Well hey, hey, hey! Leo Laporte, rapidly fading podcasting has-been, admits to taking fake calls on his national travesty of a “radio” show recently. Looks like all those grannies and grampas asking about their flip phones, AOL connections and Windows 95 Winsock problems really are bogus after all.
It hurts me deep inside
I was getting set for the holidays. The presents were bought and wrapped, the tree was up and the sweaters were on, my mom was making dinner and it smelled so good. I sat down to watch a Christmas Edition of “iPad Today”………He made me cry.
People say that #TotalDrama is mean, we call people “fat,” but I wonder if we could be meaner. What if we really looked into someone’s soul and searched for something they were sensitive about? It would hurt more if we exploited that weakness. Calling someone “fat” is what we should have outgrown at six years old, it’s amateurish. Professional assholes try to really hurt people. Also, at Drama we call ‘strangers’ names—if someone really wanted to maximize pain, the key is to go after a friend. Lastly, to be truly evil, we could cover our insults in smiles then enjoy watching their pain and force the recipients of our attacks to grin and bear it. No, that is not realistic. No human is capable of such cruelty………save one.
At some point I am going to start not liking Brian. Fuck the job, do something! He is an animal. You think this is for the show? It makes the show better? People don’t enjoy watching depravity. What kind of a person does this? Maybe she cares maybe she doesn’t; I don’t know. But if you think another human being is troubled by something what kind of person mocks them about it. Anyway to the dear #twitlive fans, remember it is #TotalDrama that is mentally ill, you people are saints.
Merry Christmas from #TotalDrama
Merry Christmas from your friends at #TotalDrama. Here’s a tree to prove that we mean it.
Hey Hey Hey and a How Dee Doo
Why do so many of us find the #Soupguzzler’s overt sham of a personality so offensive?
I forget where I read or heard an interesting theory on the comicbook hero Superman and his alias, Clark Kent. The thought was that Superman is an alien from Krypton. When he created Clark Kent he was attempting to invent a persona that would fit in with Earthlings. So the performance Superman does when pretending to be Clark Kent is essentially what Supe thought of us Earthlings. (OMG Supe is short for Superman and #soup is…) And how would we describe Clark? He is a stumbling, bumbling, babbling fool. So essentially, Superman believed the human race was a bunch of fools.
Now let us look at the fake persona our favorite fatman has invented. The man has a fake laugh he delivers on cue. He pretends to like or care for his fans and colleagues. He acts like anyone he encounters is remotely interesting to him and not meaningless ants whose sole purpose is to buy TWiT shirts and download his podcasts. He fakes caring about holidays and religion when in reality he finds theists to be fools. He pretends to care about sports when in actuality he deems it an inherent waste of his time. He smiles at you while counting the seconds until you leave his presence. He hates people and wants only to eat, have sex, read and play chess. Truly, the man holds humanity in contempt and I admit it, this is the one thing I have in common with him, I kinda like this aspect of the big guy.
*Editors Note* Drama never takes vacation.
Helping Children
We have said some mean stuff on this site, even me. But never in the exalted history of this site have we ever implied that TWiT or anyone at TWiT would take advantage of starving children.
Can someone please help me out? Is TWiT donating the proceeds from the New Year’s show to UNICEF? Are the proceeds of the TWiT shirts going to UNICEF? Partial proceeds? Will TWiT be making a public donation to UNICEF? Are the fans supposed to donate?
I don’t understand how this works and as a journalist, I need facts. One thing you can count is you will get an exact figure from Leo. He is not the type of guy to just say “a lot” or “we could not be happier with the money raised” or “UNICEF is so so grateful.” I am certain we will get actual numbers like every other fundraiser right? Hello? Hello? Anyone? Is this on?
Dickhead kicks Chickenhead
Moments before the start of the show that features a humongous priest playing with remote control planes aired, the unthinkable happened:
Since the onset of the Elgum TNT era, fan after fan has abandoned TNT. One who remained was Chickenhead21. The Chickenhead is on the same wavelength as the host and the two really connect on a deep level. The only interaction Gum is capable of with the fans is asking for show titles. This is where the Chicken excels. Show after mindless show and day after infuriating day and week after suicide-inducing week of TNT, the fan offers up 30 to 40 mindless titles after each episode of the shitshow. He is basically Mike’s lone fan.
In an apparent break from doing his master’s wishes, the Head Chat Freak kicked the poultry fan from #twitlive to the amazement of the five other fans. Will the headless chicken numbered 21 return? Can TNT survive with only four fans? Is Dan in trouble? Will he apologize?
Mike Elgum is a dumbass
Dumb guy Mike Elgan continues his dumb guy routine of trying to pretend he’s an interesting person on his “Tech News Today” program on the ailing TWiT network. Watch as he deftly informs his audience that he’s going to make vanilla ice cream. It’s riveting banter that you’ll definitely want to stay tuned for.
Blame Canada
*Editors Post*
We have left totaldrama.ORG and moved to totaldrama.EU. Look at your URL if you do not believe me. And…. we will be moving IRC servers too. Everything you love will still be here, just Europeanish to fit in with the other .EU’s. No longer will we be harassed by the freedom-loving Americans and their cowboy boots. Leo, Sarah and Burke have already updated their bookmarks—and so should you. (IRC info)
America was cool but if Gum won’t move away on his own, we will be forced to lead as role models. Maybe one day he will follow our example. And I don’t mean travel to Shenzhen China to cover stories about hard drive manufacturing. Do not worry, the whole team acted as one and all your favorite writers are on board, everyone from Helloworld to Captain Juno to Emojit3ch. Thank you, on behalf of everyone, to the team who worked day and night on this noble task. It was so moving to see everyone chipping in with their expertise.
I am looking forward to a 2015 filled with real journalism and no ad hominem attacks. Welcome to Canada!
*A percentage of some proceeds from site will be donated to Unicef (.0000001 like TWiT)
Panties on TNT
We know ratings were low, we know orders came down to spice things up but vibrating panties on TNT????
Underwear underwear underwear underwear underwear, we get it, underwear lady.
Have you no shame?
Santa
As Santa goes over his Who is Naughty and Who is Nice list, we here at #TotalDrama did too. Our editorial meeting concluded recently and we decided it’s time to present the Top Nine Evil Moves of 2014:
#9 — Laughing as slaves and interns clean his mess
The ALS challenge gimmick was too much to pass up. But this reluctant participant was too lazy to walk outside. Instead he did it indoors and laughed as his slaves slaved away.
#8 — Forcing Jason to work Sundays and tearing him away from his family
It was a sad day for the entire Howell household when Jason gathered the whole family to the dinner table. “No more seeing Dad on Sundays, no more baseball games or play recitals, the boss has stolen my Sundays. But I can sit home alone on Thursdays as mommy goes to work and you, my precious darlings, are in school” Not a dry eye, ne’er a one.
#7 — Conspiring with Padre to fire Shannon on her honeymoon
Uncovered by #Drama, it appeared Shannon’s time at TWiT was up until we broke that #scoup and saved her for a time. In an expected move of cowardice, the news that she was fired was scheduled to be forced on the young lass over her honeymoon. They did not want to tell her face to face and at that happy time they could send a quick email instead of telling her in person.
#6 — Disrespecting longtime friend Steve Gibson
In what can only be described as sheer and utter disregard for another human being, the glutton walks away for minutes on end while doing a podcast with Steve Gibson. Implying to his listeners the man is a bore who goes on and on.
#5 — Firing Amber without even a text after eight years of service
Remember, this man fired Erik Lanigan by text and chastised iYaz Akhtar for resigning by email. But Amber, she got neither an email or a text from this behemoth.
#4 — Firing Chad with no notice
We all know what happens to young boys who move to California chasing their dreams. But who knew the father figure would not give him some time or even a warning (we noticed he is wearing the same shirt as in #5 too #WTF) before shoving the twenty-something host out the door.
#3 — Making editors work nights on a whim
This was a gut wrenching day for the entire editing staff as their lives were upended as #Soup guzzled down a few hamburgers and fries.
#2 — Laughing at Elgum’s possible life threatening sickness
Now #TotalDrama is not big fans of the newsman but when we saw he may be dying we had some sympathy, not these two. CEHo and LEHo laughed and laughed.
#1 — Humiliating Sarah Lane on live stream after Elgum debut
It is no surprise who once again comes in at #1. In a textbook display of what psychologists call “Displaced Anger” the king goes off on Sarah for some mindless reason rather than admit he just made the biggest mistake of his life in firing Merritt and hiring a news anchor with zero broadcast experience. To be fair, how would you have reacted after watching his mind-numbing debut?
