Liar, Liar, Knickers on Fire

Is something shady going on?
Is something shady going on?

It is no surprise to us here at TotalDrama that the soiled panties of Lisa Kentzell frequently combust as a result of her and Leo Laporte’s incessant fabrications, fibbing and fantastical falsifications.

If it were not for TotalDrama’s crack team of in-house forensic accountants (equipped with Asbestos gloves, fire hydrants, and fresh air breathing apparatus) the viability of TWiT might never have been called into question. But that is where we must now look. It is quite possible that our investigation will need to be followed up on by more capable, shall we say, federal hands than ours after Laporte’s bold—albeit questionable revelation—that the New Year’s Eve show cost him $100,000 for a mere 23 hours of broadcasting.

So let us now allow the facts to take us on a journey of #truth: This purported number equates to $4,347 an hour—assuming that all the staff, contributors and volunteers worked with no pay on this “noble, non-profit” charity event.

This outrageously-inflated figure gives us an indication of the running cost (less wages, taxes, benefits, personal expenses, employee medical insurance, Catholic Church and Ecclesiastical Sinners Confession fees, alleged greasing of Petaluma palms, and various soup concoctions, snacks and nut bills) of the Brickhouse in the region of $9 Million per annum (40 hours of show per week @ $4,347 per hour x 52 weeks.) If we factor in all the other running and miscellaneous costs, we can conservatively estimate the net revenue of TWiT to be circa $1 Billion per year.

This is, of course, complete speculation. But TotalDrama and the general public are no longer allowed to question the University of Phoenix-undistinguished-First Class-#1-gold-digger alumna. And the financials of TWiT remain shrouded in mystery…even on the rare episodes of the formerly-weekly “Inside TWiT” show. We are therefore deprived of her prodigious accounting acumen. This is a shame. Because what we are left with is the unsatisfying stink of speculation, in which the editorial board of TotalDrama is loathe to engage.

For clarity and transparency, we here at TotalDrama (proud members of a free and unfettered press) have one simple demand at this time of Ms. Kentzell: Open the books! Let the public peek behind the curtain so you can prove that the New Year’s Eve charity broadcast for UNICEF was not just a #scam. And to let the cold light of day cast aside any thoughts that the whole sleazy enterprise was not just an exercise in tax evasion; which many now believe it to be. The choice is yours, Kentzell!

6 thoughts on “Liar, Liar, Knickers on Fire”

  1. ==============
    that the New Year’s Eve show cost him $100,000 for a mere 23 hours of broadcasting.

    WHOA. Did he say that? If so, he is the world’s worst business owner. WTF would you spend such an insane amount of money on such a pointless, stupid event. He could have kept Tom Merritt employed for another FOUR MONTHS at Tom’s requested bump in salary (IIRC, it was $300k/annually).

    I’d be shocked if Sarah makes $100k annually, so it’d pay for an ENTIRE YEAR OF HER WORK.

    Open the books! Let the public peek behind the curtain so you can prove that the New Year’s Eve charity broadcast for UNICEF was not just a #scam.

    I don’t see that ever happening.

    Hasn’t she basically killed Inside TWiT since Total Drama sprag up over the past few months?

    They won’t admit to it, but I bet her and Leo have discussed Total Drama behind the scenes and are super paranoid about revealing financial stuff anymore, because so many smart people will call out their BS. I think Leo sometimes gets boastful and yaps about how much he spends because it makes him feel better.

    I really do think Leo spent $100k on this stupid event, but I don’t think he’s being 100% clear about where all that money went.

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  2. Following Sunday 11th January’s TWiT broadcast, Leo has admitted the cost of running the studio is $1000 per hour.

    This now calls into question the outrageous cost of $4,347 per hour for the New Years Eve event. I can only therefore assume that Laporte & Kentzell has personally profited and lined their pockets with $3,347 each hour they broadcasted on NYE. Thats $76,981 for 23 hours work. Nice work if you can scam it from your viewers TWiT.

    Just open you books to prove us wrong!

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  3. I know you guys make things up all the time, but the two statements from Leo ……. $100k cost for the new years charity event, and $1k per hour cost of running twit doesn’t marry up. It should have only costed him $24k from what he said today.

    Do you lot really think he has made a bigger profit for himself $76k than what he collected for UNICEF? This might explains Lisa’s christmas present – the car.

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