It is no surprise to us here at TotalDrama that the soiled panties of Lisa Kentzell frequently combust as a result of her and Leo Laporte’s incessant fabrications, fibbing and fantastical falsifications.
If it were not for TotalDrama’s crack team of in-house forensic accountants (equipped with Asbestos gloves, fire hydrants, and fresh air breathing apparatus) the viability of TWiT might never have been called into question. But that is where we must now look. It is quite possible that our investigation will need to be followed up on by more capable, shall we say, federal hands than ours after Laporte’s bold—albeit questionable revelation—that the New Year’s Eve show cost him $100,000 for a mere 23 hours of broadcasting.
So let us now allow the facts to take us on a journey of #truth: This purported number equates to $4,347 an hour—assuming that all the staff, contributors and volunteers worked with no pay on this “noble, non-profit” charity event.
This outrageously-inflated figure gives us an indication of the running cost (less wages, taxes, benefits, personal expenses, employee medical insurance, Catholic Church and Ecclesiastical Sinners Confession fees, alleged greasing of Petaluma palms, and various soup concoctions, snacks and nut bills) of the Brickhouse in the region of $9 Million per annum (40 hours of show per week @ $4,347 per hour x 52 weeks.) If we factor in all the other running and miscellaneous costs, we can conservatively estimate the net revenue of TWiT to be circa $1 Billion per year.
This is, of course, complete speculation. But TotalDrama and the general public are no longer allowed to question the University of Phoenix-undistinguished-First Class-#1-gold-digger alumna. And the financials of TWiT remain shrouded in mystery…even on the rare episodes of the formerly-weekly “Inside TWiT” show. We are therefore deprived of her prodigious accounting acumen. This is a shame. Because what we are left with is the unsatisfying stink of speculation, in which the editorial board of TotalDrama is loathe to engage.
For clarity and transparency, we here at TotalDrama (proud members of a free and unfettered press) have one simple demand at this time of Ms. Kentzell: Open the books! Let the public peek behind the curtain so you can prove that the New Year’s Eve charity broadcast for UNICEF was not just a #scam. And to let the cold light of day cast aside any thoughts that the whole sleazy enterprise was not just an exercise in tax evasion; which many now believe it to be. The choice is yours, Kentzell!