Leo Laporte is still supporting his kids after all these years with gadgets from the vast TWiT storehouse.
Leo Laporte announced with a flourish on today’s lame “This Week in Google” that he’s using his “biz account” to buy seven iPhones for TWiT (10 phones total). This also included two phones for his adorably dumb daughter and slacker son.
The TWiT founder is buying so many phones for his family that he is pressing company interns into service, as Apple is allowing only the purchase of two phones per person.
Way to go, Leo! Bring on that IRS audit. I’m sure the U.S. Government will be happy to hear what you’re up to.
Blowhard professor Jeff Jarvis calls “This Week in Google” host Leo Laporte fat and ugly. And he needs to take his meds. Please tweet him @jeffjarvis to let him know that his antics have grown stale.
Did TWiT PR find a way to cover up a story from the general public? Not so fast Lisa, #TotalDrama is on the case. It seems that, a few weeks after prolific stutterer Mike Elgum replaced professional broadcaster Tom Merritt, tech pundit Iyaz Ahktar and thoughtful commentator known as the lovely and talented Sarah Lane, on the hit show Tech News Today,™ our beloved TD had a small breakdown. Sorry, Grams!
Sorry Grams, Elgum made me do it!
Unable to afford an attorney, Jason elected to appear before the court “Per Se” or without an attorney. The DA brought a strong case and hundreds of witnesses. Jason’s defense lasted only two hours but he managed to beat the adept lawyers at their own game.
Prosecution did not rest!
Sources close to the court told us what transpired. Jason brought in tapes of the TNT pre-show for the court to peruse. Endless footage was displayed where the accused was blindsided every morning, ten minutes before airtime, by Elgum. He proved that in an average day, he faced off against five new guests who needed to be set up on Skype for the very first time. Most guests did not know how to connect a USB microphone, let alone manage lighting, shot framing or color balancing. To make it worse, other guests were scheduled who canceled faster than #Soupguzzler’s prom dates. Jason went on to show Elgum saying “whaddup chickenhead” whilst he was forced to simultaneously entertain the fans during the pre-show with limited time while managing the set up. A picture was painted of life where temporary insanity was a forgone conclusion for any mortal man.
His case hit a snag when the prosecution showed that Jason was privileged to sit next to the lovely and talented Sarah Lane. Prosecutors claimed her hair tosses, pleasant smile, stunning eyes and the lilt in her voice would be enough to calm even a savage beast. Howell acquiesced but showed that the murder took place on Friday, a day Sarah Lane was not in studio.
Throw the book at Elgum!
The gavel dropped, the verdict was read and Jason was released. On the steps of the court house, while humbly exiting, Jason was confronted by a contrite judge and the entire team of prosecuting attorneys. A hand was placed on his shoulder, “We watched an episode, no one should have to go through that.” A single tear fell from his cheek as he ambled home to face another morning of Elgum’s madness.
*Update* New evidence showed the day of the “murder” Howell was made aware that he would be responsible to assemble clips for the annual best-of-TNT show.
Details are developing, but Padre announced on a livestream question and answer session after taping “Padre’s Corner” that he will not have access to tech or Twitter for one year. He was his usual dickish self while answering questions from the chatroom.
Thank God!
MAJOR UPDATE from LKalif: He said that the Catholic church bishops “liked what he was doing on TWiT and that it was good for the church.” They specifically said “You seem to make a lot of people upset and we kind of like that it stirs that pot.”
So there you have it people, the Catholic church has implanted pervert Robert in TWiT to advance its own agenda, and is letting him continue that assignment for two more years.
TWiT “News Director” Mike Elgan is just an embarrassing mess of an anchor. One would think that being able to at least get a sentence out of your mouth without stumbling all over it like a drunken frat boy on Whiskey Night was a prerequisite for doing the news. Apparently that’s not the case as showcased in this clip from a recent TNT. Leo should fire you for gross incompetence and then fire himself. By the way, this post is exactly the reason why we here at #TotalDrama have dubbed him “Elgum.”
TNT anchor Mike the Gumbot is one super hilarious and side-splittingly funny dude. Check this short video out where he makes fun of a #twitlive chatroom user’s name:
It’s ridiculous how long the lovely Sarah Lane has had to put up with working for the outrageous Leo Laporte. In this newly-uncovered YouTube video the gorgeous Sarah takes some massive abuse from Leo. I don’t know how she has been able to deal with this jerk for so long.
We at #TotalDrama are just that glad she’s finally standing up for herself. You go, Sarah!
In a blockbuster new YouTube video, Mark Eldumb is seen to support trolling by admitting that he enjoys writing negative reviews of businesses online. That’s what we do here at #TotalDrama. So welcome to our team, Mark Elgam!
So it with a hopeful heart that we offer up this prayer to the Most Almighty of All, Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of Kings and Bringer of Peace and Hope to the World:
Dearest God in Heaven Above,
Please take our Padre away from us—as you need him more than us.
Let his service at The Vatican bring joy to others far away from us.
The more you make him work for others in a land nowhere near the United States of America, the more good he can do.
Please understand that our joy comes not from Padre not being with us, but from the everlasting light that he brings to others and just keep him away from us forever more.
We ask this in your name, Lord Jesus. Bless Padre and let his flight take him to the farthest reaches of the globe, never to return.
Amen
Exposing The Dark Underbelly of TWiT, Leo Laporte, and Failed CEO Lisa Laporte
