Breaking News:
This hot tip just in for the real estate listing (CLICK IMAGE FOR PDF)
If Leo thinks he’s going to buy this building, he’s INSANE. He’d be better of retreating to his mansion and broadcasting from Studio T (the toilet) or Studio B (the bathtub).
Here’s the link to the complete real estate listing for the Shit Twithouse.
#TotalDrama contributor emojiTECH has posted a rockin’ tribute to the forthcoming sale:
TWiT viewers have long been accustomed to repetitive ads on the network. We can all recite the offer codes by heart for Audible.com for example. But in recent weeks—after an “Inside TWiT” with Leo ‘n’ Lisa revealed that ad numbers are plummeting—it has become all but unavoidable to notice that the ads are getting loooooooonger and increasingly more desperate and cloying in their presentation.
Recent shameful examples: Leo has taken to shaving on camera; Steve Gibson has resorted to pimping his trumped-up love affair with the orange handle of his Harry’s blade, and I can hardly scrape the image of Padre wearing his puffed up SCOTTeVEST on camera for days. Other ridiculous extensions and intrusions into TWiT editorial are too laborious and ponderous to list here.
I would not presume to speak for everyone at #TotalDrama, but I’m confident that tech news seekers are not tuning in to hear Leo bloviate about the four advertisers that are on constant rotation.
It’s boring, Leo!
Known for his dedication to #truth, HelloWorld has been one of our most productive contributors. Today the editorial board of #TotalDrama has made a decision to promote him to Contributing Editor of this publication.
Congratulations HelloWorld!
We have an updated statement from HelloWorld:
“Earlier today I was honored by the editorial board of #TotalDrama with the surprise of a lifetime. I humbly accept the promotion and will, to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the integrity of the journalistic process that those who came before me have started.”
In a development near and dear to the hearts of contributors to #TotalDrama, we proudly announce a new addition to our “Heroes of the Effort.” Always available under the FAQ section on the top right of the blog, we repeat here his entry, both to ease new readers into discovering the history of the movement, but also because it’s just simply the right thing to do:
@LEOLAPORTESUCKS
A true hero in every meaningful sense of the word, the @LeoLaporteSucks Twitter account is forever reserved an honored seat in the Pantheon of Heroes of the Effort. Through sheer force of his various chron scripts and a fierce dedication to hand-crafted #truth Tweets, @LeoLaporteSucks works tirelessly to advance the cause of enlightenment worldwide. And for this, we applaud heartily and with a genuine spirit of comradery.
Here’s a classic example of his electronic artistry:
A joint reporting effort by the team at #TotalDrama has finally concluded and the results are scathing, as one member put it, “They are more gross than juicy.” Questions arose when the once transparent TWiT HQ turned off the Dropcam, the 24/7 all seeing eye in the sky, in founder and former CEO Leo Laporte’s office.
He never showed any aversion to disgusting fans with his exhibitionist antics before and soon the questions mounted. He was often seen shoveling monumental amounts of food into his face and bouncing around as the bodily waste left his body in a gaseous state. So what triggered the literal flipping of the switch? Why the sudden departure from open to closed shades?
An unnamed source with both close ties to TWiT and its founder (although he claims no ties to the CEO) appears to have the answer. WARNING: If you’re under 18, stop reading now. The eyewitness claims to have seen Laporte fondling his genitals on multiple occasions on the Dropcam. Leo was acting licentiously during a meeting with Sarah “The Angel” Lane and during an interview with prospective hire Jill Duffy. The condition common in preschoolers is notoriously hard to explain. Most outgrow the condition; some never do.
Apparently Leo’s manhood remained blessedly under wraps but his diddling did not stop. We at #TotalDrama are not claiming to be saints and Lord knows that we have all seen Sarah Lane walking back and forth on Dropcam, so we know the temptation all too well. But please, for the love of God Leo, have some decency. Wait until she leaves the room.
In an earth-shattering development that will be a shock to avid Andy Ihnatko fans everywhere (which we definitely are here at #TotalDrama), the usually be-hatted Mac Fan was spotted on the livestream sans chapeau.
Andy’s appearances on the TWiT network is always a welcome occurrence, but we’re not quite sure yet what to make of seeing his complete forehead.
Leave your thoughts in the comments below and we’ll pass the best of those on to Mr. Ihnatko.
The ever-insensitive and tone-deaf Leo Laporte has used Robin Williams’ sad passing as an excuse to tell his “MacBreak Weekly” audience that the Academy Award-winning actor’s death “was felt more keenly in the Bay Area.” Leo, please. Get a grip. Not everything needs to point back to you and your show.
A longtime TWiT watcher said he was shocked by Leo’s apparent lack of empathy. Upon learning of this transgression of basic human decency, the unnamed source said, “His sad devotion to steering content toward Search Engine Optimization (SEO) began with the hiring of Lgum and his attendant 3 million G+ bot fans, but has since sunk to a new low by attempting to squeeze a tragic death into a completely irrelevant show description. Not only is it a sad day for Mr. Williams’ family, and for America, but also for Leo’s integrity.”
Just like Gazelle encourages you to sell your old gadgets for cash, so too, is Leo considering dumping his aging network on the gadget-buying company. “It’s just time to get rid of this old piece of shit. Sure when I first founded the company it was good. But now it’s just basically garbage,” said a visibly disturbed Leo between gulps of Italian Wedding soup.
Sources say that Leo ‘n’ Lisa have run the numbers—and it’s not lookin’ pretty for the creaky, out-of-touch tech network. So they’ve decided to sell it for whatever price Gazelle will offer; most likely at a steep loss.
Human barfbag and TWiT “CEO” Lisa Kentzell is rumored to have it out for every woman at TWiT that rates higher than a 3 on the internationally-recognized “Hottie” scale. She has subsequently put the kibosh on at least four potential female hires because they were considered too good looking and a real threat to Lisa’s grip on Leo.
Many in the know are relieved that Sarah Lane’s tenure at TWiT has not been cut short by Lisa’s vicious evil eye. For starters, Leo would be foolish not to recognize Sarah’s extraordinary talent; but more simply, Sarah was simply there before Lisa’s unfortunate arrival.
So watch your back, Tonya.
Girl, don’t get any plastic surgery or a new hairdo without Lisa’s approval. Because if you get even a hair’s breadth away from jazzing up your style, Lisa will axe your ass faster than Leo lickin’ up his liquid lunch.
Unlike at TNT, we at #totaldrama excel in following up on stories. As an ace reporter for #totaldrama I can tell you that uncovering this next g
em was worth the effort. Some time ago my esteemed colleague HelloWorld reported here that Fr. Robert Ballecer may absolve himself from his service to Leo Laporte for a more fulfilling role serving Pope Jorge Mario Bergoglio .
After much digging we found this is not the first time a phony baloney My Little Pony story came to the TWiT airwaves. After TWiT hemorrhaged talent in early 2014 a story was concocted that Pope Francis tapped Ballecer’s shoulder to get in the big game. According to TWiT founder Leo Laporte “he decided to turn down” that opportunity and remain at the SHiThouse. A story meant to assuage the fears of TWiT fans worldwide after the parade of exiting talent. The following tweets were Ballecer’s cryptic way of saying something without saying anything, a technique mastered by Laporte himself.
The first tweet spoke about the offer:
That moment when you realize the job offer you thought was "a joke" is actually an incredible opportunity.
— Robert Ballecer, SJ (@padresj) February 15, 2014
The sec
ond spoke on the dilemma of who to serve; Jesus Christ’s human representative on Earth at the city-state established by Pope Pius XI and King Victor Emmanuel III of Italy in 1929. Home to such works of art as Michelangelo’s frescos 
on the Sistine Chapel ceiling. Or Leo Laporte, an ego-maniacal, blowhard who waddles around the chicken capital of the world in a warehouse littered with malfunctioning PET computers and discarded soup containers.
The most difficult choice a person need make is not between good and evil, but between good and "gooder" #JesuitDiscernment
— Robert Ballecer, SJ (@padresj) February 17, 2014
Never has a #scoop been of more woe that of Ballecer and his boss Leo.
Either it’s a total lie made up to dupe fans or he actually turned the Pope down to work at TWiT. Pick your poison.
