An inexplicable video mash-up has surfaced including clips from a recent TN2 broadcast by the lovely and talented Sarah Lane. In this clip (allegedly discovered on Leo Laporte’s public cloud account and sent anonymously to #TotalDrama) we see Sarah in what can only be described as a disturbing video edit by Leo. No word yet on the meaning or reasoning behind this bizarre video.
Leo Laporte threatens his fans in the official chatroom
Today the fat emperor of the crumbling TWiT empire, Leo Laporte, presided over his official chatroom #twitlive with a veiled threat of doxxing.
[13:14:29]
<~Leo> please ignore morons in chat – thank you
<~Leo> the management
<~Leo> It’s the same few people. We know who they are, where they work, etc.
In an attempt to maintain a family-friendly environment, Leo has sunk to the lowest level of chatroom modding: The threat. “We know where they work.” Nice.
A sharp-eyed #drama watcher sent us this screengrab:
So fuck you, Leo!
Jeff Jarvis talks like an old woman
Noted Google fan and professional weirdo Jeff Jarvis appeared recently on “This Week in Google” to complain about, uh…AT&T? Sure, that makes about as much sense as having Jeff Jarvis talk about Google. He doesn’t know anything, he’s too old to have a real opinion and he talks like a feeble old pensioner from the old country. But he works cheap, so Leo Laporte continues to have him on.
B4 it’s 2 late
I am reprising a column started by legendary author Richard Yes. I will attempt to save the upcoming travel show from imminent disaster. The show is in the planning stages and expected to star the lovely and talented Sarah Lane and Jonny Jet from the weekly snoozefest radio show.
In this article we will rescue the show by doing the following:
- Cutting costs
- Merchandizing
- Garnering sponsor synergy
- Gripping fans with #drama
- Increasing audience size
- Increasing demographic variety
- Getting employees to work voluntarily
- Moving the network beyond #soupguzzler
- Continuing the mission of spreading tech knowledge
First thing we need to do is cut out Jonny, bye bye. No one cares how to save $50 on a flight from San Diego to Phoenix at 2AM on August 22nd. No offense JJ, I am a big fan. (saving money already)
The show concept is this, we send Sarah on vacation with her hot friends to exotic locations. It’s sort of a reality show with great information mixed in. Who are these hot friends? We all know that hot girls only hang out with other hot girls, it is kind of a rule, see photo below:
I will work out the pilot episode and the staff at TWiT will need to do the rest. I can’t be expected to write the entire series. In the first episode Sarah & Co. head to Tahiti, but there is a stumbling block in their way, every good story needs a conflict. The hotel screws up the reservation and all six of them are forced to share a room with only one large bed. (save money & #Drama, ) The gang is all upset and they all update their Facebook statuses and Instagram accounts on their iPhones. (tech angle) The episode culminates into a crescendo with one giant pillow fight as the audience is glued to the screen (#Drama) to see who wins. My money is on the girl in the green top. After the pillow fight they get ready for an evening on the town and discuss how-to (sponsor synergy with Lynda.com) put together great outfits.
Let’s discuss this show in more detail. Most of the people reading this article are already hooked and we covered many of the bullet points at the top of this article. What did we miss? Expanding the audience: An overlooked segment of the population at TWiT is women. They will love the show as they tune in each week for relationship tips and great outfits. Sarah is a gay icon so that demo is sured up and of course straight men are in hook-line-and-sinker. Getting staff to work free: We all know the nerdy editors will fight over editing this program, no worries on that front. Merchandizing: Two words, ‘action’ ‘figures,’ as the show moves along everyone will have their favorite lady and plunk down coin for action figures. No Leo, they are not life sized. If somehow the gang at TWiT screws up and ratings slip. Guess who is free on Thursdays and likes to travel. (see below)
In conclusion, making a hit show is not that hard. It is so easy anyone can do it. Just treat your audience with respect. Finally, no matter what, I know he is cost-free, do not put Padre on this show (and do not let Sarah pick the music.)
*Update* The show is not scripted, the hotel screw-up will be initiated by the show producer.
MISSING
White man goes to Jordan
On the livestream today after TNT, Mike Elgum regales a “fan” with his tales of his son’s Palestinian wedding in Jordan. Highlights include:
- That stores have “little crackers.”
- The discovery of an “amaaazing falafel place.”
- The fact that Jordan has “great roads.”
Elgum is like God’s little gift to people who aren’t able to travel. What would we do without his incredible insights?
TNT not even trying anymore
“Tech News Today” has finally just given up. The next step apparently is to just shut off the cameras and board up the studio. So with the Nov. 12, 2014 episode we now just have guests talking directly into the lower third.
We remember fondly the days when TNT actually gave a fuck.
Update:
KEEP CALM AND GO TO HELL, LISA
Mike Elgum just can’t be a real person, can he?
We will never tire here at #TotalDrama of sharing the ridiculous way that “Tech News Today” host Mike Elgum reads ads on his childish show. Does Squarespace really think that this is the way people should hear about their product?
What remains unclear is whether Elgum could possibly be a real person with real feelings. So what’s behind the empty, fake smile? At #TotalDrama, we like to pride ourselves on answering questions, not posing them…but we are really at a loss with this one.
Tom Hanks, what a guy
So douchebags always start sentences with the word “so.” A few years ago I was home alone watching the Oscars. Jon Stewart was hosting, and at that time Jon was not such a big shot. Tom Hanks, one of the true nice guys of Hollywood is set to come on stage. Jon Stewart begins the segment with Tom’s introduction, they play some music, massive curtains give way and Hanks starts to walk out in front of everyone in Hollywood and the television audience. I think I see Tom yelling something angrily for a half second but the camera cuts away from him. Did I imagine it? I rewind it over and over (yay cable tv DVR $4.99) and I was right. He was pissed as hell.
The next day I come to work and of course people are discussing the Oscars. That reminds me of what I saw and I am amazed that no one else noticed it. I check the internet to find out what happened and it is no where on the internet. Was it a dream? I scour the internet and finally find it mentioned on some forsaken forum. Apparently he was upset that they played him out to music (Forrest Gump I think) that he did not want. What an asshole. I thought he was such a great guy, he seemed so nice on Ellen or some such show.
Low and behold a year or two later they are shooting a movie (a very common occurrence on the streets of NYC) of Mr. Hanks’ on some Avenue in Manhattan. Some cretin with a clipboard and a lot of keys is waving everyone across the street. (Usually they are set up for hours with celebs in trailers and only shoot for like 15 minutes) So, Tom is there and I start screaming, “Tom, Tom, Tom!” at the top of my lungs. He ignores me so I scream louder and he looks at me all agitated. So I scream, “Tom wave! Tom Wave!” and he finally rushes an insincere wave. What a fuckhead. He waved like I was annoying him, meanwhile I was nice and crossed the street instead of walking right past the clipboard wielding freak on a headset, even though I know the permit doesn’t preclude me from walking right through their precious setup. Bottom line, celebrities are like U.S. Presidents, they are all assholes or they wouldn’t be President.
