All posts by HelloWorld

Head comedy writer and fan of Mark Milian

Jason C. Cleanthes is a stupid dumbass garbage can of a man

Jason C. Cleanthes is a garbage can of a man with no brain. Just look at this bizarre clown:

Scary weirdo, Jason C. Cleanthes
Scary weirdo, Jason C. Cleanthes

Be sure to tweet him at his ridiculous Twitter handle EffenDunn to let him know if you think his constant laughing and saying “sorry” before and after “Tech News Today” is getting on your nerves. He’d love to hear from you.

This man moved to Petaluma to be near his hero, Leo Laporte. Can you believe that shit? And  Cleanthes is still trying to make himself an on-air personality by putting the camera on himself before the start of the shows he is technical director for.

Hey, Jason…nobody wants to see you. Just put the camera on Marc Elgum and be done with it. Or go back to the zoo, you dumb ape.

Megan Morrone increasingly looking more like a talking piece of cat shit

Megan Morrone is barely able to stomach sitting next to the pig Leo Laporte and it's definitely taking a toll on her womanhood.
Megan Morrone is barely able to stomach sitting next to the pig Leo Laporte and it’s definitely taking a toll on her womanhood.

Megan Morrone, mother of five boys and 14 dogs, is increasingly looking more and more like a piece of talking cat shit. Her only real job at TWiT (co-host of “iOS Today”) is a joke and she’s obviously just content to sit there and let Leo Laporte mention his favorite porn sites, his subscription to “Playboy” magazine and other inappropriate garbage topics.

Best of luck to you, Megan as you enter your fifth decade. Please tell your nose to stop growing—it’s big enough for a man already, let alone a woman. (Check out her official Wikipedia picture and tell us in the comments section if you think she’s camera-ready.)

Leo Laporte makes a rude, unfunny gay “joke”

Leo Laporte, the ever-expanding bloast (that’s a combo of “bloated” and “host”), makes a truly tasteless gay “joke” on the latest episode of “Windows Weekly” in front of co-hosts Paul Thurrott and Mary Jo Foley.

At this point, we here at TotalDrama HQ are well aware that Leo is a sexist, homophobic, racist fuck. But when he forces his co-hosts to sit there uncomfortably as they pretend that Leo’s failed “jokes” are nothing but thinly-veiled attacks on anyone that is not an old, white male, then that goes too far. And we are duty-bound to expose it to the world.

Please tell us what you think in the comments section: Should Leo apologize to Mary Jo and Paul for this assault on their integrity?

NYC Meet-Up actually a success

The crowd at the New York City meet-up was larger than expected.
The crowd at the New York City meet-up was larger than expected.

In a stunning turn of events, the NYC meet-up hosted by Leo and Lisa turned out to be a shocking success. People actually showed up, and it wasn’t quite the nerd desert with digital tumbleweeds blowing through New York’s Rattle N Hum bar as was expected by many.

Color us nothing but flabbergasted, but the editorial board at TotalDrama prides itself on its fairness. Here’s the rundown from our very own HelloWorld—intrepid undercover spy—as to how his visit into the den of the dragon went:

  • When HW was there, the back of the bar was packed with about 65 mostly plump white men milling about.
  • Andrew Zarian had perfect facial hair and was overdressed. It was fucking humid as hell, yet his hairsprayed coif was pure perfection.
  • Leo was surrounded by a horde of white men all staring at him as if he were a pig in a zoo (which, in effect, he pretty much was).
  • Mary Jo Foley was not as “large” below the waist as previously presumed.
  • Dickie D did indeed show up.
  • The TWiT fans were not drinking a lot. Which means that Rattle N Hum was cheated out of a significant, and most likely promised, bar tab.
  • Paul Thurrott was holding court in that same blue shirt…you know the one.
  • Lisa was taller than she appears on the livestream.
The prize as captured by HelloWorld—snatched from inside the belly of the beast.
The prize as captured by HelloWorld—snatched from inside the belly of the beast.

HelloWorld grabbed this trophy on the way out (these TWiT logo pins were only available at the meet-up) and shall serve as a talisman to commemorate our efforts.

HelloWorld skedaddled before Leo started Meerkatting in case any of you TWiT sycophants were wondering why the level of “drama” wasn’t amped up.

Come meet HelloWorld in person in New York


Come meet Internet personality and hate-blogging sensation HelloWorld at Leo ‘n’ Lisa’s New York City meet-up. We’ll chat about fun stuff and take a few selfies with Leo stuffing his face with food in the background. It’ll be an afternoon to remember.

HelloWorld will be signing autographs as well as basically trying to hijack the meet-up by being cute, skinny and entertaining—you know, all the things that Leo is not.

Here are all the relevant details: (Don’t forget to bring a smile and a Sharpie for those autographs)

Wednesday, Sept. 9 3-5 p.m.
The meetup will be from 3-5 p.m. at Rattle N Hum in Manhattan, located at 14 E. 33rd St. 

Leo LaporteMary Jo Foley, and Paul Thurrott will all be there.

Mike Elgan stars in first feature film

Check out Mike Elgan’s feature film debut in “The Interview,” produced by HBO films:

And here’s a reminder what the entire disaster looked like, the time where Mike Elgan was refused repeatedly by many, many, many people he tried to interview:

Christina Warren looks like shit in music video

Is Christina Warren pregnant?
Is Christina Warren pregnant?

Christina Warren, aka “Poopgirl” aka “Film_Girl” looks like shit in a new music video. Let us know in the comments if you think she looks pregnant or not. If she is, that’s going to be one ugly baby.

At least she wasn’t wearing a hat. But one can only imagine those fat legs trying support that belly. Didn’t Christina used to be in better shape?

Apparently, Christina is pregnant: Twitter is already congratulating her…

“The New Screen Savers” has no live in-studio audience and is basically a total failure

Cancel this, please
Nobody cares anymore about you or your dumb show, Leo.

When the diabetes-ridden Leo Laporte and his whorish, gold-digging bride pinned their hopes and dreams on the TWiT-saving débâcle known as “The New Screen Savers,” they fervently wished that each show would be lovingly adored by a live, in-studio audience. But there would have been no way for them to have had any idea what was in store for them. But the dream became a nightmare  on the August 29, 2015 edition of TNSS: Exactly zero people showed up to watch live.

Just look how fat Mike Elgan looks without his lame blazer. Is every shitty TWiT employee a fatass?
Just look how fat Mike Elgan looks without his lame blazer. Is every shitty TWiT employee a fatass? And look at Leo wipe his sweaty face. YUCK!

Leo asked, “What happened?” when he learned there was nobody to read the traditional cold-open of the lame attempt to recapture the former glory days of TechTV’s legendary live show. So Leo did what any desperate, sweat-covered host would do in this situation: He drafted a fan that came to watch “The Tech Guy” into the worst, most amateurish performance ever.

Just imagine: Lisa’s signature achievement was to have been her crowning glory as CEO of the TWiT network and it’s all just crumbled in her claw-like witch fingers; as the remains of a once-engaging tech network are now but dust under Leo’s fat feet.

Megan Morrone has zero self-respect, is horrible example for her children

Megan Morrone, the sad little dog-faced girl who co-hosts “iOS Today” with the fat pig Leo Laporte, has zero self-respect and his a horrible example for her children.

We dare you to watch this cringeworthy clip of Leo ogling her cleavage and then wheeze-laughing his way to an early grave without wondering why in the world Megan would continue to work there one day longer. One has to ask if the paycheck is really worth the harassment and unpleasant work environment. It can’t be, right? It’s such a shame that talented women in tech refuse to stand up for themselves and just leave these abusive situations.

Megan: Think of what your kids must think of you when you allow yourself to be abused this way. Take a moment to watch the video above two or three times—look at your face and tell us that you are happy with the direction your life has taken. Is this the way you want to be remembered…as a milquetoast sidekick to a sexual pervert?

The editorial board at TotalDrama of course wishes you well, but you really need to examine what went wrong in your life.

Wake up, Megan! You are better than this.

TWiT can no longer claim to be “family-friendly”

We must apologize. We recently learned many of our readers are intellectually challenged and are unable to distinguish the satirical articles (such as this one) from the news articles. We apologize for the contents of the comments on this article due to their disability.

TWiT can no longer claim to be “family-friendly” after a German guest, Rolf Claessen, appeared on the August 21 edition of “This Week in Law” with the absolutely, horrendously inappropriate plug for his website:

He Pees Fridays
He Pees Fridays

One can only imagine what must have been going through Rolf’s head when he declared it OK to have the TWiT staff type that website in under his name. The editorial board at TotalDrama is questioning their judgment when children are watching in the middle of the day.

We can only hope that this was allowed to happen because regular host and wig-wearing weirdo Denise Howell wasn’t there to crack the whip. She skipped this episode and thank God she did. “I Pee Fridays” is so far out in the field as to be laughable if it weren’t so obscene. Maybe there should indeed be the “right to be forgotten” because by unanimous vote of the editorial board at TotalDrama, we wish we could forget “I Pee Friday” and flush this entire TWiT enterprise down the shitter.