as we have known this all along—but we felt the few remaining hold-outs in the hellholish #twitlive could use the factoids.
![image](https://totaldrama.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/image2-300x200.jpg)