Tag Archives: fake priest

Man of God

The End is Nigh for Father Robert Ballecer

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If I asked you to describe the qualities of a priest most of you would say that person is kind, peaceful, understanding and an eloquent speaker of the teachings of Christ. It is also a man who is devoted to serving the Lord, and will tirelessly sacrifice himself for the sick and the poor.

Fr. Robert Ballecer (Andy Warhol-commissioned painting, circa 1987)

Of course that would be your impression until you met Father Robert Ballecer. This man can only be described as the Bizarro Superman of the ecclesiastical world. To use a food analogy (and you know it fits here) it’s what you get when you add 1 cup of corruption, 2 cups of perverted fetishes, 3 cups of dishonesty, one teaspoon of cumin and then bake at 325 degrees until it fattens up like a Butterball® turkey (absolutely no disrespect to Butterball® turkeys, those turkeys are amazing).

The man is even a joke in his own circles. On the website jesuits.org, he received nothing but a scoffed mention in the official newsletter as “the priest seen cavorting around Las Vegas again under the auspices of a ‘technology convention’”. Even fellow Jesuits see him as a clown.

On the website goodjesuitbadjesuit.blogspot.com, you can read him defending a lavish lifestyle of going on vacations and “eating” at good restaurants on the church’s dime because it serves his “emotional needs”. I haven’t read the entire bible yet but I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t ask the Romans to stop nailing him to the fucking cross so he could have a sandwich.

Therefore it came as no surprise to this TotalDrama writer when Fr. Robert Ballecer began complaining like a petulant child about not getting his first choice of “studio” space when he moves to Rome in mid-June. That’s right… he plans to continue the act. His first choice of studio is apparently unusable because there is an ambulance station directly outside. The only other location is some moldy (possibly unhealthy) underground room not used for centuries. For a man who is extremely obese I find it ironic that he is now expressing a concern for his health. Fuck you fake priest, you’re Rome’s problem now.

Thank you to the chatters in our chat room for providing much of the source materials used in this article. If you have any ideas for an article we encourage you to leave an anonymous comment below or submit a tip.  Also a big thank you to the tireless editors, reporters and administrative staff who sacrifice their sanity every day so this trainwreck is completely documented.

Man of God

Man of God: Father Robert Ballecer Tells Another Easily Disprovable Lie

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Father Robert Ballecer
Fr. Robert Ballecer

Father Robert Ballecer has a long history of misdeeds. Some examples:

In the video above from his hosting of Security Now, Father Robert Ballecer tells another self-disproving whopper.

Such mine. Very lie. Wow.

In an attempt to one-up Steve Gibson, he claims he “had left [a Xeon server he supposedly was reviewing] running for maybe six or seven hours, and it had ‘found’ five bitcoins.”

Five bitcoins has never even been close to an actual block reward. Of course, the fake priest Robert Ballecer doesn’t know this and couldn’t lie well in real-time.

Right now, the reward is 12.5 bitcoins and this was supposed to be a long time ago — before he started at TWiT — when the reward was still 50 bitcoins.

Hilton A. Goring could not be reached for comment.

Steve’s reward of 50 bitcoins makes sense, because it’s probably true.

Father Robert Ballecer’s reward was fabricated on the spot out of thin air, and he doesn’t know anything about Bitcoin, so his lie is self-disproving, our favorite kind of fake priest lies.

What kind of shit does he have on the pope? Serious question.

While editing the video, I noticed he lied again about running SpinRite on his 12 or 16 bay NAS — who knows which? — after one of Steve’s fake testimonials, so I threw it into the video as a bonus lie. Enjoy!

Man of God, Misc

Man of God: Father Robert Ballecer Lies While at Religious Retreat

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Update: The liar priest, who is supposedly without technology on a vow of silence, is now muting accounts on his personal YouTube (Proof) within 2 minutes (push notifications). Absolutely incredible.
Father Robert Ballecer
Fr. Robert Ballecer

This is the Total Drama series Man of God, in which we chronicle the exploits of one Father Robert Ballecer, aka Grimace in a Priest Costume, aka The Digital Jesuit, aka <PadreSJ>, aka FMCP. Please use our dvr and send in tips with examples of his very Christlike behavior.

Something very strange is happening over on Father Robert Ballecer’s Twitter profile. The fat fake priest — aka FMCP aka PadreSJ — is pretending to have written an artificial intelligence bot that is running his Twitter.

He is supposedly away at a no-technology Jesuit retreat. Mercifully, this is the reason he is not appearing on TWiT right now.

We found it odd that he has timely mentions of things that just happened, such as the new Doctor being announced and National Ice Cream Day — a holiday we are certain he celebrates daily.

We did some digging using the actual Twitter API. All of his Tweets are being posted from TweetDeck. Here’s the source attribute from almost all of his “bot” tweets:

"source":"<a href="https://about.twitter.com/products/tweetdeck" rel="nofollow">TweetDeck</a>"

He can’t control that string, because it’s set by Twitter’s server side based on the API keys being used. He’s 100% using the TweetDeck program to post his tweets.

TweetDeck can’t create Twitter polls. No consumer of the Twitter API can, including FMCP’s fictional “bot” lie. The fake priest logged onto the Twitter web site to post these polls:

"source":"<a href="http://twitter.com" rel="nofollow">Twitter Web Client</a>"
"source":"<a href="http://twitter.com" rel="nofollow">Twitter Web Client</a>"

Some questions:

  1. Did FMCP sneak a smartphone into the no-technology religious retreat under one of his many fat folds?
  2. Is Bryan Burnett running FMCP’s Twitter and pretending to be a robot, not far from the truth? Edit: This hypothesis is improbable, now that we’ve seen he is policing his own YouTube/Google account via push notifications.
  3. Does FMCP think anyone believes he knows how to program anything, let alone an artificial intelligence that can respond to current events? We’ve seen Coding 101.

Don’t forget to read the rest of the Man of God series detailing Father Robert Ballecer’s misdeeds in real life and on Twitter.

Misc

Megan Morrone is a Fraud #TWiTSwitch

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You will be forgiven for not knowing what #TWiTSwitch is. Tech News Today co-hosts Megan Morrone — non-racist, non-monkey — and Jason Howell — kind of, sort of, whatever — came up with the grand plan.

Jason would wipe his Google Pixel phone and give it to Megan to use for a month, and Megan would leave all of her past-due library book notices on her iPhone and give it to Jason to use for a month. Each would report back with an opposite perspective they gained by using the other’s platform.

Hilton A. Goring could not be reached for comment.

Megan Morrone now claims to be an iOS “guru”; in reality, she just assumed Sarah Lane’s identity when the tech goddess departed the ailing network’s premises. Megan Morrone spent the prior decade pretending to work for Microsoft — actually freelance writing part of one terrible article for them — while using Android.

Those other two sound like real jobs.
You ain't me, bish
You ain’t me, bish

Megan Morrone had never used an iPhone before assuming Sarah Lane’s identity. She wasn’t even good at pretending to be Sarah, killing iFive for the iPhone in the process with her terrible personality compared to the angelic Lane.

It was with great satisfaction that we finally heard someone at TWiT call her out on this fraud she perpetrates weekly, if not daily. Thank you, Bryan Burnett. Finally, you are something other than the foil for the fake priest.

Thanks to an anon from #drama for the video.

Misc

Is Jon Kalish Infatuated With Father Robert Ballecer?

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Jon Kalish: Author, not the GNU foot eating guy
Jon Kalish: Author, not the GNU foot eating guy

Father Robert Ballecer does a great job on the TWiT TV Network making LEDs blink, making LEDs blink, making LEDs blink, and also making LEDs blink. Editor’s note: Jimmy Jam pointed out that FMCP also talks about drones incessantly and does native ads for Acer.

But, what some may not know is his storied history at the TWiT TV Network. Never fear; the creepy Jon Kalish, who may or may not be gay for Father Robert Ballecer — not that there’s anything wrong with that — is on the case. The very same Kalish who has a long history of slobbing TWiT’s knob (example 2010, example 2014, example 2016).

Father Robert Ballecer
Fr. Robert Ballecer

In his latest long, sloppy blowjob of an article (archive link), he chronicles the rise of the morbidly obese fake priest from a dumpster diving — that happened — computer builder to a TWiT TV Network personality that makes LEDs blink.

The article also makes the claim that Tom Merritt is to blame for the existence of FMCP on the TWiT TV Network.

And, last but not least, in the article’s introductory section, Jon Kalish quotes an accurate YouTube commenter stating:

“A priest is doing ads? This is the end times.”

Indeed.

Misc

Leo Laporte is Envious of Father Robert Ballecer’s Contributions

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Father Robert Ballecer
Fr. Robert Ballecer

None of us like the fake priest “Father” Robert Ballecer. Whether you hate him for his fat neck-jiggling head motions he does on camera, the 1920’s affected radio announcer voice he uses, the pathological lies he tells, or the way his lips always look puckered due to the adipose tissue pressing outward on all parts of his enormous head, one can’t help but be disgusted.

However, you can’t discount his contributions to the “TWiT TV Network” in terms of minutes on-air. Sure, the content is terrible, but so is the content produced by Leo Laporte.

In the clip above, Leo Laporte is envious of the contributions made by PadreSJ and can’t stand that FMCP is represented more in the past week’s clips more than King Soup.

Green isn’t a good color on Leo.