Leo Laporte Discusses His Failing Health on Security Now

Eating himself into an early grave

Leo Laporte can’t stop eating himself into an early grave. That is apparent to any live watcher, certainly, but increasingly even download viewers. From eating extra cupcakes “for” Georgia Dow to inhaling mass quantities of food during his office studio shows (Windows Weekly, Security Now), #Soup eats and eats and eats.

He thinks that his salads are healthy, but the forensics team at Total Drama has concluded the salads are likely drenched in massive amounts of calorie-rich dressings.

It seems to have caught up to Leo.

Soup has been worried about meeting with his doctor for weeks and dreading the lab results. We’ve heard this interspersed between different shows across the network, but he laid it out for us on Security Now.

Leo desperately searching for a way to lose weight without eating less
Leo desperately searching for a way to lose weight without eating less
Here are the high points from the discussion. The takeaway is: Leo Laporte has diabetes (or pre-diabetes) now from years of stuffing food in his fat face.

  • Soup jokes that he might faint from eating too little and Steve jokes about Soup having low blood suguar. Ha!
  • Soup is on a “serious diet” now.
  • His fasting blood glucose levels are “like 150” (possibly higher?). This level should be less than 100. His blood glucose level indicates diabetes already. He admits “That’s diabetes level.”
  • His liver “is shedding alt cells. It’s self-destructing. It’s what they call non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. It’s from being fat!”
  • His LDL “is a little elevated”, putting him at risk for cardiac arrest, but his HDL is “above… you know, is good, so…”
  • The doctor “put [Soup] on a little drug”. He is now on medicines to reduce his blood pressure and now Metformin for diabetes.

    “It is the first-line drug of choice for the treatment of type 2 diabetes, in particular, in overweight and obese people and those with normal kidney function.”

  • He admits “Mostly, I need to exercise and diet a lot more.”
  • Steve tells him that it’s mostly his diet and to stop shoving food in his face constantly. Steve neglects to call him a giant land whale who is killing himself slowly by being a gluttonous piece of shit.
  • Leo gets defensive and acts like exercise should fix all his diet problems.
  • He makes a “sex toys” joke at 2:20.
  • Leo says “[The doctor] scared the hell out of me, so uhhhhhh, Imma be gudd. Imma be guuuudddddddddd.

Every single one of Leo Laporte’s current health problems are from the food he stuffed his his fatass pie hole. Look how “thin” by comparison he looked just 4 years ago when he hadn’t moved into the Shithouse, TWiT was still good, and he’d just started fucking the CeHO. He was able to climb stairs, walk without gasping for air, and even move around without the aid of Segways. He was still fat, but managed all those things he’s lost now.

Put the fork down, Leo. Out of respect for you viewers, your guests, and most importantly, your own health and longevity, put down the goddamn fork.


This video and GIF are thanks to a chat room member tip. Please keep the suggestions and story tips coming as we value reader input. Thank you! You can also join us in our chat room at any time.

Mike Elgan Says “Taint” Repeatedly on Tech News Today

Village Idiot
Have you heard? He’s been to Barcelona.

Mike Elgan, noted moron who holds a job that he believes makes him a professional broadcaster, said “taint” over and over today after Tech News Today. He had no self-realization.

EffenDumb knew what it meant of course and kept saying “nooooooooo”.

Mike powered through with “Another taint, is in the can.”


Jeff N. Dishes on TWiT

What many suspected, is confirmed. TWiT finds fans and pays them pittance until their dream becomes a nightmare. In a medium post [from June 2015] a former TWiT had a lot to say.

One Way Ticket to Freedom.
One Way Ticket to Freedom.
"how I ended up at TWiT involves my Leo-fandom from The Screen Savers days followed by me relentlessly emailing..."
"they [TWiT] were interested in discussing a full-time gig. It was less money than I was hoping for"
"I was excited and optimistic and maybe a tad naive."
"But dreams change. Reality sets in"
"~5 months at TWiT. There were ups and downs, periods of bliss, followed by periods of misery. It was only once the frequency of the latter outpaced the former that I knew it was really time for a change"
"....and I’d end up just giving up and staying at TWiT."

The story has a happy ending. Jeff got a job at Meerkat.

"Right now, I’m extremely thrilled to be doing something I love for a company I believe in"

How long until the remaining fans-turned-underpaid see the light?

Pro Tip for Jeff: You do not have to put everything on your resume. Leave off stuff like McDonalds griller, Cineplex usher and TWiT.

TWiT.TV 2.0: TWiT TV Reinvents Itself

Did the lovely and Talented Sarah Lane demand a cat pic?
Did the lovely & talented Sarah Lane order a TD cat pic?

In a sobering behind-the-scenes look inside TWiT, we see that the Total Drama prognosis for the future of TWiT is not far off from the vision of its very leader, Laporte himself.

In the following video we see a quick look at how Leo prepares for his flagship show. Twenty short minutes before the scheduled start time Laporte asks his director [Jason Howell] which guests will be appearing on his panel [and who they are.] Laporte then goes on to inquire of Howell if any tech news actually transpired in the past week. That concludes his preparation, he doesn’t even browse the headlines.

Furthermore, rather than preparing, even for the remaining 10 minutes before airing the live show, he begins to nap, complete with lullaby music. He also clarifies his dream about a day when he can just do the ads and ditch the content.

Trust us folks, Leo broadcasting from his bed is not far off.

Leo is Surprised Total Drama Creator is Still Alive

lkalif's avatar
lkalif’s avatar
We’re surprised Leo Laporte is still alive, given his massive gut, shockingly high BMI, and the fact that he shoves food in his gullet at all times. He appears to be surprised as well when acknowledging his sarcastic greeting to lkalif is inappropriate.

All hail lkalif, creator of TotalDrama.org (the first incarnation). Lkalif had been unavailable for a while due to personal issues, but Leo just assumed he was dead. We carried on without issue and lkalif is starting to be more available.

In case anyone didn’t know lkalif is back, join us in our chat room to chat with him on a regular basis.