#TotalDrama is happy to announce the first phase of a massive fundraising campaign: “T-SHIRTS THAT CARE.” This pioneering effort intends on raising $2 billion to fund the buyout of TWiT’s headquarters in Petaluma, Calif. If we raise enough money, we can buy the Shit Twithouse and kick Leo and company out in the street. Without a place to broadcast their shows, Mike Elgum would have to go out and get a real job.
Please support this worthwhile campaign by purchasing the reasonably-priced t-shirt with lovely TNT-inspired design today! We hope you will find it in your heart to purchase five or six. You can use them as spaghetti strainers or for cleaning up soup spills. Some of our readers are even planning on wearing them!
A groundswell of protest is rising up from TWiT watchers worldwide after the appearance of The Next Web writer Josh Ong on a recent episode of the deeply-flawed “Tech News Today” program.
Elgum invited the scraggly-chinned reporter on to talk about some useless iPhone app that nobody cares about and what viewers were treated to was a nearly 12-minute visual eyerape courtesy of Josh’s gross goatee. Please tweet Josh at @beijingdou to tell him to give his nasty facial hair a rest by either shaving, or not appearing on TNT ever again.
An eagle-eyed #TotalDrama fan sent us a tip today that has upended the view of the once-sedate Sonoma County enclave of Petaluma as a paradise on earth, as Leo often says.
The Petaluma360.com story, “Petaluma Pervert Spotted Peeping Into Windows,” has paralyzed some residents to such an extent that they have taken to the forums to express their anger and fear. A few are offering suggestions on how to deal with the problem.
Let’s hope they figure this out soon (and that Lisa has bail money for Leo).
In light of TWiT’s crimes against humanity: the horrible color balance on every show; lack of co-host racial diversity; and general malfeasance toward viewers, the European Court of Human Rights has opened proceedings into bringing Leo Laporte and the entire staff of the troubled tech network to Brussels to answer for their immoral acts.
The accused include:
TWiT founder Leo “I Know Nothing” Laporte
CEHo Lisa “Sieg Heil” Kentzell
Chad “Jawohl mein Führer” Johnson
Jeff “Purple Hitler” Jarvis
Mike “Heinrich” Elgum
ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN and Fox News are all planning on sending correspondents. Lumber is reportedly running short in Brussels as they are erecting double-height gallows in anticipation of unanimous guilty verdicts.
Everyone already knows that Leo Laporte is decidedly un-family friendly during any given week on the TWiT network. But did you know that he now has taken to expanding his licentious behavior around the clock? Leo doesn’t even need to be in-studio any more to spread his filth—the vileness persists courtesy of two obscene pictures of a human asshole on the TriCaster screens right in the middle of TWiT Master Control.
Behold, the horror of the TWiT Livestream B-holes:
The den of sin known was the Shit Twithouse has a disgusting feature: onscreen b-holes.Here’s a close-up of the two b-holes.
We’ve all been Goatsed by Leo for the past eight months.
This hot tip just in for the real estate listing (CLICK IMAGE FOR PDF)
If Leo thinks he’s going to buy this building, he’s INSANE. He’d be better of retreating to his mansion and broadcasting from Studio T (the toilet) or Studio B (the bathtub).
TWiT viewers have long been accustomed to repetitive ads on the network. We can all recite the offer codes by heart for Audible.com for example. But in recent weeks—after an “Inside TWiT” with Leo ‘n’ Lisa revealed that ad numbers are plummeting—it has become all but unavoidable to notice that the ads are getting loooooooonger and increasingly more desperate and cloying in their presentation.
Recent shameful examples: Leo has taken to shaving on camera; Steve Gibson has resorted to pimping his trumped-up love affair with the orange handle of his Harry’s blade, and I can hardly scrape the image of Padre wearing his puffed up SCOTTeVEST on camera for days. Other ridiculous extensions and intrusions into TWiT editorial are too laborious and ponderous to list here.
I would not presume to speak for everyone at #TotalDrama, but I’m confident that tech news seekers are not tuning in to hear Leo bloviate about the four advertisers that are on constant rotation.
It’s boring, Leo!
In a development near and dear to the hearts of contributors to #TotalDrama, we proudly announce a new addition to our “Heroes of the Effort.” Always available under the FAQ section on the top right of the blog, we repeat here his entry, both to ease new readers into discovering the history of the movement, but also because it’s just simply the right thing to do:
@LEOLAPORTESUCKS
A true hero in every meaningful sense of the word, the @LeoLaporteSucks Twitter account is forever reserved an honored seat in the Pantheon of Heroes of the Effort. Through sheer force of his various chron scripts and a fierce dedication to hand-crafted #truth Tweets, @LeoLaporteSucks works tirelessly to advance the cause of enlightenment worldwide. And for this, we applaud heartily and with a genuine spirit of comradery.
Here’s a classic example of his electronic artistry:
In an earth-shattering development that will be a shock to avid Andy Ihnatko fans everywhere (which we definitely are here at #TotalDrama), the usually be-hatted Mac Fan was spotted on the livestream sans chapeau.
Andy Ihnatko without a hat for the first time in nearly 1,000 shows.
Andy’s appearances on the TWiT network is always a welcome occurrence, but we’re not quite sure yet what to make of seeing his complete forehead.
Leave your thoughts in the comments below and we’ll pass the best of those on to Mr. Ihnatko.
Exposing The Dark Underbelly of TWiT, Leo Laporte, and Failed CEO Lisa Laporte
