“Tech News Today” large co-host Lindsey Turrentine is a fat mommy…and don’t you forget it! Isn’t she just the vision of loveliness? Before you all start ragging on Total Drama for pointing out the obvious, remember that she helps support a company that is headed by a sexist piece of shit, Leo Laporte.
Leo Laporte—fresh off a three-week European vacation where he floated and Segwayed his way across the Continent—is fatter than ever.
In a recently-obtained spy photo, Leo appears to either be on the verge of death because of a belly that refuses to shrink, or is possibly even suffering from a rare stomach tumor that only affects obese men who marry whores.
Our prayers are with the Laporte family during this difficult time. Father Robert Ballecer would also be praying for them, but he’s too busy flying quadcopters over kindergarten playgrounds.
Leo Laporte is now eating so much and has gotten so fat that he can’t sit up anymore. Here he is on “Before You Buy.”
Advanced image analysis has been performed on this screen grab and troubling new information has come to light. Apparently, the Shit Twithouse is just a flophouse for the lazy owner, his dog and his girlfriend/wife/CEHo. There are wires and papers all over the floor, Leo has his feet on the couch and the employees are cowering in the corner—so the place is basically a dump.
If you’re in the Petaluma area be sure to drop in soon before the joint appears on “Hoarders.”
There was a horrible tragedy this past weekend. Many female celebrities’ online accounts were hacked and nude photos (selfies etc) were released to the public. Many of our fellow news outlets have taken it upon themselves to refrain from publishing the photos. #TotalDrama is a respectable site and, we too, will not show the photos except of the girl from Downtown Abbey if anybody can find those. (Please link in comment section or email me directly)
Recently, many of the best looking looking internet celebrities have undertaken a campaign to support the hacked celebrities and hopefully stymie cyber crime. Veronica Belmont, Mark Milan, Tom Merritt, Shannon Morse, iJustine, Psy and others have voluntarily released nude selfies in solidarity….
Leo, this article is satire. You’re not funny bro. Seriously, please don’t. There is a time and place for jokes but please don’t. Leo, Veronica did not release photos, no one did, knock it off, #soup there are children on the internet. It was a joke Leo. Dude, you are crossing a line you can not uncross, DUDE. OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG
I can not un-see what I just saw. Nice knowing you all.
All the best, tell my wife I love her.
Update: Do not send pictures of Downtown Abbey girl, it is wrong and I got them myself (finally.)
I admit, I was afraid when I saw the threat, but once again the Captain has released a new video and inspired me to fear not!
I counted zero spelling errors in this video so he seems to be doubling down. I say again, I still fear the man coming after us, he is wicked good with computers but I must be brave for the #cause.
Lgum Style Analysis
I have looked at the TWiT hosts and noticed a striking difference between TWiT hosts and the hosts of Fox news. Now, we are not saying they should hire models, but we do ask that they have some pride in their appearance. Go on a diet, work out, you’re on my TV, you work in media, be presentable. You don’t need a flat stomach like Sarah, but please, show some restraint when they serve dessert.
See the evidence for yourself and decide..
This is scientific unbiased research, draw your own conclusions.
Thank god for Sarah Lane.