“The Social Hour,” the lovely Sarah Lane’s social media-focused show, has been invaded by Tonya Hall and her gigantic body-covering laptop. See for yourself just how much of a joke Tonya’s humongous computer is by clicking on the image below. Instead of facing the music and joining a gym, Tonya has doubled down on the DoubleStuf. In the end however, the fullness of Tonya was on complete display as TWiT’s cruel camera operators shot her from the side. Must be rough gettin’ fucked with on your own show.
#TotalDrama is happy to announce the first phase of a massive fundraising campaign: “T-SHIRTS THAT CARE.” This pioneering effort intends on raising $2 billion to fund the buyout of TWiT’s headquarters in Petaluma, Calif. If we raise enough money, we can buy the Shit Twithouse and kick Leo and company out in the street. Without a place to broadcast their shows, Mike Elgum would have to go out and get a real job.
Please support this worthwhile campaign by purchasing the reasonably-priced t-shirt with lovely TNT-inspired design today! We hope you will find it in your heart to purchase five or six. You can use them as spaghetti strainers or for cleaning up soup spills. Some of our readers are even planning on wearing them!
A groundswell of protest is rising up from TWiT watchers worldwide after the appearance of The Next Web writer Josh Ong on a recent episode of the deeply-flawed “Tech News Today” program.
Elgum invited the scraggly-chinned reporter on to talk about some useless iPhone app that nobody cares about and what viewers were treated to was a nearly 12-minute visual eyerape courtesy of Josh’s gross goatee. Please tweet Josh at @beijingdou to tell him to give his nasty facial hair a rest by either shaving, or not appearing on TNT ever again.
Hey, look at the pretty trees and feel that wonderful sunshine! Well, on an otherwise lovely Wednesday afternoon, it looks as if Leo and CEO/GF Lisa Kentzell have taken once again to ruining the lives of TWiT program editors. Thinking it could help stave off dwindling profits, and on a whim over three hamburgers with fries—Leo and his gal Lisa, the dysfunctional management team, decided to upend a few young lives and make all the peons work late as a permanent schedule change. The sound was muffled (see video below) by pieces of hamburger and fries, but Leo was heard to say, “It’s just a scheduling thing.” Why not?
The lovely and talented Sarah Lane
An unnamed and clearly distraught employee said, after learning of the change in late-night work schedules, “I wouldn’t care, but the only time I am not miserable at work is when Sarah [Lane] walks by [be]cause she smells like flowers. Now I may never see her again.”
The #TotalDrama reporting team has been researching the hours worked by the beloved CEO/GF. In a preliminary investigation, it appears that she arrives at work by 11 a.m. and has been spotted scooting out the door as early as 4:20 p.m. But hey, there’s not that much to do at TWiT HQ in these stressful times. Is there?
An eagle-eyed #TotalDrama fan sent us a tip today that has upended the view of the once-sedate Sonoma County enclave of Petaluma as a paradise on earth, as Leo often says.
The Petaluma360.com story, “Petaluma Pervert Spotted Peeping Into Windows,” has paralyzed some residents to such an extent that they have taken to the forums to express their anger and fear. A few are offering suggestions on how to deal with the problem.
Let’s hope they figure this out soon (and that Lisa has bail money for Leo).
In light of TWiT’s crimes against humanity: the horrible color balance on every show; lack of co-host racial diversity; and general malfeasance toward viewers, the European Court of Human Rights has opened proceedings into bringing Leo Laporte and the entire staff of the troubled tech network to Brussels to answer for their immoral acts.
The accused include:
TWiT founder Leo “I Know Nothing” Laporte
CEHo Lisa “Sieg Heil” Kentzell
Chad “Jawohl mein Führer” Johnson
Jeff “Purple Hitler” Jarvis
Mike “Heinrich” Elgum
ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN and Fox News are all planning on sending correspondents. Lumber is reportedly running short in Brussels as they are erecting double-height gallows in anticipation of unanimous guilty verdicts.
Everyone already knows that Leo Laporte is decidedly un-family friendly during any given week on the TWiT network. But did you know that he now has taken to expanding his licentious behavior around the clock? Leo doesn’t even need to be in-studio any more to spread his filth—the vileness persists courtesy of two obscene pictures of a human asshole on the TriCaster screens right in the middle of TWiT Master Control.
Behold, the horror of the TWiT Livestream B-holes:
The den of sin known was the Shit Twithouse has a disgusting feature: onscreen b-holes.Here’s a close-up of the two b-holes.
We’ve all been Goatsed by Leo for the past eight months.
“I spoke at a Google Big Tent event in Berlin (Google paid my travel expenses; I do not accept other payment from Google)” —Jeff Jarvis
Jeff Jarvis Google Shill
Accept? Why would Google offer to pay you? “Other” payment, because international airline fares are, in fact, considered a form of payment. Jeff Jarvis, according to Jeff Jarvis, gets his travel paid for to conferences in major cities all over the globe by Google, Inc. He laughs this declaration off every time he is cornered into disclosing this truth. He regards it as an irrelevant fact. He is mistakenly caught up in the need to mention this detail as if he were one of the people who could be corrupted. The disclosure section of his blog has barely been updated since July 2005.
So let’s get back to these trips. How does this scam work? Google pays his airfare and then he pays his own lodging and expenses? I think not. More likely the managers of these events, which are sponsored by Google, put the speaker, Jarvis, up at hotels. A Per Diem would certainly not be out of the question. Parties in Paris with the elite are almost a certainty. Sipping champagne with Sophia Loren is but a small perk. You think his university pays? Then why don’t they pay the airfare?
.
What about his jobs?
Host of “This Week in Google.”
Author of “What Would Google Do?”
Author of “Public Parts: How Sharing….Improves…..and Live.”
Director-Tow-Knight Center for Entrepreneurial Journalism at CUNY
Lecturer on all topics related to his books.
A Purple Jarvis on the shitty show TWiG
His entire livelihood is tied up in this company and we are supposed to believe this doesn’t affect his opinions? Does it matter that the money for the PR stints comes from an intermediary and not directly from his friends Sergey and Larry? It is human nature to love that which feeds and sustains us. He may not even realize it, the man is of average intelligence. He just lives in NY and somehow got a professorship.
Howard Stern fans, who don’t particularly know what Google is, berate him as a Google Shill after his appearances on that program. The comments on Jarvis’ blog are filled with accusations of impropriety, although he chuckles them all away. His Twitter stream is inundated with cries of “shill” every time he opens his mouth. He often dismisses these accusations preemptively. He generally has the sense to know he is a shill so he will ask fans not to send him letters calling him a shill, he makes this plea under the illusion that he is speaking to the Google-hating fringe.
Every article he writes is on the side of Google. Every product he uses is from Google. Every thing he talks about is related to Google. If Google is caught red-handed doing wrong, he speaks in baby talk and says things like ‘google woogle did boo boo.’ This is a professor of journalism? TWiT.tv is where journalism goes to die. The saddest part is everyone, including Jeff, in the inner circle on the lecture circuit understands the game. He sold his soul for pocketful of gold, he fits right in at TWiT.
#TotalDrama contributor Richard Yes—Full Disclosure:
I hate Google and Facebook, I think Jarvis is a shill. I own many Apple and MSFT products but I use Gmail, Google Search and YouTube and other aspects of the internet that Google has monopolized. I think Sarah Lane is pretty.
CAPTAIN JUNO is widely regarded among the #TotalDrama community as the premiere video auteur of our generation. His brilliant videos can be found on his popular YouTube channel.
NY CRITIC is a YouTube artist who mainly concentrates on TWiT-related videos.
Exposing The Dark Underbelly of TWiT, Leo Laporte, and Failed CEO Lisa Laporte
